


Can you hear me now?

by MaaS



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2018-10-31 11:04:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 140,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10898037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaaS/pseuds/MaaS
Summary: On Yurio's 18th birthday, his parents, Victor and Yuuri, decided to throw a surprise party for him. In the event, Yurio ends up meeting the DJ who administered the party's music in a small accident. Believing that the agitation he was feeling when he met that DJ was because of the drink, Yurio begins to get confused about his feelings, that little by little, begin to turn into something much more than a simple agitation.What kind of feelings will come with this incident? For Yurio, everything will be completely new...Original story inBrazilian PortugueseItalian





	1. Happy birthday, Yurio

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Can you hear me now?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392362) by [MaaS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaaS/pseuds/MaaS). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Yurio’s 18th birthday! He and his family celebrate this memorable day in the best possible way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translators: Lady Shelley & AnaruB  
> Proofreader: AnaruB  
> Beta: webfairy0

 

“Yurio!” Victor yells as he opens the window curtain.

I put the pillow over my face trying to protect my eyes from the sudden light that enters from the window.

“Come on, Yurio. Get up!” Victor says restlessly, “It’s today!”

“Let me sleep...” I say with a hoarse voice.

Victor pulls back the sheet that I’m tangled in and takes my pillow away from me.

“Hmm... leave me alone...” I say, refusing to leave the bed.

“Yurio, be nice…”

I look to the door and I see Yuuri standing in my doorway with a delicious breakfast on a tray.

“Yuuri...”

“Happy birthday, Yurio!”

He smiles and comes in my direction. I sit on my bed and Victor sits next to me.

“Happy Birthday, Yurio.” Victor says while patting my long blonde hair.

Yuuri sits in front of me and puts the tray on my lap. I feel my chest getting warmer, but I refuse to show my happiness at them being here, even though I believe my blushed face betrays me. I spent so many of my birthdays in the orphanage, not truly celebrating, so the first day of March has always just been like a “whatever day” in my life. However, Victor and Yuuri decided to adopt me, when no one else wanted me because I was too old – Old? 12 years old? – and I had a somewhat difficult personality, which always drove people away from me. Then, because I wouldn’t let anyone near to comfort me, I would lock myself in the orphanage’s bathroom and cry my eyes out. After so many years without showing my emotions or getting close to anyone, it is still hard to demonstrate everything that I'm feeling. The walls that I built were very big, but, little by little, they were being destroyed since I’ve started to learn what it is to receive love.

Now I am 18, I sleep in my own room, in a new, soft bed with an extremely big blanket and everything is all mine. Even though six years have passed I am still not used to this kind of life. The funniest part is that the people who adopted me are a gay couple, so I have two dads. It’s funny because after I got older and learned more about the world, I realized that some other countries don’t allow homosexual couples to adopt children.

Well, I watched so many kids leaving, and so many couples coming to that orphanage and passing over me, even when I was little, no one took me. When I had lost all hope, these two came there, although there were so many other orphanages to go. They smiled so much and seemed so excited that it made me sad, because I thought they would never look at me. So, I isolated myself in the library, listening to an old radio that would emit more static than a proper sound until I felt someone touching my hair which was a little longer than the usual. I looked up and saw a man with blue framed glasses and black hair. His features were different than the people who usually came to that place, but he was smiling kindly at me, unlike anyone else ever had before. He asked my name and I said it was Yuuri, which surprised him because his name was also Yuuri. He praised my hair while brushing it with his fingers. It was the first time that I felt my expression relaxing. Then he called a very energetic man with silver hair and blue eyes over who gave me a hug and scared me a little bit, but I knew that those men were different than any other people who had ever come through that place.

They were definitely different from each other, but they were a couple, how the hell could these two be a couple? Two men? Well, yeah. They did manage to and still manage it today. And do you know what the difference is between them and a straight couple? They adopted me, just that. We live a normal life, they give me love, food, education and they take care of me, even though I’m a little rebellious and grumpy. Even so, I hope that one day I will be able to return everything they did and still do for me.

“Ah… hmm… Thanks,” I say a little embarrassed.

“Oh! So cute!” Victor hugs my neck and rubs his cheek on mine.

“Do you think I’m a cat, by any chance?”

“Yep!”

“Victor! Don’t embarrass the boy,” Yuuri says.

Victor lets me go and makes a pout with a sad expression. “But I just want to hug him…”

I can’t help but laugh watching the dramatical scene that is Victor, because even after so much time living with them, I still can’t get used to these things. I lean forward and give him a soft kiss on the cheek, but I turn my eyes away almost in the same second.

“Oh, my God!” He shouts with just a simple kiss.

I know that his eyes are sparkling even without seeing them and soon he grabs my neck again.

“You are the cutest thing in this world, Yurio.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are! Don’t you think so, Yuuri?”

“Of course,” he says while still sitting in front of us, watching the scene with a smile across his lips, “but now let him eat, okay?”

Yuuri stands up and grabs Victor by his arm.

“Yuuri…” Victor protests.

His makes a pout again and throws his hands on Yuuri’s neck from behind, supporting his own weight on him, and like that he goes crawling to my room’s door.

“When you are done come to the kitchen,” Yuuri says as he closes the door.

I start to eat The breakfast is really over the top, enough for five of me! But I definitely don’t care, because I will probably end up eating all of it. While I eat, I grab my cellphone which is vibrating frantically. There are so many notifications on my social networks, some from people that I met (if we say “met” will it look like he actually met with them in person?)  I think it’s ok to say “met on the internet” and it’s clear, but you could also say “people that I know online” or just “people I’ve never even met in person” on the internet and a lot from Victor and Yuuri’s friends. They’ve made sure to introduce me to all their friends, colleagues, family and even to the people that they meet in the supermarket. Even though I’m a little unpleasant most of the time, I don’t understand why people think that I am cute, seriously, I don’t have anything cute about me!

I answer all the birthday messages while I eat, and then finish everything. I get up and look at my wardrobe’s mirror, watching myself for several minutes. Too thin, 5'7″ tall, with long hair and a baby face, this is the adult I am now, although I don’t look like someone who’s turned eighteen. I tie my hair in a bun and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

When I go to the living room, Victor is sitting on the sofa a bit too agitated for someone who apparently is doing nothing, while Yuuri is making coffee in the kitchen. Everything is so quiet and their expressions are a little funny.

“What both of you are up to?” I ask them suspiciously.

“We have a gift for you,” Victor says with a big smile on his face.

“You know that you don’t have to give me any gifts, the breakfast is enough.”

“Well, it’s nothing too much, but we think you will like it,” Yuuri says.

I start to fell anxious.

“Hold on.”

Yuuri finishes his coffee and goes in the direction of his room. He doesn’t take much time and comes back with a medium sized box, decorated with black paper with white details and a big ribbon on the top. I approach him and the box is not closed. Inside there is a little kitten, with white fur, blue eyes and with his right paw completely black. He is playing with a little blue rubber ball in the box.

I feel my heart getting warmer. He is so beautiful that it makes me feel like screaming.

“My God!”

I sit on the ground and, with trembling hands, I pick him up carefully.

“He is so beautiful!” I smile so much that my jaw hurts.

After some minutes admiring him, I look up and realize that Victor has a camera in his hands, and he’s taking pictures of me.

“Victor! What are you doing?!” I ask.

“I have to save this precious moment!” He says really touched.

I decide to ignore that little “detail”, because this is the best gift they could have given me. I bring the kitten close to my face.  He touches my nose with his little black paw, and I feel the urge to squeeze him, but I control myself and just smile. I put him back in the box and get up. Suddenly I jump up and hug Yuuri, what surprises him, but, of course, he hugs me back. With a crying voice, Victor says from next to us, “What about me?”

I reach out and pull him by his waist into the hug too, and I feel like my heart gets warmer. I feel someone kissing me on top of my head and I shyly smile between them.

 

* * *

 

 

We spent the day together. It was my birthday, but I made the lunch, with their help obviously. We made pirozhki katsu don, which I invented years ago and it happened to be really good. I took a good shower and in the afternoon, we went to the mall.  Victor and Yuuri said they needed to get some clothes for us and that I needed to go to the hair salon.

“It's your birthday, Yurio, be happy, you have to celebrate this wonderful day,” Victor said excitedly, picking up all the clothes in the shop to try them on.  I asked why he was doing all that.

“I'm already tired,” I snorted, because I know how these two are when they go to a store.

We spent hours choosing clothes and then we finally go to the haircutter who is also one of Victor's friends.

“What are we going to do today, boys?” Asks the hairdresser.

“It's Yurio's birthday, make him look fabulous.” Victor says.

“More than he already is?” Says the hairdresser as he strokes my hair.

Yuuri sits on an armchair behind us, reading a magazine and drinking a glass of juice, while the haircutter cuts the ends of my hair. After that, he begins to style it, making two braids, one on each side of my head and leaves my bangs and the rest of my hair loose.

After about an hour and a half, we are done.

“You look beautiful, Yurio.” Yuuri praises me.

“Thank you,” I say and look away embarrassed.

I stay for a few minutes staring at my own reflection in the mirror and I feel satisfied with what I see.

I start to feel anxious to be with my cat so I’m happy when we finally leave. I wonder, if he was alright at home all by himself. When I get home, I realize that I shouldn’t have been that worried since he’s sleeping soundly and peacefully.

“Yurio, we’re going out for dinner tonight. We'll be leaving around eight o'clock.” Victor tells me.

“Okay,” I say not too excited.

I stay in my room surfing through social media and listening to music, until an hour has passed and I start getting ready. I wear the clothes I bought today which are in the black and white that I love so much.  They’re not really formal, but, at the same time, they’re nice enough since I know we are going to some fancy restaurant.

Victor and Yuuri are waiting for me in the living room, wearing what look like expensive suits. Yuuri doesn’t have his glasses on and has his hair combed back, giving him a different air than usual.

I set up everything so the cat will not need anything and we go by car to the restaurant. We park in front of a restaurant we use to go to. Everything is calm, however, different from when we use to come here, and we don’t walk towards the main entrance.

“Where are we going?” I ask, confused.

“We are going to use a different door today,” Victor says, excited.

“Why?”

The two of them stop in front of the restaurant’s side door and invite me to come in. I look suspiciously at them; they have matching smiles opening slowly on their faces, but I still walk through the door. It is a little dark, then suddenly everything turns on.

“Surprise!”

I’m shocked at the crowd of people yelling “surprise” the moment the lights turn on.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” Yuuri says as he and Victor kiss the sides of my head.

“We love you,” they say together.

Saying embarrassing things in front of so many people is just cruel! I know exactly what kind of embarrassed expression I’m making.

Everyone is there, Christophe, Phichit, Georgi, Mila, Sara, Emil, Leo, Guang-Hong, Minami, Minako, Lilia and Yakov... So many people that I can’t remember everyone’s names. People who live far away, I cannot believe they're here because of my birthday. I greet each person, one at a time, they hug me frantically and give me gifts, until I’ve seen everyone and, at the end, the gift table is so full that some have to be put on the floor.

It doesn’t take long for the music to start playing. I head for the table that has the drinks and appetizers. First, I try all the appetizer options and then I look at the glasses of champagne. I scan the room to look for Victor and Yuuri, but then I ask myself why I am so worried about them, since I have officially come of age today. I get the glass with some of that sparkling liquid and drink it. It is reasonably good, but addictive.

I stay by the appetizer table and watch what is happening around me. There are several groups of people who are laughing and drinking. On the other side of the room, I see Yuuri who's exchanging his empty champagne glass for a new full one. I start to feel nervous because I know that Yuuri drinking is not a good sign.

“Yurio!”

I look for who's calling me and I see Mila coming fast in my direction with Sara right behind her. Mila throws herself at me, hugging me around my neck.

“Watch out, you moron!” I say.

I hold both of us so we don’t fall.

“Happy Birthday!” She yells in my ear.

“Thank you! But didn’t we already greet each other at the entrance?”

She moves away from me and looks at my face.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“I-It's not tha--”

“It's never enough to hug you, Yurio”, she puts her arms around me again, and I look at Sara who is laughing at us.

We spent a few minutes talking in loud voices because of the music. She mentions that I must spend a day at her and Sara’s house. They’ve lived together since they got married, but they don’t have any children yet.

“Yurio!”

I look for the person who is calling me, and I see Victor coming toward us.

“Let's Dance!” He takes my hand and pulls me towards the middle of the hall. Without delay, Mila and Sara come right after us.

Yuuri has already taken off his suit jacket and is only dressed in a vest on his upper body. The music is buzzing and everyone is dancing around us. Still holding hands with me, Victor begins to swing our arms.

“I don’t want to--,” I say, kind of embarrassed.

“Come on, Yurio!” He tries to cheer me up.

After a few minutes of pouting, I start to get into everyone's rhythm and Yuuri, who was across the room with Chris, comes running up to me happier than usual, and joins us in the dance. It is impossible to not smile at this, the two of them are so radiant that I cannot even look at them for too long, and this is my birthday!

We dance until we cannot take it anymore. After some time and more alcohol, everyone looks happily disheveled, some people have even taken off their shoes. After a while my feet start aching and I decide to sit on one of the chairs scattered around the place. I get another glass of champagne and for the first time that night I get curious about the person who is taking care of the party’s music. I had seen some DJs at other parties that Victor and Yuuri took me to, but this one is different from all the ones I had seen so far. It's like he's not there. It's like he's in his own world. As if the music were a part of his being and together they had become one, it is... beautiful. I notice that my face is heating up as I look at him, probably because of the drink, until our eyes meet and I quickly look away.

“Yurio, why are you blushing?” Yuuri asks, suddenly appearing next to me.

“Oh...” I avoid looking directly at him, “I-I think I drank too much.”

“Are you alright?”

“Y-Yes.”

Yuuri sits by my side, all messed up and almost undressed.

“T-Thank you...” I say after a while, looking at the party hall.

He comes closer to me and brushes my bangs away from my eyes.

“You are welcome, my love. You know we love you, right?”

I nod feeling embarrassed and Yuuri kisses my forehead. Soon Victor comes to us.

“What are you talking about?”

I get up and, to Victor's surprise, I hug him.

“Thank you... for everything.” I say, hugging him.

He doesn’t have any reaction at first, but then he hugs me back. I feel something wetting my shoulder.

“Thank you for... being here, Yurio.” He says between sobs, making my throat tighten. “We love you.”

It does not take too long for Yuuri to also hug me, and the urge to cry starts to consume me. Obviously, it is the champagne’s fault. After a few minutes, I move away from them so I don’t end up crying in the middle of the party.

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

I extricate myself from in between them and walk away. When I look back, I see Victor hugging Yuuri sideways. I try to hide my smile, I walk towards the bathroom.

Distracted by all the events of the day, I walk along that empty hallway in search of the bathroom. When I find a sign indicating that it is on the right down another hallway, I turn around and bump into something hard.

“Ouch!”

I put my hand on my face and jump back.

“Are you alright?” Someone in a deep voice asks me.

“Obviously n--”, I break off, looking at who I’ve just bumped into. Wasn’t he in the party hall a minute ago? The DJ with black hair, a little shaved on the sides, a bit muscular, slightly tanned and about six inches taller than I am, stands in front of me waiting for my answer.

“I-I'm fine.”

Why do I feel so nervous?

“Good. You're the birthday boy, right?”

“Yes.” I look away.

“Yurio is your name?”

“My name is Yuri, but most people call me Yurio.”

When I look again, he approaches me and moves my bangs away from my eye. I’m wondering why I feel so agitated by this DJ when he bends a little and gives me a light kiss on my cheek.  My eyes open wide in surprise.

“Happy Birthday.” He says quietly, still close to me.

And after a few seconds staring into my eyes, he leaves me completely still and with no reaction. It takes me a few minutes to get back to myself and walk toward the hall.

“Yurio, let's cut the cake!” Yuuri shouts down into the hallway.

Damn it! I forgot to go to the bathroom. But I hold it and go back to the hall where everyone is waiting for me. The table with the cake – chocolate cake - was neat and full of sweets that I love so much. I run my eyes to the DJ’s table but he is not there anymore. I feel a twinge of disappointment deep inside, but I decide to ignore it.

Victor and Yuuri put their clothes back on so we could take a bunch of pictures, something that always wears me out.

After all the singing, the photos with each person there, and after all the sweets are eaten, gradually, the hall starts to empty until only Victor, Yuuri and I are left.

“So, how was it, Yurio?” Victor asks.

“It was… amazing. Thank you” I say quite satisfied.

“I'm glad you liked it, my love.” Yuuri smiles at me as he organizes table with the gifts.

“Yuuri... I'm tired! Let's go!” Victor hangs his arms around his husband’s neck, really dramatically.

“Okay, okay. Let's go,” Yuuri says as he runs his hands through Victor's white hair.

“Hey, you two. Stop with all this lovey-dovey stuff.”

They both look at me, laugh, and come to hug me.

“I didn’t mean that!” I shout between them.

From the corner of my eye, I see that the DJ’s table is already empty. I wonder what time he’d gone. Disappointed, I remain seated, since I feel a little dizzy, and wonder to myself if that stirring thing I feel when I think of him is because of the alcohol I had ingested. I wait for my parents to get ready and then I finally leave, so I can finish my birthday, thinking of a guy whose name I've not even had the chance to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Cultural note** : In some countries (like Brazil and Russia, for example) the legal drinking age is 18. This is why Yurio is able to drink champagne on his birthday. 
> 
> Special thanks from AnaruB to Iris and her friend who also helped with the proofreading of this chapter. I love you guys <3
> 
> P.S.: we are not professional translators or anything, so if you spot any mistakes please message us! And if you are an English speaker with some free time and want to help us with the proofreading, send us a message too e-e


	2. "You can call me Otabek"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio has to figure out some names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: AnaruB  
> Proofreader: Nani  
> Beta: webfairy0  
> Art: Bambz-Art

When we get home from the party my eyes feel heavy. However, I can’t sleep. I hear my cat meowing softly inside the box, so I decide to get him out of there and bring him to bed. The clock shows that it’s past midnight, and my parents must be asleep already, since they’d gone straight to their room when we got home.

“I have to give you a name,” I say as I stroke the cat's fur.

He starts to play with my fingers and, even though I feel really weird doing it, I start talking to him.

“Should I ask my parents what that DJ’s name is?” I pause for a moment to think and then continue, “But why do I want to know his name?”

The nameless cat looks at me with his big blue eyes and meows.

“True, there's no reason why I should want to know his name, we just ran into each other, that's all. Besides, it would be weird to ask my parents his name out of nowhere, they'd misunderstand it. But, I really want to know his name.”

The cat comes to my belly and walks over my abdomen.

“Why would I like to know his name? Well, he looked very... cool.”

I look away. Why the hell am I looking away?! It's a cat! I'm talking to an animal! I pick him up and bring him closer to my chest. He snuggles himself, lies down and rests his head on my chest. Little by little, I begin to feel sleepy, and slowly, my eyes close.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up scared, worried about my cat on my chest. However, I notice that he is no longer here. I realize I'm covered up even though I don’t remember getting a blanket last night. I quickly get out of bed and look for the cat, but he's nowhere. I start to get desperate and go to the kitchen where Yuuri is sitting on the sofa holding a book with his right hand.

“Have you seen my-”

I approach him and see that the cat is on his lap. I feel the weight that was on my chest  subsiding, and calmly, I sit down next to him.

“Why are you up so early?” Yuuri asks.

I look at the clock on the kitchen wall.  It says six-twenty.

“Wow!” I sink myself into the sofa, “I didn’t realize it was so early. And what about you, why are you up already?”

Yuuri lowers the book and starts to play with the cat.

“I couldn’t sleep. Victor keeps moving.”

“Well, that’s normal for him it’s so him to do this.”

The silence hangs over us and I look around. The house is kind of big for the three of us, too overly fancy, making me think of my childhood and how many of those kids would like to have one day of the life I have now.  I feel a sadness building up in my chest, which bothers me. Is it wrong to feel so happy while so many children suffer in poor foster homes?

“Yuuri...”

“Yes, my dear?”

“Why did you choose me? You could have chosen a baby, or someone younger like everyone else does.”

Yuuri moves his eyes from the cat and looks at me, definitely surprised by my question. But soon he smiles and strokes my cheek.

“We didn’t choose you, Yurio, you chose us. That boy, expressionless, small and with such a beautiful hair,” he runs his hands through my hair, “looked at me when I praised his hair and then softened his face. I realized that that child just needed a little bit of love to begin to show his emotions to me more and more. I fell in love and so did Victor, and that was enough for us.”

The tears run down my face before he’s done speaking. They are not tears of sadness, but of gratitude, so much gratitude, so much love, so much happiness that it does not all fit in my heart.

 Yuuri quietly puts the kitten on the floor where he is distracted by his toy, and hugs me. I cry on his shoulder until all the tightness I feel in my chest is relieved. Yuuri is quiet as he spends time combing my hair with his fingers. He waits patiently for me to calm down. When I move away, he wipes my wet face with the palm of his hand and smiles at me.

“I never get tired of saying how much I love you. And Victor, he's crazy about you. Yesterday after we got home, he was a little drunk and he kept crying, because you are getting older and will soon leave us,” he laughs.

I laugh as I wipe my eyes and say, “I'll never leave you.”

I sit quietly for a moment before I lie down on the sofa and rest my head on his lap.

“I'm sorry,” I say in a low voice, but not low enough for him not to hear it.

“For what?” He looks down into my eyes.

“For... for being like this... for not showing how grateful I am for you... and how much... I love you.”

“We know that, Yurio. When you get comfortable telling us all this, don’t hold it in. Of course, Victor will shout, cry, hug you madly, want to record the situation… the whole package,” he laughs, “but he is like that. Victor has always been lonely. Even though he comes from a wealthy family and has inherited his parents’ company. When he was a young man, all these achievements were not enough for him to be happy. You know this house?” He looks around, “It wasn’t meant for us, it was just for him, this huge space just for him. No talking, no laughing, no one to wake him up in the morning. Then we met. Well, at first it was a bit difficult because Victor didn’t have the same personality he has today.”

“Oh really? I thought he’s always been like this.”

“Oh, no. I went to work for him, and Victor was a serious person, not at all communicative, and somewhat grumpy, but things changed gradually. For a few years, he was very depressed, because we couldn’t naturally bear a child, and there is all this bureaucracy for two men to be able to adopt.”

“But you were able to later, weren’t you?”

“Yes, finally. Victor cried for days, it was so important to him that he couldn’t stand it. Of course, it was important to me too, but he’d suffered far more than I ever did.”

“I wonder... he looks like he is a family person, but I've always asked myself why I’ve never seen his family around.”

“Ah! Well, his parents died in a car accident when he was your age, and the rest of the family... it is very complicated.”

“I see... well, even though he's like this... I like him.”

“Sure you do, my love.” He runs his hand through my hair. “I like him too.”

“Yuuri... can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did you know you liked him? I mean... romantically speaking,” I feel like my face is catching on fire. “Like... you've never liked women?”

He chuckles, probably because of the expression I have on my face.

“I've never been very popular, Yurio, I haven’t had a lot of love affairs in my life. Yeah, I've dated a woman before, but it's like... how can I explain it to you? The feeling I had when I started liking Victor was something I had never felt before.”

“And what was that feeling like, in the beginning?” I ask curiously.

“Oh, you know when you see something you like, or something beautiful, and you feel your heart start to get warmer and beat madly? So, it's almost the same as that feeling, but it’s not just a feeling of admiration. After a while, you begin to feel a need to be close to this person. Yurio... are you interested in someone?

I sit up quickly from his lap with the palm of my hand partially covering my face.

“O-of course not, who would I be interested in?”

He looks at me suspiciously and smiles, which makes me even more embarrassed. I bend down to pick my cat up and say, “I-I'm sleepy... I'm going back to sleep.”

I start to walk back to my room and hear his low laugh. Damn it! I think I’ve said too much. Surely, I cannot ask the DJ’s name. I did not develop feelings at the party, I was just surprised and had a few glasses of champagne, it’s only natural that I felt that way. Of course I’m curious to know who he is, but... it's no big deal.

I go into the bedroom and put the cat in his box. “I have to buy you a house, and give you a name too, but nothing comes to my mind yet, sorry.  We are going to do all this today, okay?”

I pet the top of his head, and take off the clothes from the party that I'm still wearing. Then, I lie down and fall asleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

“Good morning, Yurio!” Victor yells as he opens my window curtains.

“Again?” I groan.

“You’re stuck with this for the rest of your life.”

“But it's Sunday! Let me sleep.”

“It's almost eleven o'clock, get up.”

“Okay, okay...”

He leaves the room, and I pick up my cell phone where I see that it's actually nine o'clock in the morning.

“It's only nine o'clock!” I shout from my room.

“It's a beautiful day out there!,” he shouts from the kitchen.

I sit on my bed and yawn as I rub my eyes. I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and I see in the mirror’s reflection that my hair is all messed up. The braids of the previous day are completely undone. I take the opportunity to have a shower, since I feel dirty. It doesn’t take too long. Then, I go to have breakfast. When I get to the kitchen, only Victor is there.

“Where is Yuuri?”

“Oh, he said he needed to visit his mother.”

“Got it.”

I eat some toast and drink a glass of milk, while Victor, who is sitting in front of me, reads the newspaper.

“Ah... Err... Could you lend me... money to buy a little house for the cat?”

“Lend you?” He takes his eyes off the newspaper and smiles at me.

“Well, I'll pay you back when I get a job,” I say.

“Sure...” he laughs, “Are you going to the mall?”

“Yeah.”

“What time?”

“Soon.”

“I have to go to the office to deal with some things so I can take you there, okay?”

“Okay.  You’re going to work on Sunday?”

“Yes.” He rolls his eyes. “I need to get some paperwork ready for tomorrow.”

“Oh… Alright. Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

We finish our breakfast in silence, and soon he gets up to get ready. I do the same thing, and when I’m ready to leave I wait for him in the living room.

During the drive, we talk about the company's situation and about his stress with it.

“I need a vacation, Yurio,” he confesses.

“I can only imagine. I hope it gets better and that you won’t have to stress yourself too much.” I say with pity.

“Oh! What a cute boy.” He grabs my cheek with one hand while holding the wheel with the other. “Thank you, my love.”

When we arrive at the mall Victor gives me his credit card and says goodbye with a smile on his face.

I walk for a few minutes around the mall, until I finally find a pet shop. There are so many things in the store that I feel like buying everything, but I control myself and look specifically for the cat department.

A girl suddenly appears next to me, “Need any help?” she asks.

“Oh... yes, could you show me some cat houses?”

“Sure. Follow me, please.”

We go through the section where there are several things for dogs, until we get to the cat stuff.  There are several house options, from the simplest to the fanciest, decorated, some even with stairs which are the most expensive ones. Since I don’t want to spend a lot of Victor’s money, I avoid looking at the bigger houses. Then something catches my eye: a little house, all decorated with leopard print, cushioned inside with the same print and with a matching scratcher on the outside. It takes about five seconds for me to decide that I'm going to buy that one.

“I want this one!” I point at the house with the leopard print.

“Good choice. This one is very popular.”

“It's really beautiful,” I say in admiration.

It is going to be perfect! It even makes my heart race because of how beautiful it is. The girl asks me to follow her to the cashier.

“Would you like us to deliver it?”

“Yes, please.”

I give her my home address and some other information, then I make the payment. I leave the store satisfied, but a little guilty when I look at the receipt. It makes me realize that I need to get a job really soon. However, since I'm going to end up paying Victor anyway, I decide to go to a coffee shop located just in front of the pet shop.

Entering the café, I choose a table and open the menu. I see a huge variety of coffees, cakes and some other snacks, but I prefer, as always, to stick with something sweet.

“May I sit here?” Someone asks in a low voice.

I lower the menu to see who it is, “Sur...”, but I cannot finish the sentence. I feel my heart beating like crazy. You are kidding me, right?

“You're the birthday boy from yesterday, right? Yurio?”

“Yeah, you're the DJ, aren’t you?”

“You can call me Otabek.”

There you have it, Yurio. Now you know his name, are you satisfied? Why do I feel so satisfied? It's just a name!

“Otabek... are you... following…?” I ask.

It's really a big coincidence that we’ve met like this... not that I'm... complaining or anything.

He smiles so softly, almost imperceptibly, but it softens his expression enough for me to feel my face getting warmer.

“I came to buy some food for my cat at the pet shop nearby, and I decided to have a coffee.  Meeting you here is a pure coincidence and, by the way, a really nice one.”

“Cat? I’ve just bought a little house for the cat I got yesterday” I say excited.

“What's his name?”

"I-I haven’t chosen a name yet. And your cat, what do you call her?”

He picks his cell phone up and fiddles with it for a few seconds. Then, he turns the screen to me.  There’s a picture of his cat who has black fur around her eyes and her back and legs, while her mouth, chest and  paws are totally white.

“Yumi,” he says.

“How beautiful! She's young too.”

“Yeah, she's only one year old.”

I realize that, even if I’m a little embarrassed, I am speaking naturally and happily with him as if we had known each other for a long time. Suddenly, a waiter comes to our table.

“Do you guys want to order?”

“A cappuccino, please.” We say together.

We look at each other and smile. The waiter laughs too and leaves with our order. The conversation between us flows more naturally than I had imagined possible.  He keeps staring at me so deeply, without ever looking away, making my heart go steady and fast until it’s time for us to leave.

After about an hour, we leave the cafe and  walk together through the mall for a few minutes before I run into Yuuri.

“Yurio, what are you doing... Oh! Otabek, how are you doing?”

“I'm fine, Mr. Katsuki,” Otabek says naturally.

“I didn’t know you two were friends,” he says in surprise.

“We’ve just met in the cafe,” Otabek says quietly.

“Got it. Yurio, are you coming home?”

“I-I am.”

“I'm going too, I just need to stop by the supermarket. Let's go together?”

“O-of course.”

Why do I feel nervous?

"Bye, Otabek," Yuuri says as he begins to walk away.

“Well, see you,” I say, a little sad.

I look at him one last time and start to go away when I feel a hand hold my arm. I look back in surprise.

“Um... could you give me your cell phone number?” he asks.

And for the first time that day, Otabek looks away from my eyes, making me blush once more.

He gives me the phone and I look at where Yuuri is waiting for me. I quickly dial my number and hand it back to Otabek.

“Can I call you?” he asks.

“S-sure,” I say nervously.

“Okay, then, I'll call you.”

Otabek smiles softly at me again and waves his hand before turning to leave, while I am paralyzed in the same place.

“Yurio?”

I realize that I'm still standing, and then I turn to follow Yuuri to the supermarket. In the middle of the walk he asks me, “Is that him?”

“Him what?”

“The person you like.”

“What?!” I shout, but I soon lower my voice. “O-obviously n-not. I just met him!”

“Yeah...” Yuuri smiles in a way that really bothers me and speaks again, “I'll tell everything to Victor.”

“Yuuri! For God's sake, I swear I have nothing to do with him, so don’t tell Victor,” I beg.

“I was only joking,” he laughs loudly.

“Don’t make jokes like that, you know how jealous he is, and I think for the first time I found a... friend.”

“Friend...” Yuuri smiles wryly. “Good for you, Yurio.”

I turn my face away, so he does not see how red it is.

“Yeah.”

I try to hide my smile, but I can’t. Damn it! What is this that I'm feeling? Do you know the feeling that warms the heart and makes it beat so uncontrollably hard that it seems like someone will be able to hear it from far away? So, what the hell is this? Am I sick? I remember the conversation I had with Yuuri this morning and laugh ironically. As if! I’ve just met him, but there is one thing I'm sure of... I hope he calls me soon.

When we get home, I run to my room and check my phone. No call. I feel a twinge of disappointment, but I just play with my cat.

“I learned his name today.” I smile as I speak. “And I think I figured out a name for you.”

Embarrassed by the name I’ve imagined for the cat, I say, “What do you think about... Beka?”

The kitten with white fur and big blue eyes meows and plays with my index finger using his black paw.

“I'll take this as an ‘I like it’... Beka.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo guys, this is it for today, **but** don't be sad! We will be publishing one new chapter per week, every Saturday （〜^∇^)〜  
>  Besides this, MaaS and I are really thankful for all the readers that came to support the translation of this work. You guys are amazing!  
> Special thanks to Nani, omg, you saved the day <3 love you girl (づ￣ ³￣)づ P.S.: give BL a try hehe  
> And again, if you are an English speaker who have some free time and want to help us with the proofreading, please send us a message e-e  
> Then, see you guys next week o/
> 
> ~AnaruB


	3. “I don’t mind…”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio and Otabek start hanging out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Wonderland  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB  
> Beta: webfairy0  
> Art: toixx

It has already been two days and nothing new has happened. He was the one who asked for my cell phone number, wasn't he?! But I don't care, you know? It's not as if I am waiting anxiously for his call. I look at my cellphone to check the time and there’s nothing new... I mean, I see that is already 2 p.m., and I have nothing to do, which is driving me even crazier. Victor is working and Yuuri is at home writing.

Yuuri has been working at Victor's company for a while, due to economic reasons, but that wasn't exactly what he wanted. When they ended up together as a couple, Victor supported Yuuri   so that he could go back to college, and he chose to study psychology. His office is at home, so once in a while, someone comes here for a session and in his free time, Yuuri writes psychology books, sometimes  they are fictional books and sometimes they’re self-help books.

I look at my cat is in his new house, which, by the way, looks perfect in my room and is perfect for him. Apparently, Beka likes it, so I'm happy for both of us.

I get up and go to the kitchen to look for something to eat, even though what I really want is something sweet and we, unfortunately, don't have any sweets.

“Looking for anything specific, Yurio?”

I turn around and see Yuuri in the kitchen.

“I was looking for some candy,” I say not happy at all.

“You have to stop eating that much candy, it's not good for you.”

“It's good for my humor.”

“Don't exaggerate!”

“Okay, okay.”

He walks towards me and takes a water jug from the refrigerator.

“Yuuri, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What should I do when I have no idea of what to do from now on?”

“You mean what to do for work or what to study?”

“Yeah... I'm already 18, but I have no idea where to start and there's nothing on my mind.”

“Do you like doing anything?”

“Hmm... I don't... know.”

“Don't worry, Yurio. You'll know when the time comes. Look at me! I only knew what to do after a long time. I'll support you in whatever you want to do. Don't do anything you don't want to do if you are feeling obligated to because you're 18.”

“Th-Thanks...”

“That's why I'm here, my love.” He says after messing with my hair.

We were quite for a few minutes before Yuuri starts to talk again. “Aren’t you going out today?”

“I have nowhere to go.”

“Just take a walk or something... Get out of that room and go socialize.”

“But...”

From far away, I can hear my cell phone ringing. Without even finishing the sentence, I go to my room and grab the phone as fast as I can.

“Unknown Number”. I feel my heart beating faster and I finally pick up the call.

“Hello?”

" _Hi, is this Yurio's cell phone_?"

“Y-Yes, this is him.”

" _Oh, that's good! I was afraid you had given me a random number or something._ " I recognize his voice, even though it is slightly different on the phone.

“Why would I do that?” I say nervously.

" _Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry for not calling you sooner, I had some problems_."

“Are you okay?”

" _Oh, Yes! We could talk better in person. Are you busy with anything_?"

I hold the phone away from my ear for a second so I can take a deep breath. My heart is beating like crazy.

“N-No... I'm not busy at all. Where should we meet?”

" _That's good! Want to meet up at the same coffee shop as last time?_?"

“That sounds good.”

" _Do you want me to pick you up_?"

“No! I mean... you don't have to. Can we meet up there in thirty minutes?”

" _Sure!_ "

“Okay then. See you later.”

" _Bye._ "

Otabek's voice sounded so soft that I could picture him smiling when he said “bye”. The thought makes me shiver pleasantly as I stare at the screen after hanging up. I get ahold of myself and go to take a quick shower, feeling more and more nervous by the minute. I stand under the shower with my head down for a few minutes, letting the water drain through my hair and down my body, waiting for my heart to calm down a little.

After drying off, I start looking for something to wear, but I feel like nothing is good enough, so I end up choosing tight, black pants with a simple red shirt. I put on my shoes and look at the mirror.

“Hair, what am I going to do with you?”

It's already been 30 minutes and here I am, thinking of what should I do with my hair. I decide to dry it and I tie it back, letting my bangs loose.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuuri!” I call him, knocking the office's door.

“Come in!”

I open the door and he is sitting at the desk with the computer on.

“Sorry, are you busy?”

“No, what do you need?”

“Can you... hm... give me a ride to the mall?”

“Of course, let's go. You said you weren't going anywhere... What happened?”

“Ah... hm... I don't know, I had nothing to do, so... I decided to go.”

“Hm... got it.” He says suspiciously.

I check the time and the thirty minutes  are long gone, so I'll be late anyway...

We drive to the mall and when we get there Yuuri gives me 50 bucks.

“I don't need all of that.”

“This is all I have on me right now, if you don't spend it all just keep it for the next time.”

“Okay then...”

As I walk away from the car, Yuuri shouts, “tell Otabek I said ‘hi’!”

“What?! I-I haven't even...”

He smiles and waves to me before leaving.  My face is burning as I walk to the coffee shop where I can see him through the glass sitting at the same table where we sat last time. He looks at the menu and at his cell phone which is on the table. I deduce that he's not in a good mood because I am late, so I walk into the coffee shop to avoid making him wait even more.

“I'm so sorry!” I say when I get closer to the table.

He looks at me and his expression softens. He quickly gets up to greet me properly.

“No, it's alright, I’ve just arrived too.”

“Oh, that's good!”

 I’m so relieved that he’s not mad at me. Well, even though I haven’t known him very long, I can't imagine him being upset, he is always so calm and rarely shows any emotion.

“Did you come on foot?” He asks, sitting in front of me.

“No, Yuuri drove me here, but my house is not that far away. I could have walked but I was already late.”

“I could have picked you up, you know?”

“Oh no, I didn't want to bother you.”

“I told you that it wouldn't bother me at all. If you want to, I can pick you up next time”

Next time?  That means we will hang out more, doesn't it?  Is that, right?

“O-Okay.”

“Are you going to order anything?”

“Hmm... I don't know...”

I open the menu to see all the cake options and I don't know which one to choose. I am torn between two chocolate cakes, but I end up getting one with caramel filling.

“What are you going to order?” I ask.

“Just a black coffee.”

“Aren't you going to eat anything?”

“No, I've just eaten.”

The waiter comes and we order. Besides the cake, I also ask for some orange juice.

“So, what happened, you said you had some problems?” I ask, but I regret it instantly. “Oh... I'm sorry... if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine.”

“It’s okay, it's nothing important.  I just recently moved down here, so I'm still arranging some things.”

“Why did you move?” I ask curiously.

“No specific reason. When I turned 20 I traveled   around lots of countries working as a DJ and after 2 years I kind of got tired and I decided to take a break. Moving here just happened by chance.”

“Okay, but you're not traveling anymore?”

“Yes, I'll take this year as a break, I'll just take offers nearby just to have some extra money.”

I want to know more about him, so I ask, “do you have family living close?”

“No, I live by myself. I was raised by my grandparents, but they died last year...”

“I’m so sorry for your loss....” I feel bad for asking.

“Oh, it's fine, you don't have to make   that face.”

“But...”

“Really, it's alright. Anyway, have you decided what to name your cat yet?”

I did, but I definitely can’t tell you. “Hm... n-no.”

“Oh, then when you do, please tell me.”

“S-Sure.”

“So, Yurio, what do you do?”

“Me? Well, I don't do anything. Actually, I was thinking just thinking about that today, what I could do, but I can't think of anything.”

“Don't worry about it, you will find something you like.”

“Do you like being a DJ?”

“Yes, I really like music, so being a DJ is perfect since I can work with something I love so much.”

I remember my birthday and he really did look like he was enjoying the music, even in a simple birthday party.

“That's really great for you. I hope I can find something I like that much too.”

“You will, just relax.”

The waiter brings our order and we spend some time getting to know each other better while he drinks his coffee and I eat my cake. Then, I look at my phone and see that it is already 4 p.m.

“Wow! Time sure flies.”

“Yeah, when the talk is good, time does really fly.”

I look away and blush a little bit. “I agree.”

“Yurio, do you want to hang out with me more often?”

“What?”

“Yeah, just like today.”

He wants to go out with me more frequently?

“S-Sure...”

And for the first time since I met him, Otabek looks me in the eyes and smiles. I find myself surprised with his smile because I was definitely not prepared for it.  my heart skips a beat and my face starts get warmer, so I hold the menu up so he doesn't see me blushing. What is that? He is so... so... beautiful?!

Stop, Yurio, he is just a friend, it's not like he like...  considers me more than just a friend. Perhaps what I'm feeling is that thing Yuuri told me about?

Otabek pulls the menu away from my face.

“Are you okay? Your face is red.”

He gets closer and puts his hand on my forehead, which makes me blush even more.

“I-I'm okay...”

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

“I'll walk, it's okay.”

“Please, let me give you a ride.”

“Oh... Okay then...” I surrender.

“I'll pay the check, just wait a minute.”

“Ah! The money, wait...”

“There's no need, I'll pay it.”

“But...”

He turns around and goes to pay. I wait patiently – not really that patient though – for him to come back. When he does, we walk side by side to the parking lot. Then Otabek stops in front of a Harley-Davidson. I can't help but be surprised when I find out it is his motorcycle.

“Is this yours?!” I ask while I run my hand over the leather seat.

“Yes. Do you like motorcycles?”

“O-Of course, but I don't know how to ride them.”

“If you want to, I can teach you some day.”

I look at him with a certain admiration. Who is he? An angel?

“P-Please.”

Otabek hands me a helmet and I ask myself if he always has an extra one with him. I wait for him to get on the motorcycle so I can get on the back of the motorcycle. I feel a desperate will to put my hand around his waist, but I control myself and just hold onto the seat.

“Where do you live?” He asks before we leave the parking lot riding the bike.

“It's close to Central Park when we're close I'll let you know.”

“Alright.”

Otabek starts driving and when I feel the wind in my face, I look at the sky.  It is so incredibly blue like the ocean, and I close my eyes feeling only the wind.

“...Good?” I hear Otabek shouting so I can hear him.

I get closer to him so I can hear better, but when I get close to his neck the wind brings his perfume. It drives me crazy.

“Yurio?”

“Oh! Yes?” I say when I come back to reality.

“Are you alright?”

“I-I am...”

He turns his attention to the road and I move away. I look at his leather jacket's back and the only thing I can think about is his smell and how I want to get closer again. I take a deep breath to calm down, but it doesn't work that well because getting calm when I'm with him has already become a challenge.

When we are almost at the park, I give him some instructions and we arrive at home. I check for Victor's car and I'm relieved when I don't see it. I get off the motorcycle and step closer to him so I can give his helmet back.

“Now that you have my number, you can call me too... or text me.” He says as he takes the helmet from my hand.

“O-Okay.”

“Yurio?”

“What?”

“Come a little closer.”

I look at him all confused, but I move closer. Otabek's face gets closer to mine, looking at me so intensely that I lose my breath. Holding my chin, he turns it slightly and kisses my mouth's corner, close enough for me to feel his lips against mine. He slowly moves away and smiles at me again.

“I'm looking forward to our next date.”

I can't answer. I can't move. I can only see him leaving on his motorcycle. I look down both sides of the street to see if anyone saw that, but everything is quiet. Did he mean to miss my cheeks? Or did he do that on purpose? I decide not to jump to any conclusions, but that makes me even more excited to see him again and maybe... who knows... he kissed me... standing, in front of my house.

I close my eyes and slowly run my fingers over my lips. I want him to kiss me.

Not even three minutes later, I hear a horn and I open my eyes to see Victor's car in front of me.

“What are you doing standing there, Yurio?” He calls, his head sticking out of the car's window.

I freeze. Just a few minutes earlier and he would have caught me and Otabek here.

“I-I... just came home.”

I move away from the gate as he pulls into the garage. I follow after him. When I get inside, I see Yuuri sitting on the sofa reading. He stops looking at the book and looks directly at me and smiles. That's... odd.

“Did you have fun?” He asks.

“I just went for a walk, nothing else.”

“Did you go out with anyone, Yurio?” Victor asks right behind me.

I look at him wide-eyed.

“O-Of course n-not. Why would you ask that?” I head towards my room. “With who would I go out with? You are both crazy!”

 I close my door and slide down till I reach the floor. I suddenly start laughing. I have no idea if it is because I'm nervous or if I'm just surprised with everything that happened today. Then, I calm down and I lean my head on the door.

“Otabek...” I whisper.

Damn it! I think I'm maybe a little too… happy.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the next two weeks, Otabek and I go out 5 more times. Yes, five times and what happened on those dates? Absolutely nothing! We just talked. And this is what is disappointing:  after all this time, I'm starting to believe that kissing me on my mouth's corner was just an accident. Not jumping to a hasty conclusion was the right thing to do. Now I just need this disappointment that I'm feeling to go away.

Today is the day we meet again and, in spite of my disappointment, I kind of like our conversations.

“Are you going out, Yurio?” Victor asks when I enter the living room.

“Oh... hmm... yes... can I?”

“Sure. Going to the mall?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need any money? Want me to give you a ride?”

“No, thanks. I have money and I'll go by foot.”

“Okay.”

When I start walking to the door, Victor calls me, “Yurio?”

“What?” I turn around and look I him.

“Are you going to meet a friend?”

“N-No.”

“As you obviously don't have any reason to lie to me, it's okay, go on then.” His look is so intense that it makes me shiver.

It's not like Victor doesn't let me have any friends, but, for some reason that I can't understand, I can't tell him about Otabek.

I leave and walk to the mall to get to our meeting point: the coffee shop.

As always, we order and talk. You know when you enjoy talking with someone and even the silliest of the subjects is enough for you to be there and actually enjoy it? That is exactly how I feel about being with Otabek, after all, he is a good... friend.

“Yurio, when we leave, can I take you to somewhere else?”

“Where?”

“It's a surprise.” He smiles.

 “Alright…”

I start feeling anxious and nervous at the same time. Then, as always, Otabek goes to pay the bill. I’m feeling guilty for not ever paying, but he won't let me and I don't know what to do about it.

Because we met up later  than the usual time today, I notice that the sun is already setting as we head to the mysterious place. It doesn't take too long for me to see the ocean.

Otabek stops his motorcycle near the beach where there is a Ferris Wheel that is not working. Right in front of it there is this big courtyard surrounded by fences and some benches facing the sea. Some people are sitting there and I start walking towards them, but Otabek takes my hand.

“Not there, we’re going somewhere else.”

Holding hands, I follow him to the other side of the courtyard, where there's no one besides us and it's kind of a hidden place because the ticket shop is right behind us. I lean against the bars of the fence and look down to realize that we are higher than – I'd say 6 meters – from the sand, so I look straight ahead for the first time. The sunrays and the ocean breeze coming in our direction are amazing, so amazing that it makes my heart beat even faster. I have never actually stopped and looked at the sunset like this, and the whole landscape is... just perfect.

When I look next to me, Otabek is looking forward while the almost nonexistent sunlight lights him up. At this moment, looking at him, I realize that my admiration for him is totally different from seeing something that is just beautiful. It is so much more than that.

Otabek turns to me and we look in each other's eyes. I turn to look at the beach again, but he comes closer and, holding my chin, he makes me look at him again. “Why are you blushing, Yurio?”

“I-I'm... not...”

His face is getting closer, close enough for me to feel his breath on my mouth. Otabek runs his right hand to the back of my neck and places it on my nape. He keeps looking intensely at my mouth for a few seconds, before moving it to my eyes and then he kisses me. I close my eyes and feel his lips embracing mine so softly, gently. And then, suddenly, he moves away.

“I'm... s-sorry.”

He places his hand on his mouth, like he was surprised at what he has just done.

“I-I... I'll drive you home.” He says as he starts to turn around.

No! I hold his hand and he looks at me astonished.

“Don't be sorry... please,” I say a little disappointed.

“Yurio?”

I hold his hand tightly and I'm finally brave enough to say something. “I... don't mind if you kiss me.”

His surprised expression was not what I was expecting and I am sure he was also not expecting me to say that either. But Otabek soon calms down and gets closer to me again. Standing in front of me, I quickly look him in the eyes and I feel his hands on my neck, so he can finally truly kiss me.

In that late afternoon, with the sun reflecting on that big ocean and without caring if anyone is looking at us, we kiss each other until our lips get tired. And I finally understand and accept what I have been feeling since the day I first saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyaaaaaah, so that was it for this week's chapter (*^▽^*)  
> Thank you Taani and Wonderland for all your hardwork and welcome to our ~~small~~ time. I hope you guys stick with us until the very end hehe (￣3￣)|  
>  Thank again for all the coments and kudos <3 See you next week o/  
> ~AnaruB


	4. Feelings, news, and bravery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio is so confused by what happened. What was the meaning of that kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: BlueChariot  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB  
> Beta: webfairy0  
> Art: Nikkiyan

 

Otabek drops me off at the corner of my street – after the scare Victor gave me the last time I can’t risk myself anymore – and we decide to talk about what happened between us in the late afternoon during our next date. Well, after this event, it’s not like my emotional state would be stable. I have never kissed anyone, and now I did it with a man! Not that I consider two guys kissing something strange since I’ve got two fathers, but I’ve never really felt like kissing a man. In fact, I’ve never wanted to kiss a woman either. This flutter feeling, anxiety, and this heat invading my chest are completely unknown to me. But there’s something I know: I want to kiss him again. I can still feel his slightly warm lips on mine, and my whole face gets warm at the memory.

 When I get home – more excited than normal –  Yuuri is in the kitchen preparing dinner and Victor is seated on a chair in the dining room, drying his hair with a towel.

“You’re later than usual, Yurio. Did something happen to you?” Asks Victor.

“N-no… Sorry, I just lost the track of time.”

I go to the fridge to get some water and Yuuri suspiciously looks at me for around five seconds, enough for me to realize that he suspects something. Couldn’t he just _not_ know everything? For God’s sake! He doesn’t let anything go unnoticed!

“Your face is red, Yurio. Are you feeling ill?” Yuuri asks after turning his attention to the pans.

“What? N-no!” I quickly drink the water that remains in the cup and start walking to my bedroom. “I’m going to take a bath!”

“Dinner’s out in ten minutes, don’t be late!” Yuuri shouts from the kitchen.

Yep, sooner or later I’ll have to tell them I’m meeting Otabek on my shopping trips. The point is: am I going out to meet a friend or a guy I’m “starting to kiss”? He kissed me, that means he wanted it, but does that mean he’ll want to kiss me again? Will he kiss other people besides me? I sincerely hope not. Full of doubts about what will happen between us now, I get into the shower.

It doesn’t take long for me to be standing in front of the mirror wearing only cheetah print underwear – I know, I’m eighteen years old. But what can I do if I like cheetah prints so much? – observing my body. My body isn’t attractive at all. I’m too skinny and without any defined muscle. My butt is a bit round and steep,  which makes me rather satisfied. I’ve got light-green eyes, long eyelashes, and my blond hair reaches my shoulders with light waves, that’s what I like the most about my body. However, does that make up for the rest? Does Otabek think about it? What if he doesn’t want to kiss me anymore because of my body? His body is lot larger than mine… but what does that have to do with anything!? Well, if he doesn’t want to kiss me anymore, tough luck!

“Isn’t it, Beka?” I say to the kitten drinking his milk.

Yet, deep inside I feel an insistent anxiety bothering me. I blow-dry my hair and tie it in a simple bun. After putting fresh clothes on, I walk to the kitchen where the table is already set.

“I’m starving!” I say as I sit in one of the chairs.

“That’s some news.” says Victor ironically.

With everybody already at the table, ready to eat, Victor asks, “Is the cat giving you much trouble, Yurio?”

“Nah, Beka’s a sweetie. It looks like he grew up a bit in the past few weeks.” I say normally.

“Beka?” he asks confused.

Damn it!

“It is… the name of the cat.”

“I didn’t know you had chosen his name.”

“Yeah… well I just chose it…”

“It’s a good name. Where did you get it?”

Chewing his food, Yuuri looks at me with a smile waiting anxiously for an answer.

“I-I don’t know. It came… from nowhere.”

“Interesting.” Yuuri says in a low voice while smiles.

I end up eating my food a little nervously because of the conversation. After some time, Victor’s phone rings and he goes to answer it in his office, leaving Yuuri and I alone in the kitchen. As I help him with the dishes, Yuuri suddenly says, “did it come from nowhere then? Beka…”

“Y-Yes.”

“Why don’t you just tell Victor about him?”

“There’s nothing to tell. He’s just a friend.”

“You named your cat his nickname…”

“But… he doesn’t even know that.”

“Do you like him?”

“What!?” I feel my face starting to burn.

“You don’t need to lie to me, Yurio, but you know there’ll be a time where you can’t hide it from everyone, don’t you? Not even from Victor…”

“I’m going to tell… if we have something one day.” I look away. “You don’t need to tell everyone I found… a friend.”

“It won’t take much longer until he notices something. You’re very easy to read,” he laughs.

“N-not that easy.”

“Sure you are. You got home late and more excited than the normal today. What really happened to you, Yurio?”

I begin to dry the dishes and stare the plate on my hands, lacking courage to look at him in the eyes because I know my face is burning.

“Would it be possible that you guys kissed?” Yuuri says with a fake surprised voice.

I can’t answer him. He knows everything, I can’t lie, but I can’t confirm either.

“I’m taking your silence as a “yes”. Are you guys dating, then?”

“No!” I look at him and quickly look away, a few seconds pass in silence before I start talking again, “no… not yet.”

“Was it the first-time you guys kissed?”

“Y-yes.”  I surrender.

“And you don’t know if he’ll want to kiss you again?”

“Y-yes… how do you know!?” I ask surprised.

“Oh! Let’s just say I went through that too.”

In my mind, the relationship between Yuuri and Victor was developed in some easy and simple way, not that one of them could ever been through these “silly” things.

“Really!?”

“Yep. It’s completely normal having these kinds of thoughts the first time you feel something different for someone. If he isn’t clear about what he wants from you, feel free to ask him, Yurio.”

“But what if he says he doesn’t really like me and only did that because I just happened to be there?”

“Don’t be silly, my love. Was it he who kissed you?”

“Yes…”

“Exactly! He wouldn’t do that for nothing. Go talk to him.”

“I-I’ll try.”

“What are you talking about?” Victor asks while entering the kitchen.

“Yurio was telling me he is worried because he still doesn’t know what he wants to do from now on since he’s already eighteen.”

Victor approaches me and kisses the side of my head.

“Don’t worry about that, Yurio. You’ll find out what you like soon. But if you feel like working with me, just tell me.”

“Thanks. I’ll think about that.”

“You’re welcome, my love.”

“You may go to your room now if you want to, Yurio. I’ll finish here.”

“Thanks.” I say with double meaning because of our recent talk. “Good night to both of you.”

 “Good night, Yurio.” They answer in unison.

I go to my room and lay on the bed. I get my cellphone from the bedside table and see an unread message… from him. My heart speeds up before I open it.

_Are you busy tomorrow?_

I’m not going to be eluded!

_No, I’m not. Why?_ I answer.

It doesn’t take long until I receive his answer.

_Well… I wanted to see you._

I’m not creating expec… I take a long breath after stifling a cry on the pillow.

_Okay. We really need to talk._

_I agree. Same place at 3pm?_

_Okay._

_Alright then._

I don’t know how to answer to keep talking. I even feel ashamed in  this simple exchange of messages. I don’t know how I’ll face him tomorrow.

I decide to go look for him on social media. I take some time to do it, it’s been three weeks since we met and I still haven’t search for him –  which is very unusual in this situation. I quickly find his profile since “Otabek” isn’t a very common name. Of course, I go straight to his pictures, most of them display him working as a DJ at some big parties. Otabek seems so different at these events, it makes me wish to learn everything else about him. As I stalk him, my cellphone vibrates again.

_I hope tomorrow comes soon. Good night, sleep well…_

I sigh, because I hope that too.

_So, do I. Good night and sleep well._

The rest of that night, I play a little with my cat before laying in the bed and forcing myself to sleep earlier so that tomorrow comes faster. However, my mind refuses to be turned off for even a second.

 

* * *

 

 

 The next day, time passes slower than usual. My hear tells me to call Otabek right away and tell him ‘Look, I can’t stand this anxiety anymore. Is there any way we could see each other earlier, for God’s sake!?’ But of course I, patiently, wait until 3 p.m. to finally go to the mall.

 On my way out of the house, I see Yuuri in the living room reading a book. As I walk towards the door, I hear him saying, “good luck!”

Without looking at him and holding the door handle, I say in a low voice, “thanks…”

Slowly and breathing deeply, I walk towards the mall trying to calm myself and trying to appear that I’m not that nervous. To my surprise, as I arrive in the coffee shop I see Otabek’s face seeming slightly nervous. I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one in this situation.

“Hey…” he says as he stands up and gets closer to me, gently kissing my cheek.

“Hey…”  I look away trying to hide my blushed face, and soon Otabek moves away and sits in front of me.

 This is different from the other times; this time an embarrassing silence hovers around us until Otabek starts talking, “how are you?”

“Oh… I’m fine, how about you?”

“I’m great, just a little bit tired.”

“Tired? What’ve you been doing?”

“Nothing, I just couldn’t sleep last night.”

Surprisingly, he looks away and I feel more confident to speak.

“Me neither.”

Our entire conversation is based on meaningless things and long minutes of silence until his cellphone rings while we drink our coffee.

“I’ll answer it outside. Just give me a sec.”

“Alright.”

I observe the people walking in the mall through the glass window next to me. I wait patiently for Otabek until he comes back.

“Yurio, it was the owner of the house I rented. He said I need to sign some paperwork now, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, you can go, we can talk another day.”

He looks disappointedly at me but then his face softens.

“Do you want to come with me? He is going to meet me at the house. It’ll be quick and we can talk more there.”

In his house?

“A-alright.”

“Let’s go then.”

I leave the rest of the coffee on the table and wait while Otabek pays the bill so we can go to his house. Otabek drives toward the beach again and approximately five minutes later, he stops his motorcycle in front of a large gate, near a fancy black car. A well-dressed man gets out of it and comes in our direction. I keep my distance so they can talk while Otabek opens the gate of the house.

“You can come in, Yurio.” He says to me as they enter.

I shyly get in and come across a green yard with a stone path leading to the main door. The architecture inside the house is as modern as outside, which is too big for only one person. I wonder how much money he earns working as a DJ, because…wow!

I spend my time sitting on a couch on the living room playing on my cell phone while they go to the dining room to sign some papers.

Around twenty minutes later, the well-dressed man walks by me and says goodbye.

“Sorry for taking so long!” Otabek says as he comes back to the living room and sits by my side, making my heart quiver.

“That’s okay.”

After some seconds of silence, Otabek says my name at the same time I say his.

“You go ahead.” He says.

“So… about yesterday…” I turn my head to the other side “What… did that mean?”

“That meant I really wanted to kiss you.” He calmly answers.

“W-Why?”

Otabek comes closer to me and whispers on my ear, “look at me and I’ll tell you.”

I turn my face completely embarrassed to look at him. Otabek analyzes every inch of my face and moves my hair out of my eyes, fixing his sight on mine.

“Because you’re beautiful,” he says. “It’s impossible to be close to you and not want to kiss you.”

Can he hear how uncontrollably my heart is beating? His hand on the side of my head prevents me from looking away again and I’m obliged to look at that man in front of me with his lips close to mine.

“D-don’t say something like that. That’s embarrassing.”

“But you asked, I only told the truth. Didn’t you like being kissed?”

“I-I did.” I answer nervously.

“May I kiss you again?”

“Y-yes.”

With his half-closed eyes fixed on mine, Otabek gently kisses my lips. I feel my body heating up when he slowly slides his hand from my neck down my spine, stopping on my waist. Suddenly my teeth strike his and I jerk away.

“I’m sorry!” I say embarrassed. “I’m… a little bit n-nervous.”

Otabek smiles sweetly, grabs my hand and puts it on his chest, and, to my surprise, I can feel that his heart is beating as fast as mine.

“It’s okay. I am nervous too.”

The relief of knowing I’m not the only one like this invades me, and looking at his handsome face, I can’t avoid raising my free hand running my fingers over his lips. He closes his eyes and I move my mouth closer to his.

“I want to kiss you.” I say softly.

“Kiss me then.” He answers without opening his eyes.

Getting close to his mouth, I feel his breath mixing with mine and I carefully kiss his lips. It doesn’t take long until Otabek raises his hand to the nape of my neck, feeling my hair running through his fingers. The rhythm of our kiss gradually increases, until I feel his tongue touching mine, leaving me a bit desperate, but Otabek, patiently, decreases the intensity so I can get used to it, and when it finally happens… oh my god! A different heat from the ones I’ve ever felt spreads through my whole body every time our tongues intertwine and his hands caress my back. I feel a sudden need to touch him even more, until Otabek abruptly pulls away.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

“Don’t apologize.” I say getting close to him again, but he puts a hand on my chest, moving me away.

“Calm down, Yurio. I’ll not be able to stop once I start.”

“Start what?”

“That’s why we need to stop.” He says smiling.

“Explain it to me!” I curiously say.

He gets close to me and gently kisses my lips while smiles.

“You’re too cute!” He says and quickly gets up and goes to the kitchen.

“I’m not cute!” I yell from the couch.

“Yes, you are! By the way, do you want some water?”

“I do, please.”

Otabek comes back to the living room holding a water jug and two cups. He sits by my side again and fills my cup up right after his.

“May I ask you a question?” I say.

“Feel free to ask.”

“Hmm…  Are you... kissing anyone besides me?”

“What!?” He laughs. “Is that your way of asking if we’re dating?”

“Stop laughing!”

It takes a few seconds for him to calm down and when he turns to speak again, he talks more seriously, “do you want me to kiss other people?”

“No!” I answer without hesitating.

“Do you want to go out with me then?”

“What about you, do you want to go out with me?”

He gets close to me and kisses me again – his lips are a bit wet because of the water he just drank – then he looks me in the eyes.

“I do, for sure.”

I feel my face starting to get warmer and I smile shyly. However, my smile vanishes and Otabek notices this change.

“What happened?” He asks.

“I-I’ll... have to tell my parents…”

“Is that a problem?”

“Of course it is! My God! They’ll want you to come over.”

I start feeling nervous again.

“That’s okay, Yurio. Your parents seem to be flexible and I think they will get our situation better than anyone else.”

I put both hands on my eyes and breath deeply.

“They sure will… particularly Victor.” I say ironically.

“Relax, everything will be fine.” He says.

It will, especially for you.

I stay at his house a few more minutes then I ask Otabek to take me home, so I can use the determination that is flowing through me to tell my parents about him. I agree to tell Otabek how it went through messages that night.

Walking from the corner of the street to my front door, I go slowly, taking the time to reflect.  Before opening the door, I breathe deeply about five times. As I go in, I find Victor with his head on Yuuri’s lap watching TV.

“Welcome back, Yurio.” They greet me.

I silently walk to the sofa in front of them and breathe deeply once again.

“What is it, Yurio?” Victor asks when he notices that I’m acting weird.

“Oh… hmm… what would you both say if supposedly… supposedly, I say that I’m dating someone?”

After that, even the TV was turned off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Victuuri, stay strong hahaha  
> For this chapter, we welcome BlueChariot! Please, stay with us forever ＼（Ｔ∇Ｔ）／  
> So again, thank you for all the kudos and the coments. We really hope you guys are enjoying the story XP  
> See you next week <3  
> ~AnaruB


	5. The baby who is turning into an adult… or maybe not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: AnaruB  
> Proofreader: Taani  
> Beta: webfairy0  
> Art: @pinkiepieS2

Yuuri looks surprised at the beginning of this unexpected conversation, while Victor calmly sits down, takes the remote control from the coffee table and turns the tv off. He stares at me for like twenty seconds, until he finally says, “Excuse me?!”

His voice is startlingly serious and his look makes me shiver.

“It's... it's... I-” I cannot finish talking.

“Victor...” Yuuri begins.

“So that's why you went to the mall so many times?”

“Yeah...” I look away.

“What’s her name?”

Victor talking calmly in this situation is worse than if he were screaming.

I look at Yuuri and if my eyes could say anything at that moment it would be “help”.

“It's not a girl... it's a guy.” I say with a trembling voice.

“A guy?! Even better! It will be easier to kill him.” His voice begins to rise.

“What?!” I say a little too loud. “Yuuri! Talk to him!”

“Hey, Victor... calm down,” Yuuri says.

“Yuuri, why are you so calm?” Victor says with a loud voice.

“The boy is eighteen years old, Victor, we knew that sooner or later he would be interested in this kind of thing.”

 “Oh, my God! My baby...” Victor puts his hand on his face. “My innocent baby.” He says to himself.

“I’m not a baby anymore!” I say.

“Of course, you are! Knowing that there's a guy making you lose all your innocence...” he takes a deep breath. “I will kill him.”

“He is not like that!” I say. “He was very kind to me.”

“What?!” Victor screams. “Yuuri, hold me! I think my heart cannot stand it.” He looks at me again. “How was he kind, Yurio?”

“Yeah... he paid for the coffee and even offered to come here and tell you about us...”

All the air that Victor was holding in his lungs leaves at once.

“Only that?” He asks relieved.

“Yeah, what else could it be?” I say.

“Yuuri, the boy doesn’t even have malice, how am I going to trust him to any guy?!” Victor is already standing, talking indignantly to Yuuri.

“He knows how to take care of himself, Victor.” Yuuri says.

“Hey! Do not talk like I'm not here.” I say.

“How old is he?” Victor asks as he turns to me with his hand on his hip.

“T-Twenty...”

“Twenty?”

“…two.”

“What does he do for living?”

“He's a... DJ.” I say softly.

“What is he?”

“A DJ...”

Victor begins to laugh in a very frightening way.

“What... what is... his... name?” He asks slowly.

“O-Otabek.”

“Otabek? This name is not strange to me. Yuuri, have you heard that name somewhere?”

“Yeah... the DJ we hired for Yurio's birthday... was called Otabek.”

“But you're not going to date him!” Victor says.

“What?! Why?! I'm 18, why can’t I date him?”

“He's way older than you, and certainly much more experienced. How will I know that he just doesn’t want to take advantage of you?”

“He is not like that! He said he was not going to kiss any people other than me!”

“Yuuri... are you listening to this?” Victor puts his hand back to his face and begins to murmur a ‘he kissed, my baby’ and then runs his hands frantically through his hair.

“Victor, my love, do not talk like you haven’t had many experiences in your early life.”

“That's why I'm like this, Yuuri. I know how things work! Yurio may be 18, but look how innocent he is. How am I going to trust someone to take care of my baby?! I'm sure he's a pervert! I saw it in his eyes when we hired him, Yuuri!”

“I just remember you talking about how good he looked, Victor.”

“Me? I don’t remember saying anything like that.”

I clear my throat to get their attention. The two who were in a private conversation as if I hadn’t been here, fall silent and look at me.

“I really wanted you... hm... to understand it.” I look sad because I know I have to appeal to them.

Victor walks over to me and kneels in front of me.

“My love, I just don’t want you to get hurt later, and if he hurts you I know I won’t be able to hold myself back and I'll have to kill him.” Victor speaks in a voice so calm and soft that it makes his words far more threatening than they actually are.

“But then, how will I know if I'm going to get hurt or not?”

Victor rests his forehead on my knees and Yuuri chuckles as he gets up and comes to sit beside me.

“How about you invite him to have dinner with us on Saturday?”

“Yuuri!” Victor exclaims.

“It will be good, right Victor?”

Victor pouts and murmurs something we can’t hear.

“Right?” Yuuri insists.

“No...”

“Are you sure you're going to insist on not agreeing to this?” Yuuri says in a menacing tone.

“O-Okay...” Victor says quietly, giving up.

I've never seen them fighting or anything. But Victor, who is somewhat proud, always surrenders when Yuuri speaks like that, and I honestly don’t know what would happen if he did not give in. Would Yuuri put him out of their room and make Victor sleep in the living room for weeks? Well, when Yuuri’s voice comes out of its calm tone and goes to its steady, menacing tone, I wouldn’t even dare to not surrender. I think I can understand Victor.

“But how will I know that if he comes here, Victor will not do anything stupid?” I ask suspiciously imaging what might happen during this dinner.

“I guarantee nothing will happen.” Yuuri says.

“I'm not ready for this!” Victor says in a crying voice as he holds my waist still kneeling in front of me again. “My heart can’t bear it!”

“My God, don't overreact.” I say as I cover my eyes with my hands.

“Overreact?” He lifts his head and looks at me with puppy dog eyes. “You're going away, you're leaving me. Why me? Someone who loves you so much.”

“Jeez, Victor! I'm not leaving, calm down. Maybe one day, when I get married, but...”

“He's already thinking about getting married, Yuuri!” He gets off me and goes to hug Yuuri. “I can’t take it. My heart is aching.”

“Victor, my love, calm down, no one is going to leave.” Yuuri says, running his hands through Victor's hair.

“But... but... I thought he was going to be our baby forever.”

I confess I'm starting to feel bad.

“I'm sorry...” I say as I bow my head.

“For what, Yurio?” Yuuri asks.

“For... making you two sad.”

Both looked at me for a few seconds – Victor with watery eyes – and then they hugged me.

“You're not making anyone sad, Yurio. Don’t worry about it.” Yuuri says.

“I'm sorry, Yurio.” Victor shouts with a crying voice as he hugs me. “I swear I will not kill him.”

I can’t bear it and end up laughing. What kind of situation is this?! Yuuri follows my example and laughs too.

“Why are you laughing?!” Victor asks tearfully.

“Why… are you… crying?” Yuuri asks laughing.

“I'm getting… OLD! My baby is leaving and I'm getting old!”

“Victor, you're not old, do not be silly.” I say indignant that he's worried about his age.

“But... but…” says Victor, weeping.

“Okay, okay, come here.”

Yuuri taps his chest, and Victor looks up, with the face of someone who wants to cuddle. He sits down next to Yuuri and rests his head on his chest. Yuuri, as a good counselor he is, kisses the top of his head and caresses his hair, while Victor looks like a baby. Shyly, I slowly approach them, until I rest my head on Yuuri's shoulder. He chuckles and kisses me too.

“My two loves.” He says happily.

“Thank you.” I say softly.

“You know we'll always support you. Isn’t that right, Victor?”

“It's... true...” Victor says in a high-pitched voice.

After a few minutes, sitting on the couch in silence, Victor sits straight and stares at me.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Your cat... his name is Beka...”

I stand up quickly, and start walking toward my room.

“I don’t know what you're talking about!” I say as I walk.

“Yurio! What bases did you already hit?! You already gave his name to a cat!” Victor shouts from the living room.

“I don’t know what you're talking about!” I shout back, already far away from him.

I go into my room and close the door before jumping on my bed with a smile on my face. However, I start to get worried about Saturday. I must send him a message, but... I want to hear his voice...

I pick up my cellphone and dial his number. I spend a few minutes looking at the phone’s screen, hesitant to call, until I decide to press the green button. I put the phone to my ear and wait for four rings.

Before I give up and cancel the call, I hear his voice on the other side of the line. 

_Yurio? What a surprise you're calling me._

“Ah... hm... I thought it was better to call than to send a message. Are you busy?” My voice shakes a little.

_No, I'm not doing anything, I'm just lying down. How was it with your parents?_

“Well, it was not very easy, but in the end, everything worked out.”

_Did they get mad at you?_

“No. They never fight with me about anything. Victor just made a dumb scene.”

_But are you okay? What did they say?_

“Oh, I'm fine! They told me... uh... to invite you to dinner with us on Saturday, but you don’t have to come... if you don’t want to.”

_You don’t want me to go?_  He asks a little sad.

“It’s not that!” I say a little too loud “I-I want you to come, b-but I don’t know if you want to. I don’t want you to feel obligated to come.”

_Of course, I want to go, you silly,_  he chuckles, making my heart race.

Lying on my bed, I close my eyes and concentrate on his voice.

“Otabek...”

_Yes?_

“Why me? You know, you could be with anyone else. Someone more handsome, or a woman, someone who is not as inexperienced as me or...

_Yurio_ , his voice has a serious tone,  _I've been a DJ on several birthday parties and no birthday boy or girl, of any party, was as beautiful as you on that day. When I looked at you when you were sitting right in front of me and you just looked away with your face completely blushed..._ he takes a deep breath,  _I don’t want anybody else, Yurio._

Damn it! What is this feeling? My face is burning as I feel my throat getting tight.

“I'm sorry... I-I don’t know what to say.”

Otabek laughs on the other side of the line. When silence falls on the call, he speaks softly and calmly again.

_I'd be kissing you now if I could._

I run my fingers, gently, on my lips before biting them.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

_You know this was kind of provocative, right?_

“It was not.” I chuckle softly. “I just... hm... l-like when you... kiss me.”

This is so embarrassing! Why am I saying these things?!

_And you say it's not provocative. If I could I’d go to your house now to kiss you._

“You may come, but know that there is a chance of you being killed by my dad.”

_What?! What do you mean?!_

“Yes, it was very difficult to convince Victor to not kill you.”

_Now I'm starting to get worried about Saturday._

I start laughing, but deep down I'm worried too.

“It’s all right, Yuuri said you can come because it's going to be totally safe.”

_I'll go prepared._

“Yes, come prepared.”

_You know... I'm pretty anxious now._

“Me too...”

_Ah, I forgot to introduce my cat to you._

“Wow! That’s true, I was at your house.” I speak very low, but soon my voice goes back to normal. “Saturday you'll meet... my cat.”

_What pause was that? Did you choose his name yet?_

“Yeah... n-not yet.”

_Saturday I'll help you choose one._

“Okay.” I laugh nervously.

“Yurio!” I hear Yuuri shouting from the living room.

“Otabek, I need to hang up. See you Saturday then.”

_Okay, good night, Yurio, sleep well..._

“Good night… sleep well, too.”

_See you Saturday._

“See you.”

I keep my phone on my ear for a few seconds before I hang up and sink my face into the pillow. Damn it! How can I not delude myself with him telling me these things?! Victor said that I can   get hurt, and really, I understand this possibility, but... but... as each day passes, this feeling is gradually increasing and it won’t take longer for me to be completely full of it. This heat in my chest and that smile that refuses to leave my face when I hear his voice or when I see him is getting more frequent.  Since we’ve kissed it’s gotten even worse because I think about kissing him all the time.

“Yurio! Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

I sit on the bed, and see that Yuuri is standing at the door.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

Yuuri comes to my bed and sits on the edge of it near me.

“Did you talk with him?” Yuuri asks.

“Otabek?”

He nods.

“Yeah.”

“Will he come?”

“Yes.”

“How nice!”

“What about Victor? Did he calm down?”

“He's fine now, you know how bipolar he is. It's hard for him to see you growing up like this. Don’t be mad at him, Victor is just always like this.”

“I'm not mad, I'm used to his exaggeration. But either way, it's not that bad, at least it shows that he cares.”

“Of course he does. We both care about you, my love.”

“Yuuri, not that I'm complaining, but why are you always calm and relaxed in this kind of situations? You are the complete opposite of Victor.”

“Yurio, I'm here to support you, my love. I just want you to be happy. Surely, if someone makes you cry, I'll end up going to kill him along with Victor.”

“Thank you...” I chuckle.

Yuuri approaches me and hugs me.

“I confess I was surprised when I realized you were in love with a man.” He says close to my ear.

“Me too...”

He gently moves away and looks into my eyes. “You know, Yurio, I wish it were easy, but it will not be. You have gay parents and now you're dating someone of the same gender.  People might say bad things to you, or look differently when you and Otabek are walking together on the street. There may be people who will hate you for those simple facts, but I want you to know that your family is here to support you, and our friends too, because we all love you. So, I want you to be aware of how difficult it might be to live this way.”

“Have you ever been through that with Victor?” I ask.

“We all went through something like that at some time in our lives. But despite the difficulties, don’t be ashamed to be different, okay?”

I feel my throat tighten and I hug his neck.

“Thank you... I'm very, very proud to have you two as my parents.”

Surprised, Yuuri takes a moment to react and hugs me back. In a hoarse voice, he whispers in my ear.

“Thank you...”

Yuuri starts to breathe heavily and I know he's crying. Without realizing it, I feel tears running down on my face.

“What...?”

I look up and Victor, seemingly surprised, is standing at the door of my room. I stretch my hand to him and, quietly, he walks towards me while Yuuri keeps crying on my shoulder… Victor wipes my face with the palm of his hand and kisses my forehead before sitting down and hugging the two of us.

Victor can be exaggerated, jealous, spoiled and needy, but like Yuuri, when he hugs me, I feel like everything is going to work out. I know there are people like these two who love me. I think all this is too much for my heart, and I don’t even know if I really deserve it all.

We spent a few minutes like that, until Yuuri begins to calm down.

“I'm sorry, I'm better now.” He says as he raises his head and wipes his now swollen face.

“What happened here?” Victor asks confused.

“Explain it to him, Yurio.”

“What?! Why me?”

“Because!”

I look away and speak with clenched teeth.

“I said... I'm proud that... hm... you're my parents.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Victor's expression going from normal to extremely happy, before he leaps over me.

“My Goodness! This is too much for my heart!”

“Victor, you're crushing me!”

"There's no way I can’t squeeze you after that.” He says loudly.

After a few frantic minutes, Victor moves away and looks tenderly at me.

“We are very, very proud to have you as our son, Yurio, right, Yuuri?”

“Certainly!”

I look away, feeling my face burning. Victor pinches my cheeks.

“What a cute boy!”

“I'm not cute!”

“Yes, you are!” Yuuri says.

“By the way, weren’t we going to watch a movie?” Victor asks.

“Oh!  That’s right, I came to invite you to watch a movie with us.” Yuuri says.

“It must be starting now, come on.” Victor says.

“I want popcorn!” I say.

“Then let's make some!” Victor says excitedly.

We make the popcorn and Yuuri brings some blankets from his room for us. On that big couch, Yuuri sits on the corner while Victor stands by his side with his arm opened so I snuggle into his chest, which makes him very happy since I am there beside him.

Everything is perfect, everything is wonderful, until we get to the middle of the movie.

What the fuck is that?!

“Victor!” Yuuri and I say together.

“It’s not my fault, I just put on the first movie that I saw. I didn’t know it was terrifying!”

We were already all shrunk and hiding behind each other like three scaredy-cats.  Did we stop watching the movie? No. What is this? Masochism? I lost the count of how many times we screamed in fright.

When the movie ends, it’s late at night, which leaves me a little scared of going to sleep. I say goodnight to them and go to my room. I turn on my lamp before turning off the light, but it does not do much good, because of the huge mirror of my wardrobe that is bothering me. However, slowly, I begin to feel sleepy and then I take a nap.

I wake up scared because of a nightmare. I look at my cellphone’s screen and see that it's still three o'clock in the morning. My heart is beating so fast and I feel so scared that I refuse to look at where the bedroom’s mirror is. I can’t go back to sleep, so after a few minutes I take my pillow and quickly run through the house turning on all the lights until I reach the door of Victor and Yuuri's room. It's a shame to be here in front of their bedroom’s door because of a horror movie, but I definitely don’t want to be in my room all alone. Slowly, I partially open the door and see Yuuri asleep. But the hallway light shines right on his face, which wakes him up.

“Yurio?” He says softly with a hoarse voice.

“I'm sorry... can I... stay here for a bit?”

He smiles softly, and moves away from the edge of the bed as he pulls the cover so I can lie down next to him. I close the door and go quietly to him. Because it’s dark I grope for the bed – so I know where it is – and then lie down.

“Are you alright?” He asks quietly.

“I'm just a little... scared, sorry.”

“All right, you can stay here.”

I lie just below his chin and hug him around his waist. Yuuri puts his arm around my neck and messes with my hair, making me start to feel drowsy. Before finally sleeping, I hear Victor moving on the bed and I feel another arm hugging me. I smile, sinking into Yuuri's chest and feel protected enough to finally sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyaaaah, such a heartwarming chapter (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  
> So again, thanks for all the support we are receiving. You guys are amazing （*＾3＾）  
> And Taani, thank you for your help, I don't know what I would do without you haha  
> See you next Saturday o/  
> ~AnaruB


	6. The confront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the _dinner_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: BlueChariot  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

When I open my eyes in the morning, I notice the room is slightly illuminated by the sunlight partially trespassing the thick curtain of Yuuri’s room. I notice I’m still being hugged and slowly, without waking him up, I leave his embrace and sit on the bed. I notice Victor isn’t here anymore.

What a shame! I don’t believe I came to their room because of a nightmare. How old am I? Five?! Shameful! I don’t even want to imagine Victor getting home and starting to excitedly talk to Yuuri about this embarrassing moment.

I feel my mouth dry and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As I get to the fridge I notice there’s a picture of me and Yuuri sleeping together taken by Victor’s Polaroid, with a note on the side written: “It’s good to know my baby is still a baby.” I roll my eyes and continue to read the note just below saying “Yuuri, you’ll have to reward me about this morning at night”, together with a poorly drawn heart. I sincerely don’t want to think about what that last note meant, so I leave the paper and the picture fixed on the fridge and get my water. I look at the wall clock marking 7:30 a.m. and sigh sadly for waking up so early.

I walk to the sofa and sit down. The silence in the house is a bit comforting to my mind filled with thoughts about the events since my eighteenth birthday. First, the evident improvement in relationship between me and my parents. Well, I think that means growing up, because between my twelve and sixteen years old rebellious phase and the wall I’ve built between us were much worse. I guess after all this time the affection I’ve received from them, without ever being cursed at or hearing that they were regretful of adopting me not even once, my heart got slightly softened – maybe not that slightly. And second, Otabek…

How did I get in this situation with a guy?! He’s not even that handsome… maybe a little bit… okay, he’s handsome for real. I drink my water trying to shove away the weird thoughts in my mind. I wouldn’t start having these strange feelings just because someone is beautiful, I’ve already met other good-looking people and none of them got me weird. Maybe it’s his kindness? But most of the people I’ve met are kind to me. Then… I have no idea! It’s driving me crazy! This enthusiasm I feel when I simply listen to his voice… is like my body and my mind were being taken away by him and this lack of control I feel is maddening! Having hope and waiting for the things to go right isn’t something I want to feel, to end up being disappointed later. I learned from the pain of disappointment that having your hopes suddenly destroyed hurts a lot, and this is what makes me a bit skeptical today.

What should I do if I can’t control myself? I’m anxious and worried at the same time, unknowing if I can let this feeling flow or it’s just too soon. But what is this feeling? It’s different from the feeling I have from my parents and friends… because I don’t want to kiss any of them. In what category does it fit?  Maybe it’s like the feeling Yuuri has from Victor and vice versa, but… but… that’s shameful! This cannot be. Maybe I’m just excited about something new happening in my life, since we’ve been hanging out now, and he’s going to meet my parents, and I really want to be with him. I think I’ll wait to see what happens.

I put the empty glass on the floor and lay on the sofa feeling stunned because of a number of thoughts and doubts filling my mind. Without realizing it, I end up napping just there.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yurio…”

I feel someone shaking my shoulder.

“Hmm…” I mumble.

“Wake up!”

“I don’t want to,” I say softly.

“Yes, you do! Wake up!”

I open my eyes that are immediately bothered by the clarity in the room, and I see, a bit blurred, Yuuri standing by my side.

“Do you want coffee?” He asks.

“With milk, please," I answer as I sit, noticing I’m covered with a blanket.

I rub my eyes and run my hands through my hair, which apparently is a disaster.

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” I ask Yuuri who is in kitchen making my coffee.

“I like it long. It reminds me when Victor had long hair too.”

“Victor had long hair?!” I ask surprised.

“He did! Long, platinum and beautiful…” Yuuri has a daydream for a second.

“I can imagine.”

“And I fell in love with your hair the first time I saw them. Is it bothering you?”

“No, it’s not that... It’s that maybe, I would look a little bit better if I cut it short.” I look away from his direction.

Yuuri comes to me and gives me a cup of coffee with milk.

“I think you’re already handsome with long hair. If you ask the same thing to your boyfriend, I’m sure he’ll tell you the same thing.”

I feel heat spreading through my face to my ears as I hear the word “boyfriend”.

“What is this reaction!?” He laughs.

“Don’t laugh! It’s weird! Isn’t it too soon for me to call him that?” I say embarrassed.

“Eh!? He’s coming to meet your parents, you both already kissed and you told me you didn’t want to kiss people other than him, then he is your boyfriend!”

“Stop saying this kind of stuff!”

“But you said it!” He says laughing.

“But that’s embarrassing!”

I drink my coffee while Yuuri stifles his laughter sitting down by my side. After a few minutes, he runs his hand through the side of my hair, hanging it behind my ear.

“It’s really sad you’re growing up like this.” He gives me a half-smile.

“Why?”

“Because you’re the happiness of this house, Yurio. I can’t even imagine you not being here anymore.”

“Yuuri, I’m not going away, you don’t need to worry about that.” I say.

He smiles at me and kisses the side of my head.

“When you get married and live in your own house if you don’t come visit me every day, I’m going to make a scene in front of your house with Victor.”

I laugh because I know they are really able to do that.

“Alright, I promise. But it will take a long time for this to happen, don’t even think about it.”

“Okay then. Let’s talk about something that is going to happen really soon.”

“What?”

“Saturday.”

“For God’s sake, no! I don’t even want to imagine what it’ll be of this dinner!”

“Relax, it’ll be alright.”

“I hope so.”

We stay a few minutes sitting on the sofa while we talk. When it was time, I helped him cooking the lunch and we both eat it together since Victor can’t have lunch at home because of his work schedule.

The afternoon was calm. I watched some movies to kill some time, while Yuuri stayed in his office, before joining me in the evening.

At 5 p.m., I listen to Victor’s car parking in the garage.

“It’s sad to get home and see your family watching a movie without you.” He pouts and comes in our direction taking off his coat as he walks through the door.

“Welcome back,” Yuuri says.

“I’m home,” Victor says as he curves and softly kisses Yuuri on the lips.

I look away, because I know I’m starting to blush.

“What is it, Yurio?” Victor laughs. “Are you jealous? Do you want me to kiss you too?”

“No!”

He throws himself on me and starts to repeatedly kiss my cheeks.

“Stop that!” I say out loud.

Victor breathes deeply as if he’s tired and sits by my side.

“I’m refreshed.” He says.

I raise my hand to clean my face, until Victor speaks again.

“If you clean it up, I’ll have to kiss it all over again.”

I lower my hand and don’t dare to raise it again. Victor hugs Yuuri and speaks with a crybaby's voice, “Yuuri, I’m hungry.”

“I’ll cook something for you. Don’t die.”

“I love you!”

Yuuri gets up and Victor throws himself on the sofa, but soon sits again.

“Oh! What was that about having one more person on my bed this morning?” He looks at me smiling.

“Someone showed up at our door last night, afraid of staying alone.”

“Yuuri!” I exclaim.

“When I start to think you are not my baby anymore, you come to sleep in my room,” Victor says as he squeezes my cheek.

“Stop it! That was a… rare situation. And it was all your fault! What goddamn movie was that last night!?”

“I already apologized.”

“By the way, why did we keep watching that!?” I ask.

“I don’t know either.” Yuuri shouts from the kitchen.

Victor gets up laughing and goes to the kitchen. He stands behind Yuuri, hugs him with his hands on his waist and kisses the side of his neck. And, of course, I look away. That’s the difference of the feeling! I don’t want Otabek to kiss me the same way Victor does, I want that Otabek kisses me the same way Victor kisses Yuuri. Damn it! I feel a sudden urge of meeting him as soon as possible!

And this will last until Saturday. The days passed slowly and I only exchanged a few messages with Otabek, no big deal, but it made me want to meet him even more.

When the alarm clock went off on the Saturday morning, I soon got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, becoming a little anxious because the day has finally come.

I went to the kitchen to have my daily breakfast and I see Yuuri and Victor sitting on the living room’s sofa watching TV.

“Good morning!” I say.

“Good morning, Yurio.” They say in synchrony.

“Yurio, what do you think about having Katsudon for dinner today?” Yuuri asks.

“I don’t know if Otabek has ever tried Katsudon before, but I doubt he won’t like it, especially _your_ katsudon.”

“Wow! Was that a compliment?! He praised me, Victor. What happened to you for being in such good mood, Yurio?” He asks ironically while laughs.

“Stop exaggerating. You know I love your Katsudon!”

“While some people are happy, I am really sad about this day…” Victor says.

I look back and see him pouting and hugging Yuuri. I roll my eyes and get my cup of coffee and then go to the living room.

“So, we’re going to the grocery store later!” says Yuuri excitedly.

“Let’s go!” I say also excited.

“Hm...” Victor murmurs sadly.

“You’re not going?” Yuuri asks Victor.

“Surely I am!”

“Don’t complain about it then.”

“I’m sorry.” He says hugging Yuuri.

We stayed few minutes in the living room, just shooting the breeze while I drank up my cup coffee with milk. After one hour, I go get dressed for us to go shopping.

 

* * *

 

 

The grocery store was literally on the side of the mall, so it didn’t take too long for us to get there with Yuuri’s car.

“Yurio, go get the eggs with Victor while I get the pork.”

“Okay!”

Victor and I walk together in silence and he stop to get some fruits while I go get the eggs. I stopped by the chocolate shelf and got some before going back. When I came back, Yuuri was already with Victor in the vegetable sector.

“May I take some chocolate?” I say with more than one in hand.

“Yurio, you know...” Yuuri started to say.

“Of course honey, everything you want.” Victor says with a smiley face.

I look at Yuuri, who shrugs. I smile and put the things into the cart. We get the rest of the ingredients and start walking towards the cashier. Passing through a shelf of kitchen utensils, Victor suddenly stops. “I think we’ll need to get a big, sharp knife for today.” He says with a serious expression.

“For what?” Yuuri asks confused.

“Well… For a certain person going to our house today, so I…”

“Stop this silliness. Let’s go!” Yuuri laughs and pushes Victor by his wrist.

I laugh, but I also start to get a bit anxious.

While we were paying, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I get it and see that there’s a new message from Otabek. I breathe deeply and read it.

_Yurio, tell your parents I’ll bring the desert._

_I thought this Saturday would never come. I’m anxious for today._

Sent: 11:48AM

I smile and take a deep breath again.

“What is it, Yurio?” Yuuri asks.

“Otabek said he’ll be bringing the desert.”

“How polite!” Yuuri says.

Victor, who is also looking at me, pokes Yuuri and talks to him in a low tone, but loud enough for me to hear it.

“Look at his face, Yuuri. He really looks like he is in love. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Of course you will!” Yuuri says in a high tone.

“I’m not with any face! Stop imagining things!”

Yuuri smiles and continues to pay. Victor almost went back to the shelf of kitchen utensils, but we stopped him.

“I’m sure he’ll bring something made of chocolate just because Yurio likes it! As if everyone in the world like sweet things and won’t prefer something sourer like a lemon pie.” Victor complains in our way back home.

“Well, I hope he brings something made of chocolate. If you don’t like it, there’ll be more to me!” I say.

“I’m going to eat anything he brings in!” Yuuri says. “I found it so kind of his part!”

“He’s just trying to impress us, but it won’t work with me!” Victor says.

“You’re going to end up liking him, you know that.” Yuuri says.

“I refuse it!”

“And the trophy of the most stubborn person in the world goes to…” I say from the backseat.

“Mister Victor Nikiforov!” Yuuri completes.

“I can see this plot against me!”

Yuuri and I laugh, and he gets all sad through the way back home.

We had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon watching a new TV show that was just released. When the clock was striking 5 p.m., I asked Yuuri what time Otabek could come.

“Tell him to be ready at seven,” Yuuri says.

“Okay.”

I grab my phone and send him a message about the schedule.

It didn’t take much longer for us to start cooking the dinner. All of us made something, including Victor, who even with an unpleasant expression because all that was mostly to impress Otabek, helped with everything Yuuri asked him to do.

We spent a long time in the kitchen getting everything ready until Yuuri told me I could get a bath.

I thought the shower’s water would wash all my anxiety and nervousness away, but it was useless. The minutes I spent in the bathroom only left me uneasy with the time about to come.

Of course that picking out an outfit and deciding how I would let my hair done were simple decisions that became extremely difficult tasks. I decide to blow dry my hair and let it loose, but I end up pulling the side stands behind, tying it back, and letting the rest of my hair loose with my bangs. I put on my favorite black pants, a marine blue social shirt, and black sneakers. I look at the mirror and I’m not much satisfied with what I see, but my time is short and I decide to stay this way. I go to the kitchen where Yuuri and Victor were already bathed and dressed. Yuuri is finishing up the food and Victor is sitting on the sofa. I look at the clock striking 6:50 p.m. My heartbeat speeds up and I take a deep breath.

“I bet twenty dollars he’ll be late,” Victor says.

“I bet fifty he’ll get in time.” Yuuri retorts.

“Stop betting!” I say nervously.

I go to Yuuri and sit at the small kitchen’s table while letting the time pass. When is exactly 7 p.m. the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get my fifty dollars from your wallet later!” Yuuri screams from the kitchen.

I try to walk fast to the door but Victor gets there before me. I stand a little behind him while he partially opens the door.

“Hi, I’m Otabek. Yuri…” I hear Otabek saying.

“I’m sorry, he’s already married,” Victor says before closing the door.

“VICTOR!” I say pissed off.

“Sorry.”

He gets through me and goes to Yuuri while I open the door to Otabek, who is still standing and holding a huge package from the coffee shop we always go to. His hair is pulled back as always, with the sides slightly lower than on top. Wearing a white social shirt with the sleeves folded at the elbow and black pants. I look up and down for a few seconds observing all his details, and then I go back to reality.

“I-I’m sorry… about Victor.” My voice shakes a bit.

“It’s okay.” He says with a gentle smile, seeming not to mind Victor’s behavior.

“Oh! Otabek!” Yuuri says coming towards us. “It’s good to see you again!”

“Same for you, Mr. Katsuki.”

“Oh, please, call me Yuuri.”

“Alright!”

“Let me help you.” Yuuri raises his hand to grab the package. “I’ll put it in the fridge, mind you?”

“Please.” Otabek politely says.

He looks at me and soon notices Victor is watching us. I swear Otabek would give me a kiss on my cheek but ends up giving up. I invite him in and he stops right in front of Victor.

“It’s good to see you again, Mr. Nikiforov.”

“Please, don’t say ‘I can’t say the same’” I repeatedly say in thoughts seeing the expression on Victor’s face, facing Otabek.

They have almost the same height, yet Victor is slightly taller. They shake hands and look at each other for a few seconds. I swear I could see sparks getting through his eyes like in the movies, but all they did was smiling at each other.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you at the door,” Victor says.

“It’s alright,” Otabek says smiling more than usual.

After all those looks, Victor goes to the kitchen to help Yuuri setting the table.

“I would greet you as always, but I believe there’s someone monitoring us.” He says to me.

I look forward and see Victor spying on us from the side of his eye.

“Oh, my God! Forgive me for him!”

“I don’t mind it. I already expected this reaction from him” He laughs. “But I didn’t expect Yuuri’s reaction.”

“Oh! He’s alright with it.”

“I noticed it.”

I stretch my hand to him. Otabek smiles softly and grabs it. I walk in front of him while he holds my hand until we get to the dining room.

“Have you ever eaten Katsudon, Otabek?” Yuuri asks when we get to the kitchen and I end up letting go of Otabek’s hand.

“Katsudon?” He asks confused.

“It’s a Japanese dish. We cooked it today, I hope you like it.”

“I love trying new kinds of food, this sure won’t be a problem.”

We go to the dining room and Otabek and I sit by each other’s side. In front of us, Victor and Yuuri did the same, with Victor sitting in front of Otabek, of course!

“Do you know how to use the chopsticks?” I ask him in a low tone.

“Oh, yes! Don’t worry about that.” Otabek answers.

“Okay.”

I put my hands between my thighs and look down. I need to get calm. My hands are shaking and my face is probably red. I need to calm down!

Yuuri distributes the bowls for each one of us. I look at Otabek, who is amazed by the dish.

“It looks great!” He says with sincerity in his voice.

“Thank you!” Yuuri answers evidentially happy.

“So, Otabek, you only work as a DJ?” Victor starts.

“Yes. I started working kind of early. I traveled for some years and I decided to take a break with the trips for a while. I’m going to work close by only.”

“Is there a reason you came here?”

“No, I was already near here when I ended up finding a good house. This is a big city and there’s plenty of opportunities of finding work for me.”

“What about your family?”

“I have none, my grandparents died not long ago. They were my only family.”

Victor, that was with a hard expression until now, got a little soft.

“I’m sorry.” He says regretfully.

“No problem.” Otabek says smiling.

We started to eat, and the pleasure expression on Otabek’s face while eating the food makes Yuuri shine.

“It’s delicious!” Otabek praises.

“Isn’t it?” I say, because it is my favorite food. “We all helped preparing it, but the true cook was Yuuri.”

“Yuuri, you are to be congratulated! I can’t even remember the last time I ate a homemade food this good!”

Yuuri blushes lightly and says embarrassed, “oh, that’s nothing… my cooking skills are pretty simple.”

“Simple?! I wouldn’t mind eating this ‘simple’ food for the rest of my life!”

Yuuri smiles with Otabek. I look forward where Victor speaks soundless, but I’m able to read his lips saying “flatterer”. I give him an advertence look and he rolls his eyes.

“Where are you from, Otabek? Where were you born?” Yuuri asks.

“Oh! I was born in Kazakhstan, but it was when I was little my grandparents moved to Canada, where I lived the most part of my life until I was eighteen. After that, I lived in all the European countries. I took some DJ courses and studied Musical Production there in Europe, and by nineteen years old I started to play at parties.”

“What a busy life so soon!” Yuuri says.

“Yes!”

“With this much trips and stuff, you may have had lots of experiences, right?” Victor asks.

“Victor!” I exclaim. “You don’t need to answer it.” I say to Otabek.

“Oh, it’s okay. I did, yes, even though I’ve never tried any drugs besides marijuana, which is legal in most countries. I’ve met lots of people too, but most of them weren’t really important.”

“You mean you’ve never been into a serious relationship?”

I send Yuuri a look asking for help.

“Vic…” Yuuri starts, but he is interrupted by Otabek.

“No, I’ve never been into a serious relationship before. I’ve never met anyone that was really worth it, well… until now.”

I feel my face starting to get warmer hearing his last words. Otabek says it all so naturally, with a ready answer, it’s like he came ready for it.

“Who wants dessert?” Yuuri asks, ending the talk.

“Please!” I say.

“Let me help you.” Otabek gets up to help Yuuri taking away the plates and getting new ones for the desert.

“You told me you wouldn’t do anything!” I say in a low tone to Victor when we get alone at the table.

“I’m just asking some questions! I need to know if he’s trustworthy!”

“Don’t ask indecent questions!”

“I need to know if he’s not just taking advantage of you!”

“Do it without asking indecent questions!”

“He doesn’t mind it, apparently.”

“But I do!”

“I’m sorry!”

We ended our discussion when Otabek and Yuuri came in with little plates in hand, putting it in front of us. Otabek gets the package and puts on the table, taking out a whole chocolate with dulce de leche pie, my favorite of the shop. I can feel my heart getting warmer. When I look at Victor, his expression of satisfaction that he was right about what we’ve talked in the car sooner was evident. But this expression fades when Otabek takes out another pie from the same package.

“I brought a lime pie too, since I didn’t know if everyone liked sweet stuff like Yurio does.”

Victor’s expression was priceless. I look at Yuuri, he looks me back, and we start laughing. Otabek was confused and Victor ended up seeming embarrassed. And of course he ate many pieces of the lime pie, since it’s his favorite.

“It was very gentle of you bringing the dessert, Otabek.” Yuuri says.

“It was the minimum I could do after this delicious meal!”

He, of course, knew how to gain Yuuri’s trust and deal with Victor. For me, my concern about him was useless, since Otabek came more prepared than I thought he would.

In our dates at the coffee shop Otabek have never ordered anything sweet. I’ve thought he wasn’t really into it, but now he’s eating a piece of lime pie with Victor, what probably means he doesn’t like things too sweet. Good to know!

“You know, Otabek…” Victor starts to talk, “I apologize for all the questions I made, but Yurio have never brought anyone to our house, it is, he has never been into this kind of relationship before and I sincerely hope no one hurt him, you get me?” He says with a serious expression.

“Sure I do! But you know, Mr. Nikiforov, I won’t hurt him.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“You know when you fall in love with a smile and you’re able to do anything to always see it? So, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I’d hurt him someday.”

I open my eyes wide, surprised with what he just said in front of my parents and I feel my face starting to burn.

“That’s so cute!” Yuuri says.

“You know I’ll hunt you down if you do something to him, don’t you?” Victor says seriously.

“You won’t need it, Mr. Nikiforov. I’ll make sure to be always close by.” He smiles while looks fixedly to Victor.

And at the first time that night, Victor smiles, almost imperceptible, but a sincere smile. I’m sure he didn’t expect that Otabek would face his intimidation, so it made him like, at least, 0.01% of him. Well, not even I expected that.

We went to the living room, and Otabek gently asked my parents what they do for living, followed by plenty of new questions among them, what yielded several minutes of chat. I only watched their excitement while they talked, as they were longtime friends. Victor was loosening himself bit by bit and chatting Otabek normally, what made me rather satisfied with the situation. In some moment in the talk, Otabek told he has a cat, which was a mistake.

“Oh! You have a cat?! Did you know Yurio also has one?” Yuuri says with a smirk on his face.

“Yes! He told me.”

“Did he tell you the cat’s name?” Victor asks with the same smirk as Yuuri.

“No. Have you already picked a name for him, Yurio?” He looks at me.

I put my hands on my eyes and say, “why do you do this to me?!”

Victor and Yuuri laugh and Otabek looks confused.

“Yurio, why don’t you show your cat to Otabek?” Yuuri says.

I look at him and he blinks to me. I raise my hand to Otabek, which he grabs affectionately.

“Excuse me.” He says before getting out of the living room.

I hear Victor saying “Yuuri!” in a low tone behind us. But I ignore it and continue to guide Otabek to my bedroom.

Thankfully my bedroom is neat! My cat is lying in his little bed and Otabek goes to him, while I, silently, close the door.

“How beautiful he is!”

Otabek takes, cautiously, the cat that snuggles in his arms and continues to sleep. I stay a few seconds looking at him and enjoying that scene, until I come back to reality.

“Yes, he is.” I whisper while looking at Otabek.

I sit on the floor in front of him, while he caresses the cat’s white fur.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have already chosen a name for him?”

“It-It’s… complicated.”

“Why? It’s just a name.”

“So…” I stay silent for a few seconds.

Otabek puts the cat back to his bed and leans in my direction, getting close to me.

“You won’t tell me, Yurio?”

“I don’t want to…” I look away.

“If you don’t tell me I’m going to say shameful things about what I think of you next to your parents.”

“What?”

He grabs my chin and makes me look at him.

“I’m going to tell them how beautiful I think you are, and how much I love kissing your lips and…”

“Please, don’t!”

“Then, what’s his name?”

“His name… his name is…” I feel my face blushing, “It-it’s Beka.”

“What?” He starts to smile.

“You’ve heard it!”

“I didn’t. Tell me again.”

“B-Beka…”

“Beka?” He laughs, “isn’t it my nickname?”

“Stop laughing! It’s embarrassing!” I say hiding my face.

“This isn’t embarrassing!” he says still laughing a bit, but he continues to get closer. “I think it’s really cute, actually.”

“It’s not cute!”

“I loved it. You can call me Beka if you want to.” He smirks and says with a low tone.

“I won’t call you Beka!”

“Why not? This way I can call you what I really want to.”

“What?” I say confused.

Otabek gets close to my ear and whispers, “I really wanted to call you Yura.” He moves away and soon gets his mouth close to mine. “Can I call you Yura?” He whispers.

I can feel his breath next to my lips and when I look into his eyes, they are fixed on mine, making me surrender completely.

“Y-You can…”

When I’m about to feel his lips on mine, Victor opens the door and Otabek gets back to his original place, as if nothing has happened. Of course I couldn’t have the same reaction.

“Do both of you want some tea?” Victor asks with a smile on his face.

“Of course!” Otabek says.

He gets up and lowers a hand to help me get up.

“I’m sorry about him.” I whisper.

“I already said I don’t mind.”

 

* * *

 

As we get to the living room we grab our cups and drink the tea Yuuri has just made. We spent almost one hour having a healthy chat with no more indecent questions by Victor’s part, which was being considerably polite. I imagine Yuuri had talked something to him. Until Otabek looks at the clock and says, “I need to go, it’s already late!”

“Already?!” Yuuri asks.

Otabek smiles gently and gets up. My parents do the same.

“Thanks for today!”

“Don’t mention it!” Yuuri says.

They shake hands and change a few more thanks and Victor says with threatening – but at the same time fun – tone, “we’ll see each other, then…”

“Of course, sir!” Otabek retorts.

Yuuri grabs Victor by the wrist and takes him away from us, letting me in charge of taking Otabek to the door.

“You’re sure you don’t want to take the rest of the pies with you?”

“Yes! I brought them for you all, enjoy it then!”

“I loved it, thank you!”

“That’s good! I brought the chocolate one especially to you.” He says smiling to me.

I look away and whisper a “Thank you” again.

“Oh! By the way, you look really beautiful today.” He says in a low tone, next to me.

“Y-you too.”

He smiles gently and I close the door behind us.

“May I kiss you now?” He says.

“You can…”

Missing his touch, I shiver when his hand gently passes through the side of my neck. Right before kissing me, Otabek moves my bangs away from my eyes and take some time looking at me, like he wanted to extract every single detail of my face, making me blush. Seeing his face so close to mine gives me an unexpected urge of touching him. Then I slowly raise my hand and stroke his cheek, making him surprised, but he soon closes his eyes and smiles. Otabek leans at me and kisses my lips so softly, yet so filled with feelings it makes my body warm and not wanting him to leave so soon.

“Good night, Yura…” He whispers next to my mouth, before kissing me again.

“Good night… Beka…” I say as he moves away.

Otabek kisses my forehead and goes away. I watch him through all the way until he gets to the house gate, where he turns around and waves at me. I wave back and he leaves. I wait until I hear his motorcycle and go back inside.

As I step inside, I see Yuuri holding Victor by his wrist in the kitchen. I take a deep breath and start to talk, “Victor… Victor!”

“Yurio…”

“Let’s talk!”

They went to the living room and quietly sat on the sofa, while I stood in front of them scolding Victor. It was Yuuri’s fault too for helping him in the situation of the cat’s name. But in the end, Victor pouted, made a sad face and apologized.

“I’ll never do it again.” He says.

“Great!” I say firmly.

I throw myself on the sofa behind me and breathe deeply again.

“He’s a good boy.” Yuuri says.

“Yeah, he is…” I say.

We look at Victor who sighs and says, “maybe a little bit.”

Tired because of that day that gave me all kinds of emotions, I smile for everything ending up alright – despite all that embarrassing incidents –, but I was now feeling ready to face all the way that would gave me new experiences in my life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello (^-^*)/ Today's chapter was a bit longer, I hope you liked!  
> Thank you all that always leave comments, we are really happy you guys are enjoying it.  
> Then, see you next week (^з^)-☆  
> ~AnaruB


	7. Victuuri – The reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special chapter focused on Victuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Sunny  
> Proofreaders: SerenityFox & AnaruB  
> Art: 木綿

“Surprised” wasn’t enough to describe how I felt when all at once, my son, my baby, the person I raised, the innocent boy, the one I thought would stay with us for the rest of our lives and only love us; told us he was being tricked by a pervert and forced to exchange caresses with him.

Okay…He didn’t say it exactly that way, however, this was what I heard. Of course, I knew this day would come but why so sudden? I wasn’t ready! I noticed he was going out way too much, but I thought that maybe he would be meeting some friends, but oh no! My heart just stopped! I even tried to argue, but I have been completely defeated by my own son and husband.

After that sad heart-breaking talk about how my baby was no longer a baby and a scary movie, I go to my room; totally destroyed and worried about what’s going to happen to Yuri from now on and how the experiences of this relationship can end up hurting him.

“Yuuri, why are you so calm about this?!” I say outraged, while laying on the bed.

Yuuri, who is finishing taking off his pants, stops to look at me. However, once he is done, standing only in his panties – a turn on for me – he starts to climb onto the bed; crawling in my direction.

“Victor, darling.” He kisses my neck softly, “Imagine if my mother didn’t allow me to date you. What if this is the love of his life? We would be stopping him from being as happy as we are now.”

“I am sure I don’t want a pervert doing with my son what I want to do with you right now.” I say noticing the prominence in his panties.

“There is nothing we can do, he’s not underage anymore.” He kisses my neck again. “We will be here to protect him from anything.” He goes to my ear next and bites the lobe. “But, first, let’s give him a chance.”

“But what if he is a terrible guy?” I ask, placing my hands on his waist.

“Then, we will take our son away from him, but first, let us see if he’s really that horrible. That is why we will have dinner with him on Saturday.”

“My Yuuri, always so smart…” I say, not holding myself back anymore and finally kissing him.

Yuuri is so sexy, lascivious and insatiable that sometimes; I think I won’t be able to deal with all his desire. Though, how is it possible not to make out wildly with him every night?  With this kind of enticement I receive from him every day. When we met, he was shy and a little insecure about everything in his life. However, there was a part of him I didn’t know existed until he started to feel comfortable with me and then we had sex for the first time. I asked myself who was that person above me in that moment. Without glasses, running fingers through his hair, pulling it back and with such an amazing erotic look… I couldn’t control my heart which fell in love and also… some other things.

My problems were gone when Yuuri rode me incessantly on that night, while calling my name. I had surrendered to him in all possible ways.

Yuuri had total control over me…

When we finished our long fun, we went to the suite and took a quick shower before falling into bed. I slept while smelling the scent of his wet hair, holding my wish to explore his body again.

 

* * *

 

As I hear the alarm clock ringing I turn to hug Yuuri from behind to wake him up like every morning. I think about enjoying our morning boner like we’re used to, when I hug someone else. I rapidly sit up and see Yuri hugging Yuuri; the most beautiful scene I could ever imagine. Immediately, I get up to grab my camera and register this moment of my baby who is still my baby. This made me remember the first years when we adopted Yuri, and he would end up coming to our room almost every night; totally afraid of being alone. Even though he was really quite uncommunicative – much more than he is now – the night was the only moment he allowed himself to trust in us. He would always go back to his room before we awoke in the morning, but today, after a long time, he came to us again, and I’m sure it was because of the horror movie. I smile sitting there alone watching the loves of my life sleeping together as a lump in my throat makes the tears well up in my eyes.

After a tiring day of work, I arrive at home and find them watching a movie without me, what a great unrighteousness! I decide to have some fun with Yuri; making him embarrassed because of what happened in the morning, and I soon go to Yuuri who is making me something to eat in the kitchen.

“I love you.” I whisper after kissing his neck.

“I love you too.” he whispers back.

I decide to keep all the perverted thoughts that pass through my mind for a more convenient time.

We eat together and watch TV for the rest of the night. Since his birthday, Yuri is notably staying out in the living room with us more instead of going straight to his room where he used to lock himself almost every day.

When Yuri yawned and said “good night”, Yuuri turned the TV off and I knew it was time to go to bed. I get up first while Yuuri goes to drink some water, which makes me arrive first in our room. When I hear the door closing, I know it is him so I say, “I’m so tired. The problems of the company are making my head want to blow.” I start to unbutton my shirt.

I have my back to Yuuri so I am surprised when he steps up behind me and his hands slide over my abs.

“Sure you are tired? I wanted to reward you for this morning…” He whispers in my ear.

Yuuri rubs himself against me and I can feel his dick pressing my butt.

“Yuuri…”

I feel a heat spreading through my body… I barely turn myself and he kisses me quickly. So intense, like we haven’t kissed for days. I’m dragged to the bed, where I am thrown onto it.

Yuuri gets on his knees in front of me and kisses my entire length, until he stops on my abdomen and bites it softly. His hands go down the lateral part of my body, taking my pants all together. He bites my sex provocatively, making me bite my lip. With a mischievous smile on his face, he whispers to me again, “Are you sure you’re tired?”

Yuuri pulls my underwear down exposing my member, which is completely hard. I make myself comfortable on the bed and he comes back to the middle of my legs where his tongue is working along with his hands; making me even hotter. I feel my member going deep in his throat and being completely devoured by Yuuri; making me cover my mouth to repress the high moan trying to escape my throat. He’s more of a pervert than the usual, the air around him is intoxicating, just like when he is drunk. I know what it means and honestly, I love when this happens.

Yuuri stops for a second to open the drawer of our nightstand and takes out a bottle of lubricant. I bite my lip again and he smiles looking at me. He puts my legs up; making me raise my ass. His tongue goes down my penis and as he reaches my butt cheek, he bites hard. It doesn’t take too long for me to feel something cold running down the middle of my ass. Soon I feel his fingers entering my butt hole.

“Ah… Yuuri…”

He is staring at me while biting my skin and moving his fingers. My body is hot, so is my face when I look at his expression.

All of a sudden, Yuuri stops moving and raises an eyebrow while smiling. “Why don’t you show me how you do this yourself, Victor?”

I don’t dare try to oppose him. I get up on all fours and put my fingers inside me, moving them as I like. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Yuuri looking at me as he unzips his pants and starts to touch himself. The fact that he’s watching me is even more exciting. I feel a spank on my right butt cheek and I blink, surprised.

“Ah!”

I become even more turned on. I hear his lascivious laugh from behind me making me embarrassed, but even more excited for liking it. Suddenly, Yuuri lays down on the bed and fits his head under me, putting his mouth closer to my member, at the same time I’m on all fours. He starts to suck me; working along with his tongue exploring every centimeter of that area while his hands press firmly on my ass, probably leaving red marks on my white skin. I notice his fingers joining mine inside of my tight hole, moving in synch. It is so intense that I’m not even able to control my moans.

“Yuuri… aaahh… I’m gonna… um…”

I can’t move my fingers anymore. With both hands, I grip the bed sheets firmly as Yuuri devours all of my cock. It goes deeper in his throat, all the while, his fingers are entering inside of me fast and hard. My legs start to tremble when I start to feel a spasm invade me. Yuuri gets out from under me and I feel my body fall on the bed. Looking at him, he doesn’t seem to be satisfied. I feel his hands opening my buttocks and his tongue passing between them. I am breathless and sensitive; however, I don’t want him to stop. He places his dick at my entrance, then slides it up and down not entering. Yuuri lies lightly on my body so his mouth can reach my ear. “Are you tired?” He whispers with a sexy voice.

“N-no.”

“You want me to put it in?” He bites my neck.

“Yes.” It’s the only sound that leaves my mouth.

“Then ask!”

“P-please…”

“Do it right!” He pulls my hair lightly, making me moan.

“Please, fuck me hard, Mr. Katsuki!”

 He gives a low laugh, satisfied with my request before I feel his member slowly entering me. Gradually, he increases the number of the thrusts, making the sounds of our skin hitting each other echo through the room, mixed together with my moans.

“Victor.” He moans pressing my butt.

With his hands on my waist, he puts me on all fours again and starts to stroke me.

“Ah! I’m… sensitive…”

He stops his hands after a while, but lays it on the small of my back, where he presses it down, making me touch my chest to the bed and leaving my ass raised even higher. He fucks me so hard that my mind is no longer working, moaning is automatic and it is impossible not to get hard again.

After changing positions many times, I end with my belly up, exhausted and about to cum again, but, to my surprise, Yuuri took himself out of me and said, gasping, “my turn…”

“W-What?”

He climbed on top of me and, slowly descended his ass onto my member. So tight and hot, shaking his hips on me… I roll my eyes and bite my lip.

“You’re so… hot.” I say, breathing heavily.

Provocatively smiling, he almost takes my cock off, but soon he slides back down, tumbling in the sequence. I can’t stand letting him do everything, so I place him under me.

“Vitya… Vitya…”

Calling me like this while touching himself, at the same time I fuck him, with that expression… I can’t control myself, it is too much for me.

Passing my hands over his sweat covered body, I look at his completely lewd expression, along with his body begging for mine. I stoop and kiss him, still moving my hips. Our kiss is wet and full of moans.

“Vitya… I can’t… hold it…” he says between our kiss.

“Then don’t do it.”

With both hands, Yuuri strokes himself as I raise his hips and pump deeper inside him. Spasms rocket through our bodies, as moans leave our mouths, and we finally reach that extreme pleasure. I move over to lay down beside him, completely exhausted.

“Wait… just a little… and I’ll be recovered.” He says, breathless.

I open my eyes wide, not believing he’s still thinking about fucking.

“Yuuri, my love, I really love you, but I’m gonna need a little more time to recover.” I laugh, not believing this insatiable man.

He turns to me and smiles, “You asked for a reward; don’t you remember babe?”

“Confess you did this because you can’t control yourself!”

“Well… yeah… maybe…” he laughs.

How can he be so beautiful?! His face softly flushed, his laugh, his eyes, his dark hair, everything about him is so amazing. How can I stop admiring him?

“You are so beautiful!” He says, with an amazed look on his face.

Catching me unprepared, I feel my face burn and I see him smiling because of my embarrassment. So many years together and I am still not used to everything he provides me. The excitement that we had between us in the first years of our relationship is still completely alive, just like our love, and that has only grown more in all this time we’ve been together.

“I love you so much.” I say in a whisper.

He comes closer to me and caresses my face. “I love you much more, my love.” He says, before kissing me softly.

We cuddle for a little bit before going to the bathroom and taking a shower. When I fall into bed, the darkness invades me and I sleep deeply, completely exhausted.

 

* * *

 

After a tiring night of sex, what’s the best way to wake up? Having more sex, obviously! When sunrise arrived, Yuuri was already riding me again. How can I satisfy this man? How will I be able to go on with him? Sometimes I think my dick will end up falling off at any given moment! Though, to be honest, I really love this lascivious and hungry Yuuri, who makes me surrender to all his whims, and it’s not like I need to surrender to sex.

After he fell asleep, I stayed for some minutes after admiring him in his sleep before going to work, and realizing that the day would be a very, very long one.

When Saturday came, my Yuris got all stuck in their plans to please that Otabek! Which did not make me happy in any way. I spent the whole afternoon figuring out my intimidation plan to drive him out of my house as soon as possible. If he didn’t pass my simple test, he would not be good enough for Yuri.

At 7 p.m., exactly, the doorbell rang. Punctual, Annoying! When I open the door I encounter a tall man, almost of my height.  I would not let him destroy my baby, never!  So I have to calm down. He won’t pass my test.

He passed!!

It sucked! My intimidation did not work. He didn’t even stammer. So polite, so helpful and strong with his words, I could not do anything but surrender. Not completely though, but I could give him a chance and if he takes one wrong step, I already know my way to the aisle for kitchen utensils in the supermarket.

After Otabek left, I stayed on the sofa taking a scolding from Yuri – and he was very cute while doing that. I surrender and apologize, and like always, he forgave my mistakes. I hope he understands someday that everything I do is for love. It is for wanting to protect him from this world full of awful people. The fact he likes someone from the same sex makes me even more worried. As Yuuri and I know it’s not easy to be different, and live in a society that sometimes can be very cruel. But what choice can we have if we can’t choose what we are going to be? What is important is that he’ll have the biggest support in the world from his family, no matter if it is from a social point or in the matter of protection from guys who might want to break his heart.

Some time later, I tell Yuuri I’ll be right back and go to my sons’ room. I knock on the door and since I don’t hear any noise from there, I decide to open it part of the way.

“Yurio?”

I don’t hear an answer and see he is laying there with his eyes closed, cellphone on his chest and earphones in his ears. I take off the earphones carefully and pick up his phone. In its screen, his mailbox appears with a private message opened, saying “Good night Yura! I hope I can see you soon…”. I look at the name of the person who sent the text and smile. Damn it! They won!

I get his blanket and cover him. Sitting on the edge of his bed, I pass my hand through his hair.

“I love you so much, Yurio! I hope you forgive this exaggerated protection I have with you, I hope you forgive my overreactions, I hope you don’t get hurt and I hope for you to be as happy as I am for having you. Thank you for making my life and Yuuri’s worth living. Thank you for coloring my world and thank you for accepting us. This house has never been so full and joyful,” I smile, feeling the tears fall down my face. “I just wanted you know that I really love you.”

I start to get up and feel a hand holding my arm. Surprised, I look behind me and open my eyes wide when I see him crying.

“Stop… Saying these things… It’s embarrassing! Why are you thanking me when you accepted me? Of course I know you love me, I… I… Love you too! And stop crying!”

Yuri turns in on himself and I notice his chest is heaving because of his crying. He just said he loves me, right?! Did he say it?! I don’t even know how to react so my tears start to fall in silence once more, I go back over to the bed and sit on the edge again. After some time, I look at him, while he is avoiding looking back at me. I clean his cheeks and lay down beside him.  At first, I am surprised when Yuri hugs me tight and places his head on my chest, where he continues to cry. With shaking hands, I hug him back and place my chin on the top of his head. After some minutes pass, his crying stopped and I knew he had fallen asleep.

Not able to hold my tears once more, I stayed there hugging him ever so tight, enjoying this part of my life… that small part… called happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, double chapter today \o/


	8. What is missing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some subjects are making Yurio lose his sleep at night. Who is going to help him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Máquina Azul  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB  
> Art: Nikkiyan

Otabek and I have been going out for a month already and I am still not totally used to his presence or with all the kisses, compliments and caresses. Now that my parents know that I go out to meet him, we made a deal that I do theses meeting at least three times a week. Of course Victor did not like it, but in the end, he accepted it. I didn’t go a lot to Otabek’s house, but when I did, I would spend some time playing with his cat – who was so cute and amazing – and all the rest kissing him. I didn’t get tired of that! But every time we would get to the point that I felt my body wanting more of him, Otabek would stop everything and move away, and that was making me really, really upset! However, I noticed that when we kissed at his home Otabek was, apparently, less cautious than he normally is. Besides touching me more, his hands would go from my neck and go down through all my body, making every place he touched hot. The feeling would stick with me even after I arrive at home.

When questions started appearing in my mind about why I was missing something more between us, I didn’t know who to ask about it to find the answers. Then, like any curious boy does when everyone is already sleeping, I had the horrible idea of searching some things about relationships on the internet. Most part of what I found was about straight couples, but it was enough to make me realize what was missing: sex.

It’s not like I didn’t know about those things, I learned the basics in biology class at school, but only about man and woman, woman and man. So, sex between two men?! What?! How is that even possible?!

Not satisfied, I then searched for it. Okay... I can’t do that. Definitely, not. It’s too embarrassing! I couldn’t even watch ten seconds of that, it would be impossible to do that! So every time he pushed away after a long time kissing, saying that he couldn’t hold himself, he was talking about that...

Dear Lord! Is he holding himself all this time? Maybe if I don’t do that he will dump me so he can do it with another person?! I sincerely wanted to forget about that, because now I’m here, worried and without sleep.

I look at the watch that marks 2:30 a.m. and I feel apprehensive since today is Saturday, which means, it’s the day that we meet and probably go to his house. I won’t be able to look at him like always now, and of course, Otabek will notice it all and... Well, it was good while it lasted.

“Damm it!” I say while putting my head down on the pillow.

I stayed the rest of the night rolling on the bed, and when, finally, I got to sleep it was almost six o’clock. Coincidentally, Yuuri decides to wake me up at eight even though it’s weekend.

I get to the kitchen, after going to the bathroom and making a simple bun of my hair, Yuuri gets a little scared when he sees me.

“Dear God! What happened to you?” He says, probably noticing my dark circles.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say a little low while sitting next to him.

“Want some coffee?”

“Of course!” I lean on the table and rub my eyes. “Where is Victor?”

“He had to solve some problems in the company.”

“Oh, got it.”

“Why you couldn’t sleep?” He asks while putting a cup of coffee in front of me and then sits by my side.

I drink a sip of the coffee so I don’t have to answer fast.

“It was nothing...” I say after a while.

“Nothing? Really? With this face?!”

I stay a couple of minutes looking at him until I realize my parents do all that kind of stuff I read about yesterday. Ew! I will never see them again with the same eyes.

“What is it Yurio?!” He asks confused.

“No, it’s nothing... Sorry, I will go back to my room.”

I get up and go back to my room, where I sit on the ground and wait Beka to come to me.

“What now Beka, what do I do?”

I could ask Yuuri about some thi... No! I can’t have that talk with him! But He probably wouldn’t mind it at all... But I will! How embarrassing! I got to the point that I argue with myself, that’s not a good sign!

When I finish my cup of coffee, I go back to the kitchen and wash it. I notice that Yuuri is in the living room watching TV, so I decide to join him. I sit on the sofa in front of him, and stay a few minutes just watching him until our eyes meet.

“What is it Yurio? You are staring me for a while. Do you wanna speak about something?”

“What?” I feel my face getting red.

“N-no.”

Yuuri grabs the remote and turns off the TV.

“I-It isn’t nothing.”

“Of course it is!”

“I can’t talk about it.” I look away.

“Did anything happen between you and Otabek?”

“N-No... It’s the opposite” I speak in a low voice.

“What?

“I can’t! This is too much for me!” I say after throwing myself into the sofa.

“Yurio?”

“What is it?”

“Is it about something embarrassing?”

I stand up quickly with my eyes wide open, at the same time I feel my face burning.

“I can’t!”

I walk quickly to my room and throw myself into my bed. But of course, Yuuri follows me and is already with me in my room.

“Yurio...”

“I can’t talk about it!” I say with my face in the pillow.

I feel the mattress sink a little and I know that he has sat by my side.

“Did you guys have sex?”

“What?!” I sit quickly and look in shock at him. “Surely not!”

He holds the laugh and continues speaking.

“It is something related to sex? Because there isn’t another reason for you to be so embarrassed about something besides that.”

I hug my knees close to my chest and put a pillow above them, hiding partially my face.

“It is.” I surrender.

“He asked or forced you to do anything?” He asks seriously.

“No! He... didn’t do anything.”

Yuuri looks relieved with my answer.

“He never talked about sex with you?”

“N-No...”

“Is this what is bothering you?”

“No, it’s not… exactly this.”

“Tell me what it is then!”

“But it’s embarrassing!”

“Yurio, I’m here to help. Tell me!”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I Promise!”

“Yesterday, in the middle of the night... I was searching some things... And learned that two men can do these kind of things... And then I decided to search more about it... I can’t do that! It’s too embarrassing!

Yuuri presses his lips tighter holding his laugh.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” I say angrily.

He puts his hand on the lips.

“Sorry.” Yuuri takes a deep breath and then continues, “But why were you searching about that, if he didn’t say anything about it to you?”

“Because... Because,” I hide my face, “I felt that something was missing.”

“Do you feel like you need something more?”

I nod.

“My love, that’s normal. It only means that you like him. Sex is a way to show your feelings too.”

I return to hide my face.

“I don’t know if I could do that!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s too embarrassing! I don’t know what to do!”

“So, let me begin. First, from what you said, Otabek already noticed that you don’t have any kind of experience and haven’t even talked about it with you. That means he is waiting for you to find the things out by yourself, making it look like he isn’t forcing anything on you. I have to say, sincerely, I’m quite happy to hear that. Second point, let’s keep this just between us, okay? After a while, Victor will get used to it, but that time, for sure, isn’t today. And third, Yurio, don’t feel pressured now that you know about it. You know, to do that kind of stuff, you both need to want it. You have to be totally cool about it.”

“But what if he decides that he doesn’t want me anymore if we don’t do it?” I say quietly and hiding behind the pillow.

Only with my eyes exposed, I look at Yuuri who smiles to me while crossing his legs and sitting in front of me on the bed.

“Do you think he is that kind of person?”

I shake my head denying it.

“So, why are you so worried?”

I shrug.

“Are you scared?”

I nod.

“Are you afraid that it may hurt?”

“This too…”

“It will only hurt if you do something you don’t want or be forced. So don’t do it just because you are worried that he may break up with you, okay? And you can also talk to him about it.

“O-Okay.”

We stayed some minutes in silence until then, even embarrassed, I felt like speaking freely.

“Yuuri?”

“Yes?”

“When do I know that... I want to do it?” I hide my face.

“Until now, have you ever felt the need for more of his touch?”

“Yeah...”

“This is wanting it. When you want more of the person, more than a simple kiss. Of course, your shyness will make things a little difficult, but I think he will know how to deal with that. But if you don’t want it, make it clear that you don’t want it. Again, don’t do anything against your will.

“O-Okay.”

“Have you ever felt a strange feeling while kissing him?”

“What do you mean?”

Yuuri looks away and scratches his head.

“Have you ever felt turned on while kissing him?” He returns to look at me.

“Turned on?”

“Okay. You’ll know when that occur. It happens when you are thinking about or wanting these things, understand?”

“Yes.”

“While you don’t feel it you won’t be ready for sex, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Oh, God! I’ve never thought that I would have the talk about this with my son!” He laughs.

“And you think that I’m enjoying having this talk?!” I complain.

“He looks like he really likes you.” He smiles to me.

“You think?” I hide my face.

“Yes! And that’s pretty good, mainly when it’s about that subject. Because you’re inexperienced I believe that he will propably be very patient. So don’t worry about it!”

“It’s a little difficult not to worry.”

“I understand. But you need to relax, okay? No unnecessary concerns. When the time arrives, don’t freak out, talk to him, see if you really want it and if you are comfortable with the whole situation, okay?

“Uhum...”

He gets close to me and kisses my forehead.

“Yuuri? Can I ask you another thing?”

“Of course, my love!”

“How will I know what to do?”

“He will probably help you with that, okay?”

“O-Okay...”

“Oh! I almost forgot! Don’t forget to use condoms.”

“Condom?” He gave me a surprised look. “I read about it yesterday.”

“Oh!” He laughs. “Sometimes, the internet can be very bad to discover some things. So, when in doubt, come talk to me. Don’t be shy.”

“I’ll... try” I stay a couple of minutes in silence before I start to talk again. “You aren’t mad about it?”

“‘About what?”

“You know, about me being curious about these things... Or maybe, that I will end up doing it...”

“Sooner or later you would get curious about it, and now you aren’t underage anymore so you have all the rights to want to know about these things. Taking the right precautions and wanting to do it with someone you like… I see no problem. I can’t be hypocritical, since _I_ didn’t even wait to be legal to, you know...” He smiles.

“Really?!” I say surprised.

He laughs out loud.

“It’s a little bit rare someone of your age don’t know that kind of things. But that’s because you have never been in love with anyone, so you haven’t stopped to think about it.”

I sink my face into the pillow and hear Yuuri laughing. I can't believe I had this talk with him! What’s my problem?!

“I’ll leave you alone, okay?”

I feel him kissing the top of my head and the door closes. I lay on my back in my bed and try my hardest to forget about the subject. I start to mentally prepare myself for what will happen after the lunch when Otabek comes to pick me up.

 

* * *

 

After the lunch, when Victor had already come back home, we stayed in the living room as we listened to him talking about some problems in the company, which had already become normal to us. It didn’t take too long for me to hear the bell ring. I froze and at the same time that I felt my heart starting to beat rapidly. Yuuri, noticing my expression, gets up and goes to open the door. I take a deep breath and hold my hands.

“Are you okay, Yurio?” Victor asks.

“Oh! Yes. Just feeling a little tired.” I make my best to show a sincere smile.

At the moment I see Otabek entering the living room with Yuuri, I realize that I, definitely, am not okay. Otabek goes to greet Victor, who already got used to his presence and is not so rude anymore. Then, he approaches me and curves down to kiss my face.

“Are you alright?” He asks me.

“Yeah...” I press my lips tight and make a positive sign with my hand.

Otabek frowns and looks to me for a few seconds until he returns to speak to my parents. The only thing I can hear is my heart beating.

“Let’s go?”

A little distracted, I reply with a shaking voice, “L-Let’s go.”

“Yurio, before you go, come here a minute,” Yuuri says after I get up.

I stop my hand that almost reached Otabek’s and then follow Yuuri to his room. Behind me, Victor and Otabek start a conversation without finding anything strange about the sudden call from Yuuri. We get into the room and he gets close to me to hold my hand.

“Hey, what we talked about relaxing?”

“I know... But I don’t know what to do.”

“Take a deep breath, darling. You are only going out like you’ve done the whole month. There’s nothing different.”

I take a deep breath and look at him. It makes my anxiety quite better and my shaking hands that were holding Yuuri’s become stable again.

“Thanks...”

“Before you go, take this.” He gives me fifty dollars.

“Why?” I ask confused.

“Just to have an excuse to your dad about why I brought you here. Anyway, let’s say I gave you it for you to pay... I don’t know. Your ice cream.”

“Okay.”

He kisses my forehead and we head out of the room.

“What happened?” Victor asks when we get to the living room.

Yuuri smiles to him and says, “Nothing, just gave him money.”

“Oh! Got it!” Victor says. It looks like he doesn’t suspect of anything.

“So... see you guys at night,” I say to my parents.

“Take care of yourself,” Victor says in a threatening tone that made me laugh. Finally, I feel, slightly, relaxed.

He escorts us all the way to the gate of the house, where I say goodbye again with Otabek, and then leave in the direction to his place.

The sky is gray and the wind that comes to me is a little bit cold, making me shiver. Most people that pass through the sidewalks are with an umbrella. I stare the back of the leather jacket Otabek is using, before my body moves by itself pressing my arms around his waist and keeping my face next to his neck, hugging him from behind.

“Y-Yura?!”  He turns his head a little to face me, surprised.

“Just let me stay like this for a while” I say next to his ear.

His smell makes my mind goes blank. I slide swiftly my nose against his nape, only focusing in his perfume. I close my eyes and focus on the sounds of the waves in the sea that, apparently, are a bit stormy. With that, my heart which was beating fast, finally, calms down.

Otabek didn’t say a word when we got in front of his house. He walked silently until we got into the living room, where he took off his jacket and sat on the couch. I stay a little behind and take the chance to take off my sweatshirt too.

“What is it, Yura?” He asks.

“What? Nothing, why?”

“Nothing? You are acting weird since we left your place.”

I sit on the couch in front of him.

“You’re imagining things, Beka.”

“When I arrived at your house you were... weird! And you had never hugged me while we are on my bike...

I look away.

“I-It was instinct.”

I look at him again and Otabek smiles with the corner of his mouth. He gets up and walks towards me and kneels in my front.

“Instinct? You wanted to hold me?” He keeps his smile

“Maybe...”

Otabek gets even closer and traces his fingers on the sides of my tights, until it reaches my waist.

“Make yourself at home. You can do anything with me” He says with a naughty tone.

“I want to do nothing with you!” I say and turn my face.

Otabek leans on the couch and rises slowly stopping close to my neck where he furiously kisses.

“Nothing? Not even kissing?”

He goes up giving soft kisses near my ear.

“Are you sure?” He whispers.

I close my eyes and bite my lips. I slowly raise my head in his direction and touch my nose to his.

“I am,” I whisper. “I won’t do anything.”

What a liar! But I refuse to surrender.

“So I won’t do anything until you do” He replies.

I face Otabek with a raised eyebrow, giving a daring look. I look down and see him passing his tongue on his inferior lip and the biting it after. Damm it! I get close to his mouth and stop within an inch of distance, but when I feel his breathing, I surrender completely to the kiss.

“I thought that you wouldn’t do anything.” He whispers as I move a little bit away.

“Shut up...”

I take him by his collar and kiss him again. Otabek is at my level now, while kissing me, he presses our bodies together, forcing me to lay on the couch. I feel his tongue entering my mouth and rubbing onto mine. I, as someone already used to it, return his kiss. It’s hotter, or maybe I am just more aware of the things now? I can’t think of anything while his tongue swirls with mine and his hands go up to my nape, making my hair slip through his fingers.

Otabek leaves my mouth and goes down kissing my neck. I lay my head back and close my eyes, only feeling his lips and tongue passing through all the extension of my neck. I start to feel funny, I want him to touch me more. I want him to kiss me more. I want his lips all over my body... I open my eyes and put my hands between my legs.

I-It is... Hard?

“What is it, Yura?”

Otabek moves away and stares at where my hands are.

“Any problem?” He asks.

“N-No.” My face warms up completely. “I only feel... a little weird.”

“Yura... It may be that you are,” he puts a hand on his mouth and slightly blushes, “turned on?”

“What?!”

Turned on? Turned on?! What the hell was I thinking?! I wasn’t thinking about sex! I was just thinking that I wanted that he... touch me more....

I stop a second to think.

“I’m sorry! I’m leaving!”

I get up, but I return to sit down with my face completely flushed. Otabek starts to get close to me, but he stops, when I say, “no!” A little loud, so I lower the volume after, “please, don’t look at me.”

“Okay.”

He calmly turns and sits on the floor with his back turned to me.

“Don’t freak out, okay? That’s normal.” He says.

“It isn’t normal! It’s embarrassing! What do I do with this?” I say with a little despair.

“Just calm down and everything will come back to normal.” He says calmly.

Without laughing neither looking back, Otabek stays sat on the floor for all the minutes that I stayed in silence trying to calm down. Then I speak with a low voice, “I’m sorry for screaming.”

“It’s alright. Are you fine now?”

“Yes, I am...”

“Can I turn?”

“No! Not yet...”

“Do you wanna speak about what happened?” He asks.

“N-No.”

“But I want! You’ve never gotten turned on before, have you?”

I remain in silence for a couple of minutes and then I surrender as I always do.

“No.”

“What were you thinking about then?”

“I can’t speak about it!”

“Yura, I won’t laugh, I just want to know the reason why this happened now, because we have already kissed like this before.”

“It’s all your fault! You always stop kissing me out of nowhere, and I always feel that something was missing, so yesterday, I went to do some research to find out about some things. And you never told me anything!” I say nervously.

The fact that I was conscious about some subjects and being comfortable with him and his kisses – that were giving me some kind of a different sensation of warmness – probably leaded to this, just like Yuuri said, but... but... what now?

“You did... research?”

“What other options did I have?!”

“Sorry... I didn’t want to look like I was forcing something.”

“I... Just wanted you to touch me more...” I say after a while.

He turns leading me to turn my back on him this time, facing couch.

“I told you to not turn around!”

Otabek gets closer to my back and puts his hands on my eyes, making my vision go dark. Then, he whispers in my ear, “you don’t need to look. Just listen to me. Do you think I don’t want to touch you more?! I want to touch you Yura. Want to touch until I’m tired of it, but I know I won’t get tired and will keep touching you. I would spend the day exploring every inch of your body and kissing all your extension. I want to do so many things to you. I want to possess the body of the person that I like and make you beg me to not stop. I think about that. I think about that all the time. But I want you wanting it. I wanted to see it coming from you. I want it to be good to both of us. I Want you to feel relaxed and not afraid.”

With him saying that stuff in my ear, I can’t control myself and end up getting hard again.

“Are you scared of me?”

“No...”

“Then turn around.”

“I can’t look at you.”

“So keep your eyes shut.”

He takes his hands off my eyes and I don’t dare do open then. I feel him sitting beside me and slowly I turn my body in his direction, with my eyes still closed.

“I will close my eyes so you can open yours, okay?”

“Okay.”

After a couple of seconds, I open my eyes, and he as promised, closed his eyes. His expression is calm and his chest slowly rises and lowers as he breathes. My nervousness is slowly fading, at the same time my wish to touch him increases. Slowly, I raise my right hand and softly touch his cheek with the back of my fingers.

“Don’t open your eyes.” I say.

“I won’t.”

The fact that I’m not being watched leaves me comfortable enough to start running my fingers through his face, slowly lowering to his neck and stopping my hands on the left side of his chest. His heart was beating quite as fast as mine, which left me more relieved. I approach my body to his and kiss his lips. Without touching me, Otabek answers the kiss. Then I move a little back speak low next to his ear, “I really want... you to touch me... a little.”

Otabek opens his eyes and stare at me for some seconds, before returning to kissing me and making me lay on the couch. Slowly, he fits himself in the middle of my legs, but still having a support of the couch, so his body is not touching mine.

“Yura... Put your legs around my waist.” He says before returning to kiss me.

I do as he said and got scared when, suddenly, his hands pass through my waist, raising me from the couch and putting me in his lap. Otabek raises his hands through my spine under my shirt and lowers again to my waist, using it to pull me towards his body. I feel the heat that spreads through my face and goes to my nape when I felt something hard pressing my butt. I open my eyes wide and suddenly moves away.

“I’m sorry.” He says while looking away and blushing.

I have never seen him blush that way. He is so cute! He is so beautiful! Gently, I pull his face for me to look again.

“Yura...?”

I don’t answer, only absorb every detail on his face before I kiss him again. My heart is pounding so fast and hard that I won’t be surprised if he could listen to it echoing on the other side of the quiet room. Suddenly, Otabek starts to get up. I hold on to his neck and tighten my legs around his waist.

“Can I take you to my room?” He asks close to my ear.

I start to feel nervous with the question.

“Yeah...

I close my eyes and try to relax while Otabek walks to his room, where he gently lays me on his bed.

“Are you alright?” He asks.

I turn my face and answer, “Y-yes, I am.”

I turn my body to his opposite side, to evade his look. I am warm and can clearly hear my heart beating. I put my hand between my legs and feel my length getting tighten by my jeans and it starts to hurt. Otabek lays behind me and speaks quietly, “Is it hurting?”

“Uhum...”

“I can help you with that.”

Otabek kisses my nape, making my body shiver.

“Are you afraid of me?” He asks.

“No,” I answer.

 I feel his big hands, coming down on my body, going in the direction of my hands that are in the middle of my legs. Otabek puts his hands on top of mine.

“You just have to take your hands out.”

“I-I can’t.”

“Why?”

“It’s embarrassing!”

“So close your eyes again. Just feel it. Listen to my voice. And I will stop when you ask.”

After some minutes, I close my eyes and slowly, take my hands off from the middle of my legs, giving space to Otabek‘s. He then, softly, runs his hand over my dick, but right after it he goes to my waist, which he uses to make me lay on my back. I feel him moving on the bed and without delay, I feel his breathing close to my mouth.

“I will kiss you, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

Otabek starts to kiss me intensely, making me lose my breath. His mouth returns to kiss my neck, where I feel sensitive, but, different from before, he was getting lower and lower down on my body. Raising with his hands on the side of my body, he takes off my shirt and leaves my chest exposed. He kisses every inch of my neck, then I feel his tongue passing through my nipple.

“W-What a-are you...?”

I start to felt weirder because of his tongue.

“How do you feel?”

“Weird.”

“A good kind of weird or a bad one?”

“I don’t know.”

Otabek returns to pass his tongue through my nipple then suck it. Strange sounds are getting out of my mouth against my own will, so I quickly put my hand over it. He starts to go even more down and stops his mouth on my abdomen. I feel a soft bite on the skin next to my pants, before his hands started to open my pants.

“Do you want this?” He asks stopping his hand.

I feel even hotter and harder, even though I am embarrassed, I can’t deny, I really want his touch.

“I-I want it.”

Otabek opens my zipper and totally removes my pants. I feel exposed and know that he is looking at my naked body, and it makes me want to cover myself in the same instant. I don’t feel his touch anymore and I get curious to know why. Then I open my eyes... Otabek is on his knees on the bed between my legs. His right hand is covering his mouth, while his eyes show a certain admiration looking at my body, leaving me completely flushed. Our eyes meet and he lowers his hand and speak, “You are so... marvelously beautiful.”

He returns to bend himself and I feel his hand passing through my length, before he, slowly, starts a soft move of up and down. At first, I feel weird in a bad way, until after some minutes the sensation changes, into something much better. After some minutes of that pleasant sensation, I look down and Otabek looks at me before he starts passing his tongue around the tip of my dick.

“W-Where are you licking at?” I say surprised.

Otabek gives a lascivious smile before putting my penis in his mouth. I throw my head back and squeeze the sheets with my fingers. The moist and warm interior of his mouth raising and lowering through all the extend of my member, was making me want to close my legs, but with his hands holding my inner thighs, I couldn’t do that.

The feeling was getting even better, making me wish that he would devour me even more. After a while, he started sucking only the tip at the same time that his hand, again, was making the up and down movements. It didn’t take long for me to start feeling a hot wave in my body.

“I-I feel weird...”

Otabek starts to increase the speed of the movement of his hand. I don’t hold the strange sounds that are coming out of my mouth, while I grip tight the sheets underneath me, and I lightly raise my body out of the bed, feeling a wave of spasms with one pleasure sensation hitting me. Gasping and feeling sticky out of sweat I finally relax my muscles and fall into the bed. I look at Otabek that raises and opens a drawer out of the nightstand, in where he picks up a box of tissues.

“For what…”

I place my elbows on the bed and feel my abdomen wet. I put my hand on that white and sticky liquid.

“You just had an orgasm.”

He says after sitting on the bed and starting to clean my abdomen. My mind starts to clear out and I realize I’m completely naked in front of him. I withdraw my legs and wide open my eyes.

“Yura, are you embarrassed even after all this?!” He laughs.

I pick the pillow and make a barrier between us.

“But now I’m lucid!”

“Lucid?” He continues to laugh.

“Don’t laugh!”

Otabek gets on the bed and comes crawling to me.

“How was it?” He asks in a provocative voice.

“I-It...  was kinda... good.”

“Kinda?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Was it scary?”

“N-No.”

“Did you like it?”

I hide my face and leave only my eyes out, looking at him completely embarrassed.

“Uhum...”

He smiles and kisses my forehead before getting up.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“To solve my problem.”

“Which problem?”

“The same you just had.”

After he leaves, I stay some minutes thinking of what he just did when I finally realize and I start to blush. I get up and feel that my legs were weak. I go get my underwear that is on the floor and I feel, how my dick is sensitive. I start to look around and observe all the details of his room, and my eyes stop at his double bed with its white sheets a big mess. I put my hands on my face, I can’t believe of what just happened. Are we done?! Aren’t we going to have sex? Am I not going to do nothing? But I feel so exhausted! I throw myself in bed again and take a deep breath.

With my heart starting to calm down, I look at the ceiling of that room, thinking about how this subject took away my sleep this night, and finally, I don’t feel nervous or worried, because the sensation I’ve just felt I definitely want to feel that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is it for today, I hope you guys liked our double release (/^▽^)/  
> I'm really sorry for last week and we are soooo happy that some people came to ask about the chapter haha This means you guys are enjoying it, right?  
> Today I welcome Máquina Azul, Sunny and SerenityFox to our time ♡♡＾▽＾♡ Thank you so much for your help!  
> See you next week <3  
> ~AnaruB


	9. It’s not “maybe”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio is full of embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Diego chan  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

After a few minutes, I realize that Otabek is taking too much time in the bathroom. I lie on his bed thinking why he did not go on or tried to make me do the same to him. Does “playing by himself” is as good as someone doing the things he just did to me? I have my doubts about that! I find it a little unfair that he just touched me. I wanted to touch him too! What would be his expression once I do this to him? I feel pretty curious about that.

Tired of waiting, I decide to go to the bathroom. When I am about to knock on the door, I hear his low voice, but because of the silence in the house, what he had said was clear.

“Yura...”

Did he just call my name?! I move away from the door with my hand on my mouth and face burning. His voice was so... so... sexy. I need to go back to the room, but I cannot move my legs. Is it wrong for me to want to see him doing that? In my mind, I can picture him with a slightly flushed face. I sit by the door and close my eyes. The low sounds that come from inside the bathroom are so... exciting... I am invaded by memories of his kisses, touches, scent... With my eyes closed, I pass my left-hand fingers on my lips, and then I licked my index finger. It did not take long for me to put it in my mouth and suck it gently. I run my right hand on my neck and begin to go down slowly, remembering his hands touching me and making me hotter and hotter. I put one more finger in my mouth and run my hand over my underwear, feeling my cock starting to get hard.

“Beka,” I say softly.

“Yes?”

I open my eyes out of my reverie and look up. “You can go on, I don’t care.” He smiles wickedly.

When I thought the day could not be more embarrassing... I totally lost the sense of the world and did not realize that he had already left the bathroom and is standing by my side. I get on my feet quickly and turn around to start running to the bedroom, but his hands held my waist.

“Where do you think you're going?”

“Let me go! Look at what you're making me go through. This is too embarrassing!”

I try to escape from his arms, but he pulls me off the floor and starts walking to the room as he holds me. I try to fight it, but I am completely defeated.

“Yura, hold still,” he laughs.

“I'm leaving, and I'm never going to look at your face after today!” I say, feeling my hot face refusing to not get red.       

When we get to the room, Otabek throws me on the bed and I try to run away from him, but he gets me quickly. I end up lying on the bed with my legs clamped together by Otabek's knees that were resting on the bed, feeling completely unable to open them, and his hands holding mine over my head. I turn my face, tightly shutting my eyes refusing to look into his eyes, not believing that he saw me in that situation, and even worse, calling his name!

“Why are you so ashamed?” He asks.

“Isn’t that a bit obvious?!”

“Just because you were almost masturbating and probably thinking about me?”

“I wasn’t thinking about you!”

“Then why did you call my name?” I hear his laugh.

“You misheard it!”

“Oh, I'm sure I heard right! It's imprinted on my mind now. But you don’t have to be embarrassed.” He approaches my ear, “you heard me calling you too, didn’t you? Were you curious to see what I was doing in the bathroom?”

“Stop talking about these things! I... I... Stop, Otabek!”

He laughs and releases my hands but keep my legs locked. Automatically, I put my hands on my face, regretting to have surrendered to my curiosity.

“I really wouldn’t mind if you had continued” He says.

“Of course I wasn’t going to keep doing it in front of you, it was just a moment of weakness.”

“Did you weaken by listening to me in the bathroom?” I feel him approaching me again, and his breath in my ear makes me shiver “Aah... Yura... Hmmm...”

As I had heard in the bathroom, Otabek stayed a few seconds near my ear, making those weird noises, until I move my hand from the face and put it to my ear.

“S-Stop it,” I say, looking at his evil expression.

“Okay, sorry. But Yura, I think you got hard again just from hearing me moan near your ear.” He smiles.

I look down and notice the volume on my underwear. As a reflex to hide my embarrassment I put my hand over there.

“Damn it! How can I stop feeling weird?!” I say, not knowing if I should hide my face or erection.

“Yura, it's not wrong to feel this way. It's more normal than you think, and honestly, I'm glad you're feeling this way on your own. It just shows me that you like me.”

“I-I d-don’t like you!”

“You don’t?” He begins to approach his face to mine. “But I like you... I really like you...” He says seriously.

I feel my heart beating so fast with his words. I knew he probably liked me, but he'd never said it to me in such a serious tone.

“Why do you do this to me?! Why don’t I have more control of myself when I'm around you?!” I say exalted.

“Doesn’t that mean you also like me?” He asks.

“Maybe... maybe I like you... maybe I like your kisses, your scent, your face and the way you touch me. Maybe I like everything you're doing to tease me, and all those feelings that fill me. Maybe I like you and want you to touch me more and teach me more things so you don’t go to the bathroom alone. Maybe, Otabek...”

Otabek did not expect my attack with words – well, neither did I – and his face soon turns slightly red which make me smile.

“Damn it! You won!” He says as he throws himself on the bed next to me with his hands on his face.

After a few seconds, I stare at his exposed neck and feel an unexpected urge to kiss it. I did not hold myself and just did it. Not a light kiss, but something more intense, using my tongue to brush it. And before I suck it, Otabek takes his hand off his face and turns it toward me, staying at a distant insignificant from me.

He runs his hands through my neck and brings his mouth closer to mine. Before kissing me, Otabek looks right into my eyes, which are admiring him, until they close and I feel his lips on mine. The kiss is so full of feelings that it filled my heart with a joy I had never felt before. Now, I am sensitive to his touch coming up my skin beneath my shirt.

I was already hard and got even more excited when our kiss becomes hotter and his hands come to rest near my butt. His little finger enters a little into my underwear and I feel him brushing my hips, but then his hand comes around and rests on my cock. It doesn’t take too long before he takes it out of my underwear and starts moving his hand as he kisses me. I let out a few moans during the kiss, and I slide my hand down and put it over his hand which is on my dick. Then, Otabek lays his hand on the back of mine, and lowers it down, making me touch myself. His hand continues to hold mine as I touch myself and he moves in sync with me. When my moans don’t allow me to kiss him anymore, he starts kissing my neck.

“Yura, don’t stop moving your hand.” He whispers in my ear and releases my hand. I feel my shirt being lifted and his warm and gentle touch on my skin.

I start to feel embarrassed and he notices it.

“Close your eyes.” I do what he says. “Clear your mind and pretend I'm not here. Think that you are alone in the room and I am the result of your imagination. Just feel my touch as you touch, just like you were doing on the bathroom door.”

It wasn’t easy to imagine that he was not looking at me, but when I begin to feel him sucking my nipple, my mind starts to go blank and the sensations I am feeling with his touch begin to grow stronger, leaving me in the end, completely at ease. With my empty mind, I don’t think of the embarrassment of that moment. I just enjoy the kisses he gives on my body. When his mouth returns to my neck, he run his hand over my lips and I lick his finger. Slowly, his finger enters my mouth and I suck them intensely.

“Ah, Yura... you're so cruel...” His voice is low and provocative.

After a few minutes, his hand came back to mine, making me move it faster and faster. “Beka... Ah...” I stifled my moans.

Along with the sensation of orgasm, I feel him giving me a hickey and then biting into the region of my collarbone. Panting and tired, I open my eyes, and I see him looking at me with a flushed face.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I say, too tired to hide.

I look at the floor and move my body to get the box of tissues to wipe my abdomen again.

“Don’t say anything about what just happened.” I say.

“I won’t say anything, but I confess... I'm surprised.”

“I told you to not say anything!” I turn and punch him in the arm.

He chuckles as I clean up. When I'm about to get up to finally put my pants on, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me to him.

“Hey!”

“Stay a little longer.” He says.

“But...”

His body was stuck with mine and his embrace is so tight that I totally surrender to him. I caress his hand that is on my abdomen and I feel his smile on the back of my neck. Feeling exhausted, I relax in his arms and allow myself to close my eyes, letting sleep get to me.

 

* * *

 

 

When I wake up, I realize that a blanket with Otabek’s smell was on me. I look to my side with the eyes a little blurred, and I can see that he is not in bed or in the bedroom. I get up slowly to put on my pants that are folded and on the bed. I leave his room and face him in the hallway.

“Oh! You woke up! Are you all right?” He asks.

“I'm thirsty!”

He smiles at me and caresses my cheek, “You're so beautiful when you wake up.”

“Stop making me embarrassed when I just woke up.” I look away.

“Then, let's drink some water.” He says smiling.

Otabek puts his arm around my shoulders, and we go together to his kitchen. While I am sitting on chair, I feel his cat brushing her fur against my leg.

“Hi, girl. Are you feeling lonely? I'm sorry for stealing your owner this afternoon. I promise I'll leave him for you tomorrow.” I say, caressing her hair.

“Don’t worry, I can take care of both of you.”

He comes up to me and kisses my forehead after giving me the glass of iced water. Otabek pick his cat up and kisses her.

“You understand that I need to stay out for a little while, don’t you, Yumi? I promise I'll bring somebody to play with you next time.” He puts his nose into the cat's fur and smiles.

He is so beautiful! I don’t get tired of looking at him. I feel so happy to be with him. I feel so lucky to have him. I feel so much calmer by his side. It does not even seem like I was so nervous that I needed to be calmed down by Yuuri when I left the house today.

“Yura?”

I blink sometimes to scare away all those thoughts and look at him.

“Is everything alright?” He asks.

“Sure.” I give him a sincere smile.

The air around us was so serene that I could stay there forever, as if nothing could stop my happiness.

We stay in the room giving attention to his cat who looks needy and I rest my head on his shoulder. His hands caresses my hair and I keep smiling as if it was impossible to stop doing it until I look at the kitchen clock, which is marking six o'clock in the afternoon. I begin to feel sad as I realize it's almost time to go.

“I'll be back.” I get up.

“Where are you going?” He asks curiously.

“Bathroom.”

I go to the bathroom to wash my face and straighten my hair until I notice it near my collarbone, a mark starting to turn purple.

“Otabek!” I shout.

It doesn’t take even twenty seconds before he shows up at the bathroom’s door with a worried expression on his face.

“What happened?!”

“What the fuck is that?!” I point to hickey “Tell me that’s gonna disappear now!”

He presses his lips to hold back the laughter.

“Don’t laugh or I will kill you!”

“Yura... I'm sorry.” He starts to laugh.

“You know, no, I'm not going to kill you, I'm going to show it to Victor and tell him that you forced me to do things with you, and then he'll kill you! Because what will happen to you once he sees it!”

“So I forced you? Are you sure? I just remembered you whispering in my ear ‘Oh, Otabek, touch me more!’” He uses a sharp tone to imitate me.

“I'm going to kill you” I smile, and it is not because I am happy.

“Yura... your face...” He cannot stop laughing.

I begin to walk towards him and he moves away at the same time. “Don’t do any nonsense, Yura.”

“Beka, darling, it was good while it lasted. I will miss you.”

I start to run and he run from me until we get to the living room, where he stands behind the sofa, the opposite side of mine.

“I... I give up... Yura. My belly is... aching” He takes a deep breath to stop laughing.

I kept myself from laughing and try to keep myself strong for my threat to seem like a real threat, but I am completely defeated when I run towards him and instead of running away, he comes to me and hugs me.

“I'm sorry, I couldn’t control myself.” He says, starting to calm down. “So, take advantage of the fact that these days are cold and wear your sweater all the time.”

I make a child face for being defeated and punch him lightly on his chest. “I won’t stop anyone wanting to kill you.”

“If they find out, I'll have to kidnap you and take you away from here.”

I look up and he smiles at me before kissing me softly. “I don’t want to leave.” I say after he let go me.

“Then don’t go!” He gives me a slight kiss.

“If I don’t show up at seven o'clock, I can picture Victor calling the police saying his son was kidnapped.”

“Yeah…”

We end up laughing and spend a few more moments together before we get ready and head to my house.

The sun had already set and there are no stars in the sky, and the wind was colder than the time I was going to the Otabek house. While the ocean waves are in complete turbulence caused by the action of the wind on its surface, my heart is peaceful, and all that serenity is caused by the happiness I am feeling.

With a silly grin on my face, I hug Otabek around the waist and feel his hands caressing mine on his belly. I'm not looking at his face, but I can see his smile in my thoughts. I wish I lived farther, so this trip would last longer!

When I notice we are reaching home, I hug his waist tightly and bring my nose close to the back of his head so that I could smell him for the last time in the week.

As we enter the house, I come across Victor and Yuuri... cleaning the kitchen? At seven o'clock?!

“What are you doing?!” I ask confused.

“Oh!” Victor turns to me surprised. “Yurio, you're here! So, that's...”

“We didn’t have anything to do, so we decided to clean the kitchen.” Yuuri says quickly.

“But at this time... wait... why the hell there is... chocolate on the wall?!”

Observing well, the whole kitchen was really messed up, with some things out of place, and a few places that appeared to be too clean, which meant they were cleaning up since a long time ago. But I could not notice the white and blue tile smeared with chocolate. What is that?! It's in the shape of a... hand?! What the fuck happened here?!

At the time I spoke, the two of them turned their heads at the same time to see where the evidence they let pass was. To my complete surprise, as I had never seen in my life, Yuuri flushed in embarrassment. I honestly cannot imagine what happened there, and I don’t want to. Eww!

“I-It was just a little accident...” Victor starts to try to explain himself, “and I tried to make a candy,” he laughs nervously, “and you know how bad I am then... bum!”

Accident.

“Please, don’t explain it.” I say nauseous.

Yuuri had his back to me while cleaning the floor, but I could tell he was smiling softly.

“Wow!” I hear Otabek saying by my side. I look at him who is with a surprised expression on his face.

“Don’t even bother to think about those things!” I say low as I give him a tap on his shoulder.

I know he's thinking about what I want to avoid thinking. What have they done with the chocolate?! I don’t think I'm going to eat chocolate for a while!

“Otabek, don’t make that face!” Victor says as he looks at Otabek. Otabek raises his hands in defense, starting to laugh.

“Don’t laugh.” I say, then tighten my lips to stop myself from doing the same thing. “Hey, you two!” Victor exclaims.

“Victor, my love...” Yuuri had already been laughing for a long time.

I honestly do not know what happened in this house, but for some apparent reason, or none at all, we were laughing like complete idiots for a long ten minutes. Damn it! I was so happy that I couldn’t even be ashamed of the situation.

After a while, Yuuri and Victor join us in the living room, and we talked for a little bit, until Otabek said he needed to leave.

As usual, I take him to the door.

“Are you alright?” He asks after I close the door behind me.

“Why are you asking? Of course I'm fine.”

"Oh... you know... because of today...”

I feel my face warming up slightly and look away, smiling sincerely.

“I'm fine, thank you. Actually, I'm better than I imagined I would be.”

“I'm glad to hear that.” He kisses my cheek.

I continue to smile and look at him, and to his surprise, I kiss him suddenly. Slowly, I walk back holding his shirt for him to follow me and lean against the wall while kissing.

After everything that had happened that afternoon, and all the things I had been feeling since the day I met him, I realized that everything was clearer, and now I know that the man kissing me so kindly is the person that I want to stay, not for a day or a month, but for a long time... quite long time.

“Otabek.” I say, pulling my lips away from his.

“Yura?”

“You know when I said maybe... um... I like you?”

“How could I forget?” He smiles.

“I'm sorry, I lied.”

“You lied?” He asks confused.

“Yes. I ... it's not maybe, Beka. I... really... I like you” I look away. “Every day I want to stay with you and I want to do with you all the new things that I haven’t done in my life yet... I... I want so much more... I didn’t know that I could feel... so happy... Beka...”

His silence bothers me so I look at him. Even with the little light, I can see his face completely flushed. He moves his mouth to try to say something, but he can’t. It is so funny to see him in that situation, which I went through several times. So I just smile, happy with his reaction, because as someone used to it, I know well our mutual feelings.

“Yura...” He holds me tight. “I... I...”

Otabek is interrupted by a thunderous crash that makes me jump scared. Soon after that, it started to pour heavily. The wind is in our direction, causing the rain to start wetting us.

“Ah!” I hug him to protect myself.

“You selfish man, I'm getting wet.” He says loudly as he laughs.

“It's your job to protect me!” I say laughing next to him.

“What are you two doing out here?” Yuuri says opening the door and looking at us “Come in!”

Otabek and I get back inside, a little wet.

“I hope this rain doesn’t take too long to stop.” Otabek says.

“Why?” Yuuri asks.

“Well, I need to get going.” Otabek says.

“Oh! Don’t worry about it... By the way, Otabek, how about you crash here tonight?”

“What?!” Victor and I say together, surprised at what Yuuri had just said.

“I don’t think-” Otabek begins.

“Stay! It's Saturday, it's raining and we can spend the night watching movies as two couples.

I look at Victor who says nothing, but still keeps his expression surprised.

“But I left my cat alone and-”

“You can take my car and bring her here. Also, you can go get some fresh clothes.”

“But...”

“Stay!” I say taking his hand and looking at him. “Please...”

Otabek looks at Victor, probably expecting him to say something.

“Please...” I say to Victor who looks at me and surrenders completely.

“He won’t sleep in Yurio's room!” Victor says quickly.

“No worries, let's clean the living room, put some beds and sleep all together! Let's make popcorn!” Yuuri raises his arms happily celebrating because of his "pajama party."

I shake my head, smiling at him so excited and thanking him mentally for coming up with the idea. Yuuri runs toward Victor and throws himself into his arms.

“It will be nice, Vitya!” And then kisses him affectionately on the lips.

I laugh and stare at Otabek, holding his hand. He smiles at me and we stare at each other for a long time, until he begins to look at me and kisses me softly. I only realize that we are in front of my parents when Victor suddenly appears with his hand in the middle of our mouths, preventing us from kissing.

“I'll make sure you sleep in the middle of the two of you.” He says.

“Victor!” I pout.

“Otabek, come get the car key.” Yuuri says as he walks toward kitchen.

“As you wish, Mr. Nikiforov.” Otabek says in a challenging tone to Victor before following Yuuri.

“Insolent boy!” Victor says to me when we are alone.

“Don’t talk about him like that! Just confess that you like him and everything will be fine.” I stare at him teasing.

“You know I'll never surrender!” He says stubbornly.

“If you don’t give up, I'll leave home with him.”

“Don’t say this even as a joke, Yurio.” He says in a crying voice. I start to laugh and hug him tight.

“Thank you...” I say softly as I hold him.

“Yurio... are you okay?” He asks, confused.

“I'm great!”

Victor hugs me back and I feel a kiss on the top of my head.

“Why are you hugging each other without me?!” Yuuri asks indignant “What an evil thing!”

Yuuri comes toward us and hugs me with Victor. From the middle of them I look to the side, where Otabek is leaning on the sofa looking at us with a certain admiration.

Victor, noticing him alone there, surprises everyone by reaching for him.

“Are not you part of the family now?” He asks Otabek.

“Oh!” He says in surprise “It’s not neces…”

“Just come!” Victor says, swallowing his pride.

Otabek gets up and comes to us. Yuuri involves him in the hug happily and I put my head on his chest. This moment may be the corniest moment in the world, but there is no better time than being surrounded by the people I... love.

“Okay, okay, let's go get Yumi then, she must be scared to death of these thunders... Oh my God, Beka!”

“What is it?” Otabek asks.

“Not you, idiot.” I laugh and run to my room.

“Oh, baby, forgive me for leaving you alone.” I say as I enter the room.

I go to him who is hiding in his little house and I hold him on my lap, caressing his fur. Beka snuggles into my lap, quitting shaking slowly.

“Calm down, my love.” I say to the cat.

I spend a few minutes with him, until he calms down and ends up napping in my arms.

“Is he okay?” Otabek asks standing at the door of the room.

“Yes, he’s fallen asleep. Help me to make him a bed using my blanket.

Otabek walks over to me and picks up my thick blanket that is on my side and makes an improvised nest for me to put the cat in. Beka snuggles and stays there. There are no more severe thunders after that.

“Will you come with me to my house?” Otabek asks.

“Yes!”

I get up and go to the living room with Otabek.

“Can I go with him?” I ask my parents who are sitting on the sofa.

“Sure!” Yuuri answers quickly.

I smile at him and we walk to the garage. I get in the car, open the automatic gate and head towards Otabek’s house. The rain is hitting hard the glass of the car and we can hardly see a hand in front of us.

“Wow, how are we gonna get into your house?” I ask.

“You stay in the car and I'll run over there to get Yumi.”

“But will you bring her with all this rain?”

“No, I have a cat carrier, I cover it and run to get here.”

“Okay!”

When we get to his house, Otabek does everything he had said he would so I don`t get out of the car. After about fifteen minutes he walks back quickly to the car totally soaked, with his cat and a purse.

“I hope your father doesn’t get angry at me for wetting the car” he says worried.

“I think he'd already figured out that this would happen just relax.”

“Do you think it's a good idea for me to stay there?”

“I guess. Are you worried about something?” I ask.

“Oh, I'm a little worried about Victor. I didn’t want to upset him.”

“Beka, let me tell you something about Victor: He doesn’t hate you, but his pride doesn’t let him say he likes you. Believe me when I say that if he didn’t think you were good enough to be with me, you certainly would not be here. Of course, he'll be a bit protective, but don’t worry about it.”

He smiles and whispers an "okay".

Along the way, I play with his cat, who doesn’t look as frightened as mine. Otabek drives in silence and with a smile sillier than mine. What is happening today?! Is there a limit of how much a person can smile in a day? Because if there is, I must be hitting at it.

As we enter the garage, Otabek asks me to wait and run in the rain to get his motorcycle, bringing it into the garage and making him even more soaked.

“You’ll need a shower.” I say, looking at his clothes.

“Certainly!”

Otabek takes off his leather jacket and I see his white shirt that was underneath, all glued to his skin. I had never seen him shirtless, but now I could see his whole torso through his wet shirt, and... what’s with those abs?!

“Wow!” I say automatically.

“What is it?” He asks without understanding.

“N-Nothing.” I turn on my back, feeling my face flush, and on my way to finally getting home.

I go in first and get a towel for him to dry himself partially so he enters the house.

“If you want to take a shower, you can use the hall bathroom, Otabek.” Yuuri says as we enter the room.

“Oh, thank you.”

He picks up his bag and I walk with him to the bathroom.

“If you need anything, you can call me or Yuuri” I tell him.

“Okay, thanks.”

I leave him and go to my room with his cat, who ends up joining Beka and also goes to sleep. Feeling my body a bit sticky, I take a shower too. It might be in my head, but I feel that my body is different, that something has changed in me. Maybe it is the fact that now I know he can give me some... pleasures.

When I get out of the shower, Otabek is sitting in the kitchen, while Yuuri prepares the food. Just like me, his hair is wet and he is wearing a pair of sweatpants with a thin long-sleeved shirt. I decided to wear a shirt that can hide the purple mark on my collarbone.

“Where's Victor?” I ask Yuuri.

“Is taking a shower.”

I walk towards Otabek and I stop in front of him, running my hands through his hair. “Don’t you want to blow dry your hair? You'll end up getting sick.”

“Look who's Talking!” he retorts. “Your hair is so beautiful...” he looks at me and stroked my hair that is completely loose.

“Don’t say those things near Yuuri.” I look away, blushing.

“Pretend I'm not here.” Yuuri says, sitting with a smile on his face. “I also think your hair is beautiful!”

“Isn't it?” Otabek says looking at Yuuri.

“Yes! And he has those eyes... wow... so beautiful.”

“Right? Actually, everything about him is beautiful” Otabek says looking at me.

“Can you two stop this?!” I say completely embarrassed.

They laugh at me and I make an angry face. Otabek goes to my room to blow dry his hair, which is very fast, since his hair is so short. When he finishes, he asks me to let him dry mine. Of course I was embarrassed, but I cannot refuse to feel his hands passing in my hair, making me almost sleep. I don’t need to touch him, or hear his voice, but his presence is enough for me to feel relaxed.

“Yurio, bring your mattress when you come into the living room.” Victor says, who suddenly appeared at the door of my room.

“Okay.”

Otabek finally take the mattress and we go to the living room. Yuuri brought the food and left the popcorn for later.

As I sit down, Victor comes straight to my side.

“You stay here.” He tells Otabek, pointing to his other side.

“Really?!” I say.

"Darling, you may not know, but movies can be dangerous.” He tells me with a serious tone.

Otabek just laughs and sit down next to him. When Yuuri arrives in the living room to finally sit down, she stops and looks at that scenery.

“Will you leave me alone, Vitya?” He makes a face of sadness and sit alone at the end of the mattress. “I thought we were going to be together.”

Victor looks at me and Otabek and makes an expression of who is making a lot of effort until he goes to Yuuri.

“I'm sorry, my love, I'll stay with you.”

Is there a better person than Yuuri? How can he do such things? Is there anything he had no control over?

Embracing Yuuri, Victor looks at us with half-closed eyes and says, “Don’t think I will not keep an eye on you.”

I stare at him and hug Otabek.

“You want him to kill me?” Otabek whispers to me.

“I'll protect you.” I smile at him.

On our side, Yuuri sits with Victor in the middle of his legs, partially lying down, his head resting on his chest, while I stay at Otabek’s side just with my head on his shoulder.

Yuuri chooses an action movie for us to watch, and that is very interesting. Through the film, we ate and I dealt with Victor, who every ten minutes looked at us from the corner of his eye. We watched about three movies until I looked away and saw that Victor had slept. I look at Yuuri and he just smiles at me and shakes his head positively. I get up and Otabek looks confused at me until I sit down in the middle of his legs and go a little back until I lean my head against his chest. Otabek puts his arms, hugging me tightly. Maybe this feeling is cliché like every beginning of relationship, I believe. Maybe we won’t feel this way after a while. Maybe it's the first passion of many. But between so many "maybes" I am sure of one thing: that, in his arms and feeling the warmth of his body close to mine, it is the best place in the world to be. Even if I spend hours thinking about all other places and paradises at this small planet or in this vast universe, I would not find anywhere better than this.

Happy and listening softly to the rain outside, not wanting that day to end, I sleep with my body, heart, mind and soul completely calm and light, as I had never felt before.

 

**Otabek**

 

How do you stop admiring him? How do you stop smiling like a complete idiot? After Yura slept on my chest, I could not even pay attention to the movie. With his eyes closed and his lips with a faint smile, he sleeps so quietly that it makes me jealous.

Damn it! What the hell is this situation that I put myself on?! What he did to me?! I've been in relationships with other people before, but what is this he makes me feel?! Getting excited like that, saying things to me with his smile and his flushed face... I... I... what do I do to stop smiling?! His feelings are so pure that they hit me in a way... my God! Am I the luckiest guy in the world?!

So cute wanting to know more about sex. Who in this world has never gotten hard in 18 years?! Ah, Yura... I'm glad that you feel comfortable with me, and even if you continued with all your innocence, I would be with you in the same way, you silly, I wouldn’t let you go. Now you have total control over me, my heart has been yours since the day you smiled at me for the first time. So wonderfully beautiful! As bright as the sun... I felt as if my heart would explode just from being close to you. I feel that now my job in the world is to protect you, so I promise that I will be here, ready to receive all the bullets for you.

I close my eyes and kiss the top of his head holding him tight.

“He does this to us, right?”

I look to my side and Yuuri is talking.

“Sorry?” I ask confused.

“Yurio, he does it to us. He can sometimes look like he has a bad personality, and be embarrassed about everything, but it’s not hard to see how bright he shines, and that brightness strikes everyone around him. It's like the sun! Besides shining, he also warms our heart with a simple smile. Maybe it's because he's pure and doesn’t know how human beings can be evil, but do you know the smile that's been on your face for all this time? I also can’t take it off as long as he's close to me.” Yuuri smiles at me and pets Victor's white hair. “Only in my case, there are two suns. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve so much happiness.”

“I feel you.” I smile as I stroke Yura's cheek. “I keep asking myself if I really deserve this happiness, or if I can repay him for everything he gives me.”

“Believe me when I say you already do that. After Yurio met you he changed a lot, so much to the point of asking me embarrassing things about relationships.” He chuckles.

“Don’t tell me he was talking about ...”

“Yes! He came asking all these things, completely worried and nervous, thinking that you were going to break up with him if he didn’t do anything.”

“Ah, Yura, you silly,” I put a soft kiss on the top of his head, “I would never break up with him because of such a thing.”

“Thank you for not forcing him, really.” He says grateful.

“You don’t have to thank me. I like him and wouldn’t do anything that is not his will. I'll always follow his rhythm.”

“I knew you were a good boy, Otabek.” He smiles at me. “Victor also knows that, but refusing to speak it out loud.” He laughs as he looks at Victor asleep.

“Thank you, Mr. Yuuri. I promise I won’t disappoint you.”

“I know you won’t.”

He is silent for a few minutes and I think the conversation is over, but then he looks at me again and says, “tell him to be careful with that purple mark on his collarbone, because if Victor sees... well, you know...”

What? I look down and see that hickey is partially appearing because of the way he is lying down, leaving an opening that would not normally be there. I feel my face getting warm and I tidy up his shirt.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” He chuckles. “I don’t know what happened, but it's not difficult to notice the different mood surrounding you both.”

“I'm sorry.” I say sheepishly.

“Don’t apologize. Well, I should apologize for the scene you saw when you arrived.”

“Oh, that? I've seen many things, but chocolate?!” I laugh softly.

“You don’t even want to know what happened.” He laughs a little embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I don’t want to.”

We laugh softly, until I begin to feel sleepy.

“Otabek.” Yuuri calls me.

“Yes?”

“It's only been a month, but welcome the family! It will be great to have another child.”

I opened my eyes surprised at what he had just said and I feel my throat tighten softly.

“Thank you.” I smile embarrassedly. “It will be great to have a father I’ve never had.” I turn my gaze away from his and hear his small laugh.

What is this family doing to me?! What does it feel like to be loved? My grandparents loved me, of course, but this family relationship, I had never seen it. And well, the rest of my family... it's complicated. I was already content to be accepted only by Yura, but this extent of happiness... I will not refuse.

Slowly I step out from behind Yura without waking him up, and lay his head on the pillow. He moves a little and turns his back to me. I look at Yuuri and he makes a positive sign with his head. I lie down behind Yura and hug him around the waist.

With my nose close to the back of his neck, I close my eyes and focus on his scent. With my body pressed on his, I whispered in his ear, “good night, Yura...”

Before I fall asleep, the last thing on my mind is that green-eyed blond, who seemed to be fragile, but actually was stronger than me, who was completely dependable, and that feeling he insisted on filling me since the day I saw him, could not be less than... love. Because actually... I love him... so much... it scares me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello o/ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. It was soo cute (*´∀`*)  
> Today I welcome Diego chan to our time <3 Thank you for helping us even when you are so busy ♥～(‘▽^人)  
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, you guys are _amazing_!  
>  So this is it for today, see you next Saturday :3  
> ~AnaruB


	10. Victuuri – When there’s too much love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened between Yuuri and Victor while Yurio was out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: XixisssUchiha  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

 

Maybe I’m a hypocrite for not wanting my son to learn the new and pleasure things that a relationship provides when I myself started so early in this wasted life. I know sometime he’ll be curious about this. And I know it will happen soon, because he likes the person who is with him. Okay, I have been being extra cautious about Otabek, but he’s not so bad after all. He is responsible, always kind and look at Yuri with a certain admiration, what makes me pleased. So why don’t I give up and quit picking on them? Well, I don’t want to do it right now. Yuuri can say I’m too proud, but I’m not.

After another tiring day at the company, fixing problems I’m sick of solving, what is making me really stressed-out, I arrive home and take off my suit. Yuuri comes to welcome me at the door with a kiss as usual. Yuri was on

the sofa watching tv and I go sit next to him along with Yuuri. I was talking about my problems, which the two are definitely tired of listening to, until the doorbell rang. Yuri was normal until that moment, but he got clearly nervous when the doorbell rang. When I asked him if he was okay his answer was just “I’m just sleepy”, which was, obviously, an excuse, and a poor one. It’s been a month since Yuri is dating and every time Otabek comes to pick him up his expression is of joy, not of nervousness. I wonder what is really going on.

I watch how he hides his hands and how he answers Otabek who, by the look on his face, also noticed that Yuri is strange. Before Yuri leaves the house, Yuuri calls him to the bedroom and I chat with Otabek about casual things, in fact wanting to know why Yuuri took our son to our bedroom.

When they returned Yuuri said that he had just given Yurio some money, who now has a slightly calmer expression. It means that it was, in fact, to calm him down, so I assume Yuuri knows something.

We go to the gate to say goodbye to them again and, standing there watching Otabek’s motorcycle leaving I ask Yuuri with a smile on my face, “What happened with Yurio?”

“What? Nothing. Why?”

“You’re lying to me.”

“No, I’m not.”

Yuuri turns and enters the house. I follow him closing the door behind me.

“You may be a good liar, but Yurio isn’t. There’s something wrong with him and you know what it is.”

“I know nothing.” He says humming.

“Yuuri if you refuse to tell me I’ll go on sex strike!”

“You can’t do it, Victor.”

I really couldn’t.

“I’m his father too, Yuuri!”

“You will freak out and I don’t know what you could do with their relationship.”

I rub my eyes and sit down on the sofa in the living room.

“They had sex?”

I don’t want to hear the answer.

“No.”

I take a deep breath and sink into the couch.

“But they’re going to.” Yuuri continues.

“Today? Now?” I ask feeling nervous

“No, Victor. Eventually.”

Yuuri sits by my side with his legs crossed, in a way that his body is facing me.

“Victor, why do you get so nervous when sex is the subject?” He asks.

“Why wouldn’t I? He is my son.” I answer as if it was obvious.

“But our son is 18, darling, and he is in a healthy relationship with a nice guy. It’s obvious he’ll feel like doing something.”

“But he is so innocent.”

“He’s not innocent anymore Victor. He is growing up and if we stay by his side in this growth, don’t you think it is the best? He can trust us and if he gets into some trouble he will not hide it from us.”

“But”

“How long did it take us to have sex when we started dating, Victor?”

It takes me a few minutes to answer, a little embarrassed.

“Not much time…” I say in a low voice.

“Yes! Very little time!”

“I’m just worried…” I say feeling a little bad.

“My love, I understand your concern, but there is nothing to worry about. He will be fine, deep down you know it. You and I know that Yurio couldn’t find a better boyfriend.”

I keep quiet, totally agreeing with what he has just said. It wasn’t like I had any reasons to disagree.

“I’m afraid that he will leave and forget us,” I say feeling suddenly sad

Yuuri smiles and shakes his head, before he keeps his arms around me.

“He would never do this. He won’t forget us. Yurio may get married and live in another house, but I’m sure he will never forget us, don’t worry about it.”

“The house seems quiet without him…” I say feeling my throat tighten up.

“Hey!” Yuuri grabs my face with his hands and makes me look him in the eyes, “I’m still here! And until the day we die I’ll be with you!”

I feel an urge to cry and don’t hold it. I hug him back and start crying on his shoulder.

“Oh Victor, why are you crying, my love?” He asks caressing my hair.

“Our… son… is 18.” I step back and look at him. “We raised him well… right? We’re good parents… right?”

“Of course we are.” He smiles and hugs me again. “We raised him very well. Can’t you see how awesome our son is?”

“Yes, he is.”

Why am I crying? The subject changed drastically and now I’m crying and it’s not even for the fact that my son is dating, but I feel suddenly overwhelmed with a realization sense. To know that nowadays I can worry about my son’s relationship is really good. Why is it good? Because it means I have a son in the first place and my desire of protecting him is bigger than me, but the fact that I want to see him happy is even better, even though it means giving some things up, like the urge of killing everyone that approaches him with second intentions.

I start laughing about my own thoughts and wipe away my tears after moving away from Yuuri.

“Why are you laughing?” Yuuri asks.

“You promise he’ll be alright?” I ask calming myself down.

“I promise. He has us, nothing bad is going to happen to him.”

“Okay.”

Yuuri just smiles while cleans up my face.

“Victor, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I answer feeling curious

“Did you ever considered having… hmm… another kid?” He looks away.

“Excuse me?” I feel too surprised to be able to say more than this.

“I’ve always wanted to have more children… but I wondered if Yurio would feel upset and think he wasn’t enough for us… but now… he grew up… and maybe…” Yuuri begins to feel embarrassed and gets up quickly. “Forget about it, it’s not a big deal.” He laughs nervously, “I’m probably too needy.”

When Yuuri takes the first step to walk away I hold his arm and stand up quickly.

“I want! I do want it, Yuuri! I want more kids!” I feel my heart full with so much happiness that it overflows through my eyes. “My God! Let’s adopt another child!”

I hug him tightly and Yuuri hugs me back wetting my shirt with his tears.

“We’re going to need to… talk to Yurio.” Yuuri says as he steps away from me and wipes his eyes.

“Let’s talk to him then,” I say. “But Yuuri, why have you never mention this to me before?”

“I don’t know… like I said, I didn’t want Yurio to feel like he wasn’t enough…”

“Yuuri, adopting a new child doesn’t mean we love our son less. It just means we have enough love to share with the two of them.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m so happy!” I say as I hug him again. “You have no idea how happy I am, darling! Thanks for this.”

“I’m happy too!”

His smile and his eyes shining with joy were so captivating that made me even happier that he was by my side providing me so much happiness.

“I love you, Yuuri. It seems like a simple ‘I love you’ is not enough to show how big is my love for you. What should I do? It’s bigger than me, it’s too much. It’s been years and my heart still beats strongly when I look at you in the morning. My heart beats strongly as I look at you right now.”

“Victor…” Yuuri closes his eyes for a second and then opens them and looks at me. “I love you… what can I say when you already said it all?” He laughs.  “Thank you for being here, for being my husband, for making this life worth it. Jeez! I love you so much…”

“It’s enough for me.”

I pass my hands onto the sides of his neck and keep admiring his face for a few minutes before I kiss him. It’s not just one more of our kisses, it’s a kiss full of feelings, a kiss with all my love for him, but my love is too much for just one kiss, so I put my hands down on his back, but before I grab his butt, Yuuri pushes me to the couch and I fall seated. Although his eyes were a little red for all the crying, the expression on his face had already changed completely. Yuuri puts his knees on the sofa and seats on my lap, his hands run through my hair and he takes a deep breath as he looks at me intensely to, finally, give me an intense kiss. He rubs his butt over my dick getting me horny little by little.

When my hands are already going to his butt and I think it is going to happen in mid afternoon, in the living room, on that sofa, Yuuri gets off of me.

“I love you, Victor,” and went to the kitchen to drink some water.

I stay there, legs open, sitting on the sofa, feeling my erection aching.

“Where are you going?” I ask outraged.

“I’m going to make a dessert.” He says as if nothing had happened.

“But Yuuri, I’m hard!”

“It will pass.” He says laughing.

“You are so mean Yuuri!” I say with a crying voice.

“Come and help me!”

“I won’t go!” I say stubborn.

“Come and I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

“Let me calm down and I will come” I say lying in fetal position on the sofa thinking about the great sex we could have done in there.

After a while, I hear him chopping something and I get off the couch, already calm.

“What are you going to make?”

“I’ll make a chocolate truffle to put on the cake.”

“Why did you decided to do this right now, Yuuri?”

“So we can tell Yurio about the adoption, duh.”

I get up and go to the kitchen.

“Want some help?” I ask standing by his side.

“Get the cake ingredients.”

I go to the fridge to get eggs, butter, and milk and then to the cupboard to get flour and powder chocolate. I place it all on the counter, next to the mixer. Leaning on the marble I watch Yuuri, who is giving me his back, while he puts the chopped chocolate in a glass bowl, which would go in the microwave. I shake my head to get rid of the obscene thoughts that come to my mind and begin mixing the flour and the powder chocolate into the mixer’s plastic bowl.

I leave everything ready for the cake while Yuuri mixes the chocolate, almost done. His hips are moving softly while he quickly mixes it. I smirk as I look at his butt and send my self-control to the fucking hell. I stand behind him and embrace his waist.

“I like when you mix the chocolate.”

“It’s delicious. Have a taste.”

He passes his finger in the chocolate and puts it next to my mouth. I slowly move my tongue on the chocolate and then I lower my mouth all over his finger. I watch Yuuri’s face blush a little.

“Delicious indeed,” I say and kiss his neck.

“I thought you didn’t like sweets.” He says in a low voice

“I like it… when it’s on you.”

I turn him to look at me and Yuuri make him sit on the counter. Holding his wrist, I raise his right hand that is smeared with chocolate. I move my tongue on every inch of it and suck each of his fingers. He did not take his eyes off me while I “cleaned” his hand and his face became more and more blushed. I press my body to his, close enough for our dicks to touch themselves.

“You are hard,” I whisper in his ears. “And I haven’t done anything yet.”

“But… what about the cake?”

“We’ll make it later.” I go down kissing his neck.

“But I already made the truffle…”

His eyes are closed and his voice is kind of sexy, which is driving me crazy.

“So let’s use it.” I say passing two of my fingers onto the chocolate, smearing them completely.

Yuuri gives a lustful smile and put my fingers into his mouth sucking them stronger and stronger. I just watch that scene until he, who had the eyes closed, opens them and stares at me. Provocatively looking at me he moved his tongue up through my fingers and smiles. Trying to remain calm I drag the bowl of chocolate that is behind him to the side and put it at the counter. I Move my tongue next to his mouth that is dirty with chocolate and soon lead it to his lips that opens to kiss me with hunger, taking my breath away.

“Wanna go to the bedroom?” I ask in the middle of the kiss.

“Hell no!”

His hands pulled the collar of my shirt so we kiss again. I move my hands up through the sides of his body, taking his shirt off. I look at his pale skin and to the chocolate and smirk. I start to soil all his body with chocolate.

“Wh-What are you going to do?” He asks.

“I’m going to eat you up.”

I clean all the chocolate off his body with my tongue, making him moan low, until I reached his nipple. Yuuri has always been sensitive at this point, just like me, so his voice raises a little when I start to suck it.

“Yuuri, you are sweet.” I laugh as I say.

“You…”

I suck strongly his nipple, not allowing him to finish the sentence. I move my hand down to his pants and take it off, along with his underwear, exposing his member, which was already hard and weeping in horny. I feel Yuuri’s hand pulling the waistband of my pants. Obviously, I let him open it.

“You’re weeping.” He whispers as he smiles.

“Since you teased me in the living room.”

He crossed his legs around my waist, coming a little more to the edge of the counter, making our members touch themselves. His fingers slid down my abs stopping on my cock. Yuuri got comfortable and begins to masturbate ourselves simultaneously with both his hands. I take that chance to take off my shirt and close my eyes to enjoy that feeling of my dick rubbing on his for a moment.

When I open my eyes, I start kissing his neck and go down slowly, making him stop his movement. I left hickeys all over his body, until I get to his cock. Maybe it was my mouth, but the sweetness I was feeling while I sucked him made me want to eat him up even more. Little by little I put his member down my throat, making him moan louder.

“Yuuri… I want more…” I say after taking his member off my mouth and feeling my face getting hotter.

Knowing what it means, I step away from him, who stands up.

“On your knees!”

His voice was calm and full of authority. His expression was no longer of a helpless lamb, but of a wolf staring at his prey. I feel goosebumps all over my body as I look at him and knee slowly. Yuuri smirks as he looks at me from above.

“Put your tongue out.” He demands.

As a good boy, I obey. With his fingers, he plays a little with my tongue before holding his member in front of my mouth. I hold myself back to not swallow him entirely and wait for him to pressure the tip of it in my tongue. Yuuri runs his hand through my hair, holding it back and bringing my head slowly to him, making his dick enter deeper and deeper into my mouth. I look up and see his head thrown back. I roll my eyes with the pleasure of feeling him all in my mouth. Yuuri starts to move his hips slowly, making his member go deep in my throat, as I take that chance to move my hands up to his butt, where I squeeze hard and scratch softly. I ask for a little break to wet my fingers in my mouth before I go back to his ass and introduce them on his butt hole. My fingers sync with his hips movements. At the same time he put in my mouth I put my fingers inside him, making Yuuri moan loud.

“Victor… this way I will come.”

Of course, I wouldn’t stop. It is totally the opposite, I keep on going, faster and stronger. I feel his cock having spasms inside my mouth, while he holds my head firmly. I feel his hot juice down my throat at the same time his legs trembled and his moan of extreme pleasure fulfill the kitchen.

I get up and look at his exhausted expression, but not satisfied grab him by his legs and put him on the edge of the counter where the cake ingredients were. I accidentally bump on the bowl where I had left the flour and the powder chocolate and it ends up on the floor, making a powder cloud.

“Victor!”

I ignore the mess and lean on him to pass my sticky tongue between his butt cheeks, making Yuuri forget the whatever he was supposed to say next. After a few minutes, Yuuri gets off the counter and was on all fours for me. My dick slid easily into his warm and thigh butt hole. I didn’t hold my moans as I moved my hips, pushing harder and harder. Suddenly Yuuri scares me as he drops the glass with the milk measure off the counter to the ground, and his moan becomes more intense.

“There… Keep on going there…” he says between the moans.

It meant I was hitting the right spot and that he was feeling much more pleasure than usual. I open his ass with my hand to go deeper with my cock. Yuuri’s moans were even louder, making me hornier just from hearing him, but I still put my hand in his mouth to muffle them, after all, it wasn’t even 3 p.m. He tilts his ass for me more and more until I can’t hold it anymore and cum inside him holding his butt firmly. I move my hand along his spine before I step away and lean on the counter behind me, accidentally bumping my hand in the chocolate bowl that turns down and spread all over the marble. Hearing the noise, Yuuri turns and looks at me angrily for seeing the chocolate being completely wasted.

“S-Sorry?” I say.

“Victor…” Yuuri walks towards me placing both his hands on the counter smudging them all. “You need to be punished,” he says as passes his dirty hands down my body.

“I… can’t take it…” I say exhausted.

“Are you sure?” He goes down licking my chest and sucking my nipples like I did to him.

His fingers go down to my ass where I feel them getting into me slowly.

“Should I stop?” He asks while kisses my neck

“N-No.”

“So why don’t you turn for me?”

I don’t mind the dirty counter and place my hands on it, standing on my fours to him. His tongue goes down my spine and stops on my butt, where he bites. After playing a little with my ass I feel Yuuri’s cock rubbing between my butt cheeks and soon it begins to penetrate me. My skin becomes hotter with every touch of his hands that explored my naked body. I watch his hands passing by the counter and soon his fingers stop on my lips and I suck them while he fucks me hard from behind. It was impossible to not get turned on and start touching myself as he possessed all my body. I place his hand on my dick when he takes it off my mouth. I lean on the wall dirtying all the tile and feel his hands masturbating me quickly. I allowed my moans to join his while I can feel the orgasm approach again, but stronger, making my extreme pleasure moment last even longer. It didn’t take long before I felt my interior being fulfilled by his hot juice and we feel breathless at the same time. I turn and lean on the counter, smudging my butt with the chocolate that melted from the counter through all the cupboard to the floor. Yuuri steps closer and rests his head on my shoulder.

“I just wanted to make a cake.” He says in a crying voice

“Next time we’ll buy one, okay?” I laugh and caress his hair.

“Okay…”

“I think I need a bath,” I say feeling sticky everywhere.

“I guess I need one too,” Yuuri says stepping away. Looking down I could see a white liquid leaking from his butt between his legs.

He grabs some paper towel from the counter and cleans himself. I did the same, so we can go to the bathroom. We could have had sex in the bathroom if we had any energy left, but there was none. We cleaned up well, because there was chocolate all over us, and got back to the kitchen.

“We were having a cute moment in the living room a few minutes ago, weren’t we?” I ask as I watch the mess the kitchen became.

“Maybe that’s a cute moment for us too.” He laughs as he says.

“I don’t want to clean this.” I say tired.

In that very moment, I saw the egg rolling at the counter and, before I am able to react, it dropped onto the floor, making everything “better”.

“Me neither!” He says.

The milk was starting to mix with the flour and the chocolate powder that was widespread all over the kitchen. The lower part of the cupboard was full of chocolate that was dripping and dirtying the floor. The tiles were smeared. I notice that at some tile part the chocolate had the shape of a hand, that would be mine. I take a deep breath to only imagine what just happened in that kitchen.

“Yuuri, where do we sta…?”

I look around and Yuuri is not there anymore. Searching with my eyes I find him slouching on the sofa.

“Hey! What about the kitchen?”

“I’m too tired, we’ll do it later.”

“Thank you.” I say feeling relieved.

I go to the living room and he makes space for me to lay beside him.

Yuuri turns on the TV and we keep watching some TV series until I get sleepy and I fell asleep hugging him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Victor!”

“Hmm…”

“Wake up!” Yuuri shakes my shoulder and I open my eyes.

“What?” I say wanting to sleep some more.

“It’s 6:30, Yurio will be home soon and we didn’t clean the kitchen! Wake up!”

I stood up so quickly that I felt dizzy. We went straight to the kitchen and began to clean it. In total despair, I took a table towel to clean the floor and Yuuri told me off. I think we broke some kind of record because of how fast we cleaned that place, but when Yuri arrived we were still in the kitchen and it was hard to explain why we were cleaning it at that time. To get worse, he saw the chocolate hand on the wall. And, of course, Otabek connected the dots and realized what had happened there, but to my surprise, Yurio seemed to understand too. I’m pretty sure a month ago that kind of thought wouldn’t even cross his mind.

Standing in the kitchen watching the two of them laugh I felt the air was different around them… peaceful and calm… like everything was perfect and I knew what it meant. I just joined them and laugh, because it was impossible not to get hit by that atmosphere.

Like an excited teenager, Yuuri came up with a sleepover and invited Otabek to spend the night. Thinking about of what my son was apparently doing, I made it clear Otabek was not going to sleep at Yuri’s bedroom, but of course a pajama party would not be real if we didn’t sleep together in the living room.

After the two of them went to Otabek’s place to get some things, leaving Yuuri and I alone again, I spoke to Yuuri, “you think it’s a good idea to invite him to sleep here?” I ask.

“He is our son’s boyfriend, darling. Don’t you think that’s the best moment for us to see how he acts when he is with Yurio?”

“You… are right…” I say in a low voice.

“What? I couldn’t hear you.” Yuuri says ironically.

I sit on the sofa and cross my arms on my chest like a spoiled child. Yuuri smiles and gives me a kiss.

“I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you too, Yuuri.”

Otabek and Yurio arrived and went to take a shower. I took that chance to do the same. It was not too long ago that I’ve taken a shower to clean all the chocolate from the afternoon, but after the nap, I felt a little hot and decided to refresh a little bit.

After everything was ready at the living room, I sit next to Yuri making very clear that I was going to sleep by his side, but was defeated by Yuuri, and could not refuse to be with him for the night.

Actually, the night was quite pleasant, the movies were interesting and I took some time to watch Otabek and Yuri by my side and they were just watching them. Before I knew it, I was sleeping in Yuuri’s lap.

I wake up in the middle of the night and feel that my head is not at Yuuri’s lap anymore, but on the pillow. Sitting, I notice that Yuuri is sleeping facing backward. I lay down again and embrace his waist. Before I close my eyes, I see in front of me Otabek hugging Yurio the same way I was doing with my husband. I stay some minutes looking at that scene and looked my son’s face, that even asleep was smiling. In a way, I knew that happiness he was feeling, I knew it well and it was the kind that only comes when the person who is with us is the one we want to spend our lives with. What can I do for him, as a father? As a father, I can only offer him protection when he needs it but right there, seeing him so happy, I could not help but being happy for him and, simply, accept his boyfriend as part of this family… but it won’t harm if I keep picking on them a little bit… they don’t take my threats seriously anyway.

I look at them one more time and whisper to Otabek, “welcome to the family.”

I can confess the truth for myself… I like him… it will be nice to have someone else in the family and maybe, after a while… I can see him as a son…

Before I get to sleep I spend several minutes thinking about the adoption subject of that afternoon and how I was excited with the idea, wishing with all my heart that Yuri gets as thrilled as I am, because our love as parents is big enough to share even between… three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyaaaah, I love these Victuuri focused chapters <3 and the fact that they are in Victor's point of view... I JUST LOVE IT. MaaS, keep doing them u-u  
> Okay, so for today I welcome XixisssUchiha to our time, thank you so much for your help ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ  
> That's it for today, thank you so much for all the support (-ε- )  
> See you next week o/  
> ~AnaruB


	11. Please…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio can’t bear to be away from his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Fiambre  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning, was Victor sitting on the sofa in front of me, drinking his cup of coffee as he stared at me.

“What…?” I say without understand his expression.

I feel a pressure on my abdomen and I slide my hand down, where an arm is holding me tight. I try to turn my head and see, partially, Otabek sleeping below me. I look to Victor quickly, and he takes a big sip of coffee without taking his eyes off us, when Yuuri suddenly appears slapping his head.

“Stop staring!” He says in a low voice.

“Ouch, Yuuri!” His expression goes from serious to sad, as a baby in less than two seconds, which makes me roll my eyes.

Victor gets up from the sofa and follows Yuuri to the kitchen. When I think about getting out of his arms, Otabek pulls me even more to himself, making my body totally stuck to his under the blanket that covered us. I feel something hard poking me next to my butt, while his face approaches the back of my neck, slightly messing with my hair, making me crawl completely. I feel my whole body starting to burn so I quickly leave his arms, waking him up. I look at the kitchen and see that my parents are still there, and I thank God for that.

“Yura…?”

I look back and I see him with his eyes slightly closed and a wrinkled brow of the someone who just woke up. Quickly I turn my face, and go to the bathroom, without calling anyone’s attention, leaving Otabek without understanding anything, on the mattress.

I look at the mirror and I see my hair all messy. I try to remember the time I fell asleep, but I can’t, mainly, with Otabek hugging me in that way. My face is still red because of that thing that I just felt poking me. I start remembering everything that happened yesterday when I look at the purple mark on my collarbone when I pull my shirt on the side and ask myself how could I be so calm after all that happened. I-I did things… said things… It’s fine that I make all of that, but from where did all this calmness come?

I breathe deeply and wash my face, so then I can fix my hair and go back to the living room. However, I end up meeting with Otabek in the hallway. What happens with these meetings in hallways that insist on happening?!

“Good morning.” He says scratching his abdomen under the shirt.

 I stay a few seconds lost in thoughts while I admire him, but soon I come back to reality.

“G-Good morning.” I respond.

“How are you?”

“I’m… fine. And you?”

Otabek comes close to me and put his head on my shoulder. 

“I’m sleepy. Why did you wake up? It was warm and comfortable there. Looks like I sleep hugging a giant pillow… not so big actually.”

“Hey!” I give him a light tap on his head. “My parents were watching us there, it’s obvious that I would wake you.”

He lifts his head and looks at me for a while, before hugging me.

“It doesn’t cost anything to wake me up with a kiss and a lovely good morning.” He says with a sad voice.

What “Victor Nikiforov crisis” is this Otabek having?!

“I’m sorry.” I start laughing. “I promise that the next time I wake you up it will be like that only.”

He look at me and smiles softly.

“So, there will be a next time?” He asks.

“Well… one day… hmmm… who knows.” I look away.

Otabek approaches near my ear and whispers, “I hope that next time will be at my house,” and kiss my neck making me blush.

“Do you want coffee?” Yuuri asks, who appears from nowhere.

“Of course!” He turns and smile to Yuuri.

Why does he always do this? I know that he can pretend and act normally when someone suddenly appears even after saying such things, but I can’t! I turn my eyes away from Yuuri to hide my red face, but probably, it wasn’t enough, because I hear his laugh in a low tone before he goes away.

“Stop doing those things!” I say angrily as I punch his arm.

“Ouch!” He pretends that it hurts and put a hand on the arm. “Which things?”

“Don’t make yourself misunderstood. Those things… keeping, saying those things when someone can appear.”

“I’m sorry. But I can’t help myself.” He passes his hand around my neck and bring his face to mine, ready to kiss me.

“Yurio, where is…” I hear Victor’s voice getting closer and Otabek goes away from me “… our movie pen drive?” He appears in the hallway and Otabek is already nine inches far from me, what makes me laugh.

“I don’t know, I think it is in the living room.”

“It isn’t there. Sure you didn’t take it to your room?”

“I will look for it.” I said.

“Okay.”

When I saw Victor going away from my view, I turn around and look to Otabek with a smile stamped in the face.

“So, you can’t help yourself?” I ask ironically.

“So… I can in some situations.”

“Chicken,” I say as I walk away.

“That is a precaution, Yura!” He says staying behind and soon entering the bathroom.

I came back to the living room and I lie down on the mattress, wanting to sleep again. I pick my blanket and hug it, feeling Otabek’s smell mixed with mine.

“You want your coffee?”

I notice that someone is sitting by my side. When I turn around, I see Yuuri with my coffee cup with milk in his hand.

“Thank you” I say sitting and grabbing the cup from his hand.

He just smiles for me and drinks his coffee in silence.

 Thank you, Yuuri” I say again.

“You don’t need to thank me again, my love.”

“Not for the coffee, for giving the idea of him staying here” I said in low voice.

“Oh! I like him. I think all of these dumb events are great for us to include him in the family”

Include him in the family…? Well, after a month it is inevitable don’t I think of him like my boyfriend. But can I introduce him to any person as my boyfriend? Because, well, the only people who know about this are my parents. Can we walk holding hands on the street? It’s not like I want to… but… it would be nice…

“Did you walk holding hands?” I ask suddenly, totally out of context.

“What?” He looks at me confused.

“You and Victor. Did you…hmm… used to walk holding hands when you start dating?

“No” Victor answers standing next to Yuuri and then sits down by his side. “We used to walk holding hands only when we were on some empty street, without anyone close looking at us in a weird way.”

“But now you walk holding hands,” I say.

“In the beginning, it’s a little complicated, there’s that feeling of not wanting the people to look at you in a way like you’re not normal and also some fear. When we stopped to think about it, we figured out we were ashamed of who we really are. We can’t do anything if we were born like this. The people’s look started not to bother us anymore, so we started acting like a couple on the street, because it’s what we are and there’s nothing wrong about it.” Victor says.

Since the day I started going out with Otabek, I haven’t stopped to think about how people could look at us if we went out in the street like a couple. But now, thinking better, I just want these weird looks to go to hell. I don’t remember going out with my parents and they passing through some embarrassing moment with this kind of people next to me, but I don’t know what could happen if someone offended them. At least, I would be rude and I would at least show my middle finger to those people. I don’t understand why the society cares so much about how people live their lives. Fuck, we aren’t doing bad things to anyone, isn’t it a good reason to let us go in search of our happiness?!

“But it isn’t all the people that are like that, Yurio, it’s just a parcel. In the old days it was harder, but slowly we conquered our rights in this world. Like the marriage between two people of the same sex and the possibility of adoption.” Yuuri explains.

“But it’s so dumb not letting people be what they want to be!” I say outraged.

I drink my coffee and see Otabek entering the living room.

“There’s a cup for you on the table, Otabek.” Yuuri says when he sees him.

He thanks for it and goes pick his coffee, then he comes back to the living room and sits on the sofa.

“Have you already gone through any boring situation for being gay, Otabek?” Yuuri asks.

“I don’t, but there was one time, at one of my parties, that a guy was being mean to a gay couple, but I didn’t have to do anything, because the group kicked him out. There’s always someone dumb, but it’s a few, nothing worrisome. There are more respectable people than intolerants, at least in the places I have been to.”

“Thank God.” I say.

I keep listening to them talking and I notice that there are good people in this type of occasion too, so the human kind is not a lost cause.

After few minutes of conversation, Otabek’s cat appears in the room with my cat behind, meowing, probably because they are hungry.

“Are you hungry, little girl?” Otabek says as he picks up and put her on his lap. “Do you want to go home?”

After some minutes caressing his cat while I was playing with my cat, Otabek gets up holding his cat and says, “Well, thanks for letting me stay the night.”

“Don’t you wanna stay for lunch?” Yuuri asks.

“No, thanks. I’m really going to home” He says smiling thankfully.

Although I spent the night and the previous day with him, I feel sad that Otabek is leaving. I feel that I could have spent today with him too, and the next and the next and then I would never get tired of his presence.

I go pick his clothes that were, slightly, damp and give them to him so he can put them in his bag. We return to the room where Otabek talks a little to my parents and then they say goodbye. With my cat in my arms, I follow him to the garage. I help him putting the cat in the bike with some special equipment that he remembered bringing yesterday, so he could safely carry back to home.

Finishing, he leans on the bike and stares at me.

“W-what?” I say.

“What? I’m waiting for you to say goodbye to me.” He says like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

And it was, but I didn’t want to say goodbye to him.

“Come here.” He opens the arms for me.

I give half smile and I go to him. I put my head on his chest and I feel his hands caressing my hair.

“What’s the problem?” He asks.

“Nothing…” I whisper.

“Of course it’s something. Tell me.”

“I don’t… want you to go home…” I say in a low voice.

Otabek laughs softly and kisses the top of my head.

“I wanted to take you with me.” He confesses.

“Why don’t you take me?” I say pouting to him.

Otabek curves down and kisses my lips gently.

“Don’t tease me like that.” He smiles to me by removing his lips from mine.

Beka starts scratching Otabek’s shirt and I move away for him to stop.

“See, even your cat doesn’t want to let me take you.” He says.

I laugh and pet my cat. I go back to him and bow my head, gently, to look him in the eyes. A few seconds pass, I close my eyes and hope to feel his lips again. I don’t want him to stop kissing me. I don’t want to stop feeling the soft taste of coffee that is in his mouth. I don’t want him to take his hands off my neck, which he touched so gently. But he stops and I know it is time for him to leave.

“Bye, then…” I say looking away.

“Don’t make that face, Yura. I can’t go with you like this.”

“So, don’t go…” I say looking like a kid.

“Come on, smile for me.” He says.

I curve my lips quickly, showing a sad smile, which makes Otabek laugh at my expression and then hug me tight, being careful of the cat in my hand.

“I…” he stops talking for a second. “You’re so cute, Yura!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

We stay there for a few minutes, until he walks away and climbs on the bike.

“Should we hang out on Wednesday?” He asks.

I approach and surprise him with a sudden kiss.

“Yes… see you on Wednesday then.” I say as I walk away.

Otabek looks at me before taking a deep breath and putting on his helmet.

“Goodbye!”

He says before leaving.

“Bye…” I whisper waving to his backs that was already around the corner.

Why do I feel that something is missing in this farewell?

I close everything and go back inside the house, where I find that the living room is already organized and Victor and Yuuri are whispering on the sofa. When they see me, the conversation ends abruptly and silence hangs in the room. Weird…

“What was that?” I ask.

“W-what was what?” Victor asks with a voice, slightly, shaken.

“You stop talking when I came in. What were you talking about?”

“Nothing, my love” Yuuri says.

I look right to Yuuri who smile to me and I decide to let it pass this time, even though I am curious about that situation. I jump in the sofa on Victor’s side and take a deep breath.

“What’s it, Yurio?” Victor asks.

“Nothing…”

I breathe deeply one more time. They don’t ask again, but Victor kisses the top of my head before turning turn the TV on. My body is in the room, but my mind is not. There are so many thought about my relationship that I can’t even notice Yuuri calling me until Victor shakes my arm.

“Yes?” I say coming back to the reality.

“Are you okay?”

I look to the two of them who are staring at me and smiling softly.

“I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m going to my room, excuse me.”

“Alright…” they say in synchrony.

With my cat on the lap, I walk to my room and I jump on my bed, after putting Beka on the floor, where he stays playing with his little ball.

If I’d known that Otabek was going to leave so fast, I wouldn’t have woken up. I close my eyes and remember the warmth of his body that has been stuck with mine all night. I don’t think I’m okay, because I can’t think of anything but him and it’s only been a few minutes since he left. I sink my head into the pillow in hope of sleeping again, however, I still spend about an hour turning in bed, until, I finally sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up feeling scared and my body warm. I sit on the bed and I put my hand on my neck feeling funny. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was like that because of the dream I was having. I get up and go to the bathroom when I realize that I am hard. I only remember Otabek sucking me in my dream, maybe it was because of the events of the previous day and the memories that refused to leave my mind, but I can’t reassure myself at all. I decide to take a bath to refresh my body and calm down, but it was useless, because the water that flowed all over my body was making me even more excited. That’s when I decided to solve the problem with my own hands. I leaned against the wall behind me and close my eyes, trying to remember my dream. At first I felt embarrassed to think of Otabek like this, but when my hand begins to move around my cock, there was nothing to think about except his voice in my ear, his tongue passing through my body, his mouth…

A few minutes pass, I bite my lips hard as the speed of the movements of my hand increases and I feel the orgasm coming, making me stifle my moan of pleasure, at the same time that I feel my legs tremble and I lose my strength. I open my eyes and slide down with my back on the wall and sitting on the floor, letting the water fall on the lower part of my body taking away that white sticky liquid. Although the feeling of orgasm being the same, of course, doing it alone wasn’t as pleasurable as with someone “helping you”. I start to feel an unexpected desire to do the same with Otabek and I wonder if I will have the courage to do it the next time we are alone.

I finish my bath that was already way longer than the usual and I go to my room to put on some clothes.

“Lunch is ready,” Yuuri says as he appears at the door after a few minutes.

I follow him to the kitchen and sit down at the table.

“You took a shower earlier.” Victor notices.

“It’s hot,” I say.

“Seriously, are you feeling hot? It’s raining out there.”

I look at the window and see the rain falling outside.

“Well… it was hot at the moment I woke up.” I look at my plate to disguise the slight embarrassment that hits me.

Yuuri had made Katsudon, which I haven’t eaten since the first time Otabek came home. I feel satisfied and I realize that I’m more hungry than normal. But something that is really bothering me in this whole situation is the air hanging between us. It’s obvious that Victor and Yuuri aren’t acting normally, and that they are looking too much at me, making me a bit uncomfortable as if they knew what I was doing earlier.

“What’s going on?!” I ask as I lose my cool.

“N-nothing” Victor says.

“If you don’t talk now I’ll get my stuff and go to the Otabek’s house.” I say without any pity.

“Yurio!” Victor exclaims. “Don’t say…”

“Yurio…” Yuuri starts interrupting Victor. “We need to talk with you.”

My heart races as I hear him saying that we need to talk. I can’t imagine any other thing besides something about my relationship with Otabek, what was starting to make me nervous to think that Yuuri had told Victor that I was interested in sex.

“A-about what?” I look worried to him.

“We can talk after lunch,” Yuuri says.

I eat slowly afraid of this “after lunch”, but at the same time curious to know what this conversation is about.

It seems like it took hours to get the kitchen clean after we were done eating until we finally get to the room. I sit down first on the sofa and they sit in front of me, side by side, holding hands and looking to me. Okay. I’m scared now.

“Yurio… we were talking and… Yuuri, you say it” Victor says, not being able to finish.

“Me and Victor want to talk with you about something we decided, but before we want your support.”

“My God! Say it already! You’re making me nervous.” I say with my heart racing.

“So… we want… hmm… adopt another child…” Yuuri says in a shaken voice.

I look at the two of them surprised with that suddenly topic.

“But it doesn’t mean that we don’t love you enough. We love you. Don’t think you’re not enough for us. You are the best son in the world, but… but…” Victor says excited and afraid of me misinterpreting the subject.

Why are they so nervous? I am surprised, really! I couldn’t have imagined they’d come up with this subject so suddenly, without even giving a hint of being interested in it. I always wondered why Victor and Yuuri, who are so “family people”, don’t have more children. I thought a son already gave them too much work, but… but… get a brother… why do I feel so happy?

“It will be great… a brother…” I say feeling my mouth curling into a smile.

The two of them put their hands over their mouths in synchrony with a crying expression on their faces.

“T-thank you,” Victor says with teary eyes.

“What did you think I was going to say?” I mean, I really don’t understand their nervousness.

“You could have thought that we don’t think you are enough for us, so then we would adopt another child.” Yuuri says.

“How silly you are,” I say laughing softly. “You gave me more love than I deserved over all these years. Being adopted by you was the best thing that ever happened in my life. Sharing this happiness with another child will be… amazing.”

I see tears rolling down their faces, especially Victor’s that has already red-rimmed eyes.

I get up from the sofa and stop in front of Victor. I look at Yuuri who cleans his face and smiles to me balancing his head positively.

“Hey, why are you crying so much?” I ask to Victor.

“T-thank you…” He sobs.

For his surprise, I give him a hug, making him cry even more.

“Don’t you think it should be me thanking you?” I ask. “You said that I’m the best son in the world, but I’m best because I have the best parents, so you don’t need to thank me.” I smile.

He hugs my waist tightly, wetting my shirt with his tears. I look to Yuuri who soon stands up and kisses my forehead. My bond with Yuuri has always been much stronger than with Victor. I didn’t have to tell him anything, but for Victor yes, it was important to him.

Yuuri leans his head on my shoulder and I kiss his head.

After some time, Victor calms down and walks away from me to wipe his swollen face.

“I love you so much… you two.” He says sobbing.

 _I love you._ The typical phrase that we speak when we like someone. No. When we like someone a lot.

“I love you too, after all, you’re my parents,” I say smiling.

I don’t usually call them “parents” in front of them. Why? Well, I don’t know, but it seems to be important to them, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I start calling them like this sometimes.

Victor, who had stopped crying, comes back wetting my shirt while hugging me again. Yuuri, who was crying on my shoulder, whispers in my ear, “thanks for that.”

Maybe it was contagious, because I feel my throat tighten and my eyes starting to get blurry because of the tears. What’s happening to me? Why do I feel so in peace?

“Stop crying!” I say crying.

Yuuri looks at me and starts laughing, soon wiping away his tears. I burst out laughing along with Yuuri, until Victor raises his face to look at us as if we were crazy.

“What’s your… problem? We were having a cute… moment” Victor wipes his face.

Yuuri and I say in chorus a long “Ah!”, then we jumped on top of Victor, pressing him on the sofa in a squeaky hug, making him laugh at the same time he pretends to fight with us until he surrendered and hugs us back.

“I’m so happy to have you…” Victor says now calmer and still hugging us.

Yuuri raises his chest a little bit and leans in to gently kiss Victor’s lips.

“Hey! More respect with me here!” I say annoyed.

Both look at me and look each other right after.

“Let’s get him!” they say in synchrony.

Before their hands reached me, I was already up and leaving to the other sofa.

“Don’t need it!” I say putting a pillow in front of me as if it could protect me.

“Let’s go surround him, Victor.” Yuuri says as he wiggles his fingers that were ready to grab me.

“We’re going to kill him with tickles,” Victor responds getting ready too.

“Stop it.” I say starting laughing before they even get me.

The two of them look at each other and come running after me. I try to escape as hard as I can, but I’m completely defeated since they end up catching me. They can tickle me for long enough for me to lose my breath and surrender.

“Okay… I give up.” I say laughing loudly.

They both stop and laugh with me. Probably there isn’t a dumber moment than this one in the world, but it’s our dumb moment and we’re happy, so I think that’s enough.

We stay in the living room for a long time until Yuuri has the idea of going to the mall to get some ice cream, which turned the afternoon full of activities such as walking and buying bullshit in every store we passed by.

After dinner, I bid them my “good night” and I went to my room, even though I was not sleepy.

By myself, in that dark room, I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes, enjoying the music that comes through my earbuds. The songs that once were just sounds, today, are lyrics that make sense. It even looks like they tell my feelings… Is it enough for me to say that I like him? Why doesn’t it seem to be enough for how much I like him?

“Fuck!” I say in a low voice.

After a few minutes, feeling a bit determined, I wished that Wednesday could come quick so I wouldn’t lose my courage to say a few things to Otabek.

 

* * *

 

 

However, it took time. It took so much time, like never before in my life. And when Otabek pressed the house bell, I had already accumulated anxiety and nervousness during all three days.

Victor isn’t at home so Yuuri quickly greets Otabek as always, and soon goes back to his office, where he was getting everything ready to receive a patient.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Otabek asks me after Yuuri had left to his office.

“I want to go… to your house. We need to talk.” I say looking away.

“Okay…” He looks at me for a few seconds and then squeezes my hand.

The sky is still cloudy. It rained every day, which made the temperature drop dramatically for that time of the year when it’s actually pretty warm. But like every warm season had their period of rain, this is one of them.

When we get to Otabek’s house, I take off my shoes and leave them at the entrance. Unlike the outside environment, his house is warm, so I take off my sweater and just stay on my red long-sleeved shirt. I take a deep breath and stare at Otabek who gives me a confused look.

“What?” He asks.

Without saying anything, I grab his hand and start walking to his room.

“Yura?”

I have to talk. I have to say everything I’ve been thinking for days. I need to stop shaking and talking!

“Sit down.” I say when we get into his room.

Otabek walks to his bed and sits with a worried face.

“You’re scaring me, Yura.”

I give nervous laugh and move my hand to my eyes.

“You know, Otabek…”

“Please, don’t say it. I think I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want you to say it.” Otabek says with a sad…look?

Somehow, I feel my heart hurting, why doesn’t he want me to talk? Is it too much for him?

“Why… you don’t want me to say it?” I say feeling my throat tighten.

“I don’t want it to end, Yura.”

I start laughing because of how dumb I was in believing that he likes me to the point of loving me.

“My god, how stupid I am!” I say unable to stop laughing.

“Yura?”

Otabek, who is now with a confusion expression, gets up to come in my direction, but I move away at the same pace.

“What’re you going to tell me?” He asks.

“Obviously, nothing important,” I say a little angry.

I start walking back to the living room to get my sweater.

“I’m leaving” I say wearing my sweater.

“You’ve just arrived!”

“And I’m already leaving.”

“Why?!”

“Isn’t it obvious?!”

Otabek stares at me for a few minutes before speaking again, “Yura, I think I understood something wrong… why are you mad?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Otabek?!” I say raising the tone of my voice.

I touch the door handle to open it, but I stop when he says, “weren’t you going to break up with me?”

Slowly I turn my head to face him.

“What?!” I say outraged.

“You were so serious, like you were determined to say something. And when you said ‘we need to talk’… well, I thought it was that.”

 I take a deep breath and, calmly, walk to the sofa in the living room where I pick up one pillow that I firmly grip before slamming into his face.

“You idiot!” I scream.

The pillow drops on the floor and I watch his expression of surprise of my sudden explosive reaction.

“Yura…”

“Break up? Break up? Why did you think I was going to break up? You were the one who started with this talking of breaking up. Since the day you left my house I never stop thinking about you, at any given moment. If it was for me, you would had stayed with me. I don’t want to sleep alone anymore.” I get another pillow and a send to him. “I don’t want to stay without kissing you.” I do the same thing with another pillow. “I don’t wanna wait for days to be able to see you anymore. I keep imagining your voice in my ear and out of nowhere, I get excited. Do you think I want to break up?” I feel a few tears coming down my face as I breathe heavily. “I can’t even wait three days to see you, I wish I could be able to stay without you forever, but I can’t even… imagine it… I was just… going to say that I… love you…”

My voice that was high in the beginning, gets lower at the last sentence. Then I lose my breath, put my arm in front of the eyes and I cry. I don’t now know what he is going to say. I don’t know if he loves me too. I don’t even know why I said it… but I know it hurts. I don’t look up to see how his face is, because I’m too busy crying and covering my own, so he doesn’t see me in this situation. So then, after a few minutes, I feel his arms around me. I want to get out of here, I don’t want him to feel sorry for me.

“Please… don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

To my surprise his voice conveys a sadness that I wasn’t expecting, making me cry even more.

“I’m sorry, Yura… I misunderstood everything… I’m sorry. Please, stop crying.”

“Do you think…that I want to … cry?!” I say angrily as I move away from him, still not looking at his face.

He put his hands on my cheek and lift my face up, so I’m forced to look at him. His eyes are wet which makes me shocked.

“Otabek…?”

“I couldn’t imagine… I’m sorry for thinking that you’d break up… I know I’m an idiot, I didn’t have a reason for doing that.” He laughs nervously. “I was nervous and I end up thinking about bullshit… But you know, I lost my opportunity to say it and I regretted losing it, so I spent these days wanting this Wednesday to come fast so I could say the things that I practiced saying in front of the bathroom’s mirror, but I messed everything up… I’m sorry.

Otabek hugs me again and I remain unresponsive because of his words. Near his chest, I can feel his heart beating as fast as mine, until he, with his head resting on my shoulder as he holds me, whispers in my ear, “I love you, Yura… I also love you… not just a little… it is so much that it seems that nothing is enough to show all my love for you.”

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. My tears now come down silently and I can’t even lift my hands to hug him back. Otabek moves away little bit and stares at me while caressing my face, wiping my tears.

“I love you…” He laughs low. “I guess I’ll never going to get tired of saying that.”

What flood of feelings that just invaded me in less than fifteen minutes? How did I get from mad to extreme happy just because of a few words? I need to say something, but I can’t!

I look back and I see that the sofa is behind me.

“Sit down…” I ask him.

I wipe my face and stare at him for a few seconds before smiling, a sincere and happy smile as I’ve never had before.

“You’re so beautiful…” He says with admiring eyes.

Still sitting, he stretches out his arm to take my hand and pull me to him. Slowly, I climb onto the sofa and settle down on his lap. I cross my legs on his back that aren’t completely against the sofa, and hug his neck, letting my mouth close to his ear so I can whisper, “I love you… that’s what I wanted to say…”

He distances himself enough to look at me, and then smiles. Otabek has already smiled several times, but that smile was… so perfect… so beautiful… and it is just for me.

I put my hands on his cheeks and approach his face to, finally, kiss him. Kissing him after saying that I love him and knowing that he loves me too, has a different taste… it’s like it’s sweeter. It becomes even sweeter when I feel him responding it, making my body warmer.

“Wait…” I say moving away.

I start taking off my sweatshirt and end up pulling my shirt up. I feel Otabek hands on my naked waist and they soon start to go up, pulling my shirt together. I raise my arms allowing him to take it off more easily. I feel my naked skin shiver and Otabek noticing it, kisses slowly on my neck.

“All right, let’s warm you up.” He smiles wickedly at me.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him intensely, while his hands go down on the side of my body, stopping on my back that he pulls to himself, making me feel his hard cock pressed on me. If I hadn’t kissed him, I would be biting my lips right now. He leaves my mouth, to go to my neck, and soon going down to my chest, stopping to suck my nipple, making me let out a low moan. My body is slightly leaning back and his hands tighten around my butt cheeks harder and harder.

When he stops his mouth, I hug him again and whisper on his ear, “take me to your room.” I say and bite the lobe of his ear.

Otabek doesn’t answer, but just smiles and gets up with me on his lap. Along the way, I kiss his neck intensely, sucking his skin lightly.

Arriving in his room, he puts me on the bed, and stay on top of me.

“What’s going on with you today?” He asks.

I pull the collar of his shirt to kiss him.

“I miss you” I say in the middle of the kiss.

I open my legs and cross them on his back so that I can feel his cock pressing on mine, which is already hard. He soon starts to come down kissing my body, and stops his hands on my pants so he can open the zip. Then, I remember a precious detail about my underwear what makes me sitting quickly and not letting him continue.

Fuck!

“What is it, Yura?”

“I can’t take off my… my pants.”

“Why?” He asks confused.

I feel my face heating up thinking about the leopard print underwear that I’m wearing. He definitely can’t see it!

“M-My… underwear…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Y-you can’t see it.”

“Now I’m really curious!” He says pulling my legs, stretching them. “Let me see it, Yura.” He smiles to me.

“N-No…” I put my hand in front of the pants zipper.

Otabek leans over me and starts to kiss my neck and then my mouth.

“Please…” he says between the kiss.

“Only if you… promise to not laugh.” I say really wanting to actually continue with this.

“I promise.”

Slowly, I take my hand to show him the way. I hide my face in the pillow on the bed and then I hear his laugh.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” I say as I shove the pillow on his face.

“I’m sorry!” He laughs. “But you know… it is sexy…” Otabek says in a sensual voice and soon bites my cock over my underwear.

His hand slips down through my legs, taking along with them my pants.

I rest my elbows on the bed and I look to him. His hands start lowering my underwear and before exposing my dick, his eyes go up to face me and he soon says, “you may be the one in a leopard print, but who will devour you is me.” His voice is calm and somewhat erotic.

   “Idio…” I see his mouth coming down to my cock before I can even finish talking. “Ah…”

I let my body fall on the bed and then I bit my lips as I felt his tongue going through every inch of my cock. He is more voracious than before making me melt into his mouth. My body writhes lightly and my hands pull the bed sheets. But I don’t want it to end so fast, so I put my hand on his forehead for him to stop.

“Any problem?” He asks confused.

“I don’t want you to… stop.”

“I wouldn’t stop.”

“No, Otabek. I don’t want you to stop. I want you to continue until the end… I want you to feel good too… I want to feel,” I turn my eyes away totally embarrassed, “you inside me.”

“Are you… sure?” He asks surprised.

“Please…” I say.

He goes down and kisses me intensely, before stretching his arm to open the drawer and take out two sacks of something unknown and a condom. I don’t know why, but I start feeling nervous enough to start shaking… Is it because I am cold?

“Hey! It’s okay, you don’t need to be nervous, alright?” Otabek holds my face between his hands. “I wouldn’t do anything you don’t want.”

“Uhum…” I say taking a deep breath.

“Do you want to continue?” He calmly asks.

I shake my nod and he goes to kiss me gently. His eyes stay with mine, while his right hand slides down my body and goes to my member, where he begins slow movements of up and down.

I gradually relax and I feel the pleasure that I was feeling before. When he notices I’m less nervous, Otabek goes back down with his body and starts to suck me again. I hear the sound of the sacks opening and I close my eyes. I feel a cold liquid trickling down between my buttocks, making me shiver. His mouth goes down, putting my member deep in his throat, until I feel, slowly, one of his finger coming inside of me. The strange sensation of feeling his finger there was totally nullified by his mouth sucking me deeply.

I feel slightly weird when he starts to move his finger, but it’s a matter of a minute until I start to feel as good with his finger as I was with just his mouth. Soon, I feel another finger penetrating me, taking from me a loud groan that starts to get more and more frequent with the movement of his fingers coming and going faster and faster.

“Beka…” I touch his arm.

“Yes?”

I look to his face which is, slightly, blush. I don’t even want to know how is mine.

“I didn’t say that I… wanted your fingers.”

Otabek makes a face of who’s trying to hold on and asks, “are you sure?”

“Stop asking… Jeez…” I say panting.

He stands up and with his back to me, he takes off his shirt. I watch the muscles of his back that move along with the movement of his arms and I sigh. I move my eyes to his ass and then I see his pants coming down, showing his black underwear. When Otabek turns to me, I notice his hard member in his underwear. I automatically bite my lips and feel more excited than I already was.

He goes back up on the bed and leans to kiss me once again. I take it slowly to slide my hands down his upper body until I can feel his muscles abs under my finger. Not satisfied I go down a little bit and get to his cock over his underwear, and I realize… he is big! I slide my hand into his underwear and pull his member out. I feel Otabek’s mouth hesitate as he kisses me, when I start passing my hand in his member, and then slowly stroke him. His teeth softly bite my lower lip and he gently pulls it. His hip lowers a little and I feel his cock touching mine. He rests his arms on the bed as he stares into my eyes, his hips move up and down rubbing his dick into mine, making me stifle a moan. My face warms up with every second he stares at me, so I pull him by the neck and kiss him again. He smiles along the kiss, making me know that Otabek is doing it on purpose to make me embarrassed.

After a few minutes, he comes off me and kneels in the middle of my legs. I take a minute to look at his member and think about how it was going to get inside me. Otabek open the condom and put it slowly. His eyes come back to me and I nod with my head so he knows I’m okay, despite being a little scared. I see him pour the second sack of the icy liquid on my butt and soon I feel his member rub it. I take a deep breath and I prepare myself for the pain but it doesn’t come. Slowly, I feel his member slipping inside me. The initial feeling is a bit uncomfortable, but I soon get used to it, which is pleasurable after some time.

“Are you okay?” He asks me.

“Uhum…”

“Just say to stop if you feel like, okay?”

“Okay…”

Somehow, his words calm me down, making me, finally, relax completely. Everything will be fine. It’s him. Slowly, his hip begins to move and the pleasure becomes something indescribable. I can perfectly feel his hard member coming in and out of me as his hands tighten around my skin. The best is his expression of someone who is feeling the same as me. It makes me quite satisfied.

The movement of his hip starts to, gradually, get faster, leaving me unable to hold my moans. I place my hand over my mouth to smother them and Otabek gently pulls it away, “let me… hear you.” He says.

Without holding myself, my groans echo through the room. I pull the sheet, messing up the bed and then I feel Otabek hands on my waist lifting me from the mattress, making me sit on his lap. I feel his cock sinking deeper into me in that position.

“Are you alright?” He asks.

“Yeah…”

“So why don’t you move by yourself?” He asks with a sexy tone.

I smile and feel embarrassed. At the same time, I try to move, but I can’t.

“It doesn’t work…”

“It’s alright, go slow.”

His hands are on my butt to help me move, until I hug his neck and begin to move my myself. There is no more sheet so I end up scratching his back every time I sit on his member.

After a few minutes, Otabek leaves one hand on my butt, and slides the other one to my dick. When I thought I couldn’t feel more pleasure, I found out I could. I stop sitting when he begins to stroke me, and I feel that I can’t take the pleasure of the two things at once. But his hand on my back helps me to continue moving.

“I can’t… hm… hold… Beka…” I say in between moans as I scratch his back.

“Ah… fuck… Yura.” He gives a low moan.

He lowers my butt, making me take him deeply, at the same time that his hand moves quickly.

“Beka… I’m going… Beka…” I start moaning in his ear.

I feel my whole body shake when I feel the orgasm coming and Otabek still lowers my butt about five times before I hold it steady down and feel his member having spasms inside of me.

Breathless, I get off from him and lay on back on the bed. Otabek take some time before laying by my side. I can only imagine that he is taking off the condom, since I don’t have strength enough to raise my head to see what he is doing.

After a few seconds, he lies down on my side touching his mouth near my neck.

“Are you feeling good?” He asks.

“I’m tired…”

“How is your body?”

I turn to him and I lower myself a little to look him on his face.

“I’m fine, Beka.” I say and then I kiss softly his lips.

Otabek holds me tight and I wrap myself around the side of his body.

“So good… so good…” he whispers.

So close to his naked body, I feel his heart beating fast and his skin as hot as mine.

I don’t like summer. It’s hot and it makes my whole body sweat. But the hot that I’m feeling now while our bodies are stuck together, sure, makes me love this temperature… but only this one.

“I love you” I whisper.

He gives a low laugh and I keep hugging him for a long time, feeling comfortable enough and end up napping in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like Taani said, "GO WILD, YURI!!!" hahaha  
> So today I welcome Fiambre to our translation time. Thank you so much for your help <3  
> And that's it, thank you guys for always leaving comments (^з^)-☆  
> See you next Saturday (^o^)/  
> ~AnaruB


	12. Have you ever stopped to think?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio spending time with his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: BlueChariot  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

I hear a constant meow and I think Beka may be hungry. Until I open my eyes and notice I’m not at home because there is a man with a skin slightly darker than mine sleeping next to me. His arm is placed under his head and he has a serene expression on his face. I run my hand through the velvet blanket which I don’t remember being covered with before I fell asleep… But when did I go to sleep?

I move my body and feel a thin sheet rubbing my… naked skin? I touch my whole body under the blanket and I notice I’m completely naked. I quickly lift the blanket and notice he is also naked. All the embarrassing memories from last night come rushing to me and I feel my face starting to get warmer. At the same time, I push the blanket off me and get off the bed quickly, but my legs yield as I feel my low back muscle hurt.

“Yura?”

I wrap myself in the blanket and curl up on the floor.

“What are you doing there... on the floor?”

Otabek leans on the bed to look at me with half closed eyes. I will not get used with his whole body showing off, along with the parts I can’t take my eyes off, making my face red at every second because I can’t look away. Noticing where I was looking, Otabek smiles at me and gets up from the bed, walking towards me.

“What’s the problem, Yura? You saw all of this earlier.”

“I-I… hmm… you’re distracting me!” I hide my face with the blanket.

Oh, God! We really did it! And the biggest problem is… I liked it!

“How am I distracting you?” He asks smirking.

“I-Isn’t it obvious?! Get dressed!” I say.

“Do you want me to get dressed? Your eyes say the opposite when you look at my body.”

“What?!” I say exalted. “O-of course not! You’re just imagining stuff!”

He laughs and I feel his hand running through my head on top of the blanket.

“Okay then, I’m going to wear something.”

I hear him getting up and I take the blanket off my face in time to see Otabek’s back. I bite my lips when I stop my eyes on his ass that steeps when he bends down to grab his underwear on the floor, filling my mind with lustful thoughts. I get up slowly and feel a hook of pain on my lower back, but I soon walk towards him. I stand behind him and lay my hands a bit lower on his waist, before he can wear it completely.

“You don’t need to put it on.” I calmly say before kissing his back softly.

“Why not?” He asks with a provocative tone.

I run my hands through his back as I kiss every inch of his back until I reach his ass and automatically bite his well-toned butt cheek. When his underwear touches the floor again I get up and Otabek turns to me, approaching his body to mine.

“You are…” he runs his hand through my abs and grabs my dick firmly. “…hard.”

“Uhum…” I say as I lightly bite his chest.

“Your personality changes scare even me, Yura.” Otabek leans on and kisses my neck. “But I like those changes.” He says in my ear.

His hands run through my back, reaching my ass, as I feel his lips touching intensely mine. I’m gently pushed back until I feel my legs hitting the bed behind me. I let my body fall back and when Otabek leans on to kiss me, I hear the cat meowing again.

“Go see what is happening to Yumi” I say as I stop his mouth with my fingers.

Otabek murmurs something that I don’t understand before he gets off me to then put his underwear on. I look down and roll my eyes as I see I’m still hard.

“May I take a bath?” I ask him who is getting away from me.

“Sure, I’ll go after you.”

He leaves the room with his cat probably going towards the kitchen, while I stay a few minutes laying on his bed, despite the embarrassment I feel when I’m “lucid”, I can’t control my willingness to accomplish the indecent thoughts I have when I look at my naked boyfriend. It is as if my shy personality did not quite exist on those occasions which, I think, are going to happen more and more often.

I get up a little calmer and head toward the bedroom’s suit, which is surprisingly big. I watch the white bath for a few seconds, wanting to relax in it, but I decide to use the shower next door. Before I turn the shower on, I realize how sticky my body is, plus I have muscle aches all over, which makes the water feel like it's running down my body much more relaxed than normal.

Otabek said he'd take a shower after me ... thinking about the Earth’s situation, it would be a huge waste of water if we took a shower separately, wouldn’t it?

Wetting all his bathroom, I go to the door to open it, and to my surprise, I see Otabek standing there with his hand closed and raised, as if ready to knock on the door.

“Do you want to…” I start to say.

“May I…” Otabek starts to say at the same time I do.

His eyes run over my wet naked body until I take his hand and pull him into the bathroom. He closes the door and follows me under the shower in silence, holding my hand firmly. I lean against the wall and let him enjoy the shower while I enjoy the view of the water falling on his almost naked body.

“Take that underwear off, Beka…” I say looking at his more than visible cock under his wet underwear.

Oh my God, what happened to me!?

“Why don’t you take it off like you did before?” He asks.

Finally, I raise my eyes and stare at him. I see one of his eyebrows lifted, making his expression sexy.

I approach quietly and feel the shower water falling on the front of my body, since the shower does not cover totally both of us. I run my hands all over his wet chest, wanting to feel his body more and more. Otabek stares at me in silence as he lets me explore his body. I bring my face close to his chest and slide my tongue all over his skin until I feel his nipple stiff after I suck it gently. I lower my hand down his abdomen until I feel his hard cock. I pull it out from inside his underwear and start to gently stroke it while sucking his nipple. I look up, and see his face lightly blushed while his eyes are fixed on me. It doesn’t take long for me to feel his hand grasp my chin causing me to lift my head, his face slowly approaches mine, and he kisses me deeply.

I keep my hand moving as we kissed, and I end up listening to low moans that Otabek lets out through his mouth now and then, which makes me hornier than I already am. And then a curiosity that is haunting me for a few days gets even bigger now.

“Beka…” I say stopping our kiss.

“What… is it?” He says as his voice gasps.

“I want to try something new.” I look away.

“What is it?”

I look around and I see the edge of the tub is somewhat large and flat.

“Sit there,” I say and point to the edge of the bathtub.

Otabek turns around with a confused expression on his face, but walks over to sit down.

I turn off the shower before walking to him.

“Yura, what…?”

I kneel in front of him and Otabek stops speaking, as he already imagines what I want to do.

I slide my hands into the inside of his thighs causing him to open them slightly. I keep coming up, getting to his length and start pumping it slowly. I approach my mouth to him and look up to see Otabek staring at me without even blinking. I bite my lips and run my tongue along the length of his dick, for then start sucking it lightly.

I feel his hands stroking my hair back, holding it away from my face. I begin to lower my mouth down his cock, but on different from him, I can't go down more than half his cock, which makes me a bit frustrated. I go up and down with my mouth several times, pushing lower and lower until Otabek raises my head.

“Don’t force down, you’ll choke.”

“But…”

“Use your tongue.”

“My tongue?”

He holds my wrist and takes my hand to his mouth, where he puts two of my fingers inside. In an opposite way of how I was doing on his cock, his tongue goes through my fingers as he sucks them. I stare at him and feel horny just seeing him sucking my fingers. I pull my hand away after a while and come back to practice the lesson I’ve just received.

Because of his almost silent moans, I believe I've learned to do it well enough to give him pleasure. I remember him sucking on the tip of my cock and I do the same, making Otabek lightly pull my hair, which by the way... I like.

After some time Otabek suddenly raises my head and I look at him confused.

“You’d better stop it.” He says a bit breathless and with a soft smile on his lips.

“Why?” I protest unsatisfied.

He puts his hands on his eyes and smiles.

“Ah, Yura…”

When his hand slides down and I can see his eyes, Otabek stares at me so intensely that he takes my breath away. Then, he picks me up by the arms to lift me and turn my back to him. His hands go down my body and stops at my waist, where he pulls me back, making me feel his hard member pressing on my lower back. As I walk forward, with him still behind me, I lean against the wall in front of me, and Otabek sticks his body behind mine. His hand goes through my hair and pulls them back gently, putting his mouth close to my ear.

“You are teasing me in such a way… I’m getting crazy… I don’t know what to do.” He says softly and tugs my earlobe with his teeth.

I bite my lips and stay at the tip of my toes and rub my ass on his cock.

“Why don’t you… do what you want?” I say as I pass my hands over his which are laid on my waist, and take them to my hard member.

He moans softly and bites my shoulder before kissing, going down on my back until it stops on my butt. I feel my hip being pulled back and soon I put my hands on the wall to stay on all fours for him. His fingers slowly pass between my buttocks and for my surprise I feel his tongue on my ...

“Where are you lickin- ah…”

It doesn't leave me much time to be surprised when my mind already gets completely empty, giving place to a strange... pleasure. His hands stroke me while he works with his tongue, until a sudden desire to feel him inside me again hits me.

“Beka…” I close my eyes as I hold back a moan. “I want you…”

“Here?” He teases, digging a finger inside me.

“Ah…” I gasp. “Y-Yeah.”

He moves his finger for a few seconds inside me and bites my buttocks, until he gets up to grind his cock against my ass. I feel his hand on my forehead, pressing it back, making me feel my head on his neck.

“Don’t tell me to do whatever I want with you if you can’t handle it all day, Yura.” He whispers in my ear.

I shudder completely and Otabek leaves behind me to open the drawer of the bathroom sink and takes out a condom from there. Feeling my face heating up, I masturbate seeing him putting the condom on and wait for him impatiently. He comes back and turns me back again, putting the tip of his cock on my entrance.

“Is it okay to put all of it inside you?” He whispers behind me and I hear him smirking.

“Please…” I beg steeping my ass up.

I feel the iced, sticky liquid trickling down my entrance and realize I don't remember seeing Otabek with a sack of lube like the last time. Maybe it's because I'm not paying attention to insignificant things because of the heat, but who cares about details when your boyfriend is grabbing your ass and slowly putting his cock inside you?

Unlike earlier, his hands are not that careful when touching me. Holding me tight, I feel my skin catching fire on every inch Otabek touches me, as if my whole body wasn't hot enough. He runs his fingers through my spine making me shiver enough for him to notice it and smirk next to my ear. Naughtiness! Pure naughtiness!

The way his cock gets in and out me faster and faster, the moans I let out from my mouth get louder and more often. After few minutes, Otabek arranges my body so that I stand straight instead of on all fours, then, I feel my right leg is slightly lifted by his hand, making his cock go even deeper in me. I lean my left hand against the wall and start pumping my own dick with the right hand.

“How do you feel?” He whispers in a sexy tone.

“Ah… g-good…” I pant amongst the moans.

“Do you want more?” He says stocking in harder.

I feel my cock having slight spasms, and inhaling sharply I answer, “I-I do.”

“Then beg for more, Yura.” He kisses my neck.

I feel my face starting to burn, but I grin, enjoying the situation, which makes me even hornier.

“More… Please… I want more… More of your cock inside.” I beg.

“Good boy.” Otabek bites my nape before returning to enter hard and fast inside me.

Staying in that position for a while, I get back on all fours again, leaning my two hands on the wall.

"I can’t... I can’t stand it... anymore," I say breathlessly, feeling that I can cum at any time.

I feel Otabek's right hand coming down my abdomen and then masturbate me.

“It’s okay… cum for me.” He murmurs.

I didn’t hold on, but it's not like I could hold myself. I feel my legs weakening when a wave of extreme pleasure hits my body with his hands on my cock at the same time, I hear Otabek moaning in a low tone, and feel his hands holding me tight.

When I feel I'm about to fall because of my weak legs after the orgasm, his hands hug me around the waist, helping me stand up.

“I love you.” He whispers in my ear, gasping.

I put my head on his shoulder and can't hold back a smile. I close my eyes and say, “I love you too, Beka.”

Otabek releases me to turn on the bath tap.

“I almost forgot why we’re here.” He laughs.

“How not forget?” I say looking at his body.

Waiting for the tub to fill up, Otabek comes to me and kisses me softly.

“Sorry for now. I change a bit when I feel comfortable.” He looks away and blushes slightly.

“What are you talking about?” I answer a bit confused.

“Well, you know… saying that kind of stuff when we are… making out.”

I feel my face heating up as I remember that it was not just him who changes while we were having sex, but me... too. With all that lascivious way... my god!

“But Yura, I didn’t think you’d be so…” I shut his mouth with both hands.

“Don’t say it!” I exclaim embarrassed. “It’s all your fault, you jerk! Making me say embarrassing things.”

I see his amused look and I pretend to be angry before he gets close to me and hugs me while he laughs near my ear.

“Don’t try to redeem yourself now,” I say, refusing to hug him back.

"I'm not to blame; it was you who was asking for more."

I pull away from him and give a weak punch on his arm, while he laughs. I sit first in the bathtub with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

“I’ll never do anything with you again!” I say.

Otabek sits facing me and rests his hands on the edge of the tub.

“I doubt it!” He provokes.

“We’ll see then!” I answer proudly.

We stare at each other for a while before I give up and turn to sit in front of him resting my head on his chest.

“But leave that for later.” I breathe deeply of tiredness.

Otabek laughs victorious, and I smile without him noticing. I close my eyes and relax with his arms surrounding me. I don't even know what time it is, I don't know if I'm late or if my cell phone is ringing with Victor crazy looking for me, I can only feel an extreme happiness to be here.

After we relax a bit, we wash ourselves and finish the long "bath". Returning to the bedroom to get dressed, I feel my lower back hurting and immediately wish for a painkiller, but before that, I decide to see what time it is and get scared seeing my cell phone.

“It's seven thirty, Beka!” I say in despair.

“Calm down, Yura. Why don’t you sleep here?” He speaks as he holds me from behind.

“Are you crazy?!” I answer frustrated. "They would never allow me.”

“You don’t know.” He kisses my neck.

“I do!”

I hear my phone ringing and take a deep breath before seeing that it’s Victor’s name on the screen. I quickly put my underwear on before answering it a bit anxious.

“H-Hello.” I say with a trembling voice.

 _“Are you okay, Yurio? You don’t use to be late.”_ Yuuri says calmly.

I was expecting for some hissy fit from Victor on the other side of the line, but I believe Yuuri picked up his phone the last second before I answered it.

“I’m sorry, I lost the track of time. I’m going home already.” I say quickly.

I look at Otabek sitting on the bed with a sad expression on his face.

“You won’t even try?” He asks me in a low tone.

“ _It’s okay, we just got worried_.” Yuuri explains.

“ _I was already calling the police, Yurio!”_ I hear Victor yell next to the phone.

There was no way he wouldn’t be around.

I stare at Otabek who looks sad and I take a deep breath before saying, “Yuuri…”

_“What is it, honey?”_

“I… hmm… May I spend the night here?” I ask slowly, feeling a bit anxious.

“ _Sur- NO!_ ” Victor interrupts Yuuri with the answer that I already expected.

“ _Why can’t he_?” Yuuri asks Victor.

“ _Are you crazy!? Yurio sleeping with his boyfriend!? Do you know what happens in those occasions!?_ ” Victor asks sharply.

“ _At most, they would have sex,_ ” Yuuri answers calmly.

“ _Yuuri!_ ”

“ _Victor!_ ”

I clear my throat to get their attention who are discussing on the line.

“ _I’m sorry, honey. You can spend the night there._ ” Yuuri says.

“Are you serious!?” I ask surprised.

The line gets extremely quiet, until it returns to normal after a few seconds.

“ _Sure!_ ”

“But what about Victor?”

With a calm and threatening voice, I hear Victor saying, “ _Put on the speakerphone, Yurio_.”

I do what he asked and then his voice echoes through the room.

“ _Otabek?_ ”

“Hello, Mr. Nikiforov,” Otabek greets Victor calmly.

“ _You already know what I'm going to say, so I won't waste much time. I just want to say that if I even imagine you did something with my baby...”_ I roll my eyes _“…I'll hunt you even in your dreams_.”

“You can rest at ease, sir.”

“ _It’ll be hard, but…”_

“ _Alright, alright. Have fun you two! Call me if you’d need anything, Yurio_.” Yuuri interrupts Victor.

“Thank you.”

We hear Victor releasing more of his threats, before Yuuri says goodbye and hung up the phone.

Otabek and I look at each other and I notice that we were only in our underwear.

“I hope your father doesn’t even imagine what I just did to you.” He chuckles nervously.

“I fear for you.” I say jokingly.

“Don’t even joke about it.” He says.

I get up and reach for my clothes thrown on the floor that are a bit uncomfortable for sleeping.

“Want to borrow some clothes?” He says looking at my jeans.

“It won’t do.” I say thinking about the difference of our bodies’ size.

Otabek walks toward the closet to take out a black long-sleeved shirt with several buttons on the front to close it. I dress it when he hands me it, and as I had imagined, the shirt gets too big on my body, staying a little above my thighs.

“If the shirt got big, imagine the pants!” I say taking my jeans.

“Then stay without it.”

 “What?”

“Stay only in your underwear. We are alone here.” He says normally.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Only if you stay only in your underwear too.” I say, because I'm not stupid.

He smiles at me and walks away to get a shirt to wear as well.

“Are you hungry?” He asks.

Just in time, my stomach rumbles loud enough for him to hear it, making him laugh at me and leaving me embarrassed.

“Do you want some Japanese food?” Otabek asks.

I look at him in wonder and I feel my heart getting warm.

“I-I do.”

We go to the living room and I throw myself on the couch, turning on the television, – since when do I feel so at home? – while Otabek calls some restaurant. Yumi is sitting next to me, so I take the opportunity to play with her while I search for a movie.

“Want to watch something in specific?” I ask Otabek right after he hangs up his phone.

“Nah, I can watch anything.”

I found a comedy movie that will be out in ten minutes and before he sits down on the couch, I remember the medicine.

"Beka, do you have any medicine for muscle pain?"

“Are you in pain?”

“My back hurts.”

“Oh! Of course!”

He doesn't seem surprised with my pain and walks to the kitchen, coming back with a pill and a glass of water.

I thank him, and it doesn’t take long for him to sit together with me on the couch. I snuggle in his chest waiting anxiously for the food. In this living room, where only the sound of the TV hangs over the room, I remember a few weeks ago when I watched my parents lying on the sofa at home as a couple they are, and wondered when I would have a moment like that with my boyfriend. It seems like it took so long for this day to come, but now I'm here, listening to his heart beating at a steady pace, and I feel like every second of waiting for this happiness that now refuses to leave me was worth it.

The food arrives and we decide to eat in the living room. I think after I ate so much Otabek must've got scared of me, and will rethink his concepts about his "cute" boyfriend.

Just being close to him is enough to make it worth the night, even without talking, just with a movie and a good meal. Until the hours pass and I begin to feel sleepy.

“Do you wanna go to bed?” Otabek asks after I yawn.

“Uhum…” I answer.

The TV is turned off and I get up to go to the bedroom partially closed eyes, which almost makes me hit my face on the wall, but Otabek pulls me gently.

“Are you okay?” He asks worried.

“Yes, sorry. I just wanna go to sleep.”

Yumi goes with us and lies on her bed while I throw myself on Otabek's bed. I watch him pick up his blanket and spread it over me. I stare at him with a smile on my face, a bit embarrassed, and he smiles back at me, then turns around on the bed and lies down beside me. I turn my body and lay my head on his chest. It doesn't t take long for me to feel his arms around me, hugging me tight.

“How was your day, Yura?” He asks with a soft grin on his face, which makes me smile.

“It couldn’t be more… perfect.” I answer sleepily.

Before I fall asleep, I feel a kiss on the top of my head and hear his low voice saying, “Good night, my love.”

I want to answer. I want to call him "my love." I wanted to say I love him one more time, but it's too late, because the sleepiness is stronger than I am.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up warm and realize that all the heat is coming from Otabek who is clinging to me. Is he okay? No one is warm like this, for God's sake! I try to get rid of his arms, but he holds me as if I was a pillow, making it impossible for me to get out of this "oven."

I glance at the window and see a certain clarity through the curtain, which means it's already morning... at least I think so. I spend a few minutes looking at his face as he sleeps, before smiling and kissing his chin. Otabek frowns, but doesn't wake up. I chuckle with his reaction and kiss his neck. He mutters and I kiss him again.

“Good morning.” I say kissing him again and again.

I see his smile and kiss his lips softly.

“Good morning.” He says sleepily and hugs me again. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know, you won’t let me go so I can see the hour.” I chuckle and he hugs me even tighter.

“I really won’t let you go.”

“By the way, are you feeling well?”

“I am, why?” He asks confused.

“Your body is burning.”

“Oh! Don’t worry about that. This is just how I am.”

Since his shirt is still open, I run my hands through his bare chest, still amazed by his heat.

“Are you enjoying stroking me?” He asks after a long time that I didn't realize that his heat has already normalized.

“Oh! Sorry!” I quickly take off my hand.

“It’s alright… You can touch me whenever you want… and wherever you want to.” He teases me.

I raise my body and stare at him intensely, before bringing my mouth close to his. Otabek waits for the kiss, but I don't do it. Instead, I throw myself out of his arms and walk towards the bathroom.

“I don’t want to!” I say before getting into the bathroom.

“You’re so cruel!” I hear him shout from his room.

I stand and stare at the mirror in front of me. My hair's all messed up, but my face is lit up like never before even when I've just woken up.

Since I didn't bring a toothbrush with me, I use his mouthwash that is on top of the sink.

“It's six-thirty, Yura! Go back to sleep!” I hear Otabek yelling from his room.

I chuckle, not believing it's so early. He must be very pissed!

When I leave the bathroom, I see Otabek lying on his stomach with his face on the pillow. I throw myself on top of him and sit on his ass.

“Come on, wake up! I don’t want to sleep anymore!” I say pressing my hands on his back.

“I’m awake. I’m just resting my eyes.” He says turning his face to the side.

“Beka, I’m going home soon.” I say after a while.

“Why!?” He suddenly turns his body, making me fall out the bed.

“I don’t want to misuse this time. If I get home early, maybe Victor won't bother us much next time.” I say as I sit.

“I don’t want you to go…” He murmurs sadly.

I lean on and softly kiss his lips.

“Me neither, but…”

He pulls me and hugs me tightly saying, “just stay a little longer.”

“Okay…”

I feel my face getting as warm as his skin and I hug him back, enjoying every second with him before leaving.

We stayed there for about thirty minutes before we started packing my things and heading to my house. Otabek doesn't look happy to leave me home so soon.

“You could have stayed a little longer.” He says as I hand him his helmet.

“I’m sorry,” I say with a crooked smile, because I didn't want to go home so soon either, but it was necessary. “Do you wanna come in?”

"I think it's better if I don't, it's too early yet. But I'm coming Friday, alright?" He gives me a smile and bows down to kiss me.

“Okay…”

Before leaving, Otabek stares at me for a few seconds before saying softly, “I love you.” He gives me a shy smile.

“I love you too.” My smile is as shy as his.

Otabek stares at me for a while, before putting on his helmet, saying goodbye and then going on his way.

I open the house gate which, surprisingly, is locked with my saving spare key and enter at home. To my surprise, Victor's car is still in the garage. Was he late? Even though it's still early, it's past seven in the morning.

The house is silent and appears to be empty, since it's normal to find Yuuri cooking breakfast at this time.

“Anyone home?” I say in a high tone.

No reply. I walk up to their room, not believing my parents are still asleep, but when I get close to the door, I hear some noises, and I deduce that they are awake, then with no fear, without thinking of traumas and consequences, I decide to open the door to say I was already at home.

“I’m h-”

I close the door.

“Lock the fucking door!” I yell walking straight to my room.

“Yurio!” I hear someone scream before I close the door of my room shut.

Eww! Eww! Ewww! How can I erase that scene from my mind?! Oh, my God! That’s so disgusting!

When you get home, you don't expect to find your parents having sex! I didn't even stop to think about that possibility before opening that damn door. But how the hell would I know?! I feel a little nauseated because it's still very vivid in my mind. When will I forget this?! It's going to haunt me for a lifetime! How am I going to look at their faces now?! My God! They are going to want to talk about that! No! I can't!

I lock my bedroom door and throw myself on the bed. About twenty minutes later I hear a soft knock on the door.

“Yurio, let’s talk.” I hear Victor’s voice.

“There is nothing to talk about!” I can’t believe he wants to talk about it.

“Come on, open the door!”

“I didn’t see anything, Victor! There’s no need to talk about it.”

“Yurio, open the door.” Yuuri says calmly.

“Even you, Yuuri!?” I say surprised.

How will I get rid of this now?

“Come to the living room.” Yuuri says.

I sink my face into the pillow without knowing how to get away from this. I don't hear any more noises outside, which make me figure out they're sitting in the living room waiting for me. I don't want to leave this room! But I can't escape this damn talk.

It doesn't take long and I get out of bed. Taking a deep breath, I open the door of my room and walk into the living room, and as I’ve imagined, both of them are sitting side by side on the sofa. I feel my face starting to burn with embarrassment at the sight of them.

“W-we don’t need that. Let’s just forget what happened, please.” I beg.

“Yurio, I think you're already at the age that we need to talk about it.” Victor says seriously.

I stare at Yuuri, who looks back to me as if apologizing, which makes me worried.

I sit on the sofa in front of them and put my hand on my face to cover my blush.

“You know, Yurio, when two people love each other so much, they feel the need to touch each other. You must have learned something about reproduction in school, but when the case is with two men, you must be wondering how it works... then...”

“No! I’m not asking myself about it!” I say getting up quickly. “For God’s sake, let’s just forget about it. You don’t need to explain me how it works, I already know it.”

“You do?” Victor asks becoming even more serious. “What do you mean you already know!?”

“I-I… I saw it on the internet!” I say with a trembling voice.

Yuuri who had been holding back his laugh for a long time, breaks and his loud laughter echoes around the room. Victor and I stare him, while his laugh doesn't cease at all.

“I’m sorry… about this embarrassing… situation, Yurio.” He says breathlessly.

I cover my face with my hands and throw myself on the sofa again.

“I think I'm traumatized. Please lock the door next time.”

“Actually, Yurio, what are you doing home so soon?” Yuuri asks, wiping his teary eyes.

“I'm the one asking what Victor is doing at home these hours!”

“I gave myself permission to go to work an hour later!”

I roll my eyes still not believing all of this and fighting myself internally for waking up so early to go home. I could be sleeping with my hot boyfriend now.

“Okay, enough of that. Let me sleep so maybe I can forget this.” I say standing up.

“Ah! Yurio, since we are all together, Victor and I were talking and we decided to ask you something.” Yuuri says seriously.

“Do we really need to talk about it now?” Victor asks apparently surprised.

“We need to talk about it some time, Victor”

“What are you both talking about?” I ask confused.

“Yurio, we've been talking about something for a while now, but yesterday, while you were at Otabek's house, we decided to ask you, because now that you're of age, you may be curious or wondering about it, of course, you have all the freedom to go look after.”

“You’re scaring me, Yuuri.” I say anxiously.

“Yurio, have you ever wondered, or did you ever feel curious about who are your biological parents?”

I look incredulously at them who are staring me with a serious expression on their faces, and I take a deep breath to receive a wave of strange feelings... which happen to be... not quite good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello o/ First things first, I'm really sorry for being so late. We had some problems, but here it is! For the next chapter we will ~~try to~~ release it this Saturday, like we usually do.  
>  And heeey, I think some (or maybe the majority haha) noticed that the amazing artist Nikkiyan drew a fanart based on one scene of this chapter 〜(￣▽￣〜) if you haven't seen it, check it [here](https://www.facebook.com/NikkiyanDrawings/posts/1835896746662224).  
> That's it, thank you for your patience :3  
> ~AnaruB


	13. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio has to deal with something he wasn’t prepared to: his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Sunny  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

“Are you kidding me?” I say, getting angry.

“Yura…” Yuuri starts.

“Why the hell you think I wanna know someone who threw me away?! It won’t change anything in my life!”

“But, son, we just asked because…” Victor starts to talk, but I also interrupt.

“Why? Why thinking about this? Why are you worried about this stupid matter? Weren’t we fine? Weren’t we happy?”

“We are, Yurio.”

“Then, why?!” I yell, getting up from the couch. “I don’t wanna know who threw me away like trash. I don’t wanna think about all the shit I’ve gone through because of those people.” I take a deep breath to get rid of the pinch in my throat. “Please, let’s forget this, okay? If you love me, let’s not talk about this again, okay?

“Alright. Okay, we’re sorry. But know that we’re here for whatever you may need.” Victor says with a calm voice and looking a little surprised with my anger attack.

“I know, thanks,” I say in a rude way, even though I don’t want to talk to them like this.

Yuuri gets up to come in my direction, but I take two steps back in order to get away from him.

“I’ll go to my room. I need to sleep, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I take a last look at my parents who seem to be very worried and feel my eyes getting wet the second I turn to get away from them. I walk to my room, where I lock the door before throwing myself on the bed and falling apart on tears.

I want to expulse all these childish thoughts that invade me, like thinking they don’t really love me and are tired of me and that’s why they brought up this subject. I don’t wanna think about it. I know it’s not true, but how can I get rid of this desire of wanting to scream in pain. Because it hurts. It hurts really bad. I know there are people who want to know about their pasts and look for answers but for me, it seems so hard to imagine. I feel vulnerable, like I’m still a ten-year-old kid waiting for someone’s love. It feels like I’m still asking myself the reason why no one loves me or not even like me a little so I wouldn’t be thrown away. What did I do? What was my sin? Why me?

“Yurio, we love you, okay? We’re here if you need to talk.” I hear Victor’s voice from the other side of my room’s door.

His words make me cry, even more, not allowing me to control my sobbing. No matter how much I sink my face down into the pillow, I know they’re outside hearing me cry. I don’t wanna make them sad. Don’t wanna take this so hard. Don’t wanna shout at them. What’s happening?! Why am I this way?!

“I’m... Sorry… I’m… Sorry… For being like this.” I say in a low voice in the middle of my sobbing.

Who am I apologizing to? My parents? Life? Why do I feel angry for feeling sad about this matter? I don’t wanna have this feeling! I just wanted to answer with a simple “I don’t wanna know my biological parents”, but no! I wasn’t ready for this!

“Damn it!” I muffle the scream on the pillow.

I feel alone. An almost forgotten and familiar loneliness. A loneliness I thought was already dead but it’s completely alive inside of me, just waiting for the opportunity to show up again. And this opportunity has been picked.

I shrink on the bed and put the hands on the ears to muffle the noise of children cryin… No! I’m not there anymore! I don’t have to be afraid! I have people to hug me now. I have people to love me now. I don’t need to feel this pain anymore, it can leave. But why the hell it doesn’t?

I stay on my bed in the same position and crying for hours. Then, Yuuri knocks on my door.

“Yurio, come to eat, sweetheart.” His concern is evident just by the tone of his voice.

I don’t answer. I know that, at least, I need to say I’m not hungry, but I can’t.

“Are you okay? I need to know if you’re okay, Yurio. Please, say something.” The sad tone of his voice makes my tears start to drop again.

“I’m fine” it’s what I’d like to say, but, for real, I’m not. The beginning of this subject brought me so many memories and old feelings that I can’t just ignore and continue my life.  I really thought I had gotten over everything I had gone through and I’d deal with all the questions that would come up one way or another. However, the happiness I’ve been feeling made me blind. It made me blind in a way I have forgotten the bad feelings that were still inside of me. How can I deal with this?

I hear my phone ringing and I suppose it’s Otabek. Otabek… I wanna answer you. I want to hear your voice and feel good again. I want feel to your hug and feel safe from anyone and anything. I’m feeling bad just for feeling this way and leaving my parents worried but I just can’t move.

“Don’t pass through this on your own, Yurio. I am here.”

I know. I want to leave this room to hug you and apologize for acting like this.

“Don’t forget to eat, alright? Call me, if you need anything.”

Thanks, Yuuri. I’m sorry for not answering but know that your voice is pretty comforting. Thank you.

 

* * *

 

 

By the end of the afternoon, I didn’t leave the room, didn’t even sleep. My phone rang around five times but I couldn’t answer. I don’t want Otabek to see me like this and I know he will notice, just by hearing my voice, that I’m different, that might worry him and I have enough people worried about me. I don’t want to be a deadweight for anyone.

I sit on the bed after a long time, realizing there is no more clarity outside the window. My head hurts, just like my stomach, maybe because I haven’t eaten but I still don’t have hunger. I go to the bathroom to pass some water on my face, which is, by chance, completely puffy, while my eyes are red because of the crying.

I lay down again, feeling tired and still confused about the emotions inside of me. When I start to get sleepy and think I’ll rest, somebody knocks on my door.

“Yura…”

Am I dreaming already?

“Are you fine?”

After some seconds, I realize I’m still awake and his voice is not something of my imagination.

“Open the door for me, Yura.”

I get up with the tight throat and stop in front of the door to put my hand on it, imagining Otabek on the other side.

“It’s okay, Yura. We are all here, you can open the door. Nobody will ask anything or put pressure on you. Come on, let me hug you.”

I bite my lips to hold the tears but I miserably fail.

“I know you’re there. I can hear you crying, Yura.” Otabek says, in a low voice.

I lean my head on the door and wait. Wait for the courage to come so I can touch the doorknob.

“All right, I’ll continue here waiting for you.” Otabek whispers.

There’s no way I won’t open the door. I really want to feel his arms around me.

I spin the key to unlock the door and when I raise the hand to touch the knob, Otabek opens the door first. Yuuri and Victor are not with him. I look at his worried expression before he comes closer to me and I tears started falling  as his strong arms surround me tightly.

Otabek doesn’t say anything, just letting me comfortable in his arms while I take out all the weight in my heart that I have been feeling during the day, until, finally, I calm myself down, what takes a little time.

Feeling calmer, I stand back from him and soon his hands are brushing my face, cleaning it.

“How are you, Yura?” He asks softly, still with a worried and somehow… sad look on his face.

“I-I don’t know.”

I’m ready to cry again but his arms surround me once more.

“No, don’t cry again, baby. It’s okay.”

I really don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know the reason why it affected me so much, but I’m tired already. I’m really tired.

I stand back and go in the direction of my bed to lay down again.

“Why… are you here?” I ask, cleaning my face.

He comes closer and gets on his knees on the floor beside me.

“You never miss my calls, Yura. At first, I thought you were sleeping but I kept calling and started getting concerned, so I called Yuuri and, for short, he told me what happened. I obviously came as fast as I could.”

His hand caresses my blond hair, taking off some hairs that got stuck on my wet face while he stares hardly at me. His eyes give me a good sensation, which slowly calms my heart.

“I don’t… know what happened, Beka.” I say.

“You’re human, Yura, and bad feelings are also disposed to hit us. But what matters is we’re here to support you. And when you fall, I won’t let you touch the ground, my arms will hold you.”

“We’ll hold you too, Yurio.” I hear Victor’s voice.

I raise my head and see Victor at the door, beside Yuuri. I still feel bad for the rude way I treated them, that makes me embarrassed by looking at them at the entrance of my room.

“I’m… sorry.” I say taking a deep breath as I feel my heart breaking.

Victor comes first in my direction and sits on the bed to hug me tight.

“It’s okay, my love. We are the ones who should apologize.”

“I’m sorry… for overreacting.”

He keeps holding me and whispers “it’s okay” in my ear before Yuuri comes to join us. For my surprise, I am the only one who’s crying in the room. Even my parents, that are pretty sensible – especially Victor –, are being strong in front of me. Maybe to give me a feeling of being safe. I don’t know if it is that, but it’s working.

When I am finally in peace again, they stand back and I look to my side, where Otabek is sitting on the floor, waiting patiently. I start to get embarrassed with all the looks on me.

“Wha-What?” I say, grabbing the pillow behind me and hiding my face.

I hear a low laugh and I don’t know who it belongs to, but when my belly makes a loud noise of hunger, the laughs get loud and my soft smile appears for the first time since I arrived home.

“I made you katsudon piroshki, why don’t we eat some?” Yuuri says, caressing my cheek.

I nod my head and my parents smile at me, apparently relieved, before getting up.

“We’re gonna wait for you in the kitchen, okay?” Yuuri says turning himself.

Victor puts two fingers in front of his eyes and then point them to Otabek, to warn he got his eye on him but soon he winks at me with a facetious smile on his lips, making me laugh.

The door is closed and Otabek gets on his knees again and holds my hand tight.

“Better?” He asks kissing my palm.

“Yeah, thanks.”

I close my eyes for a second to enjoy his caressing and almost take a nap, however, I ended up waking up with my stomach hurting.

“I need to take a bath.” I say a little hoarse.

“Go, I’ll wait in the kitchen with your parents, okay?”

“Okay…”

He bend and kisses me on the forehead before leaving the room and closing the door.

I get up and feel a little dizzy, enough to fall sited on the mattress once more. Slowly, I walk to the bathroom where I take a quick shower, letting the water take away the bad things, but they refuse to go away.

After putting some casual clothes, I go to the kitchen, where I find Otabek and my parents talking.

“What are you talking about?” I ask to reveal my presence.

“Oh! Yurio, sit down.”

Yuuri goes to the stove and opens the oven, from where he takes a plate of my second favorite food. The smell of the hot pirozhki makes my mood better, for sure.

“So, what were you talking about?” I ask with my mouth full.

“I was explaining to your parents I have a work next week.” Otabek explains.

“Really? Where?”

“In a club on the other side of the city. Kinda far, since it takes around thirty minutes from my house to there.”

“Wow! When is it going to be?” I ask for curiosity.

“On Saturday.”

“Saturday?” I’m sad because it’s the day we meet and hang out.

“Yeah, I’m sor…”

Otabek starts to apologize but Victor interrupts.

“Why don’t you go with him?”

I choke. Is Victor suggesting that I should go to a party on a Saturday night with Otabek? What happened?

I look at Yuuri, who shrugs in a sign that he knows nothing.

“Really?” I ask, surprised.

“You want me to change my mind?” Victor rushes in talking.

“Of course not! Can I go, Beka?”

“Sure, it will be great to have you there. I won’t be able to give you so much attention, but I won’t take my eyes off of you.” He smiles softly while speaking.

“Can I really go?” I ask looking at Victor, still surprised.

“Of course you can.” Yuuri says, kissing the top of my head.

“But you’ll have to be careful. No too much drinking, no drugs, don’t accept anything from strangers, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.”

I stop to think for a second what they wouldn’t do.

“Anything you wouldn’t do? Sure?” I say in a challenging voice.

“You got it.” Victor puts his hand on the face, apparently starting to get conscious about what he proposed.

I go back to eat more excitingly and realize that things get considerably better in the ambient.

We chitchat during the time I’m having dinner, until I feel full and, like every time after a meal, I start to feel sleepy. The clock on the wall says it’s too early to sleep, but my eyes are closing on their own and I end up falling on Otabek’s shoulder, who is sitting by my side.

“Sorry.” I straighten up quickly, shocked with my sudden nap.

“Are you okay?” Otabek asks concerned.

“Yeah… I’m just tired, sorry.”

“Go to sleep, Yurio.” Yuuri says smiling softly at me.

I think for a second, but it’s enough for me to realize that I really need to have some rest.

“Good night, then. Thanks for the food.” I say feeling satisfied.

“Good night, sleep well, Yurio.” My parents say at the same time.

“Ah! Uhm… can he stay for a while?” I say looking away while holding Otabek’s hand a little tight.

“Sure.” Victor answers calmly.

Victor is really weird today.

I whisper a “thank you” and walk to my room holding hands with Otabek. He comes with me in silence, until I lay in my bed and he sits by my side.

“Sorry for making you worried.” I say, feeling bad.

Otabek stretches to press the switch near my bed and turn the light of my room off, but soon turns on the nightstand lamp. I squeeze my eyes to get used to the weak light of the lamp and it doesn’t take long for Otabek to press his forehead against mine and whispers, “don’t be sorry, Yura. I’ll be worried about anything that happens to you because that’s how it works when we love someone.”

I feel my face getting hot and I am thankful for the weak light in the room.

“I… love you, Beka… Thanks.” I say lowly before giving him a light kiss on the lips. “Can you lay with me?” I say, feeling needy.

I see his smile before he gets up and I give him some space to lay beside me. I accommodate myself on his chest and his arms surround me, making my bed even more comfortable.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“I am fine now, thanks.” I say, feeling my eyes getting heavy.

His hands pass through my hair as I close my eyes, hoping the tiredness invades me so I can finally say goodbye to that so destructive day.

 

Sleeping didn’t work. Sleeping didn’t make that day to go away. My mind just got worse until I drown in nightmares.

 

I sit on the bed as fast as I can, feeling my body sweaty and my breathing heavy. Desperately, I look around and see no one. It starts getting hard to breathe.

“Yuu… ri.”

I put my hand on my chest and try to call Yuuri.

“Yuuri.” I scream, losing the little air I had inside my lungs.

I scratch my neck for not being able to breath and, then Yuuri opens the door completely shocked.

“Yurio! What happened?”

He comes in my direction and sits in front of me, holding my hands so I can stop hurting me.

“Okay, you need to calm down. It’s a panic attack. You have to focus and breath.” He says in a little quavering voice.

I feel his hands trembling while I am pushing the air. He takes deep breaths to make me do the same. After some minutes, I feel the air in my lungs. I see his face lights in relief and he hugs me.

“Okay, it got better.” He whispers in my ear, what makes me start crying because of the shock.

Yuuri waits for me to calm down, stands back and asks, “what happened?”

 “I-I… woke up scared, and started to panic.”

“Good you called me.” He says relieved. “How are you feeling now?”

“I am… fine, thanks.”

My heart that was beating fast starts to calm down.

“I need to go to the restroom.” I say getting up.

“Are you really fine?” He asks.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, come to eat something after you leave the restroom.” He says getting up too and going in the direction of the door.

“Okay.”

I do what I need and really wash my face, since the tingle caused by the panic attack is stopping.

I go to the kitchen after get ready and find Yuuri sited, having his breakfast.

“I made it for you.”

He drags the cup on the table and I go there to reach it before joining him.

Okay, the topic of my biological parents was a little unexpected for me, maybe that’s why I haven’t taken it so easy but I can’t stop thinking about it and since it came to the light, I guess it’s gonna be hard to run from it. It would be easier to resolve it fast so that I could continue my life just like I’ve been doing or am I able to do it without this resolution? One thing I’m sure: I don’t want to meet anyone, but if I could at least know how I ended up in that orphanage… no! I don’t need it! But I can’t remember how I arrived there…was I still a baby? Why I can’t remember anything before my six years old?

“Yurio!”

I blink and come back to reality.

“You okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, why?”

“I called you three times and you didn’t hear it.”

“Wow, sorry. Guess I’m still sleeping.” I laugh, still worried about my thoughts.

Slowly, I drink my coffee with milk. Probably, my parents don’t know about my past, and even if they knew, I wouldn’t have the courage to ask them. It’s probably better to forget this subject… I think.

I spend the morning with Yuuri and I took delight in helping him with the lunch.

“What time did Otabek leave last night?” I ask, remembering I slept in his arms.

“He waited until you fall asleep and left soon.”

“By the way, what happened to Victor yesterday?”

“I have no idea! I was as surprised as you.”

“Not that I’m complaining, of course, but I was surprised. To propose these things is not typical of him.”

“Less bad, if he hadn’t given the idea, I would have.” He laughs and I feel grateful for having parents like them.

Victor didn’t come home, so we had lunch just the two of us. After washing the dishes, I throw myself on the bed, thinking about my biological parents again. I feel curious but I think this curiosity will destroy me.

When you know something’s going to become shit, what do you do? You do nothing? No! You go after the shit. This is what I am doing now.

“Yuuri, I’m gonna take a walk to the mall, okay?” I tell my father who is in the living room reading a book.

“Ok. Do you need money?” He asks with no suspects.

“No, thanks.”

“Be careful.”

“Okay.”

I leave the house with my heart beating fast, guilty for lying to Yuuri. Instead of going to the mall, I go on the opposite way and stop at the subway station. I take a deep breath as I buy my ticket with the money I was saving and wait, impatiently.

In thirty minutes, I arrive at my destiny. Yeah, a little far, I walk for more ten minutes until I see the big house with the paint peeling off, just like I remember it since the last time I’ve been here, when I was 12. I stand there, taking deep breath for several times before taking the first step, until I stop near the gate.

“Do you need any help?”

I look to the side and see a woman cleaning the backyard.

“Uhm… Yes.” I press my trembling hands against each other.

She walks to the gate and looks attentively to me.

“Do I know you?” She asks staring at me from head to toes.

“I used to live in this orphanage, and I’d like to have some information. Sorry, but I can’t remember you.”

The only woman I remembered was that old witch that took care of me and the other children.

“It’s okay, I only see the children from far, my job is just cleaning.” She gives me a kind smile.

“Since when are you here?”

“Around fifteen years.”

“Fifteen years?!”

“How could I’ve never have seen her? The lady doesn’t even look that old.”

She laughs and starts to talk again, “what can I do to help you?” She asks.

“Ah… I… don’t remember how I came to this orphanage. Don’t even know if I was a baby or not. I don’t have any memory from the time before my six years, would you… have any information about my past?”

“Why don’t you come in?” She says opening the gate for me.

“Thank you.”

I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to return to this place. It’s scary.

I follow her to the first room after the entrance and observe the place full of cabinets and a table on the center.

“You grew a lot, just like your hair, but I remember you. Tell me if I am wrong but you were adopted by the homosexual couple, right?”

“Yes…” I say taking a place on the chair in front of her.

“I knew it! There were a lot of comments here after your adoption. Homosexual parents, a not so young kid, was something a little… uncommon.”

“Sure, I can only imagine…” I say, trying to control my quavering voice.

She gets up again and starts to open drawers of the cabinets until finding what she was looking for. She sits and opens a folder, from where some sheets are taken.

“Yuri, my superiors have always talked about you so even though I wasn’t here yet when you arrived, I know your story.

“Really? What can you tell me?” I ask, feeling curious.

She reads the papers for some minutes until her expression turns into a clear sadness.

“What?” I ask.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She looks up. “What would you like to know?”

“I… just want to know a little about my past.”

“Are you looking for your parents? Wanna meet with them?”

“No! Did… I arrive here as a baby?”

“No, Yuri, you arrived here at the age of six.”

“Six?! Why I can’t remember?!” I say, confused.

“The registers I have here say you had an accident as a child. There wasn’t any other relative besides your…” She stops and looks to the paper again.

“That’s okay, you can say.”

“Sorry, your grandfather was your only relative and he passed away before you arrive here.”

They didn’t throw me away?

“Did he die… because of his age?”

“I’m sorry.”

She takes an old newspaper sheet from the folder and gives it to me. In bold big letters, the title says ‘ _Grandfather saves grandson from being hit and dies on the place’_. Down, in smaller letters the news goes on ‘ _Boy was taken to the local hospital in a critical condition’_.

I bite my lips holding the tears back and continue reading.

‘ _An accident involving Nikolai Plisetsky, 70 years old, and Yuri Plisetsky, 6 years old, on the afternoon of March the 1 st, left a victim on the place. The drunk driver, who invaded the sidewalk where the pedestrians were, was taken to the police station._

_The people who were close to the accident said that the old man, in a heroic act, pulled the boy to the side to avoid getting both hit. However, the boy ended up beating his head on the asphalt and was rapidly taken to the local hospital_.’

I stop reading the text feeling the tears running on my face, what got worse when I looked upon the paper and saw the picture of the accident. It’s almost impossible to notice a bloody teddy jaguar bear on the right side. March the 1st… it’s my birthday… Were we out to… buy my gift?

“Why I don’t remember?” I say, outraged.

“It says here that you stayed in the hospital for a long time before coming here. In your medical registers,” she rummages in the papers, “it says that when you woke up, you didn’t remember what happened, even though you were a kid, you didn’t call for your parents or your grandfather.”

I get flabbergasted. It’s too much to digest. Too much information.

“Are you okay?” She asks concerned.

“No.” I say without thinking. “Ah, sorry, I’m just shocked. Don’t be worried.” I clean my face with my shaking hands.

“Would you like some water?”

“Please.”

She goes out through the door and I remain sitting, hearing not many noises from the outside, what’s not so normal in an orphanage. I need to put my feeling in order because my heart's a mess, but something gets my attention. I get up and follow the low sound of the crying that comes from the door beside. I open it and find an old-wood crib in the middle of the room. I walk there and discover a baby of one-year-old, maximum. I look at her and, suddenly, her crying stops and I feel an unexpected will to pet her wispy blonde hair. Her eyes are blue like the ocean and shine when I caress her, what makes my heart hurts imagining how this kid ended up here.

“I hope you find good parents like mine… Fast, preferentially.” I say smiling at her and feeling my throat get tight.

“Yuri?”

I turn myself quickly and look to the woman of the orphanage, who has a glass of water on her hand.

“Sorry, I heard a crying and came here without thinking.”

She walks in my direction and looks to the girl in the crib.

“What did you do to make her stop crying?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“I’m not scolding you, it’s that… she cries since the day she arrived here…”

I look at the baby and, for my surprise, she smiles at me, putting her little hands up.

I’m sorry… I swallow hard and leave the room feeling an almost insufferable pain.

“I need to go.” I say, going to the exit.

“Will you be okay?” She asks worriedly.

“Yeah, thanks a lot for your help. Really, thank you.”

“Yuri?”

I turn myself to her with tears in my eyes.

“When I started to work here, you already were in the orphanage and even observing you from far, I never saw you cry. Even so small, you had the eyes of… a soldier. Now, I can see how you grew and, along with this, you’ve found a lot of feeling you didn’t have in your soul. I am really happy you found people who gave your heart the opportunity to get warm. Take good care of yourself, okay?”

“Thank you.”

I press my lips against each other and take a last look at this place, together with the lady I didn’t even have the opportunity to ask the name.

I walk aimlessly, letting my tears fall without control. I don’t care about people staring at me when I pass desperately by their side. I just walk. I walk a little more. Then, I realize my walking is not that aimless…

After a long time walking, enough to calm myself down, I find myself in the cemetery of this town. I stop at the flower trolley near it and see a small bouquet of light pink carnations. I buy it without hesitating. How am I supposed to find his grave?

“Hi, could you help me?” I ask for the man that is standing in front of the cemetery’s gate.

He looks at me with a grumpy face, but his face gets soft to see my face, which is probably stilted.

“What would you like?”

“Is there any way I can… know… where someone is buried?”

“I need the name and last name of this person.”

The man gets up and walks to a door right beside.

“Nikolai… Plisetsky.”

It takes a while until the man finds my grandfather’s name. Then, he leaves his “office” and starts to walk in that enormous place and I follow him, feeling my heart accelerating at every step I take.

“Here.” He points to a gravestone, nothing like the others.

“Thanks.” He leaves me alone.

I get down on my knees and put the carnations on the headstone that has no color or any other flowers but mine.

“Sorry…”

I put the hand on my eyes and let all the pain in my chest to go with the tears.

“Sorry… for not remembering you… For thinking you had abandoned me. For thinking you were a bad person. For leaving you alone. Thank you... for saving… my life.”

I cry out loud, nothing else matters. Pain? Pain is… insufferable.

“I… have amazing… parents now. I am fine… I am happy now. You don’t… have to be worried about me… grandpa” I sob. “I will never… forget you anymore, I promise!”

I fall with my ass on the ground and remain to sit until I get calm. I try to pick my cellphone, that falls, but I am quick in taking it again and calling Yuuri.

“ _Hi, sweetheart._ ”

“Yuuri… Come to pick me up.”

“ _What happened, Yurio?_ ” He asks worried, noticing my crying voice.

“I am… in the cemetery… please, come pick me up.”

“ _Okay, don’t leave there, I am going now_.”

“O-Okay.”

I really don’t leave that place. After some time, I hear quick steps. I look to the side with my body mushy and see Yuuri running in my direction. He falls on his knees by my side and hugs me tight.

“W-What happened? What are you doing here?” He asks breathlessly.

“M-Me…my grandpa… I-I…”

I hug him back and accommodate into his arms, what works pretty well.

My eyes get heavy and I have no more strength to cry.

“Take me… away.”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

He helps me to stand up and using him as support, I walk with some difficulties to the car.

During the way back, Yuuri doesn’t ask me anything and I don’t say anything as well, just feel the wind on my face coming from the window.

I see the ocean, that is, for luck, my favorite view. However, the blue of the sea seems to be black. Maybe is not the ocean, maybe it’s me… Maybe it’s the realization of this dark feeling that snatched me during these two days of pain.

 

* * *

 

 

_I am in a tunnel of pain, a totally dark tunnel. I run and run and see nothing in front of me. In despair, I try to scream but my voice doesn’t come out, and when I am ready to lose my hopes, I see a point of light. I don’t care about my legs hurting and I keep running, getting closer and closer to the light. When I see the end of the underground passage, I see two people giving me their hands. That man with silver hair and blue eyes, and on the other side, a black haired man and blue frame glasses, are smiling at me, smiling with all the feelings I need to get over this darkness that involves me. When I touch their hands I am, unexpectedly hugged. Their arms are comforting. I could die here, but there’s something missing to complete the good feelings that invade me. Then, I start to smell something sweet, almost like chocolate. I look around and there is a young man, not much older than me, with his black leather jacket and black hair, lightly shaved on the sides, smiling softly at me. The feeling that was missing invades me and I wish so bad that he joins us. I don’t need to ask because he starts coming in my direction and stops by our side. I feel his hand passing on my bangs, taking them away from my eye. I can’t take my eyes off his smiling face. I look at him for minutes and minutes, still with the two men hugging me. Behind the young guy, I see an old man. An old man wearing a black suit, brown scarf and a weather beaten beret. He smiles at me, seeming to be satisfied with what he sees. And looking at the bearded man, I smile, feeling the tears falling on my face, but without all that pain. I am happy because he’s here, even from far._

_“I am fine now.”_

_Smiling, the old man slowly disappears and, even though it hurts knowing I won’t be able to see him anymore, I know he’s looking at me from somewhere because, now, I am fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello o/ OMG, I'm sorry for being late again t^t but well, sometimes it just happens, right? XP  
> Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and thank you for your support (/^▽^)/  
> See you next Saturday? haha, we will try our best, for real u-u  
> ~AnaruB


	14. Intoxicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio’s first adult night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Macchan  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

I can't remember how I got home. I can barely remember anything actually. However, when I wake up, I realize that I'm in my own bed with someone hugging me so tight that is almost suffocating me. I glance up and see Victor with his eyes closed and sleeping. Even sleeping his expressions looks like... painful. It's weird seeing this man, who's always with a beautiful smile on his face and joking with me, with a serious and painful expression. So, who am I to be impressed with someone else sorrow when I have my own? I look down to his chest and hug him by his waist. It's warm and comfortable. It gives me a nice feeling. I don't have the energy to cry, even though I feel a tear run down my eyes. My pain isn't the same. I remember feeling suffocating agony; however, I don't feel it as strong as before. I close my eyes again and remember a few pieces of a dream that, I guess, I’ve just had. Maybe it's my imagination, not a dream itself, but... it hurts less now. I feel everything is going to be alright.

After napping again, I feel something wetting my face. I raise my eyes and see Victor crying in his sleep. My heart ached by seeing that and the worst was knowing that it’s all my fault. I take my hand off his waist and raise it to clean his face. I try to not to wake him up, but I see him opening eyes.

“Are you okay?” I ask worriedly.

“Yurio...” his voice is soft and he hugs me. “Sorry.”

“Should it not be me to say sorry?” I say feeling bad.

“Oh, sweetie...”

Victor squeezes me and kisses the top of my head. I can feel his chest moving with the sobs, making me want to hug him too. I don't want him like that. I don't want to see anyone I love suffering.

“Please, don't cry.” I say feeling a lump in my throat.

“Forgive us for making you go through this, Yurio. We didn't know it'd make you so sad. I feel so bad for making you suffer like that. I’m sorry, I’ve never wanted you to go through this. See you crying that way... I'm sorry, my son.” He says quickly while letting tears drop.

With some difficulty, I get rid of his arms and sit on a bed.

“Please, don't be sorry. Even before you had brought that topic up, I feel like I was carrying a feeling that just was waiting for any opportunity to wreck me from the inside out. You know, I passed my whole life thinking that I had been tossed out, that I didn’t deserve to be loved. You're the light of my life, but there's still something dark inside me, and despite the pain that I felt these past days, I'm glad that this happened, because now I feel lighter. I'm sad because of grandpa though, I can't even remember him. That's awful, but because of you, now I know where he's and I won't let him alone again. He saved my life, as you did... and I thank you for that.”

Victor is with his arm on his eyes in order to hide his crying baby face. I take his hand so I can see his red eyes and kiss his forehead before hugging him again.

“I don't like to see the ones I love crying, please, don't cry,” I say, unbelievably calm.

Sure, he cries even more.

“Me... too... it hurts seeing you suffer... Yurio.” He sobs.

“I'm fine now. You're here in order to make me a better person, right?”

“Sure. We'll always be here.” He screams while squeezing me.

I feel strong enough to help him, so I let him calm down with my arms around him. I figure out that probably Yuuri had told him that he picked me up at the cemetery and he came straight home... Victor is a weird guy, I never know what's going on with him, I don't know if he is okay or not, but it looks like he holding the world's weight with his own hands. Who does he think he is? Atlas? But okay, Yuuri and I are here too, there are two extra pairs of hands in order to help him going through this all.

I hear my bedroom’s door opening after a couple of minutes laying down with Victor. I run my eyes just to see Yuuri coming in our direction. He gives me a half smile when he looks at me and stops by Victor’s side so he can kiss the side of his head.

“How are you feeling, Yurio?” He asks while sitting on the bed's edge and petting his husband's head.

“I am... better, thanks.” I say, really feeling better.

 “Great.” He smiles softly, and gives Victor another kiss while whispering something that I can't hear in his ear.

I sink my head into Victor's chest and stay in that comforting place.

“I love you...” I whisper.

The bedroom was in silence, so my whisper came out louder than usual. Victor squeezed me one more time and I felt another hand passing through my blond hair.

“We love you too, my love.” I hear Yuuri's voice while I close my eyes.

“Yes, a lot.” Victor says.

This atmosphere is really warm, almost reminds me of a dream I had, maybe it is just something made up from my mind, but... I feel better now. However, I feel there is something missing here...

“My head hurts.” I say after a few minutes.

“Mine too.” Victor complains.

“I wonder why…” Yuuri stands up to head to the kitchen.

I sit down for a minute and look behind to see Victor's pitiable face. I wipe his tears with my hands while smiling at him.

“Go wash your face. You're not like this.” I tell him, caressing his cheek.

“Can you hug me one more time?” He asks needy.

It's not like I could deny such a simple request since it looks so important for this man. Victor hugs me again, as strongly as the last time. It looks like he wants to forget all that problem after this hug and finally move on.

Yuuri enters the room after a while with a glass of water and my medicine at the same time that Victor stands up and head to the bathroom.

“Are you really okay?” Yuuri asks me.

“Yes, I still feel sad when I think about my grandpa, but it looks like my feelings are getting in order now.”

“That's good, sweetheart.”

He caresses my cheek while looking satisfied at me.

“You can tell us anything you may need, okay?” He says.

“Okay, thank you.”

Yuuri leaves me alone in my bedroom and after few minutes I go to take a good shower. It improves, considerably, my mood and feelings. My cellphone is full of Otabek's messages asking if I'm okay and as soon as I see them I answer yes. Telling him about my grandpa is not a good idea for now and, thinking about that, I haven’t told my parents the whole history. I told Victor that my grandpa has saved me, but I don't believe that he understands that completely. However, let's leave that subject for another day. Today was enough for me.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days went through and I took enough courage to tell my parents all about my grandpa’s story. And, surprisingly, I manage to tell them everything calmly. They offered themselves to go with me the next time I go to visit my grandpa at the cemetery, what I thought was great, since more people are never too much for someone who's alone.

When I think that I can ease my mind going out with my boyfriend though, I received his call, _"sorry, Yura. I can’t pass by to see you."_

“Why?” I ask sadly.

_"I need to solve few things for next week's party."_

“Alright...”

_"Don't be sad, okay?"_

“Uhum...”

_"Don't make that voice."_

“I'm fine.” I give a half smile that I know he can't see.

_"I need to hang up now, okay?"_

“Okay... bye...”

_"See ya... love you..."_

“I… love you too.”

The line stays in silence for some seconds and I hear his breath before he hangs up. I jump onto my bed and take a deep breath. Beka, who is getting bigger and bigger, climbs on top of me.

“He won't come today, Beka, but I still have you.”

I pet his fur, not happy about spending the day all by myself.

I have to endure my loneliness for little longer, since Otabek was busy the whole week and just had time for some short conversation on the cellphone. I was so used to of the fact that he always had time, that I forgot that he's an adult with a job. It made me think that I also need one.

As the week goes by, my feelings start to settle down, since my parents and I had frequent conversations about my grandpa. It ended up helping me a lot for that matter, enough so I can feel normal again.

I wake up on Saturday morning anxious for tonight’s party and the fact that I can, finally, see Otabek. Since we started dating, we have never stayed away for so long without seeing each other. Truly, I miss him so much, miss his kisses, his voice, his face, his body, his touch, his mouth... my God! I just feel the need to see him soon and in a place that we can be alone. Even though I'm sure that I won't be able to be with him at the party, I feel it will be interesting anyhow.

“Good morning!” I say excited when I get in the kitchen.

“Morning.”

My parents look at me surprised by my excitement, but soon they understand the reason why I was like that.

“What have I done, my God?” Victor asks.

“You can't turn back now,” I say while taking my mug of coffee with milk.

“Otabek called me in order to say that the party will only start late at night, so you'll only get out of there at the crack of dawn.” Yuuri says.

“Why haven’t you told me that?” Victor cries out.

“I thought it would make no difference.” Yuuri shrugs his shoulders. “By the way, since you’ll come back late, he asked if you could stay by at his place, is that okay?”

“Sure!” I say promptly.

“What?!” Victor says simultaneously.

 I was worried that I would not be able to stay alone with him, but now I am quite relieved after hearing this wonderful offer.

“How come, Yuuri?” Victor says in despair.

“He slept over once, what is the harm of doing it again? It’s something necessary.” Yuuri slowly sips his coffee while looking at Victor.

They stare each other for several minutes and I just watch because I know Victor will not have the guts to go against him. I'm smiling while imagining what may happen in that house tonight. Okay, I'm excited, is it wrong? It's been over a week since the last time I saw my boyfriend and well, it's not like I forgot what happened between us, much less the pleasure feeling that he gave me. It’s not funny touching myself alone, besides I don't have the courage to do it... somewhere else. My God, what is happening to me?

“Are you alright, Yurio? Your face is red?” I hear Victor's voice.

I choke on my coffee and look at my parents who are staring at me. I realize that my face is burning so I look away.

“I - I'm fine...” I whisper.

“Yuuri, he’s looking just like you when we started to date. I'm worried.”

“Relax, you know what happened by the time I was like that, don't you?” Yuuri says teasing.

Victor looks at me visibly worried before he puts his hand over his eyes and whispers something's about killing someone that I don't hear quite well. I'm so happy that I don't even care, I keep thinking about today.

“Yurio, my son, what about spending the day with your beautiful family?” Victor asks me.

“Of course, we'll spend the whole day together. Tomorrow.” I give him a smart look.

Yuuri smiles at me and starts to massage his husband’s shoulders.

“You're stiff, honey. How about we go out as well?” Yuuri whispers at Victor's ear.

“What are you thinking...?”

“What about an onsen?”

Victor makes a malicious expression making me think about the day that I found them...

“Stop flirting in front of me!” I say getting up. “Yuck!”

I shiver just imagining that traumatic scene again and go straight to my room.

“Yuck!” I say to myself while shivering in order to put those thoughts away.

It's okay that what I want to do to Otabek is what my parents want to do between them, but I don't need to know that, much less seeing it!

I open my wardrobe and notice that I have nothing to wear. I’ve never been to a party that wasn't a birthday and the fancy restaurants with my parents. What the hell should I wear in parties like today's?

I run to my phone in order to send Otabek a message.

 _Beka, what should I wear to go to today's party?_ I send him.

It takes a few minutes until he replies.

_Go with whatever you like. It's an over age party. People go to drink and dance. Don't worry about the clothes, you'll be handsome anyway._

Ah, how I miss him!

_Okay, thanks..._

_I'm anxious to see you tonight... I miss you._ He sends me after a few minutes.

_Me too... by the way, my parents allowed me to sleep over at your place. Is it really fine?_

I smile like an idiot when I look at the cellphone waiting for the answer.

_You don’t have to ask. I would take you to my place either way._

How stupid can a person in love be? Because someone who is screaming against his pillow can only be an idiot! And that is me.

I get up calmer and take all the clothes off my wardrobe, but I’m not satisfied with what I see. Which means that I need to buy something.

“I'm going to the mall.” I let my parents know right after lunch.

“Do you want any money?” Yuuri asks.

“Please...” I say embarrassed because I don’t feel comfortable taking more money from them.

Yuuri smiles and comes in my direction in order to give me his credit card.

“Do you need a ride?”

“You don't have to.”

“Let's go! Victor and I will take advantage and have an ice cream, right honey?”

Victor who was watching the TV looks straight to us.

“Ice cream?” He gets up. “Sure!”

We went to the mall and end up splitting ourselves. My parents look like they’re on a high school date. I’ve never seen people happier just by getting an ice cream.

I walk and walk until I find a store that suits my taste, like those that doesn't have clothes with too many colors besides black and white. I keep on searching clothes for a solid twenty minutes, until I finally find what I was looking for. I admire the shirt in my hands and I realize how perfect it is. Is it too tacky? Maybe Otabek will be embarrassed if I go with it.

When I start to put it back to the hanger, someone whispers in my ear, “it's going to look pretty on you.”

I shiver with his heavy voice before I turn around and stare at the dark-haired man that I missed so much. My heart beats so hard that I can't speak.

“After so many days without seeing each other, I hoped for at least a hug.”

I don't move. I just stare at him. Then, Otabek comes in my direction and puts his arms around me.

“I missed you.” He whispers in my ear.

I take a deep breath and the scent of his clothes makes my mind goes blank.

“M-Me too... I missed you.”

He steps back after a while and looks at me with a soft smile.

“W-What are you doing here?” I ask curiously with this coincidence.

“I went into a music shop and was passing by. I saw this store that was so like you and then I saw you. It’s just a coincidence. By the way, a wonderful coincidence.”

I keep looking at his lips that curve into a smile and I end up smiling too.

“Wonderful coincidence...” I say trying to control my heart beat.

“I need to go because I have lots of stuff to do, but we'll meet again soon.”

Otabek looks around and gets close to my face in order to kiss me gently.

“Buy the shirt, I want to see you wearing it.”

“Okay...” I feel numb.

He turns around to walk, but I hold his hand.

“See you later, then,” I say looking into his surprised eyes.

“I'll be waiting for it.”

Otabek smiles at me once more stroking my hand at the same time, before turning around and following his way. I follow him with my eyes and when he disappears from my sight, my legs give out and I bend down at the store floor.

“My God! Was he always this handsome?!” I whisper when putting my hands over my eyes.

“Are you alright, sir?”

I quickly look up and get up when I see the attendant in front of me.

“S-Sure.” I say feeling my face heating up.

“Do you need any help?” She asks with a smile. I think she saw us.

“Can I try this shirt?” I say picking up the shirt.

“Sure, follow me.”

I go to the changing room and try the perfect cloth. All black, with a stand out "X" in the middle in shiny gray and with the back frayed. I could see myself wearing it with tight black pants and a basic All Star.

I end up finding all the clothes that I wanted in the same store, sparing my time because I don’t have to go search other stores.

I call my parents and find them still in the ice cream shop trying all the flavors of the menu.

“Really?” I ask impressed.

“Just a minute because we're finishing.” Victor says.

I take advantage and have an ice cream too, before we go back home.

“Yuuri, what is this bag?” I ask, already in the car, when I see a strange bag on his hand.

“Oh, This? It's a gift for you.” He handles it to me.

“Really?!” I take it excited.

I open the bag and take a purple jacket with black details. My eyes sparkle by seeing it.

“T-Thank you! I'll wear it tonight!”

“I'm glad you liked it. We both picked it up. It was at a shop across the ice cream shop.”

“Thank you!” I say, truly grateful.

 

* * *

 

 

The hours pass by and I begin to get ready. Since Otabek has to get there earlier than everyone we'll go early. I put on the clothes that I bought and get my hair done, with my typical hairstyle pulling back the sides and leaving my bangs over my eyes.

“You're beautiful!” Yuuri compliments me while I enter the living room.

“I think you are **too** pretty. More than enough actually. Please, be careful with any individual that might get near you at that party. Do not accept invitations or drinks from anyone. Do not drink too much. Don’t smile too much otherwise people will want you and will start getting near you again. Don’t do anything that no...”

“Okay!” Yuuri cuts him. “He knows all that and will be careful, isn’t it right?”

“Of course!”

“And about Otabek,” Victor puts his hand over his eyes, “be careful with him.”

Him? He should be careful with _me_.

“Why?” I ask curious with his answer.

“Well... you're going to sleep there... make him sleep on the sofa, at least.” He says embarrassed.

“Why? What could happen if we sleep together?” I provoke him.

“Yuuri, look at your son!”

“Just mine now? He's ours!”

“I'll end up killing this Ot...”

The doorbell ring and I run to get it. Otabek is so handsome that it makes me breathless.

“Hi...” I say feeling my face warm.

“I said you would look pretty.” Otabek says while running his eyes all over my body.

He gets closer and holds my chin in order to raise my face and bring his face close to mine. I melt by just looking at his eyes, but the mood is totally ruined by someone cleaning his throat behind us.

“Good evening, Mr. Nikiforov, Mr. Katsuki.”

He greets with a wave and soon leans closer to ask in a low voice, “what have I done?”

“Nothing, Why?”

“Your father is looking at me in a weird way.”

I press my lips to hold my laugh and look back.

“Stop with that face, Victor,” I say laughing. “I'm leaving.”

“Be careful!” Yuuri says calmly.

“Won't you going to be cold with that jacket?” Victor asks worriedly.

“No, it’s alright, I'm going to get warm later.” I say provoking and start to walk with Otabek.

“You better be careful!” Victor yells and I don't know if it's for me or Otabek.

“Have a nice party!” Yuuri wishes to us.

I wave at them like Otabek and get out of the house gate expecting to find my boyfriend's motorcycle.

“Where's it?” I ask looking around.

“Where's what?”

“Your motorcycle.”

“Oh, we won't go with it this time.”

“Then what do…”

Otabek press a key button and I hear a car beeps near us. I look next to me and see a black BMW parked.

“Really?!” I say going toward the car.

“Yes!”

“Is it yours?” I ask impressed.

“Yes, I bought it this week.”

“My God, it's wonderful!”

I open the unlocked door and sit before Otabek even gets in the car. I look like those kids when they have never seen something and keep poking everything, completely impressed.

“Did you like it?” He asks starting the engine.

“Sure!”

I open the window and enjoy the wind with my head partially out, looking like an excited dog, while listening to the radio song. I'm really excited!

“What time the party starts?” I ask.

“Eleven o'clock, but people always get there later.”

I look at the clock that marks nine-thirty and starts to imagine that he has a lot to get ready over there.

 

* * *

 

 

The trip was calm and it really took a long time to arrive at a big party hall with a huge bar inside.

I help him to take his equipment’s from the car and take them to his work place. Then, after a while, we arrange everything and I sigh tiredly.

“You are already tired, Yura? The party hasn’t started yet.” He smiles pressing me against his equipment table.

There is no one at the hall beside us, that encourages me to open my leg so he can fit in between them and get closer to me. I run my fingers through his lips and stare at his mouth that calls for mine.

“Yura,” Otabek gets my attention back, “you’re going to only use your fingers or you'll kiss me? I'm waiting.”

I smile shyly and pull him by the nape of his neck so I can feel his lips on mine. So hot and wet. So exciting and pleasurable. So... mine. He puts me over at the border of a counter while I place my arms around his neck. His body fits perfectly with mine, just as his tongue moves in a harmonious rhythm with mine. I feel that I'm getting turned on at this unsuitable place, but I don't want to stop and, apparently, Otabek doesn’t either since his hands go down through my back until they reach my butt. He pulls it towards him, making me feel growing hardness against myself. My body starts to get warmer, but it cools down as soon as I hear some murmur by the hall. I push Otabek back and crouch in front of him, entering the small space under the table. Why am I hiding? The voices start to become louder what means that the people who will probably take care of the party are starting to arrive to get the place organized.

“What are you doing over there?” Otabek whispers looking partially down.

“I...”

“Are you the one responsible for the music?” I hear a woman asking.

“Yes, everything is almost done here.” Otabek answers.

They both start to talk about work and I stay seated without knowing why I'm hiding until I finally look right in front of me. I bite my lips when I see Otabek’s hard dick making a horizontal volume in his pants. I ignore the conversation he is having with the woman and slowly pull his jeans waistband so his dick can be closer to me... to my mouth actually. I run my fingers by the harden volume under the fabric and Otabek's voice fails a little bit. I giggle having fun with this situation, and at the same time I feel horny because of the risk of being caught doing this. I feel his dick before lowering his zipper quietly. I get on my knees inside that small space to then expose his dick, which is harder than before. My hands stroke him a bit before I start licking him provocatively. I can still hear them talking, but at the moment my focus is all on what I’m sucking. The only thing that I notice is Otabek's voice failing once more when I start taking more of his length in my mouth.

“Are you alright, Otabek?” I heard the girl ask.

I suck intensely his tip and masturbate him at the same time.

“I'm... great, thanks.”

“Do you need help with anything?” Her tone is not the same now what makes me a little nervous.

“No, thanks.” Otabek says gently.

“Okay, then.”

I hear her high heels clacking the floor as she leaves.

“Yura...” Otabek whispers trying to pull his waist away.

I put my hands on his ass and pull it towards me, putting his dick deeper into my mouth, making Otabek moans low while I hear his hands resting hardly over the table. I move my mouth with my tongue, just like he taught me the other time, until I can feel his butt cheeks contract under my hands. Otabek takes his dick off my mouth quickly, but not fast enough so I can feel a bit of his cum in my mouth and the rest all over my face.

“Are you fine?” He asks when crouching in front of me fast.

I run my fingers through that sticky liquid in my face and put in my tongue.

“This here is a shit!” I say making a disgusted face.

Otabek puts his hand over his mouth so he can muffle his laugh.

“Stop laughing and go get me some paper so I can clean this thing off my face, Beka!”

“You know that's all your fault, right?”

“Go already!” I say, but I can't avoid laughing.

Otabek fix his pants and go get the paper probably at the bar. I stay, trying to calm myself down since my own dick is desiring that something happens, but I know people will start to arrive.

“Let me clean it.” Otabek says as he kneels in front of me again.

I keep looking at him while he cleans my face and suddenly, I start to get embarrassed.

“Do I need to ask what happened?” He asks.

“No. Please, no!”

I don't know what happened, that's the problem. I just wanted to do that, even if it was an inappropriate moment. Was it wrong? Yep. We could have been caught, and who knows what would be the consequences to Otabek.

“Sorry for that, we could have been caught and you could have lost your job.” I say feeling guilty.

“It’s okay. Just because I got surprised it doesn't mean that I didn't love it.”

He gets closer in order to kiss me with a smile on his lips, but I put my hand in front of his mouth because I can still feel my tongue sticky with his cum.

“My mouth is dirty.” I say.

Otabek takes my hand off kindly and pulls me by the nape of my neck to kiss me intensely, passing his tongue over mine and sucking it softly when the kiss was finished.

“I don't care.” His voice is soft and pleasant at the same time, which makes me want to kiss him more.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I say so I can avoid indecent thoughts.

Otabek backs off so I can get out of the table and I follow his instructions to get to the bathroom. When I turn in the hallway, I hear voices getting closer to the hall.

“Just in time!” I sigh in relief.

I walk with my head down through the hallway when I run into someone else’s shoulder.

“I'm sorry.” I say, but keep moving with my head down.

“It's fine.” I hear a happy voice behind me, but I don't turn around to see who it is.

Getting to the bathroom, I give my face a good clean up and do the same my mouth. When I’m done, I lean over the bathroom’s sink in order to calm myself down completely.

After a while, I go back to the hall and sit at one of the bar stools while Otabek gets everything ready to start working.

After a few hours, people start to arrive, while I keep myself seated at the bar and drinking something sweet that I don't really know the name, but is really delicious and not too strong. I only noticed the alcohol in it after the second glass, when my body started to heat up a little.

The hall gets crowded and electronic music starts to play. The empty stools around me are slowly being filled up. Then, the ambient mild mood starts to heat up and people start to drink while dancing.

Sitting while drinking, I keep watching Otabek working. Soo beautiful. I want him to fuck me soon... I guess I'm drinking too much. It’s not fun to dance by myself. I want to dance with him! I sigh and ask for another shot of my sweet drink.

“You can put into my bill!” Someone by my side says.

I look at the man sitting next to me. He is really well dressed and has the same haircut as Otabek, but different from my boyfriend his showy smile doesn't come off his lips.

“You don't need to, I'll pay. Thank you.” I say looking at his slightly blue eyes and his perfect thick eyebrows.

“I insist!”

I roll my eyes by seeing him smiling again and accept so he can stop pissing me off. However, it doesn’t work out that much.

“What's your name?” He asks talking a little close to my ear so I can hear him.

I face him for a couple of seconds before answering, “nobody.”

“Nobody. Singular name. I'm…”

“Alright, I don't want to know.” I say quickly.

“Okay. It would be such a waste someone as pretty as you not enjoying the party. Why don't you dance with me?”

Is he hitting on me?

“Because I don't want to,” I say while looking at his face and smiling ironically.

Even turning him down, the guy with perfect eyebrows smiles at me before getting up and leaving some money and his bill over the counter.

“I hope I can see you again.” He whispers in my ear.

“I can't say the same!” I yell and he goes away.

Idiot! The guy sparkles so much that it makes my head hurts.

I hear some girls talking about Otabek by my side and I can’t spot myself from rolling my eyes. Handsome, right? He is _my_ boyfriend.

My night's fun could be resumed with drinking and looking at Otabek who would reach the microphone once in a while to shake the people up.

People drinking, dancing, losing the beauty of their makeup and the hairstyles as the time goes by. People kissing each other against the wall, handsome person managing the party’s music... I just want to arrive at that house soon! I'm not sleepy and I'm sure that I'm not going to be.

I look at the clock and realize that it is 3:30 a.m. and I notice that Otabek isn't the DJ anymore, a girl is at his place. Maybe he just went to the restroom?

I stay at the same place while drinking the last sip of my fifth glass, when the dark-haired man that I was staring the whole night appears by my side.

“Finally!” I say happily when I see him.

“How are you?” He asks near my ear.

“I'm great! Mostly now that you're here!” I scream at his ear.

“How many glasses of those did you have?” He asks taking my glass and sniffing its content.

“A few... just a few.”

I smile at him and Otabek nods his head with a slight smile on his lips.

“Do you want to go home? Do you want to stay a bit longer? We could dance.” He asks near my ear again.

“Can we go home?” I said whispering in his ear with a seductive voice.

“Sure.”

“But don't you need to work anymore?” I ask curiously.

“No, they hired me until three o'clock.”

“That's great!” I smile naughtily at him.

Okay, I feel a little exalted, but who cares?

We get ready and leave after Otabek pays the bar’s bill.

Different from when we were going to the party, the way back was loud because I decided to sing every single music that was played on the radio. Once in a while Otabek sang with me, making me even more cheerful.

Getting at his house, I take my shoes off at the entrance and toss my jacket on the couch as I hum going toward his bedroom.

“Yura!” Otabek laughs behind me.

I go to the shelves of his bedroom where there is a small horizontal speaker with an iPod plugged.

“Does this work?” I ask Otabek who is getting into the room and taking his jacket off.

“Yes.”

I start to mess it until I can find out how it turns on. I keep skipping the electronic music songs because I can't hear it any longer, and I finally find something I was looking for: Intoxicated. I look back and Otabek is seated at his desk chair, just looking at what I’m doing. I smile at him and slowly move my hips following the slow beginning of the music. I start walking toward him shaking my hips and messing with my hair until I get in front of him.

“How can I resist you?” He asks sexy, just like the song lyrics.

I run my hand through his whole body staring at his eyes that are paying attention to every single movement of mine. Then, I grab his hands and get them under my shirt and against my skin at the same time I move my hips.

“Tonight, you're all mine.” I whisper just like in the song.

I take his hands off my body and turn around putting myself in the middle of his legs, getting down slowly with my ass passing through his abs until I feel the hard volume in his pants. Provocative, I shake my hips over it moving back and forth and feeling his dick rubbing against my butt. Otabek's hands go up on the side of my body and soon reach my chest, where I feel his fingers brushing my nipples. I'm hot, really hot! I don't know if it's because of the booze or if it’s the moment. I only know that his mouth passing through my back's naked skin makes my whole body start to melt, wanting to feel him even more. Raising his mouth to the nape of my neck, Otabek kisses it intensely as he slides his hands along me. Then, the music ends and the one that begins to play is Earned it by The Weekend. The song is even slower. I move away stretching my hand and Otabek reaches it. He pulls me in his direction and passes my and hugs me from behind.

“Can I take care of you?” He whispers in my ear.

I close my eyes and bite my lips. His hands slide towards my abs and he pulls me even closer to his body. Our bodies are moving in a sexy way going to one side to the other while I feel his hard dick against my lower back. Otabek slowly takes off my shirt and tosses it on the floor. Then, his hands go down to the front to my pants as I keep my hips moving to the sexy rhythm of the music. Soon I feel the zipper being open and my pants being pulled down as Otabek kisses my back, stopping at my ass to bite it and take my underwear off too.

“Turn around, Yura.” Otabek demands.

I turn around so my cock can be in front of his mouth. Otabek doesn't do anything, just stares at me for a while, until I start to get more anxious and turned on.

“Please... begin...”

“Begin what?” He smiles.

“Begin to... suck me.”

“Here?”

Otabek passes his tongue along my cock and starts to put it into his mouth, taking a delighted sigh from me. Moving so softly, but sucking me so intensely, I feel his mouth going deeper every time, until I feel my dick hitting his throat. I tilt my head back and roll my eyes back, putting my hands on his head in order to bring it forward, even though it is useless since I'm all inside him. I take my cock out from his mouth and put it back till I hit his throat again. I look at his face and to my surprise, he looks like he’s having pleasure too. This makes my head goes blank and I start to, carefully, move my dick in and out in his mouth.

“Ah... Beka... I'm going to come...”

I try to take my cock out his mouth, but Otabek holds my ass tightly and sucks me deeply. I can't hold on and cum into his throat. My body bends over as my legs start to fail and I fall over my knees on the floor. Breathless, I look at Otabek who seems fine and soon smiles at me.

“Cheers!” He says cleaning the corner of his mouth.

I roll my eyes and catch my breath to look around and crawl to the bed's edge, so I can be on all fours for him and with my head leaning on the mattress.

“We haven't finished...” I say wanting more.

“Ah, Yura...” He sighs.

I feel his hands opening my legs a bit and his tongue passing through my ass cheeks, making my heart beats faster. Otabek doesn't use his fingers much and when I feel my ass becoming slippery, I wait in excitement for something thick getting inside me. His dick is pressured on my skin until I start to feel him getting inside. I let a groan out and lift up my ass for him, wanting him completely inside of me. His hand pulls my hair back making me raise my head while he starts to move in and out, hard and fast, making my cock so hard that it starts to drip. Our groans and his voice whispering my name is my favorite sound at the moment.

Otabek takes his dick off and turns me so I can gently lay down on the floor. Soon, he comes back to enter me and I cross my legs around him and lift slightly my hips. He bends over to kiss me and I feel his tongue a little sticky with a hint of alcohol, making me drunk, not because of the taste but the kiss itself was intoxicating. I can barely kiss him properly without stopping in to moan. His mouth separates from mine and gets down to suck my nipple, making me forget the little control that was still left and makes me start to stroke myself while moaning, calling his name.

“Fuck, Yura.” He sighs with pleasure biting his lips.

Otabek pushes my legs until they are almost at the level of my chest, and puts his cock deep inside me while I come all over my chest. He curves down and I run my hand through his neck, scratching his back while feeling his dick spasming inside of me and his heavy breathing in my ear. My chest goes up and down quickly just like his, and when our eyes meet our mouths go towards each other.

“Yura... you're so fucking hot,” Otabek says with a sexy voice.

He rarely swears, but when we have sex he always does, and honestly? It is really hot.

“Me?” I laugh. “Are you sure that it’s me the hot one?” I say looking at the whole extension of his body.

He smiles and gets off me to then stand up.

“Come to take a shower.” He says taking off his pants completely, since it was over his knees.

“I can't...” I say spreading myself on the floor.

For my surprise, Otabek gets on his knees near me and picks me up.

“Hey! Are you thinking that I'm some kind of princess?” I say punching his chest.

“No, just a lazy prince.” He laughs and kisses my mouth.

Mankind best creation is the bathtub. My God! There's no better place for relaxing, and of course, it’s even better with someone warm behind you.

We then go back to the bedroom and I feel my head starting to ache which certainly is a bad sign. I throw myself over the bed and take a deep breath completely worn off. Otabek comes to me and hugs me. We stay several minutes in silence just appreciating each other warmth, and when I feel that I'm going to sleep I hear the bell ringing.

“Who is it at this hour?” He asks frowning his forehead.

It's past 5 in the morning, I doubt it's my parents. Even if Victor have the idea of coming here, Yuuri wouldn't let him... or maybe he would?

I get up so I can put my underwear and Otabek puts a simple cloth. I wait in the bedroom while he went in the living room and I hear someone unknown’s voice, I know it isn't my parents. Actually, looks like I've heard that voice before...

“Why are you here?” I hear Otabek speaking.

I become curious, but I don't leave the room until the house goes back in silence, I put an Otabek's shirt and go to the living room.

“Who was it, Beka?” I ask turning the hallway.

I see that he's not alone and I get surprised when I notice the man that had hit on me at the party is by his side. Both of them stare at me at the same time and the perfect eyebrows guy smiles before coming into my direction me in order to see my face closer.

“What a surprise finding you here, Nobody. You look prettier than at the party, by the way.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “Pleased to meet you, I’m JJ and it's such shame finding you at my foolish brother's house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Today we are ~~finally~~ on time ヘ(^o^ヘ)  
>  I welcome Macchan, our new translator, and webfairy0, our beta reader <3 Thank you so much for your help, I hope you stay with us until the very end haha  
> Thank you guys for the feedback on the last chapter. It was sad, right? So I advise you to be prepared for what is coming next (￣◇￣;)  
> That's it, see you next week o/  
> ~AnaruB


	15. Did he not tell you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ shows up at Otabek’s house. What is the relation between these two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: XixisssUchiha  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

Before I can slap his hand that is almost touching my face Otabek appears by our side, grabbing JJ’s wrist firmly to put it up.

“Don’t touch him.” His voice is serious and his look is sharp.

I have never seen Otabek like this, so serious and intense that I can feel a strange feeling in the room.

“I’ll go back to the bedroom.” I say looking at both of them who don’t stop staring at each other.

Wow! What happened between them?

I start walking to the bedroom when I hear JJ’s voice with a mischievous tone behind me.

“Love your outfit, blondie.”

I raise my hand and show him my middle finger while I step away, making me hear his disgusting laugh behind me.

Why am I so uncertain about him? He is noisy, easy and not subtle at all, but that’s not important right now, the important thing is: ‘foolish little brother’? Otabek said he had no family, but suddenly his brother shows up? What the heck is going on? Why would he lie about it? Okay, the things between them didn’t seem to be the best, yet he should have told me. I feel that there is something Otabek is not telling me and that’s making me uneasy.

I get to the bedroom and throw myself in the bed. I notice I’m only in my underwear and shirt. I feel my face getting warm from remembering how I was dressed like this in the living room. That’s why JJ picked on me with his comment about my “clothes”. Actually, I want to sneak back in there to know what they are talking about, but that’s wrong, right?

I get up from the bed a few minutes later and slowly walk to the bedroom door. When I decide to turn in the hallway, I face Otabek.

“Hm… I’m thirsty.” I say before thinking.

“You can go in there, he is not there anymore.” He says and passes by me without even a smile.

I look back, surprised, and watch him get into the bedroom.

“Otabek!” I call entering the room. “What happened?” I see him in the bed, with his face buried in a pillow.

Laying in the bed with him I run my hand through his hair.

“Didn’t you say you have no more family?”

“He is not family, Yura.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I feel a little upset.

“Tell you what?” He turns his face to me. “There is nothing to tell you. He is my half-brother, I met him when I left Kazakhstan and moved to Canada, not too much to tell.”

“So, what is he doing here?”

“Being a pain in the ass.” He says.

“There is nothing else you need to tell me?” I ask, suspicious.

Otabek closes his eyes and stays in silence for a few seconds before whispering, “no”.

It’s the most meaningless ‘no’ I’ve ever heard, what makes me feel a lump in my throat. He is lying to me and that hurts. I keep watching him with his eyes closed for several minutes, until I notice that nothing I may ask will make any difference. Maybe it’s all in my mind and he is telling me the truth… I sincerely hope that he is.

Otabek opens his eyes and catch me staring, but instead of saying anything he just hugs me. I can feel his heart pounding fast and that’s weird, but I decide to ignore it because I start to feel tired and sleepy all at once. I’m almost asleep when I think I hear Otabek whispering “I’m sorry”, but I don’t have any energy to ask him what he is apologizing for and I finally sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up with my body sore, just like my head that is pounding. I sit on the bed feeling sick and I don’t see Otabek by my side.

“Where’s your dad, Yumi?” I pet the cat that jumps into the bed.

I get up avoiding harsh movements, trying to not make my nausea worst, and walk to the bathroom to make a basic morning hygiene. Soon I go look for Otabek, who is not anywhere to be seen, by the way. Finally, I open the glass door from the kitchen to go to the backyard and I see him seated on the grass, watching the pool in front of him, under a hot sun, with a bottle of Whisky by his side and a full glass in his hand. The sunlight makes my head hurts, even more, making me sicker. I try to shout his name, but I can’t. Feeling a shiver through my spine, I run to the bathroom, arriving just in time to puke in the toilet. I stand on my knees waiting for my body to stop trembling, so then I get up and go clean my mouth with mouthwash several times. I look to the shower and decide to take a cold bath to clean my sticky body, but being alone in this empty bathroom makes me think about what Otabek is doing outside all by himself.

What kind of things is he thinking about? Since when is he drinking? By the way, why is he drinking in a time like this instead of being in bed with me? Otabek is definitely being weird!

I step out of the bathroom and put my last night’s clothes on to go to Otabek.

“What are you doing?” I ask with my hand above my eyes, protecting them from the sun.

Otabek lowers his sunglasses to look at me and start to drink again.

“Nothing”.

I sit by his side feeling down by his tone and let the silence reign.

“No need to be so dry,” I say after a while, feeling hurt.

I stare at the clean water of the pool and soon I hear Otabek sighing and getting closer to me.

“I’m sorry Yura.” He says next to my ear, now softer, as usual. “Knowing that JJ is in town and not just for a few days, is stressing me out.” He puts his head on my shoulder and says seriously, “don’t let him touch you easily”.

Otabek runs his hand through my hair and kisses my neck. I can smell the alcohol from his mouth that soon comes towards mine. He goes with too much intensity. He is awkward…

“Beka.” I put my hand on his chest, pushing him away. “Sorry, I…”

“Have I scared you?” He asks calmly.

“No, that’s not it, I’m still feeling sick, that’s all,” I say looking away.

I feel a light kiss on my forehead before he gets up.

“Come. Let’s get you some medicine”.

Otabek stretches his hand to me and for the first time that day I see his delicate smile, that makes me calm right away.

“You said your brother is going to stay in town for a while. What is he doing here, by the way?”

“I wish I knew. He is probably gonna be back here later, so I’ll know soon enough.”

“You know, Beka… You don’t have to be so nervous. He will eventually leave.” I say trying to calm him down.

“I know. Thanks, Yura.”

He gives me a glass of water and the medicine, then smiles. I feel things are better, but I get desperate when I look at the clock.

“It’s almost two o’clock!” I yell and get up from the chair.

“Wow, you’re right.” He says slowly.

“Can you take me home?” I ask going to grab my jacket that is on the couch.

“Calm down, Yura.”

Otabek hugs me from behind and kisses my nape.

“We could enjoy another ten minutes.” He whispers kissing my neck.

“Now you want ten minutes?” I turn to face him. “You were the one who decided to get out of bed early to drink.”

I kiss him on the lips and move away.

“I’ll call a cab, okay? I drank half a bottle of whisky, it’s not a good idea to go driving around.”

“What a responsible man!” I say smiling at him.

He calls a cab and as he ends the call he stares at me for a few minutes.

“Stay with me until your ride comes?”

His hand goes through my nape, the other pulls me by the waist, making my body stay close to his, just like his mouth gets closer to mine.

“You reek of alcohol.” I say.

“You don’t like it?” He asks looking me.

“Actually… I don’t mind.”

I kiss his mouth intensely, absorbing all the taste of the drink that makes me drunk. Otabek grabs me by the thighs and lays me on the couch, putting himself between my legs. I let him kiss me while I lower my hand passing through his abs until I feel his hardness through his sweatpants. I squeeze his dick and Otabek lets out a low moan in the middle of the kiss, what makes me want to hear more. I recall our night, how he called my name and wish to hear that again. I slip my hand inside his underwear and pull his cock out, starting to stroke it. He bites my lips stopping the kiss and stares at me a little flushed, what makes me want to see him more like this. I want to hear his moans.  I want to see his red face. I want to make… I hear a horn at the front door and roll my eyes while getting out from below him.

“You’re going to leave me like this?” Otabek opens his arms and says with a sad voice that makes me laugh.

“In the old days you would just go to the bathroom to finish everything by yourself, Beka.”

“That was before!”

I give him a fast kiss and go towards the door.

“Bye then. I call you later.” I say.

“Yura!”

I look back and see him with his arms open and the member still out of his pants.

“I love you Beka.” I say laughing and walk out the door after put my shoes on.

I hear him screaming, “I love you Yura!” when I close the door and go smiling towards the taxi, to go home.

 

**Otabek**

 

“That’s mean Yura. I’m still horny.” I say sitting on the couch.

I feel my body hot and the sensation of his hand on my cock stroking me is still clear in my mind, so I decide to continue the ‘job’. I close my eyes and move my hand while I think about our sex last night. Maybe it was the drinks he had, but his body was desiring mine so much, just like any other day. His soft skin, his moans, the way he called my name with his face flushed and how his embarrassment went all away so he could masturbate himself while I was fucking him.

“Ah! Yura…”

I put my free hand on the tip of my cock and cum in it, careful to not to mess the sofa. I open my eyes, a little breathless, and sigh.

“I think I’m a little drunk.”

I get up with my legs feeling weak and go to the bathroom to take a shower. Soon I’m back in the living room and lay down on the couch with Yumi on my chest to take a nap.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up with the doorbell ringing and get up with a light headache. I open the door and have the unpleasant vision of a smiling JJ looking at me.

“Your face is awful.” He says passing by me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask grumpily.

“I came to talk. To convince you to go back.”

“I’m not going back, you can leave now.” I say closing the door.

JJ throws himself on the couch and I sit in front of him.

“Where is the cute blondie that was here yesterday?”  He asks looking around.

I take a deep breath and get up from the sofa to stand in front of him. I pull the collar of his thin shirt, making him raise his face to look at my eyes.

“If you even think about touching him I’ll smash your face.”

“You didn’t do it the other time, why would you do it now?” He smirks.

“Do you want to find out? Why don’t you try me?” I said pushing his chest back, making him sink into the couch.

“Since I am not going back, you can leave.” I say going to the kitchen to get a glass of whiskey.

“Otabek, you know we are better together than apart. Our career was flying high.”

“There’s no way we can work together after what happened.”

“For God’s sake, forget that shit. Get over it!”

“Get over it? I already did that, but that doesn’t mean I want to put up with you again.”

“Stop being childish, Otabek.”

“Childish?” I raise my voice “Are you kidding me?”

I take my shot all at once and close my eyes to calm down.

“By the way, I’m staying here for a while.”

“Wait, are you just letting me know?” I ask outraged.

“Yes, I’m letting you know. I didn’t find a house or a hotel, and I need to stay here for some days.”

“So you’re going to sleep on the streets, because you won’t stay here.”

“Of course I will.”

“No, you won’t!”

JJ stands up and comes in my direction to stop in front of me at the other side of the counter.

“Foolish little brother, apparently you’re hiding many things from your new toy…”

“He is not a toy,” I say feeling angry.

“Hum…interesting… it’s the first after…”

“Shut up JJ.”

“You’ll end up hurting him, Otabek, you know it. You know he will find out eventually…”

“I said, shut the fuck up!” I scream smacking the glass at the wall shattering it.

“You’re not over it. You know, soon or later you’ll have to tell him why you came here and…”

“Fuck you.” I say in a low voice and start to walk to my bedroom.

I slam the door and throw myself on the bed.

JJ and I were close. Really close, actually. My parents died before I could have any memories of them, but my grandparents always took care of me. We left Kazakhstan and fled to Canada when I was little. I grew up and did not understand why our neighbors treated me different, like I was some kind of burden. Of course my grandparents tried to distract me from their behavior towards me, but I came to an age when it was easy to tell, but there was someone who never treated me different and that someone was JJ. The family’s favorite. JJ is two years older than me so, and back then, he didn’t understand why he should stay away from me just like his family. How to explain to a child that it cannot be friends with other? Right, it’s impossible. So, JJ got closer to me and we became friends, practically grew up together, and when I was almost sixteen I found out he was my half-brother.  It all made sense.

My mother was born in Kazakhstan, but went to study in Canada, where she met JJ’s father. Well, they said they had some trouble in their relationship so my mother went back to Kazakhstan with her parents. Yes, she left JJ there with his father, which made his family hate her even more. What was a foreigner woman doing with a blue-eyed Canadian anyway? That’s what they thought. She didn’t give up on her son easily, but her problems with those people were becoming unbearable. So, she had to let go of her own son, even if it was for a while. In the meantime, she met my father and got pregnant, but of course, their happiness would not last long, so on a cold winter day they both died in a car accident.

JJ always made it clear that he was going to be friends with me, whether his family like it or not and, honestly, I admire him for that. When I decided to be a DJ, JJ asked if he could work with me, but singing. I accepted, of course, actually it would be great travel Europe with him. We reached the top so fast and easy as we thought, but then JJ changed…

“Otabek.” I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

I stay in silence and put the pillow on my face.

“When will you forgive me?” He whispers.

I honestly don’t want him here, especially not now…

“Well, I’ll make myself at home then.” He says in his normal tone.

I hear another knock before the sound of his steps going away.

Damn! Having him here is definitely not a good sign. And the way he treated Yura…I sure don’t trust him!

I feel sleepy so I decide to go to sleep even though I know I’ll wake up with a hangover. Who knows? Maybe this is just a dream and I will wake up in my silent house as always.

 

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately, it’s not a dream. Not only I have a headache, but there is an idiot watching an action movie with the highest volume on my damn TV. I leave my bedroom pissed and go to the living room.

“Ah, you woke up! This movie is…” he starts saying. “Hey!” He complains when I take the cable force of the TV out of the plug.

“Silence. I need silence.” I whisper.

I go to the kitchen to get a medicine and soon I go back to the living room to give Yumi some attention.

“What are you really doing here?” I ask irritated.

“I said it already, I’m here to take you back.”

“Quit it JJ, you know I’m not coming back with you. What did you really come here for?”

“This place brings me memories Otabek, you know that. We were here for a while before, or did you forget that too?”

“You came to visit her?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

We stay in silence for a long time until JJ stands up.

“Where am I going to sleep?” He asks.

“There are two empty bedrooms at the end of the hall. Choose one.” I answer.

“Good night.” He says before going to his room.

Even though I know is not just his fault there is no way I could just forget it. By the way, besides my brother he was my best friend and, honestly, he chose to hurt me.

 

**Yuri**

 

“Yuuri, can I go to Otabek’s?”

“To do what?” He asks not taking his eyes off the book he is reading.

“Ah… I… just want to see him.”

Yuuri laughs and says, “this beginning of the relationship is so cute.”

“Stop it!” I say feeling my face getting warm.

“It is the first time you ask to go there without him coming to pick you up. What happened?” He asks.

“Not much… I just don’t have anything to do…”

“I see. Am I a bad father for allowing you to be alone with your boyfriend at his house while you are both full of hormones?”

“Wh-what? What hormones have to do with it?” I ask not looking at him.

“You don’t have to pretend. The changes in your behavior are more than obvious. You even teased Victor last Saturday.”

“His reactions are the best.” I laugh softly.

“Is he gentle with you?” He asks after a while.

I think about how our sexual relationship grew, even though we did it just a few times. Maybe I’m the one who changed and that’s why Otabek started to show how he really is during the act and I really want to see him with no hesitations. I want him to show me more of what he likes. I want him to speak more. I want him to make me experience new things. Maybe I am the one who doesn’t want him to be so gentle.

“Yes, he is gentle…” I answer after a while.

Yuuri laughs softly which makes me blush. It’s scary thinking about that kind of things around Yuuri, it is like he can read my mind.

“Let’s go, I’ll take you there.”

“Okay.”

“Did you let him know you are coming over?”

“No… I wanted to… surprise him.”

“Ah! How cute!”

“Stop it Yuuri!”

“Okay, okay.”

I admit I’m not so embarrassed talking with Yuuri about Otabek anymore. Of course, it is still embarrassing when there are “indecent” topics, but it is not like before. Also, Yuuri is not the type that wants to know about my sex life or making direct questions besides if I’m good and if Otabek did something I did not want or like.

I wonder if he is ever going to do something I don’t want because for now I feel like I want everything from him. Will this feeling end someday?

I give Yuuri some instructions to get to Otabek’s place and soon we arrive.

“Don’t forget protection.” He says before waving and sending me a kiss.

“Yuuri!” I say but he doesn’t listen since he is already turning around the corner.

I press the intercom and announce myself. Surprisingly there is no answer on the other side of the line. I feel disappointed; I could swear he would say something.

When the gate opens I understand the absence of response. It wasn’t Otabek who opened the door.

“Nothing is better than waking up and seeing you. It is like going back to a good dream.” JJ says hanging on the gate, wearing just his briefs.

“Seeing you is like going back to a nightmare. Where is Otabek?” I say not pleased at all for seeing him.

“He’s out.” He answers me smiling.

“Then I’ll leave.”

I turn to start walking away, but soon his hand grabs my arm.

“He’ll be here soon. You can come in, I swear I don’t bite.”

It is hard to trust him when his eyes are pure malice, but it’s okay, if he tries something I can deal with it with my own hands. I really want to see Otabek and I won’t lose this chance just because of this idiot.

I pass by him and walk into the house. Soon, Yumi greets me at the door and I pick her up.

“Did you miss me, little girl? Beka grew up a lot, you need to go visit him sometime.”

The cat that is enjoying my caresses and hisses as soon as JJ appears next to me.

“Is this monster doing something to you?” I say caressing her fur to calm her down.

“Monster?” He laughs as passes by.

“It’s okay. I’m here now.” I say to the cat and go sit on the couch. “Where did Otabek go?” I ask JJ.

“He went to the supermarket.”

“By the way, what are _you_ doing here?” I ask.

“I’m staying here for a while, so we can get to know each other better.”

“No, thanks.”

“Don’t you get tired of being rude?” He asks.

“No.”

“I wonder what Otabek saw on you.”

“Something you will never see, that’s for sure.”

JJ laughs and gets back to paying attention on the TV while spreading himself on the sofa with almost all his body showing. I roll my eyes and return to give Yumi attention, who climbs on me and start licking my face. I start laughing as it tickles and forgets for a moment that _that guy_ is right in front of me. When I look back to JJ he is staring at me with a surprised look, almost… like admiring.

“What?” I ask, feeling uncomfortable with his odd look. JJ is not smiling, which is even odder.

“I see.” He whispers.

“What?”

“You are…”

“I’m back.”

I look aside and see Otabek at the front door with some supermarket bags on his hand. I put Yumi on the floor and walk towards him.

“Welcome back.” I say

“Yura?”

I watch his lips curve into a soft smile as he sees me, and his arm rising to receive me in a hug.

“What a pleasant surprise, babe.”

He bends to give me a delicate kiss and soon looks to JJ who is laying down with a disgust expression.

“It’s okay, he didn’t do anything.” I whisper as I see the look on his face.

“Anything important that brings you here?” He asks as he goes put his groceries in the fridge

“Yes, you.” I say, flirting without even thinking.

Otabek laughs and gives me another kiss. For a second I forget JJ is behind us, until he pops out of nowhere opening the fridge.

“You want to eat something?” Otabek asks

“Yes, please.” I answer, I’m really starving.

I watch him getting a snack when JJ seats in front of me, slowly eating some chips while staring at me. I stare back, because I refuse to show how bothered I am.

“You two are _so_ cute together.” He says ironically emphasizing the ‘so’.

“Thank you.” I smile sarcastic.

“My brother seems so happy here. Our career was good in London, you know? But I think I know what happened. You remind me of someone. Actually, looking closer, you two resemble a lot.”

“JJ…” Otabek starts talking, annoyed.

“Who do I look like?” I interrupt, curious.

“Otabek did not tell you?” JJ smiles.

“Tell me what?” I start feeling nervous.

“JJ…” Otabek’s voice is threatening.

“I don’t think I’m the one that should tell you this” the Canadian guys stands up with his chips on his hand and passes by me. “Ask him, blondie.”

“Otabek? Tell me what?”

“Yura…”

Otabek closes his eyes and shakes his head with his lips pressed. He comes to me to grab my hand, but I shove it away quickly noticing something is wrong here.

“What you did you not tell me?” I ask serious.

“I’m sorry Yura.” He runs his hand through his hair with a sad expression.

“Say it, Otabek!”

He sits in front of me and puts his hands over his eyes, when JJ appears behind me and whispers in my ear, “you are just like his husband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT IS THAT CLIFFHANGER RIGHT THERE???  
> Okay guys, I'm sorry ~~again~~ for being late, but here it is haha e.e'  
>  I hope everyone is enjoying it, and thank you for supporting our translation <3  
> See you next week o/  
> ~AnaruB


	16. It hurts!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does JJ have to say about Otabek?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Fiambre  
> Proofreaders: Taani, Porkcutlet & AnaruB

I’m shocked. I can do nothing but look at Otabek who is in front of me looking like someone who doesn’t know what to do.

“Husband? You… said you had never fallen in love.” I say after some time. “You said it to me. You said it to my father. You lied.”

“Yura… I can explain.”

“You can explain _how_?”

He said “husband”, right? I must be hearing things since it’s impossible that he hasn’t told me something so important.

“JJ.” I call him.

“Yes, babe.” He replied from behind me.

“Repeat what you’ve just said.” I say.

I stare at Otabek who gives JJ a killer look, but he ignores repeating it loud and clear, “you’re just like his husband, even though you look younger.”

“Isn’t there something missing in that sentence? Something before ‘husband’?”

“There’s nothing missing.”

“There is something missing, right, Otabek? Because it’s impossible that you are with me at the same time that this exists.”

The silence hangs over us as I try to control my surprise that soon is replaced by anger. I close my eyes and my hands turn into fists while I to control myself, but I can feel that the pain that will not go away anytime soon.

“I’m sorry, Yura.” He says looking at me.

I start laughing. The situation isn’t for laughs and it’s not even funny, but even so I laugh. However, I’m not laughing because I’m having fun, but because I’m in despair. I don’t know what to do!

I get up and start walking to the front door, but before opening it someone holds my arm. I turn, trying to hold back my tears of frustration and I see him, not that handsome anymore. His pleading expression isn’t enough to convince me to hear him.

“You had the opportunity to talk, Otabek. You were going to wait how long before you talk about this with me? Did you even think of telling me?”

“Of course I did, Yura!”

“When?!” I scream making him surprised .

“I need to hear you say it. Are you married?”

“Yura, I can’t…”

“Answer!”

“Yes…” He whispers.

My lips curl into a smile and I finally feel the pain overwhelm me.

“Dumbass.”

“No, Yura…”

I pull away and walk out the door. I really didn't want him to follow me at this moment, but he follows me. I ignore the words that come out of his mouth as he walks behind me, and as I continue following my path trying to control my messed up feelings. I’m feeling so bewildered that I don’t even notice that I’m crossing the street when the sign is green for the cars. I can only notice it when I get scared by the horn of a car who stops dangerously close to me.

“I’m sorry.” I yell with a trembling voice.

My weak legs don’t move, but then I feel a hand around my waist pushing me.

“Are you crazy, Yura? You could get hit!” He shouts at me.

“Why are you yelling at me?!” I say indignantly. “It’s your fault, you idiot!”

“I can’t let you go away like this, especially after what has just happened.” He says calmly.

“I’m not going with you.” I say trying to let go of his hand.

“Alright, don’t go with me then, but call your father. Since You won’t go by yourself.” He says firmly.

“Just leave…” I say in a low voice, feeling my throat tighten.

“I’m not leaving.” He whispers.

“Please, I will call my father, but go. After today, I just want you to leave.”

I feel so disappointed that I’m sure he can hear the despair in my voice.

“Alright… but call him, okay?”

I feel his gaze on me, but I refuse to look back.

“Okay…”

I look at his feet that stay next to me for a while, until he starts walking in direction of his house. With my hands shaking, I take my phone out of my pocket and try to dial Yuuri’s phone number, but I stop my thumb before hitting the call button. I start to breathe heavily, wanting to cry even though there are no tears. How much anger can a human being feel? Because I’m with so much that my entire body shakes.

I sit on the sidewalk and squeeze my lips to stop me from screaming. I’m so angry. Angry for believing that everything would be alright forever. Angry for being such a fool. Angry for having blindly believed in someone and don’t even questioned him. Frustrated and without any more strength to feel and deal with anything, I simply look forward without actually seeing anything.

After a while, I decide to call Yuuri.

“Yuuri, can you come pick me up ?” I say in despair.

 _What happened? You left just a little while ago_. He asks confused.

“Just come pick me, please. I'm in front of a gas station, two blocks from  Otabek’s house.”

 _Okay ... I'll be there in a few_ _minutes_. He says before hanging up.

I’m so destroyed that even the bright sunshine is dull. I don’t feel warm or cold. Actually, I don’t feel anything. I can only look forward, waiting for my father to come take me away from here.

Faster than I thought, Yuuri's car stops in front of me. I enter the vehicle in silence, but from my expression Yuuri realizes that something is wrong.

“What happened, Yurio?” He asks surprised.

“Nothing really.” I say, sinking into the seat.

“Do you want...”

“No, please. Not now.” I say without strength.

Yuuri remains silent all the way, making me comfortable enough to calm myself down... but not completely.

I enter the house first, and I hear Yuuri’s voice behind me saying, “Yurio, tell me what happened!”

Without answering, I go straight to my room and lock the door. Looking at my cat makes me sick, but I know it isn’t his fault that he brings me memories that I don’t want to remember right now.

“Sorry, Be...”

I press my lips and stop the tears from falling down my face. I won’t cry for it. I won’t cry for him. The hardest thing to understand is: what the hell is he doing here while he has a husband waiting for him somewhere?! How the hell did he dare to start dating me even though he is married?! Son of bitch! Disgusting adultery! I want to smack his face!

Sometimes Victor comes home early, and I didn’t want this to be one of those days. However, unfortunately, I hear his car entering the garage which means that things probably may get worse. By the way, he was right about Otabek...

What do I do with this anger? What can you do to go back in time and never get this started? I was fine! My life was good! What did I get into? In the end, I didn’t even have the opportunity to tell him about my grandfather... remembering that I wanted him to be with me the next time I went to the graveyard. Remembering that I was going to introduce him to my grandfather. Remembering that I said I loved him...

Holding my tears, I hear my phone ringing and I pick it up to see who it is. His name is clear on the screen of the smartphone, while the ringtone fills the room. I think I've reached my limit...

I throw the phone at the wall making it shatter and fall on the floor.

“You idiot!” I scream. “What's your problem, Otabek?! Why, you son of a bitch?!”

I start throwing everything I see on the wall as I scream ignoring the fact that I look like a madman. I can’t! It hurts! There is so much hate, so much sadness. I’m so desperate that screaming is not enough to relieve all these bundled emotions that I’m feeling.

“Yurio! What's happening?!” Someone asks knocking the door.

I don’t even know who knocks because I'm screaming so loud that my throat hurts.

It doesn’t take long for my door to be open even though I had locked it.

“Hey! What is going on?! "Victor comes in my direction and holds me by the shoulders.

“He... he's an idiot, dad.” I say, lowering my voice gradually and finally releasing my tears.

I cry even though it's the last thing I want to do in front of him, but it hurts so much that it's impossible to hold it. It's so unbearable that my crying comes out loud and full of anguish. Victor hugs me, while I sob and try to calm myself down, but I’m failing miserably.

“What happened, Yurio?” Yuuri asks by my side suddenly.

“H-He... is... married...” I say in between my sobs. “It hurts so much!” I scream before I cry again.

With no more strength, I let myself be hugged without even returning the hug.

“How...  can I make it... to stop, dad?!” I ask after a while.

I feel the arms around me squeezing me, as I hear something I can’t understand be whispered, and I just give up. My voice stops and I just let my tears roll as I stare at nothing. I can’t feel anything anymore. I don’t want explanations. I just want to disappear and forget about everything what happened.

Victor raises my face to clean it and I can see that he is trying to comfort me, but at the same time I notice his rigid jaw and his nervous air. Yuuri kisses the top of my head and I hear his voice behind me.

“Victor, darling, can you take care of Yurio for a while?” He asks quietly.

“Where are you going?” Victor asks in a serious voice.

“Going to take a walk.”

Yuuri's voice gives me a strange shiver, which makes me moving my body to hold his arm.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“I said I'm just going to take a walk, honey.”

“Don’t do… anything.

“I'm not going to.”

Yuuri smiles is big enough so that his eyes are partially close. However, when they open as he turns to start walking in the door’s direction, I see how cold and furious they are. My body freezes with fear of what he can do, and when I'm about to scream to ask him to wait, the door closes. Yuuri wouldn’t be able to do anything, right? From Victor I expect some madness, but Yuuri... no, he wouldn’t be able to go there.

“Yurio, explain to me what happened! What do you mean, he's married?” Victor asked in a worried tone.

I move away from him and sit on the bed.

“He's married, there is nothing more to say.” I say weakly.

“Where did that conversation come from? How did you find out?” Victor asks and kneels in front of me.

“His brother said it.”

“Brother? What? Didn’t he say he had no family?”

“He's a liar. That was just one of his lies.”

“I ... I don’t understand it.” Victor says scratching his head.

“On the day of the party, while Otabek was working, there was a guy who sat by my side at the bar and shamelessly flirted with me. But I soon dismissed him. Later, when I was already at Otabek's house, this guy showed up there and introduced himself as JJ, Otabek’s brother. Today when I went there, he was there, and out of nowhere, looking at me he said that I was like Otabek’s husband… First I thought, ‘You're missing an _ex_ before husband, right?’ Even if he had already had a husband I would understand, because he had a life before me, even though he said he had never had a romantic interest before. But he has no _ex_ , only _current_. He is married! I had to hear it from his mouth, and he confirmed it. He confirmed it right in front of my face, dad! Come on, tell me you were right about him!”

“Oh, Yurio...” Victor comes to me and hugs me. “I’ve never wanted to be so wrong.”

“Me too...”

I rest my head on his shoulder and I let my tears wet his shirt once more. I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. I don’t even know if I’m really feeling anything. There are so many feelings, it is so much sorrow and anger... it even looks like my heart is aching.

Victor pushes me away to clean my face as he says, “can I kill him? I bought the knife.”

His voice makes me laugh a little, and for a brief moment I feel better.

“You can…”

“What are you going to do, Yurio?"

“What do you mean?” I ask confused.

“You broke up with him? Did you talk to him? Did he even give you explanations?”

“I-I didn’t give him a chance to do so. I didn’t want to look at his disgusting face. In fact, I don’t want to do this now.”

“I know you must be very angry...”

“Yes, I am!”

“And I know you're suffering too, but it isn’t worth to feel like this for someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

“Do you think I want to feel this shit for that idiot?”

“I know. That dumbass...”

Victor looks away and murmurs something before looking back to me.

“He’s the last person I want to see right now.” I whisper.

“Then don’t go to see him.”

“Can I run away from this?”

“You can do whatever you want, darling. If you want to talk with that jerk only after a while, you can. Of course, I wish you’d never talk to him again, and honestly, I already hate him completely.” Victor makes a face of disgust. “But I’m going to support you in whatever you decide, and I will be here if you still want to break his face.”

“Thank you.” I smile and he strokes my cheek.

“You're too handsome to cry, darling. Raise your head.”

Victor lifts my chin so that I look up at his blue eyes.

“Don’t lower your head to anyone, ever! Don’t forget it.”

“Okay…”

He gets up and kisses my forehead before reaching his hand to me.

“Come on, let's watch a movie.”

“No more romance.” I say quickly.

“No more romance.”

I take his hand and gladly accept this opportunity to forget, at least for a while, this shit that my life has turned into.

 

**Yuuri**

 

I stop in front of his house and firmly squeeze the steering wheel of the car to calm myself down. I can still hear Yurio screaming as he cries and that is disturbing me more and more. I get out of the car and go into the direction of the house door to press the intercom.

“Coming.”

I hear Otabek voice who doesn’t even ask me to identify myself.

The gate opens and I see his face serious, with his mouth cut and his left eye beginning to swell. When he sees me, his expression changes suddenly to surprise and then to sadness.

“Mr. Katsuki, I...”

I smile at him before looking at him seriously and hit him with a punch from the right. Otabek takes three steps backward feeling the impact, at the same time he brings his hand to his nose. He looks at me as if he was waiting for this, but not from me, and soon I see blood trickling down his hand.

“Take it.” I say as I take a white handkerchief out of my pocket and hand it to him.

Bluntly, he catches it and I say earnestly, “the punch was for Yurio, but I think we need to talk."

He takes a deep breath after a few groans of pain and answers, “yes, we need.”

 

**Yuri**

 

“Did you hit him?" I hear a surprised whisper.

“What else could I have done?"

“Maybe let me handle this?”

“Are you crazy?!”

“But why did you take so long?”

“We talked.”

“you talk after you hit him? What?”

“I needed to know what happened."

I shake my head and the conversation stops. I didn’t quite understand what they were talking about, but I have a bad feeling. I open my eyes and realize that I’m lying on Victor’s lap with Yuuri next to him.

“Yurio... how are you feeling?” Victor asks quietly.

“I’m… fine. What were you talking about?” I ask curiously.

“Nothing important" Yuuri says quietly.

“Who did you hit?” I ask after looking at them for a while.

“Y-You were listening…”

“Yes, I was listening. Who did you hit, Yuuri?”

His expression aimlessly tells me exactly where he went to when he left the house.

“You said you weren’t going to do anything!” I say feeling angry.

“I'm sorry, Yurio, I…”

“He’ll think I sent you! He’ll think I’m some kind of kid who needs my parents to solve my problems!”

“Yurio, it's not like that, I wasn’t…”

“Thank you very much, Yuuri.” I say sarcastically as I get up.

“Wait!” Victor holds my arm and he looks serious. “He is not done yet, Yurio. Did you think we wouldn’t get worried? Did you want me to go there? Because, believe me, the last thing I'm feeling right now is patience.”

Victor looks at me as intensively as I've never seen him, what makes me realize the tone I used to speak with Yuuri.

“I’m sorry.” I say truthfully.

“It’s okay.” Yuuri says smiling softly.

“What did he say?” I say after a while in silence.

“Oh, honey, I think you should hear that from him.” Yuuri smiles sadly.

“I... I don’t want to see him...”

“Hey, you don’t have to see him or try to understand why he hid some things from you. You should do whatever you want and as long as it’s your desire, got it?” Victor says as he pets my hand.

“Okay…” I say, my throat tightening.

“Can I say my opinion about this?” Yuuri suddenly asks.

“Uhum...”

“The base of the relationship is sincerity and trust. Yurio, he failed you with both. It wasn’t even him who decided to tell you about it, his brother pulled the conversation, that makes everything even worse. For you to trust him again...”

“I’ll never trust him again.” I say quickly. “He is cheating on his husband! He _is_ married! Legally married! He treated me like a lover all this time. He’s disgusting.”

I really feel angry and even more deceived. All this time it seems like everything I've ever shared with him was a lie. All the happiness that I thought I was experienced was thrown into the trash, as if the part of my life that was so important was completely fake.

“I’m so sorry, my son.” Victor says sadly.

“I am too.”

I really do. I regret being an idiot, but at least I took something from this: I'll never be an idiot again.

“He asked me to tell you to give him a chance to explain everything." Yuuri says.

“Ah!” I give a fake laugh.

In fact, I’m trying to show that I’m strong and don’t really care about the situation anymore, but... but it is hurting. I don’t know what to do... I feel lost...

“I’m going to my room.” I say with no energy.

“Don’t you wanna something to eat?” Victor asks.

“I'm not hungry, thank you.”

I walk to my room that’s still messed up with everything I’ve thrown on the floor, and my phone in pieces near the wall.

“At least he won’t call anymore.” I say feeling angry.

I walk to my bed to lie down hugging my pillow and soon my cat comes close to my face.

“He won’t call me… ever again.”

I bury my face on the pillow to muffle my cry that gradually gets uncontrolled, tears flooding from my eyes with an almost unbearable pain, to finally figure out that there is no more way to return to my happy days.

 

* * *

 

My feelings were gradually coming into order during the two weeks and a few days that have passed. I spent several days feeling depressed and not really hungry, until I could finally leave my room to interact with my parents. They didn’t say it, but I overheard all the phone rings and how Victor was annoyed with the last one. I know he called every day. I know he wants me to listen to him, but I honestly couldn’t deal with it now.

“Can any of you take me to the graveyard today?” I ask my parents.

“Do you want us to stay with you?” Yuuri asks.

“Not today. I wanted to stay by myself, can I?” I say giving them a half smile.

“Let’s go to the mall first to get an ice cream, relax… what do you think?” Yuuri asks.

“Okay, but we won’t stay there for too long, okay?” I say not even a little excited.

I can see their concern just by the look they give me. The first week was difficult, but I soon got better and tried to make them less stressed about me. However, I don’t think it’s working.

“Don’t you wanna buy a new phone today?” Victor asks.

“Oh, it’s okay, I'll wait a little longer. I have an old iPod that I can use to listen to my songs, so I'm okay for now.”

“Are you sure? You could just buy it today.”

“I'm sure.”

It’s good to be without a phone. I think it was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I know that in the first few weeks he would call me directly, making everything worse. I’m, definitely, better this way.

My parents and I left the house after we finished packing our lunch and we headed to the mall. That mall which was a place for me to relax, has now become a place full of empty memories. It is horrible, but I'm beginning to feel that I can overcome this.

We go to a family ice cream parlor and I stay in silence as I watch them talking and all relaxed, while choosing several different flavors. As I look at them, I have a feeling of lightness as if everything could be resolved. The feeling is so good that it makes me smile shyly when I see Victor stealing some of Yuuri's ice cream. The feeling is good but one makes me feel sad.

I stay so entertained watching them, that I realize that we've been here for an hour when Victor gets up to pay the bill. Finally, it was good to get distracted a little bit.

Walking in direction of the parking lot, Victor stops suddenly.

“My phone!” He turns and starts to walk quickly.

“What?” I say confused.

“I forgot my phone on the table!” He shouts, already far away.

“My Goodness, it’s so like him do something like this!” Yuuri says rolling his eyes. “It’d be better to go with him, you come?”

“I’ll wait for you here.” I say quietly.

“Okay.”

Yuuri goes after Victor and I lean against the wall of the store behind me to wait for them. I watch people walk by me until I finally realize where I am. I feel a strong pain as I see the café in front of me. The place where I used to sit is vague, and the memory I want to forget at the moment is fresh in my mind, so fresh that I can see myself perfectly entering the place, choosing that spot to sit down and open the menu. It's so fresh in my mind that I can see a tanned man coming in through the door and stopping behind me. It's so fresh in my mind that I can hear his grave voice, “may I sit here?”

I press my lips together as my throat tightens and my eyes get watery, but I refuse to let the tears run down my face. I’m almost getting out of my seat and walking away on my own, when I see my parents coming in my direction to my relief.

“Are you alright?” Yuuri asks as he approaches me.

I nod, since I know I won’t be able to say anything without crying. With suspicious looks, the two of them put their arms around my shoulder to finally take me away from this place.

I take deep breaths several times inside the car to calm myself down, before we arrive at the graveyard.

“Do you want us to wait for you?” Victor asks.

“No, it’ll take some time.”

“You'll be fine, right?” Yuuri asks worriedly.

“I will, you don’t have to worry.” I say smiling slightly to them.

“Call us when you feel like leaving, but don’t just decide to go on your own, okay?” Victor says.

“Okay, okay. I'll call you. Bye!”

I wave to them as I walk away, while Victor and Yuuri stand a few more minutes in front of the graveyard before leaving.

I stop at the familiar flower car at the entrance to the cemetery and buy a large bouquet of pink carnations with some red ones mixed. I ask for help to get to my grandfather's grave since the place is big and I can’t remember where it is. To my surprise, his tombstone is clean.

“Has anyone come here?” I ask the man who guided me.

“No, I cleaned it. I hope it doesn’t bother you.”

I look at him surprised, but then I smile gratefully.

“Thank you very much.”

“Don’t worry.”

You can notice some kind of kindness behind his grumpy expression, what makes me smile as I look at his back as he walks away from me.

“Hi, Grandpa.” I say as I crouch down to put the flowers on his gravestone.

I run my hand on his engraved name and sit on the floor.

“I overreacted a little bit the other time I came here, so forgive me.” I give a low laugh. “A lot of things have happened since that day. Good things, but you know... I guess I'm not okay, Grandpa. This thing of being happy and suddenly being hit by events that destroy all the joy you had... I can’t hold it back. It was too much in a few weeks, I cried so much... I feel exhausted. I feel so exhausted that I think I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t even feel like crying anymore.”

I stay in silent for a few seconds until I say again, “I think I didn’t tell you, but there was a guy and, well, I started dating him... I hope you don’t think that’s weird... anyway, do you know when you think everything is perfect? But it was too perfect to be true, and I didn’t doubt that perfection. Nothing is so perfect and with me it wasn’t different. He fooled me. He treated me like a toy that looks like his husband. I know I don’t deserve someone like him, but... but it’s still hurting, grandpa. It hurts to come here at the cemetery to talk to you. It's too much for me, I don’t think I can take it...”

I hug my knees and shrink as I hold myself to not cry. A strong breeze comes toward me making a few strands of my hair go over my face, at the same time I feel a pressure on my shoulder. I run my hand over my face so that I can see clearly and turn to look who is behind me, but to my surprise there is no one. I sit for a few minutes looking at my shoulder and back, and I decide it must have been a false impression.

I keep quiet for a long time and when I lean on the floor to get up, I look away and I see someone I certainly don’t want to see. I shrink again wishing he doesn’t notice me, while my heart races madly.

“What is he doing here?”

I follow him with my eyes and I see him stand by a tombstone a few meters in front of me. He puts a bouquet of red roses in front of the tombstone and squats down. His expression is not as I remember. It isn’t hard to forget his extravagant smile, but right now it is totally gone. He looks like someone else, but it's impossible to mistake the guy with thick well-made eyebrows. Squatting and staring at that tombstone, his eyes express a pain I would never imagine seeing in him, and for a moment I wanted to go and comfort him (YURIO, NOOO), but I stay in my place until They stand up after some time and start leaving.

“Thanks for listening, grandpa. I’ll come back earlier this time, I promise. I hope you enjoyed the flowers.”

I put my hand on the tombstone and give a half smile before leaving, sneaking, in the opposite exit direction. I see the red roses just placed there and I walk slowly to them. I crouch down and read the name on the tombstone: _Isabella Yang_. Isabella Yang? Wasn’t JJ from Canada? Does he have relatives here too? By the way, why did he come here all of a sudden?

“I'm sorry for you.” I say before getting up.

I leave the graveyard and put my hand in my pocket to get my pho.... I roll my eyes as I remember that I have no phone. How the hell am I going to call my parents?!

“Is there any problem, blondie?”

I open my eyes and turn my head to see JJ sitting on one of the benches scattered across the small square in front of the graveyard, with an unhappy expression.

“No.”

I turn away to start walking when I hear his voice again, “what are you doing here?”

I stop and I turn to look at him.

“Same as you.” I say.

“I’m sorry.” He says.

“Same goes for you.”

We stay in silent for a few seconds and when I finally decide to leave, JJ says, “I slept with his husband.”

I stare at him with the beginning of this sudden, yet interesting, conversation.

“What?” I ask as I approach.

“I slept with Otabek’s husband and because he is a coward, he ended up running away.”

I get closer to him who is sitting and I analyze his face. I notice a slight hematoma healing beneath his left eye and his serious look. He doesn’t look like he is mocking, but instead looks really tired.

“And you’re proud of having slept with your brother's husband.” I say cynical.

“Do you really think that?” He stares at me.

“I doubt you were forced to sleep with him.”

“I didn’t make anyone sleep with me.”

I don’t have an answer so I stay silent for a while.

“Why? Why ruin your relationship because of it? So many people in the world and you're staying with your brother's husband, for what?” I ask indignantly.

“I was turned on and, well, he was there wanting me.” He shrugs.

“Idiots... all of you.” I say in disgust.

“I understand why he's fallen in love with you.” He says randomly.

“I know, I’m just like his husband.” I roll my eyes.

“No, it’s because you're beautiful in a different way. It isn’t only the appearance, there’s something more. I've already met someone like you, but unlike you, she was politer.”

“I’m polite with people who deserve it.”

JJ gives a cracked smile to me.

“Do you want a ride?” He asks.

“No need, I'll walk.”

“I'm sure your house is far away.”

“I don’t mind walking.”

“What is your problem with me?” He asks indignantly.

“Nothing, I just don’t like you.” I shrug.

“You don’t have to like me to take a ride. I promise I won’t do anything.”

I stare at him for a few minutes, and somehow or other, I trust his word.

“Okay, please, give me a ride.” I say rolling my eyes.

He gets up and walks past me to a… black BMW. I stop and look at the car that I don’t want to enter.

“You coming?” JJ asks already by the car’s door.

I won’t be able to move on if everything that reminds me of him affects me like this, because everything reminds me of him, this whole city reminds me of him! I take a deep breath and walk to the car to sit on the passenger’s seat. The car still smells like new and I try to shove away all the memories this smell brings me. JJ turns on the radio that's playing "Do I wanna know?" by Arctic Monkeys, and in silence I look out the window.

“Where is your home?” He asks.

“Go to the downtown mall and I’ll give you some instructions." I say.

Without really looking where we're going for a long time, I start to get nervous when JJ turns into a familiar corner.

“Where are you going?!” I ask looking at him.

“I have to stop at home first.”

“Why?! Stop the car!”

“I won’t stop it.”

“I said stop!” I punch him.

“You can just hit me! I won’t stop!”

I get even more nervous when the car stops and I look by my side to see Otabek’s house. I leave the car quickly to walk away from here, but I don’t walk much since someone holds my arm.

“You need to talk with him.” JJ says calmly. “Didn’t I say I slept with his husband?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you! You don’t have anything to talk with him!” I scream.

“He searched for you every day!”

“He lied to me!”

I hear a loud noise from the gate and I look back from where the sound is coming from.

“Yura?”

My heart races at the sound of his voice as I look at him who is disheveled and with deep circles underneath the eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey o/ Guys, I just have to say this: get ready for the next chapter x.x  
> Today I welcome Porkcutlet to our time, thank you for your help <3 omg, so many people working on this translation now haha  
> That's it! Again, thank you for your support, see you next week (๑・ω-)～♥”  
> ~AnaruB


	17. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walk to the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Macchan  
> Proofreaders: Taani, Porkcutlet & AnaruB

I pull my arm so I can get rid of JJ’s hand. I turn my back and start walking fast again.

"Wait, Yura please!" Otabek screams.

"Fuck you!" I yell as I continue walking

A hand stops me again and I'm sure it's his.

"Please, just listen to me." His voice is hoarse and slightly shaky.

I turn to look at him and I can notice his deplorable state. For a moment, I feel satisfied.

"Listen to what, Otabek? I have nothing to hear." I say in a tone of someone who has already given up.

"Please, there's a lot to listen to, just give me one minute. One. Yura." He pleads.

I see slight bruises healing on his face as well as JJ's. His eyes are as black and lifeless as I've ever seen. What happened to them?

I look at his bruised hand that's holding mine; it doesn’t look like Otabek only punched JJ’s face. His touch is no longer the same, or maybe I do not feel it in the same way, which makes me sad. Seeing his state, the nervousness I've been feeling so far is slowly diminishing, enough for me to pull my arm away and get rid of his grip. It isn't long before I say, "okay, you can tell me."

His face of becomes extremely relieved. He soon takes a step forward to approach me, but I take one back.

"Okay," he says, "let’s go inside."

Otabek starts walking toward his house and I stop for a second to look at JJ.

"You idiot." I show him my middle finger.

"You're welcome." He says as he gets into the car again.

Soon, JJ sets off somewhere. He is really weird today; his smile is off and his eyes are not as confident as the other times I've seen him. His voice is like of someone who gave up on something, maybe it's because of that Isabella… who knows or cares.

"Coming?”

I look back and see Otabek standing at the gate waiting. I'm starting to get nervous again because I'll be alone with him in his house and I'm going to hear the whole story. But am I ready for this?

Even though I do not know whether I'm ready or not, my feet move by themselves and I walk towards him, past the gate enter his house first. Like most of the time when I come here, Yumi comes to greet me at the door.

"Hi, girl." I say discouraged as I caress her fur.

Without having time to begin feeling depressed in this place that once brought me so many memories. I'm surprised to see the situation of the house; the mess is impressive! There is no more TV in the living room, some of the kitchen cabinet doors are open and there are stains of some drink on the wall in front of the booze cabinet, which is now empty. I can feel him behind me, and in the silence, hear his heavy breathing. The shiver I start to feel is strange, so I begin to walk to sit on the sofa in the living room.

"Be quick." I say harshly.

I notice the empty Whiskey bottle on the coffee table in front of me and check Otabek to see if he looks drunk. To my relief he isn't, meaning that this bottle was emptied some other time.

Otabek sits on the sofa in front of me and sighs as he runs his hand through his messy hair.

"I think I have to start from the beginning."

"Start then."

"Well, let's start by talking about JJ. You know I moved to Canada when I was still a kid..."

"Oh, I know? Was that true?" I say roughly.

Otabek closes his eyes and gets quiet for a second before looking back at me.

"Yes, it’s true. My grandparents took me when I was a kid to Canada after my parents died in a car accident. I grew up without knowing that the neighbors who treated me strangely were JJ's family. JJ's family treated me like that because I was the son of the foreign woman who got "infiltrated" in their house, got pregnant from a blue-eyed Canadian and abandoned him. You may think my mother was insensitive for abandoning JJ, but my grandparents told me that she tried to take him with her, but they didn't allow it. My mother and my brother's father had a complicated relationship. He was abusive to her, and his family thought she had to put up with it. After she had the child, that thought was even worse, so when she couldn’t take it anymore, my mother packed her bags and returned to Kazakhstan with my grandparents. That's when she met my father. Soon after that I was born, they died in a car accident, and, well, I was too young to remember. But going back: JJ was different from the rest of the family. He didn’t treat me differently and even insist on being my friend to play with me since I was always alone because all the parents of the neighborhood children knew that I was the son 'of that woman'. I was naive and didn’t care much about those attitudes or being alone. I was growing up and realized how weird my situation was, until at the age of 16, my grandparents told me that JJ was my half-brother and then they explained the rest. She He was my best friend, so it made no difference at all, it just gave me explanations of some questions that I had in my mind since my childhood. It was then that at a party we went together, after we graduated from high school, that we had the idea of working with music. I love music in an inexplicable way. I want to be related to everything that involves it, so much so that I have always taken lessons on various musical instruments, such as guitar, piano and violin, and even a basic DJ course for young people. Being a DJ seemed like a great idea. When I told JJ, he had the idea of being a singer and working with me since he had singing lessons all his life, basically. It seemed like a good idea back then. Okay, we'd been working on this for a year. JJ composed a song and I did a remix of it, we thought: 'Why not?' and we went to England. We started playing here and there a few times a year, and by the time I was twenty, we were already traveling all over Europe. After a long time, we stopped here. That's when we met Isabella."

The girl on the tombstone...

"JJ has never been the kind of guy to fall in love. He had always taken advantage of parties to hook up with several people, both men, and women. He had never had a crush in his life, but she was different. Even I could see it, anyone could. She did not fall into JJ's chatter so easily and it turned out to be a challenge for him, and he insisted, since everyone eventually falls for his words. But after a while who fell in love was JJ himself. We stayed here long enough to see her at all our parties and, well, we ended up as friends. I knew her very well, and she was an incredible person. Isabella completely changed JJ, he loved her so much that I could no longer recognize the person he had become because of her. Oh! Of course, she fell in love with him too and they made a nice couple. When it came time for us to leave here, JJ did not want to leave her and I certainly wouldn’t make him let go of the love of his life, so I left for England by myself. On this return to England I met my husband.”

I feel something hurt me with his last sentence and the urge to run away from here starts to invade me, but I grip my hands and hold on steady.

“At that time, I was aware of my sexuality, but I had never been involved in such a serious romance, I had never felt the _passion_ that everyone talks about and that JJ was experiencing. So, in a London at a nightclub, I met him. His beauty caught my attention, it's not as if I was going to fall in love at first sight, but I did get interested in him. To my surprise, when I left the club that day, he was smoking outside. Well, I was single and he gave me a chance and I took him to my house the same night. One night turned two and then turned several. We started to meet in other places and we started to go out, and, at last, I began to feel that feeling everyone had always talked about. I realized that I was in love., I looked like some silly person who had never felt it and was excited about everything around me. I was so excited that in a few months I asked him to marry me right after a party.”

Otabek laughs wryly. "Who the hell marries so early?! I was so excited about it and slightly drunk, I thought he was the love of my life. I didn’t even want to know if I was ready to marry. He, I don't know, perhaps didn't have anything better to do and accepted it. But we did it, traveled and got married in Las Vegas when I was already twenty-one. During the first few months, it seemed like everything was fine, everything seemed perfect, but it was not...”

"I know what that feels like." I say.

Otabek blankly stares at me for few minutes, but soon returns to tell his story completely discouraged.

"In the middle of last year, JJ called me desperately. He was in tears making me worried. I came running back here and left my husband in England. When I got here, Isabella was in the hospital, her diagnosis was bad, cancer had already spread to various parts of her body. The doctors sent her home to die, and her life span was shortening with each passing day. JJ was devastated, he even tried to look strong in front of her, but anyone could notice his state far away. My brother asked her to marry him before she died, but she unfortunately died two days before the ceremony. It hurt me, because she was my friend. Can you imagine losing the love of your life to death?" He pauses. "Are you okay?"

I clean my face that is wet with some inevitable tears and say, "continue."

"We stayed here for a long time, he couldn’t get out of bed. I took care of him all the time as if he was a sick person. He had a body, but he was completely dead. Until one day, JJ got out of bed as if nothing had happened, put a stupid fake smile on his face and said that we were leaving. Then, we went back to England. My husband was a little weird, it wasn’t the same thing anymore, it was as if he had blamed me for leaving him and gone to help JJ. I think it was exactly this, but okay, I decided to ignore it, and that was the worst thing I did. My brother stayed home for a while, and his old personality had returned and much worse, anyone who sees him now doesn’t know how dead he really is. JJ went out every day to go to parties, he made out with anyone he thought acceptable and drank until he could not stand straight, or he could forget that the love of his life had died. But I knew he was still feeling the pain, I even understood that he was trying to get over it in a fucked up way. Near the end of last year, my grandparents died, which made things worse for me, but it wasn’t enough. My relationship with my husband had gradually deteriorated, despite my feelings about him being there, but not as strong as they used to be, you know? All that sudden things that I had were all going away. The only problem was that I was the only one still feeling something, even if it was a little. Arriving home after another one-night service in the middle of February of that year, I heard his moans from the front door, it even looked like he was doing it on purpose. That little I had felt... faded. But I had to check with my own eyes, so I walked slowly to my room to open the door. It was worse than I had imagined since the person fucking my husband was my own brother. You know, that same brother I helped when he was at rock bottom; that one I took the first plane available so he wouldn't kill himself." Otabek sighed. "My marriage was already about to end and I was going to ask for the divorce since he didn’t have the guts to. I don't even know why he was still with me if even his kiss was mechanic. But deep down I thought it was just a phase, I don't know, he was still angry that I came here when JJ needed me. However, this event only showed that it wasn’t just another phase. To my surprise, when I opened the bedroom door, my husband was surprised." He laughs wryly. "He wasn’t doing it on purpose like I had thought, he was actually doing it in ‘secret’, in my own house, on my own bed. I ignored my name being called by the two of them as I left the house, and I simply left. It wasn’t enough for my brother to give up living and become a complete idiot; it wasn’t enough for my husband to be a jackass to me; it wasn’t enough for me to have lost my grandparents shortly before that, I still had to have been betrayed by the only two damn people left in my life. So I bought a ticket and came here only with the clothes on my body. It's not as if I didn't care completely for not feeling anything, by the way, he was still my husband even though we got married in the heat of the moment. Even if I didn't really love him at the end, I couldn't ignore, it was as if everything I had done for the two of them had not been worth anything, after all, am I such a bad guy? Because I don't know what I did wrong. So I rented this house, found a job at an event company, adopted Yumi and soon your parents hired me two weeks later and that's when I met you. On the day of your birthday party, I still felt down with the situation, besides feeling like a coward for just running away, so I just focused on the music playing at your party. It was just another birthday party, that was what I had thought. My God, it wasn’t just a birthday party at all!"

Otabek runs both hands through his hair pulling it back and looks at me desperately.

"It wasn't just another party, Yura! You were there! When I decided to forget a little about the music and really look at the people at that party, I saw Victor pulling you to dance, even though you weren’t really excited about it. I think you were embarrassed, because after a while you were dancing with your parents and everyone around you. Your smile showed up and I was so delighted. It was contagious, I wanted to smile just by looking at you. Your father was spinning you and your hair was flying beautifully, you didn’t even look like the same person who didn’t want to dance before. It warmed me to look at you, Yura. I was feeling so defeated and empty, and I felt something filling me. I told myself to not make the same mistake I had made with my husband, but when you run into me in the hallway I couldn't just say anything to you, because I knew it would be my only opportunity. I was nervous, I kept thinking that I was only shaken to find you extremely beautiful and that it would pass, but then I found you again. I was walking around the mall and I saw you through the café's window. At first I thought it wasn’t you, but I looked again and it was. I went in there on purpose just to talk to you, like a complete idiot. I didn’t have any ulterior motives, because you looked really innocent so I just wanted to talk to you. And that blond person, besides being beautiful, was nice. It was so nice to talk to you, it even made me forget for a moment all the problems I was having. You brought me good feelings that I hadn’t felt in a long time. You have been filling the void that was inside me and I began to have an insistent need to want to meet you more and more. One day, on a late afternoon, I stopped at the beach for the first time. The sunset was so beautiful, I loved it. I could only imagine what expression you would make by seeing such delightful sight. That's when I took you there. I wasn't planning to kiss you, but you were able to surpass the beauty of that sunset, so my heart fluttered in an indescribable way. I wanted you to feel what I felt for you at that moment, no matter how many feelings I had for my husband, they didn't even come close to what I felt for you. That's when I figured out that, in fact, I had never really fallen in love. My body moved alone and I kissed you. I panicked after thinking you were going to swear at me and our friendship would be over, but you said you didn't care." Otabek laughs. "You said you didn't mind! My God, I wanted to scream! I kissed you anxiously and in fear. It even seemed like it was my first kiss. Well, it was yours, which made me even more nervous. It was obvious that I was going to realize it was your first kiss, so I was as cautious as possible. A few weeks before, I kissed the corner of your mouth without thinking about the consequences, but you didn't say anything so I figured you hadn't even noticed it. On the beach that day, I accepted my feelings for you and dismissed the thoughts that I was too excited and that it was a mistake as it was with my husband, it was impossible to be a mistake that feeling, and no, it was not. I arrived at home that day so stunned with happiness that I realized I had forgotten that I was still married. For me my marriage was over by the time he betrayed me, but I still had to officially get the divorce, so I called a lawyer the next day to finish this."

"How could you forget? Your husband didn’t call you, e-mail you, or anything? I doubt he would accept you to leave, and that he would just let it be."

"When I got here, I got a new cellphone, and I blocked him from everything that could help him find me. I know it sounds childish, but Yura, what's the point of running away if the past continues to haunt you? So, going back, I hired a lawyer; it took him a long time to do all the paperwork I needed, but he soon sent it to my husband in England. I thought it was going to be simple, and it wasn't and it's because he doesn’t want to sign. He doesn't want the divorce. Divorces are already time-consuming when both parts agree, so can you imagine when one doesn't want to? I keep wondering about the reason behind everything. He cheated on me! He, who didn't seem to love me anymore, and now he doesn't want to sign those shitty papers? He's doing it on purpose to not leave me at ease, and what do you want? That I would stop living because somewhere there is a paper that says he is my husband? He isn’t my husband anymore! My marriage is long gone, Yura! I love you like I could never love another person, I wouldn’t stop loving you because of a simple document. I don’t have anything else with him."

"Then why didn't you tell me? You just had to tell me."

"I thought my papers would be signed before I started dating you. Do you think I was expecting that he wouldn’t sign anything, and that I would still have to deal with this until today? When I noticed it, I was already at your parents’ house asking to date you. I don’t regret it because for me I was already single; in fact, I'm single. I wasn’t going to postpone my life because of a person who, besides betraying me, was still preventing me from moving on."

"You said you'd never been in love. You said you had no family." I say.

"Do you think I was considering my brother as a family after what he did? I really didn't have a family, Yura. Although I can't let go of that retarded guy who can screw up anything at any moment. Also, I had never been in love, I didn't lie about it. It wasn't love, it was just someone lonely who found someone, drank some, and decided to get married because they didn't want to be lonely anymore. But one day I knew that my divorce would come, so I would sit with you and talk about it. If I had told you now, before the divorce came out, I knew you wouldn’t understand."

"How do you know?"

 Otabek goes on, "then JJ came in and told you everything in the worst way possible. I had not even noticed that it was at the same time that Isabella had died and he would come here. It would be a matter of time for him to find me and come with the idea of asking for forgiveness to take me back to Europe as if nothing had happened, as if we could work together again. I knew at the time that you would never forgive me for not having told you and you find out through someone else's mouth. I was desperate when you left because I felt you wouldn’t come back. I was desperate and I know that one way or another, I had crapped and ruined everything.  I was so happy with you that I had forgotten what it feels like to feel empty. I know I made a mistake with the person I love, but, Yura, understand me this time. It's not like I've betrayed you! It's not like I was having someone else! It's just a damn paper, an insignificant paper, a paper that is worthless."

"The paper says you're married." I say.

Otabek puts his hands over his eyes and bites his lower lip to keep himself from screaming.

"Otabek, you do feel something for him, because I'm sure you saw him in me on my birthday, that's why you’ve fallen in love..."

"No! It’s not like that, Yura! Blond hair and light eyes are the only things you have in common. You're not like him at all! I can’t even compare! I didn’t see him in you, because if I had seen, I would be disgusted and wouldn’t even look at you. I saw you in yourself, there was no one else but you."

"But that doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t tell me. You had to trust me the way I trusted you."

"And I apologize for that, but I was going to tell you! I was going to tell you, Yura! I was just waiting for the right time to tell. This doesn't mean that I don't love you; it doesn't mean that I don't trust you; it doesn't mean that all we had was a lie; it doesn't mean that I'm not totally dependent on you. I can't take it without you, Yura, I can't, it hurts too much."

"I know." I say.

"I'm sorry, Yura... I'm sorry, please. You can beat me if you want. That will hurt less than if you won't forgive me."

"Yuuri already hit you for me."

I let the silence hang for a while and say, "is that all you wanted me to hear?"

"Yura, please." He pleads.

"I can't. I look at you and I don't see you in the same way. I feel better for being told the whole story, but it's not the same thing, Otabek. I know that if I stay with you, I will distrust everything from now on. I'm mistrusting right now; I don't really know if all this is true. I don't even know if your love is true. I don't know anything, Otabek."

"Yura, I've hidden something from you and I know it's going to be hard to trust me now, but I'll earn your trust again! I promise I will! Just give me a chance, please!"

"What if your husband doesn’t sign the papers? Am I going to stay with a married guy for all my life? What if he shows up here all of a sudden? You're going back to him; will you give me an excuse that you're already married and can't let go of the husband? You didn't let go of him, Otabek. So much so that when JJ got here, you looked weird. You've been drinking, probably, to forget the memories he brings."

"I was just disappointed with JJ, it wasn’t because of my husband."

"Are you sure, Otabek? You can say it's just a meaningless paper, but it means everything! It means that you are his and he is yours. Who am I in comparison to someone who is officially your husband?"

"You're the one I love! Isn't that enough?!"

"And how will I know that you really love me?!" I say raising my voice.

"But I love you, Yura!" He yells. "It's the only thing I’m sure in my life! The only thing I’m sure about is my love for you!"

I tighten my lips feeling my aching chest and desperate for not knowing what to do. I feel confused, since my trust in him has already been utterly destroyed.

"I'm sorry, Yura, please forgive me."

Otabek's voice fails and I see his eyes watering. Looking at him at that moment, I can only think of how he spent so much time with me and didn't have the balls to tell me. It seems that everything we had, was nothing more than a lie and all his statements were false. I feel like I'm just a mere toy that is the same as his husband. The difference is that I didn't betray him, maybe that's why he's with me and doesn't know yet. Maybe he doesn't know yet that he doesn't really love me. Maybe I'll have to face this for both of us...

I get up and Otabek looks at me in despair. I take a deep breath and head towards him.

"I'm sorry, Otabek."

"No, no, no, Yura! Please don't!

He holds me by the waist and I close my eyes. I think that's it. I don’t think I can do it. I can’t stay here for too long, otherwise I'll give in, and it won’t do any good for either of us.

"I forgive you, Otabek." He looks at me and I continue, "but I won't be with you any longer."

He bites his lower lip and I see his tears running down his face. I feel my throat tighten, but I stay strong.

"Don't do that, Yura..."

"I’m sorry."

"I love you..."

I give him a sad smile and wipe his face that's completely wet.

"Don't cry, please," I say.

"Don't leave me..."

"It's going to be okay. It's the best for the both of us. You'll be able to get your divorce, you'll find someone you really love and you'll be loved the same way. You're a good person, you won't be sad for too long."

"I don’t want anyone else! I want you!"

"But I don’t want you." I say as I feel my heart shatter.

He closes his eyes and frowns. I can't feel his pain, because I'm already too busy trying to mask mine.

"It was good while it lasted." I say.

"Yura..."

"Thanks, you made me grow up."

"You said you forgive me, but you didn't." He says.

"I forgive you, Otabek, I just don't trust you anymore. I'm sorry for what happened between you and JJ. I saw him at the graveyard, so your story makes sense. But you know, when I look at you, there's no more shine, no more heat… there’s nothing."

_Stop lying, you're just hurt._

"You just need some time, Yura. We don’t have to break up. Let's just take a break."

"I can’t picture myself kissing you anymore. I don't see myself making love to you anymore. It won’t work." I say in dismay.

I lift his chin and wipe his face once more.

"Don't cry. This will pass. I wish from the bottom of my heart that you'll be happy."

"I'll be happy only with you."

"You think that now, but like your love for your husband, what you feel for me will pass."

"You don't love me anymore?" He asks.

I stay silent and feel like screaming in pain.

"No, I'm sorry."

"Don’t lie to me."

"Believe in whatever you want, Otabek. Was that all you wanted to talk about?" I say, slowly moving away.

"What else do you want me to say? I'll tell you anything to stay!" He begs.

"There's no reason for me to stay here, Otabek. We aren’t dating anymore."

It hurts to see him crying and not be able to do anything about it. I can't believe that this guy in a deplorable state in front of me is the same one I was dating two weeks ago.

"I'm leaving now." I say.

"Please." He holds my arm.

I smile sadly at him and release my arm from his hand.

"I’m sorry."

I turn and start walking towards the door, where I see Otabek's cat. I pick her and stroke her fur.

"Bye, Yumi. Sorry, I won’t be able to take you to see how my cat has grown."

I put her on the floor and walk to the door, but I'm hugged from behind.

"Please, don’t leave me." He whispers in my ear.

My heart beats like crazy and his whispering causes me sensations that I don't want to remember. His tight embrace and breath near my ear makes the pain worse. I just want to turn around and hug him, but I know that won't be the same anymore. Finally, I don't think I really forgave him.

"I'm sorry, Otabek."

I reach for the door and turn to look at him for the last time.

"Bye."

"Yura..."

I leave and close the door behind me. I see the BMW that JJ had stopped outside Otabek's house. Without thinking of anything, I get into the car.

"Satisfied? Take me home now." I say.

Maybe JJ was already waiting for that, because without saying anything, he just drove to the mall. I give him some instructions of how to get home, and when I finally reach my destination, JJ asks, "you'll be fine?"

"What about you?" I say as I get out of the car.

I turn around and I hear his voice.

"It was good to meet you, blondie."

"I can’t say the same about you." I say loudly.

I hear the car leaving as I enter the house. I see Victor coming out the front door and coming toward me with a concern expression.

"I was going after you now! Who brought you?"

He comes in front of me and I stare at him.

"Yurio? What's it?"

A familiar feeling of being out of breath hits me again, and I look desperately at Victor. I begin to draw the air into my lungs, but it doesn't enter. In despair, I begin to scratch my neck.

"Yurio! What's it?!" Victor asks desperately, holding my arms with his shaking hands. "Yuuri!" He shouts.

Victor starts to cry in front of me.

"What do I do, my God?!"

I see Yuuri desperately running towards me, and like the last time, he tells me to calm down and breathe.

"Come on, my son, breathe."

Yuuri tries to look calm, but Victor is as desperate as I am. After a few minutes, the air enters my lungs and I burst into tears.

"Okay, it's all right now." Yuuri hugs me and I feel his body shaking.

I’m not crying because of the desperation of my panic attack; it's because of everything. It's because I don't know what to do with this pain. It's because I tried to stay strong in front of Otabek, while I'm as destroyed as he is.

"I... I broke up... with him, Dad." I say between sobs. "I don’t know what to do. Help me..."

I'm hugged tight and let myself fall into Yuuri’s arms. I really don't know what to do, because I can't ignore my feelings for him, but I can't ignore the fact that I’m not able to believe him anymore. The pain is so much I think it won't go away anytime soon. I just want to forget everything and wake up when it’s already gone.

"Let's go inside."

Yuuri makes me lean on him and I creep into the house. Behind us, Victor closes the door quietly as he tries to calm himself down. I'm taken to the living room sofa, where I lie down on Yuuri's lap and let all my tears go out at once. I try to get rid of my pain through my eyes for over an hour, until finally, I have a time of peace and sleep.

 

**Victor**

"What was this?" I say in shock.

"He had a panic attack, Victor."

"How did you manage to be so calm?"

"He needs to be calm so he can breathe. Don't forget I'm a psychologist, Victor. I was nervous because he's our son, but if you get desperate too he won't calm down."

"I didn't know what to do, Yuuri." I say, feeling defeated.

"I know, honey. It's not your fault, you didn't know. Don't feel guilty, okay?"

Yuuri runs his hands through my hair while Yurio sleeps on his lap.

"I feel useless." I say.

"Me too..."

"I'm worried about him, Yuuri. It was his first love. I'm worried he won't get over it and will end up getting worse."

"We'll be here to help him, Victor."

"But he's in pain, and I don't know how to make him stop feeling that way. I can't stand seeing him like this, Yuuri. I want to kill who did this to him, but I know I can't."

I feel my chest tighten at the sight of him sleeping with a sad expression and a swollen face full of dry tears.

"We can’t make his pain disappear, darling, but we can help to ease it, leave it bearable so he can continue moving on.”

"He said he broke up with Otabek, but did he go there?" I say.

"I don't know, but he said it was over."

"When he arrived, he didn't look like he was crying. He only cried later."

"Maybe he stayed strong, and when he got home, he collapsed."

"What are we going to do, Yuuri?"

"For now, let's stay by his side. I think that's enough."

"Will he be all right?" I ask, feeling nervous.

"I honestly do not know." Yuuri says with a worried expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiping my tears* I hope you guys liked this chapter (T_T) and didn't die from dehydration after crying so much ahhhhh  
> And for those of you who haven't seen it yet,[ here ](https://www.facebook.com/NikkiyanDrawings/posts/1844116299173602) is a fanart made by Nikkiyan from this chapter.  
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos <3  
> See you next week o/  
> ~AnaruB


	18. Red Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio takes a big decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Sunny  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

**Otabek**

How empty can a person feel? How much hate for yourself can a person endure? Why I can’t move?

Blinking slowly as I look at the ceiling of my living room, I feel that my head gets dizzy and my body heavier; so heavy I can’t leave the floor. I look for my bottle of whiskey on the floor on my left side and when I find it, I bring it close to my face to see that it’s empty. Unhinged, I throw it and hear the glass breaking somewhere, but I ignore it. It’s not important, nothing else is. How can I be so idiot? Why did I let it come to this? How can someone’s happiness go away faster than it came?

I hear steps and see JJ passing by me with a dustpan and a broom.

“You asshole… I was going to tell…” I say slowly.

I am so angry that it seems I won’t be able to hold it. I could even blame JJ and keep me from all the hate I feel for myself, however, it’s impossible. If I had told before this guy came, none of this would have happened… If my stupid husband had signed those goddamn papers, none of this would have happened… If I wasn’t a complete coward…

After some minutes, JJ passes by me again and doesn’t say anything, but soon he comes back to stop by my side.

“Get up from this floor and stop drinking, Otabek. It’s been two weeks.” He says calmly.

He brings his hand closer to mine to get me up, but I hit it to pushed it away.

“It’s all your fault! Why are you still here?” I ask with my eyes still closed.

“I can’t leave you like this.”

“You put me into this!” I shout.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

JJ becomes silent for few minutes before I hear him going away.

“At least eat something.” He says from far.

I stay quiet, because I know I’m stressed and will probably say something I don’t want to.

Since the day Yura broke up with me, I feel empty like I’ve never felt before. I was so dependent on him, but I didn’t know it was that much because everything reminds me of him and it hurts. It hurts to know he must be suffering and it’s my fault; it hurts to know he has reservations about the love I feel for him; it hurts he’s not here for me to see him smile. But what hurts the most is knowing that I will never, ever have his love again. The pain of being conscious that I am the one to blame for him not being here is bigger than me. I feel that if I scream, no one will hear me because the only person that would, was him. However, his hands are covering his ears, not allowing my voice to reach. I just wanna hug him again. I just wanna go to my room and not feel my bed so big. When I am there and close my eyes, I’m afraid of opening them, because I want to see the reality and the reality is empty, lacks good-morning-kisses. My reality now is wailing for being a dick. I think this pain will never end. I can still hear his voice echoing in my mind saying he doesn’t love me anymore; I can still hear him saying that he forgives me, but won’t stay with me anymore; I can still see his face without a single tear, telling me everything will be okay, even knowing it won’t… I don’t know how am I going to get over this… I know I can’t go to his house and demand that he comes back to me, I know, but I just wanna see and hug him tight, while I say love him. Oh, Yura, I am forgetting how your smile looks like and… It hurts.

Still with my eyes closed, I feel tears falling on the sides of my eyes going to my ears.

“Damn it.” I whisper.

I hear my cat mewing and soon feel her licking my cheek.

“I miss him too, girl, but I don’t think he is… coming back.”

Yumi climbs on my chest and lays down. I pass my hands through her fur and give a tired sigh. I think I’m a little drunk, actually, I’ve been feeling drunk from a long time. I know this is not good for me, but I feel the pain will be worse if I get sober.

I stay laying down for some more minutes, but soon I start trying to sit, slowly. Yumi gets out of my chest and I feel my head spinning around, along with uneasiness that is familiar already. I wait a minute to try getting up but I fall with my ass on the ground again. I try once more, however, before I fall, JJ holds me by my arm.

“Leave it, I can get up by myself.” I grumble.

JJ ignores me and passes my arm through his shoulders, while holds me by my waist.

“I said I don’t need it.” I say out loud.

“Shut your mouth, Otabek.”

I don’t have the strength to hit him and I am pulled to my room’s bathroom. JJ puts me in the shower, even though I’m still dressed. Before I can react, I feel the cold water falling on my body, making me sigh and shiver. I try to get out but JJ pushes my head into the water, waking my body up quickly. I take a deep breath because of the cold, but soon I calm myself down. I let the water fall on my nape, feeling pathetic for being in such a situation, but I feel so lost I don’t know what else to do.

I hit JJ’s hand, which is still on my forehead, and look at him.

“Okay, I’ll leave you alone.” He stands up his hands in defense before turning and closing the door behind him.

I take off my clothes and take the longest shower I can, until I feel doped by the cold of the water.

When I leave the bathroom, I feel the smell of food, but I ignore and sit on the floor close to my bed.

Why didn’t I tell him before? It’s funny that I am twenty-two years old guy and a complete coward. I’ve been carrying my grief and concentrated in what had happened to me so much that I didn’t think it could hurt the person I love. I was going to tell! I was going to tell! I just wasn’t ready… I just didn’t want to think about the past I am avoiding in a happy moment of my life, but I was going to tell… What do I have to do so I can get his forgiveness, God? It’s been two weeks and this is a hell! I don’t wanna think how it’s going to be living without him for a month, two, or the rest of my life.

“What the hell…” I say with no strength.

I lean my head on the bed behind me and close my eyes, wanting to sleep in order to forget, for a moment, everything is going on. However, an idiot comes in my room.

“Come to eat something.” JJ says.

“I don’t want.” I say.

“How old are you, Otabek? You need to eat!”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten in two days, come on.”

I feel his hand holding my arm and getting me up. I get rid of his arm and bring my face close to his.

“What is your problem, JJ?” I say, furious. “You come to my house and destroy my marriage; I run away from you and you come to my new home to destroy my relationship.” I pull his shirt. “What is your problem?” I scream.

“Otabek… I am sor…”

“You’ve already apologized, fuck! Being sorry isn’t enough! Being sorry… isn’t enough…” I lower my voice. “I was going to tell…”

“I…” JJ starts to say.

I touch my fist on his chin and JJ closes his eyes, giving a breath and starts to talk again.

“You can hit me if it makes you feel better.”

“Why, JJ? Give me one reason for why you have done this to me after I’ve done everything for you.” I say with no strength. “Just one. One reason.”

“I… don’t know, Otabek… I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s happening to me.” He says with a creased forehead.

You know what’s worse? He did all of this for… nothing.

My jaw gets hard and I hit his chin with a right hook. JJ gets four steps back with the hand on his chin, while I see the side of his mouth bleeding.

“He is gone because of you! You arrived and then my life went to shit again!” I scream. “He’s gone… He won’t be back anymore… He… is gone and it’s… my fault.” I say, turning my voice down.

I feel my throat getting tight and try to prevent the tears from dropping again, but I fail once more. I put the hands on my eyes and let the pain get out of me, and suddenly, I feel arms around me.

“I’m sorry, brother.” JJ whispers.

I try to get rid of his hug but I’m totally lacking of strength. I lay my head on his shoulder and let the cry get out loud from me, praying for this insufferable pain to soften a little at least.

  

**Yuuri**

“He slept.” Victor whispers.

My husband gives a deep breath from worry and passes his hands softly on Yurio’s face, who is between us. I hug my son that is with the back turned to me and kiss the top of his head.

“It happened all nights, Victor. What are we gonna do? It’s been two weeks already.” I say, in a low voice.

“I don’t know, Yuuri. Have you ever thought about putting him on therapy?

“With me?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think it would worth. Maybe he needs someone impartial or just some more time to get over. It’s less frequent than it was in the first week”

“I’m worried”

“Me too, darling” I say.

“He’s only eating because we’re forcing him, Yuuri, but he’s still eating so little. What if he gets sick?”

Victor looks at Yurio with an expression full of pain and I say, “We’re not gonna let it reach to that point.”

Yurio is definitely depressed after breaking up with Otabek. He doesn’t want to eat, he doesn’t want to go out, he doesn’t leave his bed, and, since then, wakes up every night crying and runs to our bed. His crying doesn’t stop before dawn and this is worrying. Lately, he’s falling asleep faster, but still comes to our room. His panic attacks happened every day of the first week but, luckily, they got less frequent. If not, I would have to think seriously about giving him medicines and, honestly, this is the last thing I want to do.

“Yuuri, what did you think about all this story of Otabek? Because I’m still trying to understand how you’re not boiling with rage.”

“I’m sad, Victor. There’s no place for rage.”

“Aren’t you mad for what he has done to our son?”

“I told you the whole story, baby, and I can understand the most part of it. I’m not mad because he seemed to be suffering too, and it wasn’t just a little. He felt all this too.”

“Who cares about him, Yuuri?”

“Victor, we have too much to worry about Yurio to be mad at someone.”

“I can’t, Yuuri… I look at our son and all I can think is that he’s like this because of someone. He cheated on Yurio.”

“He didn’t cheat on Yurio, Victor. He was just unhappy for having married somebody who wasn’t allowing him to go on with his life. If, in the day you fell for me, you were married, but the person who you’re married to didn’t want to sign the divorce, would you wait all the time that this process takes to start going out with me?”

“It’s different, Yuuri.”

“It’s not different, baby, but let’s not think about it, okay? Otabek is not our problem. He will take care of his own pain. We need to help our son to get better and support him on his decisions, that’s our function.”

Victor goes closer to Yurio and kisses his forehead, not taking long to come closer to me to give a light kiss on the lips.

“All right. I’m sorry. I’m still a little worked up. I can’t see him like this, Yuuri. It hurts me not being able to do anything about his pain.”

“I know, darling. I also feel like this, but let’s be strong for him, okay?”

“Okay…”

Victor lays down looking at the ceiling.

“Is the handler taking care of the company for you?”

“Yeah, I said he could call me if something happens, if the sale goes wrong or if he had any news from the architect. I need the property to be sold so I can be finally in peace.”

“Got it. You haven’t slept these days, take this chance and do it, I’ll be here with him.”

“Even if I want, I couldn’t sleep, Yuuri. All this situation is engrossing my mind too much. I can’t just let it go.”

“I know how it feels.”

We keep in silence for some more minutes, until Victor says, “Yuuri, do you know what I’ve been thinking these days?”

“What?”

“We decided to adopt a child and I even talked to my lawyer about it, but we didn’t touch the subject again. Do you still want a child?”

“Many things happened in the last few days. First, about Yurio’s past and then his break up with Otabek. I was thinking about it too but, for now, there’s no space for nothing but Yurio in my mind.”

“I feel like this too. We were excited for this, but… but… it’s not the time yet.”

“Are you sad because of this?” I ask.

“It’s not like that… Yuuri, even if we don’t adopt another child, I still will be the happiest man in the world for having you two in my life.”

I give him a soft smile and pass my hand on his cheek.

“I love you.” I whisper.

“I love you too, baby.”

Victor smiles, closing his eyes as he enjoys my caresses. Suddenly, Yurio turns himself, still sleeping, and hugs me.

“That’s cruel, I want it too.” Victor whispers pouting.

I pass my hand on the side of his head rubbing his hair and Victor comes even closer to us. He kisses Yurio’s head while caresses his hair and soon yawns.

“You can sleep, I’ll take care of both of you.” I whisper smiling at him.

“But…”

“You can go.”

“Thanks, honey.”

With his face near to Yurio’s hair, Victor slept in few minutes and I soon release a sigh. I am worried for both of them, because Victor is suffering from all these circumstances regarding Yurio and it is making him depressive. Honestly, I don’t wanna revive his depression phase, not even think about living a phase where the two people I love are passing through this. I take a deep breath again and start to pass my hand through Yurio’s blond hair. He’s on my chest holding me tight.

I’m trying to be strong for both of them, however, I think… I am not feeling good too…

 

**Yuri**

I am sitting in front of my desk while I hit the top of the pen on the wood. I look at the white paper, rolling my eyes for not knowing what to write, even though I want to write something.

After some minutes, I start to write.

“Dear pain…”

I stop for a second and continue.

“You’re not that dear.”

I cockle the paper and throw it away.

“Fuck it.”

It’s been a month since I broke up with Otabek and I am finally feeling better. However, there’s still that little insistent lame pain which refuses to leave my body. But that’s okay, anytime I’ll lose my patience and kill it, to see if I stop being a fool. I don’t cry anymore, maybe I’ve cried enough for my whole life and now I’m dry. I’m dry in a lot of ways, it feels like my feelings got dry, just like something inside me, where there’s only emptiness left, which is not even strange because I have my parents, but… but, despite of what happened, I am better…

“Yurio!”

Chris is really happy when he opens the door of my room and comes to hug me. He will be in town for a month and showed in our house some weeks ago to announce his arriving. Since then, he comes to piss me off every day.

“Don’t squeeze me!” I say between his arms.

“Stop being so cruel, Yurio, I’ll be gone soon and you’re in a bad mood.”

“I’m normal.”

“Even angry you look so cute!”

Chris squeezes my cheek and I roll my eyes.

“Smile, kitten.”

“The lunch’s ready.”

Yuuri appears and smiles seeing Chris pulling my cheek.

“Stop mistreating him, Chris.”

“But he’s so cute, Yuuri!”

“That’s true.” Yuuri agrees.

“Stop it!” I say, getting up as I try to get rid of Chris. “I already said I’m not cute!”

I pass by Yuuri and go to the kitchen where Victor is already sitting. I stand in front of him and soon see his soft smile.

“How are doing?”

“I’m great!” I say fast, not staying to hear him ask if I’m really fine.

In a certain way, my answer is true and, realizing it, he agrees smiling at me.

I don’t even need to ask Yuuri what do we have to eat, because I feel the smell of katsudon from far and it makes me really happy. Yuuri and Chris arrive in the kitchen, so we can finally start eating.

In the middle of the meal, my parent’s conversation with Chris gets my attention.

“You’re almost leaving, so you mean you found the people you were looking for?” Yuuri asks.

“Ah, yes! Almost forgot to tell you but the people I found, you guys know.”

“Seriously? Who?” Victor asks, surprised.

“I was spending some time at Mila and Sara’s and, looking at them, I couldn’t stop imagining how beautiful they’d look on my magazine. The two of them as a couple on my magazine… My God! I couldn’t have found better people.”

“Was it so easy to convince them to go to England with you?”

“Well, at first, they thought I was joking, and, after a week, I got a call from Mila telling they would accept it and that it would be good to travel and get some extra money. I’m sure that, besides posing for the magazine, they’ll find a job in any ballet company in England.”

“I don’t doubt it. They’re really good.” Yuuri comments.

“Sure.”

“Did you find someone else?” Victor asks.

“I’d like you come with me, but Victor said he can’t leave the company.” Chris makes a sad face. “By the way, I found the perfect person, that, besides working for me as a makeup artist, comes with a whole pack of models for an edition of the magazine.”

“Who?”

“He’ll be here soon.” Chris smiles saying that.

“Are you taking more of our friends away, Chris?” Yuuri asks.

“You don’t wanna come with me. That’s it!” Chris says and goes back to his food.

I don’t know much about Chris’s job, but I know he has a famous fashion magazine in London, besides being the designer of his own brand, “Giacometti”, in his own company. Once in awhile, Chris comes to visit the branch office here to get informed about everything, but I believe that this time his visit has another purpose.

“By the way, why Phichit didn’t come with you?” Yuuri asks. “I miss him.”

“Somebody has to take care of things for me, and nothing better than my partner and photographer.” Chris gives a satisfied smile.

“See how he is taking all of our friends away” Victor says sad.

“London is amazing, you should go. Victor, you could start your new construction project there, since the buying and selling of property and architecture projects are booming in the whole world. You could find someone of trust and leave this person responsible for this company while you go expand your business, but in Europe this time”

“I don’t want any more headache, Chris.” Victor says, giving a tired sigh.

“Well, think about this when you’re calmer. I’ll be always waiting for you there.”

They exchange honest smiles and I finish my meal. I thank for the food and excuse myself to go to the living room play with my cat and watch TV.

After everybody finishes their meals, Yuuri goes to make tea and they join me in the room. I stay silent, trying to focus on the cat and their talk. Soon, the doorbell rings and I go to answer it. I get surprised when I open the door.

“Yuri!”

I’ve only seen Georgi as a drag queen a few times, but it’s impossible to not get surprised in all of them. I look at his red wig with locks till the shoulders and the impeccable makeup. Looking down, I notice the short dress of the same color as the wig, just like the high-heels. Before I can say anything, Georgi hugs me.

“It’s so good to see you, dear!”

Georgi kisses my cheek, what will probably leave a mark of lipstick on my skin, but I don’t care. Chris gives a low whiny scream when sees Georgi and soon comes to hug her.

“My saver! You look amazing!”

Chris hugs Georgi and they enter the house to join Victor and Yuuri, who had the same reactions as Chris.

“What do you mean you’re going to England, Georgi?” Victor asks, surprised.

“Why not? I can open a nightclub there, take my girls and we will even be on a fashion magazine. There’s no way to refuse it, baby.”

“Are you shutting the nightclub here?” Yuuri asks.

“Yes”

“I’ll let you talk and go to my room. It was good to see you, Georgi. You’re stunning.” I say as I start walking to my room.

“Thank you, dear.”

I go to my room, lay on the bed and put my earphones. “Snuff” by Slipknot, starts to play and I soon change it to some electronic music with no lyrics, for what I’m very grateful. I feel full and tired, so I close my eyes and try to focus just on the song, trying to get rid of any useless thought. I can’t sleep and I don’t have anything to do, I didn’t buy a cellphone either, which means I spend my time listening to music. Yuuri said that writing could help, but I think it doesn’t work well to for me.

 

* * *

 

 

After almost an hour with my eyes closed and passing all the songs in which its lyrics seemed to be talking about my life, which were actually a lot, I get up and sit in front of my desk again. I open the drawer and take the diary Victor bought for me. There’s nothing written in it, I really can’t write, and actually, there’s nothing to be written. Like I’d blow off steam with a paper! Even I wanted, I couldn’t do it. For my surprise, after some minutes, Georgi appears in my door.

“May I come in?” She asks only with half of the body inside.

“Sure.”

Georgi closes the door and comes to me.

“Are you okay?” She asks, putting herself behind me and starting to pass her hand through my hair.

“Yeah, why are you asking?”

“You don’t seem to be. Your pouches, your eyes, your smile,” Georgi pulls the corners of my mouth to make a smile, “even your hair… It’s all… lacking shine.”

“I’m fine.” I whisper.

“I’m sorry, dear.”

Georgi speaks like she knows about everything and I don’t doubt my parents have told her.

“You know, honey, love is like a red rose full of thorns. You look at it and your first feeling is admiration for seeing such a beautiful thing close to you. Along with this feeling, there is the curiosity and you don’t want to just see it from far. So, you walk to see it close to your hand, but it’s not enough, you want to have it for you. However, when you touch the stem, you feel the pain of being touched by the thorns around it. You think to yourself, ‘why something so beautiful hurts so much?’ Then, the beauty of the flower starts to get smaller because the difficulty in having it is bigger, now that you know about the thorns. You decide to leave, maybe there’s some other flower, as pretty as the other, that doesn’t hurt you, but when you start to go away, something stops you and you look behind, realizing that the pain of giving up on the flower is bigger than the pain of the thorns. You decide to come back, but the way is not the same anymore, everything gets hard and painful. Your feet are stepping on thorns and more thorns, and you ask if that single rose worth all of your pain. So you stop in the middle of the way, not knowing what to do. If you go back, it will hurt, but if you continue, it will hurt too, and there are also the thorns of the flower. ‘Can I get it?’, ‘Will I be able to hold it without so much pain?’, ‘Why am I doing this?’. Your thoughts start to invade you and the despair of being confused stops you. Honey, love is beautiful, but it hurts. You’re stuck in your way, but you can’t be there for too long, Yurio. Your feet are bleeding, rain’s falling, you’re soaked; do you think your rose deserves you walking toward it?”

I feel my face getting wet and Georgi turns my chair in the mirror’s direction, on our right side. Her hands pass through my face, wiping the tears and when I look up, I see her smiling in the reflection.

“You’re so pretty, just like a red rose, dear. Somebody has walk towards you, why are you hurting yourself when you don’t need it?”

“Maybe the petals of my rose are falling…” I bit my lips to avoid crying.

“Maybe they’re falling to give place to new and prettier petals. Look at you.”

Georgi runs the fingers through my hair, putting them back to make a ponytail. She holds it with the left hand, while uses the right one to hold my chin and put it up.

“Never look down, honey. You need to shine. Get out of this rain. Is it worth to continue there or you’re gonna come back?”

I keep staring my reflection, realizing I haven’t been noticing in myself. I’m different. I’m… ugly.

“Maybe continuing there is not worth it.”

“Why?”

“The flower isn’t that pretty anymore…”

“Are you gonna come back?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at the mirror again, Yurio, and think for a moment. Look at the flower and answer again. Are you sure you’re coming back?”

I close my eyes and try to remember the beauty of the red rose, but it doesn’t shine in this storm. I don’t feel like I want to have it for me. The pain of thorns isn’t worth it.

“I’m sure I wanna come back.”

“Then come with us to London.”

I turn my head quickly and look surprisingly at Georgi.

“What?” I ask, not believing in his proposal.

“Chris came to find models, Yura, and you… You’re perfect. Although you’re not tall, the camera will love your beauty, for sure. Maybe this is the opportunity of you finding out what you wanna to do in your life.”

“But… but… My parents… Money…”

England? Being model? Work for a magazine? What? How?

“Well, I think Victor will be a great problem, but if you want, I’m sure he’ll allow.”

I’m a little dazed with this sudden proposal and I don’t know exactly how to react so I stay in silence for a while.

“Remember if you decide to go, a new life will begin, but, before, you’ll have to go back through the way of roses. Are you ready for that?”

“I…”

My biggest problem is leaving my parents here, but if I just stay for some time there and start my life, what’s wrong? I can’t dependent on them and give them problems forever. What I made them pass through in the last month… Maybe if I stay here, memories won’t go away and I’ll be just a deadweight in their lives. Ah, how grateful I am for them… but…

“I wanna go.” I say. “But they won’t allow me.”

“Why don’t we try to convince them? We still have one day.”           

Georgi comes in front of me and offers her hands so I can hold them and get up. She starts to go away when I do it, but I hold her arm. Georgi turns her body and I look at her blue eyes.

“Thank you.” I whispered feeling my throat get tight.

Her hands caress my cheeks and I feel the long nails touching my skin.

“I know very well the pain of the love thorns. You’re too good to be hurting yourself. I’m just trying to make this less painful.”

I see her smile that warms my heart and, for the first time in a long, I smile, finally, a shy but honest smile.

“That’s the smile I wanted to see. I’m sure it’ll get better.”

I nod and we go to the living room. When I look at my parents’ faces, my heart starts to beat crazily and I realize it’s not gonna be so easy.

“Yurio! Did you come to join us?” Victor asks excitedly as he opens his arms.

I take a deep breath and go in his direction, letting him hug me. I see Chris looking at Georgi, who gives a smile and I notice that they had planned all this.

“Victor…”

I see Yuuri looking at me with a different expression, like he already knew there was something different in me.

“What’s up, darling?”

I close my eyes and count to ten, until I say, “I wanna go to England with Chris.”

“What?” He whispers in shock.

I feel my heart hurting.

“Say it again, Yurio.” Yuuri says.

I sit on the couch and repeat, “I wanna go to England with Chris.”

I look to the side and see silent tears dropping from Victor’s face.

“Victor… Please, don’t cry…”

I wrinkle my forehead and clean his face with my hands.

“Why?” He asks confused.

“I have a job opportunity, dad. I’ve always wanted to know what I could work, and maybe it’s a good idea. I need to start living again.”

“Aren’t we enough?” Victor asks.

“It’s not that.” I smile “I’m 18 already, I can’t depend on you forever.”

“Did you offer him a job, Chris?”

“Sorry, Yuuri, I did. He’s beautiful and can really succeed as a model.”

“Chris…” Victor says, wounded.

“Please, don’t be mad at him.” I say, pressing Victor’s hand. “I choose it, and really wanna go.”

“Is it because of Otabek?” He asks.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“No. It’s an opportunity to walk with my own legs to make you proud, at least once in my life.”

“We’re proud of you already, Yurio.” Victor says while his tears don’t stop falling.

I smile and clean his face again. I get up and kiss his forehead.

“I am proud of having parents like you two. I need to be on a par with you two. I need to start my life. Being far doesn’t mean I love you less, it’s just for some time and we’ll always talk. Please, don’t cry, I don’t wanna make anyone feel bad.”

Victor holds my waist and cries on my shirt. Yuuri gets up and comes to my side.

“Are you sure you want it?” He asks.

I nod to him.

“Aren’t you running away?”

“No, I’m walking again, dad.” I say determined.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

I see tears streaming down on Yuuri’s face and I start to feel my eyes getting wet. I press my lips and soon say, “me too… Thank you…”

Yuuri hugs me from the side, and I hear his low crying, not holding my own tears anymore.

When Victor calms down and looks at me with his blue eyes, now red and puffy, I say, “you have to say that… I’ll be fine if I’m gone.”

“I… I… Don’t want.”

“I know, dad, but try to understand that…”

“I know, Yurio, but… I don’t wanna be far from you.”

“I don’t want it either, but… It’s gonna be just for some time. It’s gonna be good for me, maybe I will grow up, maybe I can finally find out more about me and what I’m capable, but on my own.”

“Do you think… it will be good for you?” He asks while I clean his face.

“I do. I think it’s gonna be really good for me.” I smile softly at him.

Victor keeps in silence and puts his hands on the eyes while lays his back on the couch, leaving my waist.

“Yuuri…”

“I know, baby… I know.”

Yuuri hugs me and I hug him back. It’s hurting. I don’t want to see them crying, don’t want to make them sad; I don’t want to leave their lap, but I think it’s time to grow up…

“Are you gonna be fine if I go?” I ask.

“Are you gonna feel better if you go?” He asks me back.

“Yeah…” I whisper.

“Then, we’ll be fine, honey.”

I look at Victor, who’s crying in silence and looking at me. I go sit beside him.

“I need your permission,” I said caressing his cheek.

He presses his lips and looks at Yuuri, who nods with the head. His tears get abundant and after looking at me for some minutes, he whispers, “okay… you can go… I’ll be fine… I’ll be fine if you’re fine.”

I hug his neck as I let my tears come back.

“T-Thank you.” I say.

I feel someone sitting behind me and soon Yuuri whispers in my ear, “we’re proud of you, son.”

I let my heart warm among their hugs. It’s the best sensations I could have ever felt and it hurts to know I won’t be able to feel them every day but… it’s necessary to make this sacrifice… for a while.

We cry for a long time. Victor only calmed himself after he lay the head on my lap and slept.  

“Is he really gonna be fine?” I ask Yuuri.

“Yes, he will, I’m gonna be here for him.”

“Father, I don’t want you to get sad.”

“Yurio, we’re surely gonna miss you, just like you’ll miss us. Maybe this is your life opportunity, like you said, and perhaps you’ll be able to smile like always again.”

I close my eyes and wrinkle my forehead.

“Thanks.”

I look at Chris and Georgi, who are cleaning their faces wet by the tears from seeing our scene.

“Fuck, my makeup.” says Georgi.

We give a giggle and I pass my hands through Victor’s silver hair.

“I feel I’m gonna be fine.” I tell myself.

“I know you will, my love.” Yuuri whispers in my ear.

 

* * *

 

 

I couldn’t sleep because of my anxiety, so when I see the sun rising through my window, I take a deep breath and look around, noticing my packing already done. I walk to my cat’s house and caress his fur while his eyes are still closed.

“I’m gonna miss you, Be… boy. I hope you don’t feel sad when I am far. My parents will take care of you, okay? I’m sorry for going away and for not thinking of another name for you. I hope you understand. I love you.” I say and stand up after some minutes.

When I arrive in the kitchen, my parents are already there.

“Good morning.” I say.

They answer and I see Victor’s swallowed face. I go in his directions and hug him.

“It’s okay, dad.”

He kisses the top of my head and hugs me back.

The morning lasted for less than we wanted. The hours were passing and my nervousness was getting bigger. I spent the whole morning in the living room watching movies with my parents, like we used to do, until we looked at the clock and saw it was almost time. They both gave me a strong hug on the sofa for the last time. It was so tight and I try to take all the touches, the heat, the feeling, the happiness of having them here, in order to take all the memories with me because there’s nothing I’ll miss more than this. Them. My parents. People I love.

I decide to not have lunch so we can spend some more time in the room, until I go take a shower and, when I come back, I stop at the corridor, not letting them see me. I observe my parents hugging each other on the sofa, with Yuuri caressing Victor’s hair, who has a sad expression. I feel my heart hurting and I touch the wall. Am I doing the right thing? How are my parents going to be? Victor looks terrible and I am worried he’ll get sick if I’m gone, but… it’s an amazing opportunity to start my life with my own strength; to finally… grow up. Okay, everything's happening so fast and I didn’t have time to think a lot about it, but… maybe I’m on the right path. I don’t want to be far from them, however, I can’t be protected forever. I don’t want to suffer for being silly and fool again. Not anymore…

I take a deep breath and go to the room. I stop in front of them and start to talk.

“I am leaving…”

I take a deep breath once more.

“I’m not leaving forever and, even from far, I will call you every day because I can’t imagine living without you, I’m growing up, but it’s not enough. You two have always protected me from everyone and everything, impeding bad thing from happening to me, and when they did, you were there. You have always been with me, and probably there’s no other person happier than me for having parents like you two, because I owe my life and the person I am to you. I can’t express how much love I feel for you. There’s no one more grateful than me in this world. And, please, I don’t want my travel to England cause pain to you, it’s for a little time, I promise. I just want you to know that I love… A love that doesn’t fits in my chest… I love you, parents. Thank you for supporting me in everything in this life. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for giving me love and care when no one else wanted me. I-I… I…”

I can’t finish my speech because my crying stops me. I put my arm in front of my eyes and let tears fall. Soon, I feel two people hugging the sides of my body. I hear their low crying close to my ears and they whisper together, “we love you, son.”

“We’ll be always cheering for you, Yurio.” Yuuri says.

“Yurio… I’m gonna… miss you…” Victor says with pauses because of the crying.

I feel my throat gets even tighter and say, “I’m gonna miss you too.”

I let them hug me one last time and it doesn’t take too long until the doorbell rings. They squeeze me a little more and Yuuri goes to answer the door while Victor still stands hugging me.

“Are you ready, Yurio?” Chris asks when he enters the room.

“Yes…”

“No.” Victor says quickly.

He squeezes me once more and I smile at him while I hug him tightly. When he takes his hands off of my body, I can see his face all wet.

“It’s gonna be okay, dad.” I say, smiling at him.

“Yeah… It’s gonna be okay…”

I look at Chris, who smiles at me, and go to my room to get my things. I say goodbye to my cat once more and go back to the living room with my luggage.

“Is everything okay with your passport?” Chris asks.

“Yes, but you’ll have to solve the problems about his living and working there.” Yuuri answers.

“Okay, this is the smallest part.”

Chris says goodbye to Yuuri and goes to Victor, hugging him tight and whispering something we can’t hear in his ear. Victor agrees with the head, before kissing Chris on the cheeks.

“I’ll wait for you in the car, Yurio.”

“Okay.”

Chris takes my thing with him and closes the front door. I stand looking around for some minutes until my eyes reach my parents. Both are crying.

“How do you want me to leave you in this situation?” I go to them and take one hand from each of them “Come on, don’t cry like this, otherwise I’m not going.”

“We’re sorry.” Yuuri says, hugging me.

He stands back and put both hands on my face, making me look at him.

“You have to promise you’ll call every day; you have to promise you’ll take care of yourself. Don’t accept anything or get in the car of strangers. Don’t use drugs or drink too much. Don’t work too much. Don’t forget to sleep. Try not to freak out with Chris…”

“Dad, I’m not a child anymore…” I say giggling.

He hugs me tight while I’m still holding Victor’s hand and whispers in my ear, “I love you so much, my son. I’m gonna miss you so much. Who’s gonna be watching movies with me when Victor is not here? Don’t forget I love you and I’ll be always cheering for you and when you get famous, we’ll appear on the news as the crazy parents who put your photos everywhere in town.”

He gives a laugh in his crying and stands back. I can’t hold the lump in my throat anymore and the tears roll down. Yuuri kisses me on the forehead before letting me see Victor sobbing already.

“Come here, dad.” I say, opening my arm to let him cry on my shoulder. “I promise everything will be fine with me and I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’ll call every night, I promise. We can even watch movies together, you just have to put the notebook in the living room and, that’s it, we’ll be together again.”

“Who am I supposed to wake up…if you’re not here?” He says sobbing.

“Yuuri’s here, I’m sure you’ll wake him up every day. Please, don’t be sad, okay? If you get sad, I’ll get sad too and will need to come here with the help of anyone I find in the street.”

“Don’t hang out with… unknown people.” He reprehends.

“I know, I know.”

Victor looks in my eyes as he tries to calm himself down.

“I love you. I love you… so much, you have no idea of how much love I feel for you. You’re my life… If anything happens to you, I’ll die… so please, be careful… I’ll really call you every day to be sure you’re fine. Yuuri said everything you mustn’t do… but I have one thing to add… If someday you wake up and realize you don’t want anything of that…call us and we’ll go running to pick you up, ‘cause we’ll always be here for you, Yurio. We’re always gonna support you, even though I’m boring about some stuff, but… but… we… are gonna be here, son… it’s hurting… I miss you…” He cries again and I follow him as I hug his body.

Yuuri joins us and they both hug me for few more minutes. I close my eyes and put this moment deep in my heart before finally stepping back.

“Now… I’m going.”

They agree with their heads before come kissing my forehead.

“We love you, Yurio.” They say together.

“I love you too.” I say.

Before we start walking, I give them a serious look.

“I need to ask something really important to you.”

“What, Yurio?” Yuuri asks.

“If, someday, Otabek come here and ask for me, you can tell I went away, but… please, never tell him where I am, okay? It’s my wish and I really want you to collaborate with me.”

“Sure, we promise.” They say together.

We walk to the gate and I see Chris’s car followed by another car, where Georgi is with some other people. I look at my parents once more and wave at them before getting in the car.

“Are you ready for that?” Chris asks, taking off his sunglasses.

“Yes, I am.”

“It won’t be easy.” He says.

“That’s okay, I can do it.” I say determined.

“Then, let’s go.”

Chris honks to say goodbye to my parents and I look at them once more with tears in my eyes. They’re both crying, but smile at me. When the car starts moving, I look behind right in time to see them hugging each other.

  

  **Otabek**

“Do you want to eat now?” JJ asks when he comes in my room.

“No, I’ll eat later.”

“Okay.”

I return the earphones to my ear and close my eyes, trying to feel something with the song. After some minutes, my phone rings.

“Hello.”

“Mr. Altin, you hired my services for your divorce.”

“Oh,” I look at the calendar and wrinkle my forehead, “it’s still far from the payment day, sir. Any problem? You want a retainer?”

“Ah! no, no. I have news about your divorce. I just got a paper from your husband’s lawyer, and he finally signed the papers, Mr. Altin.”

I get up from the bed quickly.

“Really?”

“Yes! I called you as soon as I got the paper. There are some more problems but the main thing is done”

“Thank you! I need to leave now, but I’ll call back soon. Thank you!”

“Okay, have a good afternoon.”

I turn off the phone fast, get my helmet, my wallet and run to the garage.

“Where are you going?” JJ asks, following me.

“I… I… I’ll be right back.” I say, opening the garage and going out at high speed.

What am I doing? I can’t do this, but… but… I need to tell him and maybe…

I arrive Yura’s house and press the intercom button, and, for my luck, Yuuri answers it.

“Who is it?” He asks with a hoarse voice.

“Mr. Katsuki, it’s Otabek, is…”

“What are you doing here?” He whispers, like he wants nobody to listen.

“I need to tell him something.” I say.

I hear the intercom turning off and soon see Yuuri going out the house with a swollen face.

“Did anything happen to Yura?” I ask worried, when he arrives in the gate.

Yuuri keeps in silence and my worrying gets bigger.

“Mr. Katsuki…?”

“He just left, Otabek.”

“Left? What? To where?” I ask surprised.

“Sorry, I can’t tell you.” He says sad.

I stand there, looking at him for some minutes and say, “how long has it been since he left?”

“Otabek…”

“Please, Mr. Katsuki.”

“It’s been more than an hour since he went to the airport…”

I put my helmet back and look at him before accelerating the motorbike.

“Thank you.” I say.

Yuuri doesn’t say anything, just stand there and looks at me, until he gives a light nod with his head before coming into the house again. I accelerate the bike and go to the airport, surpassing one or two red lights, praying I’ll have time to go there and not lose him forever.

  

**Yuri**

“It’s our flight.” Chris says, getting up.

“Are you ready?” Georgi, who is in his casual clothes, asks me.

I take a deep breath, look around and at everyone who’s looking at me and get up.

“More than ready.” I answer him.

We take our luggage and go to the boarding.

 

**Otabek**

I get out of the bike fast and run as I take my helmet off. I don’t know where he is going but if he’s still here, he’s probably waiting for his flight. I run more and more and when I arrive at the waiting room, I look around and don’t see him. In the screen, I can see some flights are leaving and start to run to the boarding.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

A guard puts the hand on my chest, impeding me to continue going through the door where you only enter with a ticket.

“I-I…”

I look at the guards for some seconds, trying to think about an excuse to give him but I look to the side, at time to see the plane taking off, by the glass window. I give a tired sigh and step back from the guard. I walk to the glass window and see the plane leaving. I let the helmet fall on the ground as I lose the rest of my hopes.

“Damn it, Yura…” I take a deep breath, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.

 

**Yuri**

By the window, I can see the plane is starting to take off and observe my city, which is getting far, for one last time. I take a deep breath and allow all of my feelings, memories and pain to stay in this town, so I can go to London as someone new. Someone who’s going to restart the life. Someone who refuses to trust and love somebody else again. Someone who realized the red rose is not that beautiful when you know it's thorns.

“Goodbye, dear rose.” I say, looking at the window. “Goodbye… Otabek…” I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO, YURIOOOOOOOO T^T  
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter ~~and didn't die~~  
>  Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos <3  
> See you o/  
> ~AnaruB


	19. A new beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Yurio’s new life begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: BlueChariot  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

Chris' house is definitely bigger than I thought. I knew he was rich and everything, but that's just too much. I look at the living room right next to the kitchen with an entirely black and red decoration matching the couch and carpet. The tv is twice as bigger than the one in my old house, and it has a Home Theater. Even the chandeliers enchant me.

"What is this face, Yurio?" Chris says interrupting my thoughts.

“I-I… your house is amazing, Chris!”

“Thank you, dear. I know it's a little too much for just one person, but when I started my career and the money started coming in, I couldn't avoid making my dream come true building a house like this. But, I think I ended up feeling lonely in such a big place.”

“You’re not dating anyone?” I ask curiously.

“Dating? Why would I?” Chris shrugs.

“But if you’re feeling lonely…”

“Oh, these kids nowadays…” Chris lays his hand on my shoulder and looks to me. “Darling, it’s better to feel lonely in a mansion like this while I dry my tears with money than suffering for a man who only thinks about breaking our hearts.”

“That’s true.” I agree.

“Stop giving bad advice to the kid, Chris!” Georgi says as she walks past the door carrying three suitcases.

“I'm preparing the boy for the future, Georgi.”

“You have to give him hope! Love can hurt, but it’s still good.”

“Something that hurts you and is good? That’s masochism, Georgi!”

“It’s not masochism, it’s just that sometimes it happens, you can understand it. It's not worth living without love; it's too beautiful to not be enjoyed.”

"I'm living without it and I'm completely fine."

"Georgi is right! Love is wonderful!"

Mila suddenly appears at the door with a smile on her face.

“You don’t count, Mila. You were lucky.” Chris says.

"It wasn’t luck. I gave love a chance and I was rewarded.”

“True!” Sara appears jumping on her girlfriend’s back. “In the first fight, you guys already want to run away. It’s isn’t like this.”

I sigh and stare at Chris who looks back at me and rolls his eyes.

"How about I show you your room, Yurio?"

"I think it's a great idea." I say, wanting to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

Along with Georgi, four of his friends came. I got to know a little of each other on the airplane. There's Hernando; known as Purpy, when he's in Drag. He was born in Mexico, but went to Europe with his brother – who got married after a few years – when he was still very young, and ended up finding out his passion for the artistic life of a Drag Queen. There's Kamau, aka B Von Darling when he's in Drag. He was born in Nigeria, but ran away when he came of age, after suffering abuse for years by his own father for being "too feminine"; he got ended up starving because he used all his money to go to France, but then he met some people who helped him to get back on his feet and finally start his Drag Queen career. There's Daiki, commonly known as Madame D P when he's in Drag. He was born in Japan, but moved to Italy with his parents; Since he was little he had admired his Drag uncle, which helped him decide to start his life in this field. And finally, there's Dimitri, aka Divine when he's in Drag. He was born in Russia and is Georgi's best friend. He helped him get through a complicated phase of his life, by being raped and beaten in a homophobic attack.

Although each one of them came from a different part of the world, the five met at a fashion event in London followed by a party at a nightclub, where they met representing their respective characters. After that, they kept in touch for years. It took them a long time to join Georgi and Dimitri in Russia and then start to work together. And now we’re here.

Chris' house was empty when we arrived, but it begins to be filled up with people and baggage. Everyone will spend a few days or months here until they find their own house. I'll hardly leave here and, although I feel worried about being a nuisance, I'll have to put up with it for a while. But well, I didn't ask to come; they almost begged for it, so I'm, anyway, restful. I'll pay my rent to Chris when I get my money.

It’s so weird – weird because everything is new and my parents are not here with me... I hope they’re doing well without me...

“Do you have a bed for everyone, Chris?” I ask.

“Oh, yes! I made sure to get some more mattresses before I even knew how many people would come home with me. There are only four bedrooms, but there is a place for everyone to sleep.”

“I don’t mind sharing my bed with Sara.” Mila says hugging her girlfriend’s neck.

“There is a bedroom with a double bed, you may stay with it if everyone agrees...”

At the same minute, everyone agreed to let the room for the two, who seem to be so excited as if they would be on their honeymoon.

"We can share the other two rooms. Yuri can have one for himself." Kamau says.

"There's no need for it." I say quickly. "I can share a room too."

“We're already used to share a room. You won't want to sleep with a lot of old men snoring during the night.”

“But…”

“You can stay with the room, Yuri.” Hernando says.

All Georgi's friends, including himself, insisted that I had a room for myself, so I wasn’t able to refuse.

We went up on a long stair to get to the second floor and Chris showed each room. I'm impressed by how neat and dustless they are, though totally colorless. Everything is black and white, as if they've been waiting years to be used, which is probably true.

“Make yourself comfortable, Yurio. If you need anything, you can call me." Chris says as he leaves me at the bedroom’s door.

I grab my bags and put them in the corner of the bed before I sit on it. It's not my bed, not my house, but even though I feel a little sad, a strange excitement is invading me. I still don't know what to feel about everything that's happening, but I have a good feeling about what is coming.

I open my bag and take my laptop from it, going to Skype. Without delay, I get a call from Yuuri.

“Hey, Dad.” I say seeing him from his webcam.

 _"Yurio! How are you? Did you arrive well? Is everything okay? Is Chris treating you well? Victor!"_ He shouts.

I'm stunned by the number of questions he asks and how quickly he talks, but soon I see Victor stopping abruptly behind Yuuri as if he were running.

 _"Oh, my baby..."_ he runs his hand across the screen. _"How are you? Was the flight okay? Did you feel sick? Are you feeling well far from us? Do you want to come back already? "_

“I’m fine, everything went well too, don't worry about it. I just wanted to know how you two are doing.” I say with a grin.

 _“We’ll survive.”_ Yuuri says.

 _"It looks like you left us years ago."_ Victor says with a sad voice.

“Don’t say it like I’ve been dead! It’s only been a few hours!”

“But that’s too much time! I bought a flight ticket to see you tomorrow.”

“Victor! Are you serious?!” I say not believing it.

“ _He didn’t, Yurio. I didn’t let him.”_ Yuuri says.

“I'm sure you both are going to be okay, otherwise I'll be going back, I wouldn't be able to do anything knowing you two are sad because of me.”

“ _We’re fine_.” Yuuri assures me.

Victor sits, apparently, on Yuuri's lap to look at the computer.

" _Yurio, I'm not going to tell you that I'm not sad for you being away, by the way, I miss you, but I talked with your father; we have talked a lot since the minute you left, and I'll try… I'll try my best to be strong for you. I’ve always thought you were beautiful and I wanted you to be beautiful just for me, but since I can't hold you for the rest of my life, use this in your favor. I'm sure you'll be... successful._ "  Victor's voice fails and I see a few tears streaming down his face.

“Dad…”

" _It's still recent ... just wait a few more days and I'll get over it."_

He wipes his tears as I see Yuuri's hands trailing down his chest to hug him.

“I know it was all of a sudden, I was scared too. I didn't go away because I wanted to stay away from you two, by the way, I miss you both already. It's weird, you know? It's not my room, it's not my house, and you two aren't here with me, but I think it'll be good. I think it'll be an experience that'll make me grow up. I thank you both for showing so much concern for me, and believe me when I say I worry too, but... but...”

“ _We understand you, Yurio, really. You don’t need to worry_." Yuuri tries to comfort me.

“ _I know I'm a bit sentimental, Yurio, but I promise I'll be okay for you, but only if you call every day_." He wipes his nose like a child what makes me laugh.

“Okay, okay, I'll call every night and we'll talk for hours, okay?”

“ _All right…_ ”

“I’ve to go now because I really need to take a bath and go to sleep. I'm tired because of the flight and I still have to put the clothes in place and eat something.”

“ _Alright, Yu-“_

“ _I’m going to miss you, Yurio!_ ” Victor yells interrupting Yuuri, almost hugging the notebook’s screen.

“I’m going to miss you too, Dad.”

“ _Oh! I can’t stand it when you call me dad! Oh my god! It’s too much for me!”_

“May I stop, then?” I say with a grin.

“ _NO!_ ” He yells. “ _You can keep calling me dad… please…_ ” he whispers in the last sentence.

I smile at him and shake my head, not believing in this man who acts like he is much younger than he really is.

“I won’t stop, then.”

“ _Yurio_.” Yuuri calls me.

“Yes?”

“ _Your smile. It’s good to see it again_.”

“It’s good to smile again.” I say in a low tone.

I see Victor's face getting serious and he says, " _Never stop smiling because of someone, Yurio. Never! You're too special to waste the time of your life crying over someone, okay? Never forget that._ "

“I won’t forget it.”

“ _Now, go then_.” Yuuri says “ _You have to eat something, you must be hungry_.”

“ _I'd ask you to stay a little longer, but Yuuri is right. Go to rest. Tomorrow you call us, and if you don't call I'll get on the first plane to see you_.” Victor threatens.

“All right, all right. I won’t forget that. Good night to you.”

“ _Good night_.” They answer together.

“ _We love you._ ” Yuuri says.

“ _Yes! We love you! Don’t forget tha_ t!” Victor yells.

“I love you too.” I smile.

After a few minutes saying goodbye repeatedly, I finally turn the laptop off. I feel really tired.

"Going to take a shower?" Chris asks after knocking on my bedroom door that is partially open.

"Please."

"There's a free bathroom down the hall, you can go there." He turns to leave the room, but I call him. "Yes?"

“Why did you offer this job to me? I'm still very young, I've never even worked with it. I've never worked with anything, actually. Was it just because I was feeling bad?” I ask.

Chris comes toward me, right after closing the door behind him and sits in front of me.

“Yurio, when I traveled to see the situation of the store and find some models to bring with me to London, I was already thinking about you. I didn’t even know you were in the rock bottom because of someone; I didn't even know you were dating a guy! When I came to your house the first few days and saw your situation, I gave up on the idea of making you the offer, but the days went by and you improved. I went to talk to Georgi to see if he thought it was a good idea to make the proposal, and he said yes. But that was the last few days already, so it went all of a sudden, I'm sorry about that. I honestly don't know what Georgi told you to come with us, but I'm glad you're here. I truly believe you are going to be a great model. You are handsome, young, and with great potential to grow up. Don't expect it to be easy, because it won't, but if you really want it to happen, everything's going to work out. It'll take a while for you to start working, since I'm finishing a project in the company, and then start the project that you're going to participate, but I'm sure it's going to worth you coming here.”

"I hope I don't disappoint you." I say.

"Relax, you won't." Chris quickly pets my head before standing up. "Now, go take a shower. Our dinner will arrive soon."

"Arrive?"

"Do I look like a cooker, Yurio?"

I laugh for being so obvious.

After dinner, I kept unpacking my clothes and organizing them in the wardrobe for the rest of the night, even after everyone went to bed. Despite being tired, it's almost impossible to sleep; My eyes don’t close at all.

I turn off the light in my room after taking off my clothes and putting on only my underwear, then going to the window next to my bed. I look around the backyard of Chris' house and see the lights of London. Although it's almost two o'clock in the morning, the city seems hectic. In the silence of my room, I can hear, from afar, songs, cars coming and going, and even voices of people who occasionally pass in front of Chris's house. Everything is brand new. What to expect from my new life here? I don't think I'll have any more problems...

 

* * *

 

 

At the end of August, after Chris had solved all the paperwork necessary for all of us to stay in London, I got ready to accompany him to his company. Since we arrived, Chris has spent all his time preparing his autumn collection, where we'll take part. I feel nervous because I'm finally going to start working on something that I’ve never even imagined I would.

We stop in front of a building located in the corner of a busy street full of shops. I look up and see Chris' last name on the top of the small establishment with three floors. The facade is all mirrored, making the building more stylish than it already is.

“Wow!” I say.

“Thank you.” Chris answers satisfied.

We follow Chris inside the building where his store occupies all the first floor. There are some customers who give us a quick glance before turning their attention to the clothes that are ready to be tried on. The staff members give Chris a quick "good morning", which are answered by him with a grin, then we go upstairs to the second floor.

“You’re late, Christophe.” A man in a brown overcoat comes toward us, standing beside Chris.

“I'm never late. By the way, didn't I say that this overcoat of yours is over, Masumi? Put on a blazer, for the love of fashion! You're a handsome man, cherish that.”

“Thank you for the “handsome” part, Sir, but I’m too busy trying to make up for your delay to worry about my clothes.”

“You are so exaggerated! Where is my photographer?” Chris shouts and we walk into a photo studio.

I watch the black-haired Afro woman posing in front of a white background screen with lights on top of her, while Phichit holds a camera in his hand. It doesn't take him too long to turn around and see us.

“You’re lat- Yurio!” He comes towards me and hugs me tight. “How are you doing? When Chris said he'd bring you here, I thought it was impossible for your parents to let you go. How are they?”

“They’ll be fine.”

“That’s great! And welcome!”

“Thank you.”

“By the way, welcome everybody!” He says with a grin.

Phichit greets everyone and soon goes give Mila and Sara a hug who are the last ones to enter of our messed queue.

“Does someone here already work as a model?” Chris asks.

I look back and see everyone raising their hands.

“Will I be the only one?” I say discouraged.

“Relax, Yurio. Why don’t you have a sit and watch until your turn comes?” Pichit says standing behind me.

“All right.”

I sit on an armchair on my left side and yawn, waiting for everyone to start getting ready. It took a long time before the Drags were ready. Georgi put on their extravagant makeup, as always, matching the clothes Chris drew; It is as if he had made those clothes thinking that somehow he would find those unique models.

They all act so naturally in front of the camera that it doesn’t look like they are being photographed or even that this is an actual job. After sometime, Georgi comes towards me, while Mila and Sala are posing together for Phichit, and I'm almost asleep.

“Wake up, Yurio! Let’s get ready!”

“Is it my turn already?”

“It is. Why are you sleeping?”

“It’s not fun watching you guys work. You take too long!”

He smiles and reaches out to me; I caught it up and follow him. I sit front of a horizontal mirror in a room and watch Georgi standing behind me untying my hair.

“Do you think I should cut it out?” I ask.

“Are you unsatisfied with it?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug.

“If I were you I wouldn't cut it, it looks beautiful on you and I can use you as a guinea pig for my makeups.”

“What?!” I ask surprised.

He laughs and picks up the makeup case in front of me.

“I’m just kidding, but if you want to, I’d do it.”

“No, thank you.” I quickly answer.

He rubs powder all over my face, almost making me sneeze, then fix my hair with a thick braid on the side of my head, leaving the rest of my hair and my bangs loose.

When we are done, I go to a dressing room and put on black social pants that fit well on my body. I dress a thin white shirt and a brown vest, ending with a fully black and white striped blazer matching the social shoes. When I leave the dressing room with probably a non-friendly face because I’m starving, Georgi smiles at me.

“You are beautiful!”

“Thank you…”

When we get to the studio, I see everyone sitting waiting for me. I'm starting to feel really nervous and almost stuck at the door. Sara, realizing my nervousness says, “I'm so hungry! How about we go downstairs to eat something?”

Everyone stays in silence for a while until they stand up.

"Sure! Why not?" Hernando says already in his casual clothes.

Now it’s just me, Georgi and Phichit in the studio.

“Are you okay?” Pichit asks.

“I think so…”

I feel my heart beating like crazy as my hands start to freeze. I walk slowly to the center of the room and feel a huge pressure upon me because of the eyes staring at me.

"No need to be nervous, Yurio! Just take a deep breath.” Phichit says.

It's not that easy. I feel exposed! But I take a deep breath which didn't help much. Georgi asks Phichit for a second, who is with the camera in his hand coming towards me.

“Yurio, why do you feel so nervous?” He asks calmly.

“Isn't it obvious? I’ve never done this before. It's not like a normal picture. This is a real job!”

“Okay, you're overthinking. When you center yourself here, your mind has to be clean. You’re not working, you’re not taking a picture and no one is watching you, there's only you and a camera. Treat the camera as a friend or even the love of your life. Face it as if it were a person. Flirt with her, talk to her with your eyes, see who you want to see there. It's not a picture, it's a flirtation. Just you two.”

“I don’t even know how to flirt, Georgi.”

He laughs and runs his hand across my face.

"Then, start this relationship innocently, until it becomes intimate, okay?"

I nod and take a deep breath. "May I have a second, Phichit?"

"Sure."

I close my eyes and turn my head to the side with my chin raised, then slightly open my mouth and take a breath calmly. I hear a flash, but I ignore it. After a few seconds, my heart starts to calm down and I look forward.

"Are you ready?" Phichit asks.

"Absolutely," I murmur firmly.

 

**Georgi**

I give a little smile as I look into his eyes – eyes of a soldier – as he gazes the camera cautiously; as if he's being careful with the love he'll feel for it. Somehow, it's sad to look into his eyes. He got different since his birthday. There's no more innocence. He's no longer so fragile. His eyes are firm and strong, that gives me some excitement to know how far this kid will go, because it seems that what we thought that was a little kitten is actually a tiger cub that is finally ready to grow up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is a little bit shorter, but I hope you guys have enjoyed <3  
> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos (づ￣ ³￣)づ  
> See you o/  
> ~AnaruB


	20. Never forget important dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is Yurio’s life after spending some time in London?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: XixisssUchiha  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

**1 year and 7 months later**

 

I hear my phone buzzing on my drawer, but I feel too lazy to answer it. It must be Chris… Jeez… I think I’m late for something… who cares? I turn myself to the side and press a pillow on my ears, trying to fall asleep again. However, after ten minutes of this buzzing shit, there’s no way I don’t go to answer it.

“What?!” I say grumpily.

“Are you insane?!” Chris yells on the other side of the line. “Where are you, brat? Did you see your front page in the London magazine? What the fuck was that, Yuri? For fashion’s sake, you can’t get a grip on yourself? What should I say to the journalists? You represent the company, you idiot! Yuri!”

I open my eyes and put the phone near my ear again.

“Sorry, I took a nap. You were saying?”

“Son of a bitch… Talk to him Georgi! Talk to him!” I hear Chris going away from the phone.

“Yuri, darling, where are you?” I hear Georgi’s calm voice.

“Me? I’m home. Why?”

“Didn’t you have something scheduled for today?” He asks.

“I’m sleepy, Georgi!”

“But, darling, don’t you have an appointment?”

“I guess so…” I say, actually not remembering what I had to do today.

“You are thirty minutes late.”

I look at the clock and see that it’s almost 1 p.m. My eyes run through the phone’s screen and I look at the date.

“Holy shit! The Spring collection!” I shout jumping from the bed. “I’ll be there in ten minutes!”

“You know you can’t get here in ten minutes.”

“Of course I can. Bye, Georgi!”

I turn off my phone and run to the bathroom to get ready as fast as I can. I have some trouble with my hair which is long enough to demand a lot of work. I would cut it, but Georgi keeps complimenting me, so… I admit I like it this way. I hold it with a lazy bun – probably they will set me up when I arrive at the studio – and put on the first clothes I see. I don’t know what will make them more pissed: the fact that I’m late or poorly dressed. I run from the house putting my sunglasses on and take my red Porsche from the garage.

The first Autumn collection I did for Chris’ magazine was more successful than we ever thought. The peculiar models caught the audience’s attention and gave more visibility to Chris’ company. But, there was also negative comments from conservator people. With all the good repercussion from the edition there was me, young, handsome and, as they said, “with a different gaze”.

Chris gave me more jobs, more photoshoots, some fashion walks, a payment that was increasing with time, and soon people started to know me as the young star that suddenly appeared. Since then, it all sucked! I can’t even sleep without smelling makeup scent or feel like there is someone touching my hair. But it’s not that I hate what I do. Actually, it is great! When I’m in front of the camera it is relaxing; I’m on my own and I can express myself in a different way. Also, after I finally stopped doing the innocent shoots in which I looked like a child, things started to get… sexier and it got better at work. By the way, no one deserves all that cuteness bullshit. I’m an adult, I need something more aggressive.

After I started to get slightly popular in the fashion world, my parents freaked out! Oh, God! I still remember Victor’s whining as a proud but jealous father. That’s when they gave me the Porsche. Of course I didn’t accept it, but they insisted so much that I agreed with the condition that I pay half of it. After a few complains, they accepted the deal. I got my license after I got the car, so it stood in the garage for almost a whole month. I failed the exam twice, not having the patience for the speed limit of that shitty lessons, until I finally passed. Right, I still have some trouble with traffic tickets, I spent two months without my license and it was hard to get used to the London streets and not drive on the wrong side of the road. But still, I’m a great driver! Christophe can tell it, since he never rode with me anymore, well, whatever… Now I’m pretty used to the city; I already know the places, the streets I can or cannot turn, some clubs I go to forget about the job and meet some people for one night stand…

When I turn in the studio’s corner I see Chris in front of it with Masumi by his side. I take a deep breath to get ready before I step out of the car.

“What’s wrong with you, Yuri? Are you trying to make me old?”

“You are already old, Chris.” I say passing by him and taking off my sunglasses.

“I will return you to your parents!”

“Too late. You went to pick me, remember? Well done!”

“You were a cute boy, Yuri!”

“I was never cute! You were deluded.” I say climbing the stairs to find Georgi, all set up.

“You look amazing.” I say kissing her cheek.

“You are late.” She answers.

“I needed to rest my beauty.” I say smiling at her.

“You will kill him someday.” Georgi smiles at me.

“I take no responsibility in this.”

“By the way, what are these lame clothes, Yuri? You have the guts to show up in my company wearing this shit?” Chris exclaims climbing the stairs.

I step away from him, going where Pichit is waiting for me with some other models.

“You are late.” He says as he sees me.

“I know, I know. I overslept and forgot about spring.”

“Let's get you ready.” Georgi puts a hand on my shoulder, approaching behind me.

I nod quickly watching Chris coming closer. Then, we go to the room where they usually do my makeup. 

“Have you seen the article they did about you? What is with that picture?”

“I didn’t see it. but I think I know what you’re talking about. Chris looks really mad and concerned with the company’s reputation and, well, I couldn’t control myself, the press sucks! They irritate me and I try to control myself, but I wasn’t in a good mood when they took that picture.”

“Tell me, when are you in good terms with the press, Yuri? You are a model, you need to smile more for people.”

“I’m not a clown to smile for no reason Georgi.”

He loses my hair and smiles softly.

“Can you see how much you have changed?”

“Me? I’m the same as always. You were the ones who built a wrong image of me.”

“Are you sure? It doesn’t look like it. Are you sure all that aggressiveness towards people is not to turn them away from you because of that O…”

“Georgi.” I look to her through the mirror.

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“I’m over it, no apologies necessary. It’s been two years, it makes no difference to me. But there is no need to remember it or to think that I changed because of it. I have my life now and probably, somewhere in the world, he has his, and I don’t give a fuck.”

“Got it.”

I really don’t care anymore, it was a momentary thing. I was new in this romance world and got excited with all the new things he brought me. I thought it was some stupid feelings, but it was just excitement, nothing much. Today I look back and see how childish I was, even though I was already 18. It wasn’t that big deal to make me cry that much, but it’s over now. It’s not like I’m still that idiot. That foolish innocent died a long time ago.

“What’s with that face, Yuri? Is something wrong?”

“What face?”

“Your gaze is intense, looks like you’re mad.”

“I’m fine. But I’m almost always mad.”

“That is true.” She laughs and starts to put makeup on me.

The day was more of a rush than I first thought. I had to stay two hours longer because of my delay, as a punishment. Chris got a little better after Masumi brought him a box of macarons, but it ended right on time of the meeting.

“Explain yourself.” He said, standing and throwing the magazine in front of me.

I look at my photo stamped on one of the pages, in the middle of the magazine. I have my tongue out and am showing my middle finger as I walk out of a club with some guy (and didn’t even bother asking his name). I don’t have to read to know that it’s talking about my bad behavior. I close the magazine as I put a hand in front of my eyes.

“The blame is not all on me. I can’t go out in peace without having someone taking photos of me. What should I do?” I ask.

“Ignore it, I don’t know. Hide your face, get in a car, ride a bike, run, fly! Do something that doesn't provoke any critics. You are at the beginning of your career, you should prize your reputation.”

“By doing what? Lying? Being someone I’m not? Faking a smile to deceive people?  For God’s sake, what they do is harassment! I’m not going to pretend it is okay.”

“Sometimes you need to do sacrifices.”

“I refuse.” I say leaning on the chair.

“Masumi, get me another box of macarons, please, because if I don’t calm down something is going to happen with my heart.” Chris says, running his hands through his hair and talking calmly with his assistant who was by the door.

“You already had too much sugar today, sir.” Masumi says.

“I’m going to die anyway, let it be eating something.”

“What, are you stressed out?” I tease smiling softly.

“I don’t have children, you know, Yuri? I’ve never had patience with kids and yesterday I found a grey hair and that’s all your fault!”

“It’s not my fault! Your grey hairs mean just one thing: you are old!”

“I will fire you, you insolent brat.”

“I doubt it!” I challenge crossing my arms on my chest. “You need to have sex, Chris. You are too tense.”

“I will send this magazine to your parents.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Want to find out?” He threatens. “Remember that today launches THAT shoot of yours and we have a party for that. You already did some sensual shoots, but that… I will be sure of sending it to Victor in the first opportunity.”

“Don’t play with it, Chris.” I say starting to feel nervous. “They will never see this edition. It’s our little secret.”

“A public secret, Yuri? What kind of secret is that, idiot? If I send it or not, they will end up seeing your pictures. It’ll be on the magazines, internet, newspapers… you can’t hide it from them, not even if they were on the other side of the world.”

“I will say you forced me! You seduced me with money!”

Chris laughs in a creepy way and soon stops.

“I remember when you did it. I got cursed by Victor a whole day because of you, remember? It won’t do this time! If you put the blame on me I’ll tell your parents how much of a whore you are in here, nothing like the innocent one you are with them.”

“Me? A whore? I’m choked with this shameless lying offense.” I say putting my right hand on my chest looking at him open-mouthed.

Chris puts his hands over his eyes and I stand to go to him.

“It’s going to be fine, Giacometti, relax a little. I promise I will stay quiet for some time and not give you problems while you retouch your hair to hide your age.” I say with my hand on his shoulder.

Chris gives me an intense look and I step away to leave the room.

“At least remember tonight’s party!”

“I never forget about the parties!” I say closing the door and hearing Chris whining to Masumi.

Although I give Chris some tiny problems, I like him and I’m sure he likes me too. Our relationship is great! And even if he calls me a whore, it’s not like it is not true, so I don’t get offended at all. Chris is a bit stressed sometimes, especially when I do something wrong – which is almost always – but that’s not the point. Tonight, when he finds someone to sleep with, everything is going to be better and he won’t even remember that article about me.

My first ‘sensual’ shoot was not that sensual, it was pretty subtle, but enough to Mr. Nikiforov to come all the way to London to see me. He came to London! I think I’ve never heard such a speech in my whole life, followed by a sorrowful crying about how I was defiling myself. However, he forgave me as soon as I did a puppy face and apologized. Yuuri, as always, was here to calm Victor down and pretend to scold me followed by an, “You were wonderful!”. Honestly, I don’t get these two! I just laugh because, one way or another, it is really funny. My parents don’t know yet about my bad reputation of bringing a man home every time I go out nor of some experiences I rather not remember. But it’s not my fault I’m like this. Life is too short to be eating ice-cream at home while watching some romance movie.

In the beginning, it was really hard to get used to staying away from home and from my parents. It was weird waking up in the morning and feel like the bedroom wasn’t mine. It was a huge absence not having a loud person opening the curtains and waking me up with a smile. Victor may have his flaws and overreactions, but he is, along with Yuuri, the best person I could ever have in my life. I miss his dramas so much; it is almost unbearable. I spent quite a time catching myself smiling as I remembered all that we’ve been through, just to catch myself crying for missing them right after. There were days I just wanted to leave and lay on Yuuri’s lap and watch a movie at the end of the afternoon while he would caress my hair. Coming here made me realize that it doesn’t matter how many laps or hugs you have available, nothing will be like the ones of your parents, it can’t even compare. The first time they came to spend some time here, in my first Christmas in London, as well Victor’s birthday, I spent all the days sleeping with them. I’m a little ashamed of this, but I can’t help it.

I’m so used to Chris’ house that, when I went home for Christmas a couple months ago, it felt weird. It was the first time I got back there after I came to London and it was like my room wasn’t mine anymore. It was different, but gave me a nostalgic air and, in the end, I was really at home. I was never so spoiled! It was a while since my parents had seen me in person and I, well, I grew up, in every way. I didn’t think I was going to grow more after I reached the 18 years old mark, but here I am, 3 inches taller. Even before I came of age, my height was subtly increasing as the months passed by, and after almost two years I’m pretty satisfied since I’m almost 5’ 11’’. Besides my height, Chris had insisted that I should gain some muscles and stop being sedentary, because, “now your beauty is the most important thing, Yurio!”. I want to die with Chris picking on me because of my candies, but this change kind of made me feel good about my body.

As I walk out of the shop’s door I see that the sun is almost down, but I still put my sunglasses on as I get into my car to go home. The feeling of being ‘independent’ is so good! I still live with Chris, which makes me not totally independent, but I am in a certain way, since I have my own money. Just to tease, I go to a coffee shop to buy some candies, to make up for the extra hours I had to spend at the studio. I’m not obliged to follow perfectly that diet from hell.

When I arrive at home, it’s almost 6 p.m. I turn the TV on, grab two Heinekens from the fridge and go drink on the couch while I eat my candies. I need to get dressed before Chris arrives, but… I have plenty of time…

 

* * *

 

 

“Wake up!” I hear someone shouting.

I open my eyes and see Chris in front of me with my chocolate box in his hands.

“Why… did you… not get dressed...yet?” He asks taking deep breaths between the words.

“God, I was going to, can’t you see?” I say standing up quickly and going upstairs.

“You are going to kill me!” Chris yells, soon eating the chocolates left on the box.

“I would never do this, Chris! I love you!” I say, already upstairs.

“Your love is pure sadism!”

“Maybe.” I whisper to myself.

I don’t even know why he is in such a hurry; we still have time. I get in my room, look at the clock and run to take a shower.

I step out of the bathroom already with the hair dryer in hands and, to my luck, I see my already ironed clothes on the bed. Thank you, Chris!

I dry my hair, put my black leather pants on, with a tight shirt of the same color that ends around my waist and my pink blazer. I let my hair loose and put on a Fedora hat, and to finish a tall boot. I look in the mirror and am satisfied with my appearance. I go down to the living room again, with my phone in hands, and get a message from Yuuri.

_Yurio, your father and I are going out tonight to… you know… we call you tomorrow morning. Good Night!_

Why the hell they have this habit to tell me what they’re going to do?

I answer it:

_Okay. Next time I don’t need too much information, even if it’s not explicit, please, I beg you! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t. Good night!_

Lately it’s hard to find something I wouldn’t do, but it’s okay. I know they’re going to… God, why am I thinking about this shit?!

The doorbell rings and I go to answer it.

“Georgi! Are you coming with us?” I say as I see her.

“You think I use makeup for nothing, darling?”

I smile, let her enter and close the door right away.

“Where is Chris?”

“Probably finishing dressing up.”

“I miss the times this house was noisy.” She says sitting on the couch.

“Yeah, don’t tell me about it! Chris is really mean when it’s only the two of us. By the way, how is everyone?” I ask. It’s been awhile since I saw her other friends.

“They’re fine! They are taking care of the club for me, like every time I need to be out with Chris. It’s good I have them, because it would not be easy to work as a makeup artist and handle the club by myself.”

“I can only imagine! But things got better?”

“Yes! Since we opened there are more and more people coming to the club. Our edition of the Giacometti magazine helped a lot too.”

“Can I go there sometime?” I ask.

“Sure! You’re always welcome there! You would find such wonderful people…”

“I’m definitely going!”

“It’s been awhile since I saw Mila and Sala. Have you seen them lately?”

“Ah, I went visiting their new house last week. It’s really beautiful, by the way. We all knew it would be easy for them to enter in a ballet company and that they would end up staying around. Said and done!”

“I’ll go there sometime.”

“Yes, you have to. I’m sure they’re going to be happy. You can call me and I go with you.”

“Thank god you’re here, Georgi!” Chris yells from the top of the stairs. “Do my makeup, please!”

“I’ll get this man ready, we’ll be back soon.”

I almost slept on the couch waiting for Chris to be ready. And he said _I_ was late!

We finished getting ready and went with Chris’ car to where the event was happening. There are lots of people arriving and expensive cars parked everywhere. Now I’m used to it, but at the beginning… my lord! It was such an embarrassment, all those people seeing several of my pictures on a screen set up for the exhibition. The good part is the party but, unfortunately, it starts only after two hours of boring people talking about fashion.

There’s a table reserved for the Giacometti company, where we find five of the models that worked with me in the shoot of today’s edition, being four women and another man besides me. I politely greet then, just like Georgi and Chris do. I watch they chat as I wait, anxiously, the end of this event that hasn’t even started.

There are about eight brands, including Chris’, that made a sensual photoshoot which will be presented today. Probably there’ll be also some news about the Spring collection that will be in the magazines and stores soon.

People were serious about this being a sensual thing! They started to show the pictures and I started to feel nervous, trying to remember if I was going to be embarrassed or not, because suddenly I can’t remember how my session turned out.

When the presentation of the Giacometti brand begins I put my hands in front of my eyes and press my fingers on my brows, breathing slowly. I pay attention to my co-workers’ photos that are showing one after the other as a man speaks into a microphone, but I’m too anxious to understand him. However, it was impossible to not pay attention when he started to present me.

“The young man that gained the place in the fashion world presented by the Giacometti company; getting visibility for his beauty and for some controversial gossip yet being so young…”

“Dear lord…” Chris whispers by my side, putting his own hands on his eyes.

“... but who, despite all this, is a rising professional who presents beautiful jobs at the Giacometti company. I now give you, Yuri Nikiforov-Katsuki.”

The man changes the image of the model that was on screen and puts the photo of my shoot. Okay, this is more embarrassing than I thought. I look at the picture where I am laying with a coat of black furs that is all open, leaving my naked torso exposed, closing just before my groin shows up. One of my legs is bent while the other is leaning on the other, like it is supporting itself. My long hair is spread on the bed and my right hand is leaned on my head as the other leans on my forehead above my left eye, which is hidden by my bangs. I took great interest in my smoked eye, where Georgi insisted to do the makeup and in my partially open mouth, giving a sexier atmosphere. Every single piece of this shoot makes me barely recognize myself. It is weird; it’s like I’m not myself when I’m in front of the camera.

The applause echoes in the room, just like happened with every photo, and soon I see some people whispering and looking at me. That annoys me, but I decide just to ignore it.

When the event is finally over, after that guy who took forever to stop talking and I yawned about a hundred times, I step outside the room to go to the place where the actual party will be. I go out first than anyone who was at the table with me and wait Chris in front of the place.

“Do you know who is going to be for that music event next week?” A girl asks passing by me with a friend.

“Who?”

“You know that…”

“Yuri!” Someone shouts by my side.

“Harry! What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I’m a model too, you know?”

Harry is a model I met a couple months ago at a party and… it’s complicated…

“True. I forgot.” I say shrugging.

“Don’t be mean, Yuri. I know you didn’t forget.”

I lean on the wall because of his proximity and stare at his eyes that are staring at my mouth. Then I hold tight on his chin, forcing him to look up in my eyes. I get my mouth closer to his and whisper, “I forget every unimportant thing, Harry.”

I let go of his chin with some violence and see Chris coming out of the room. I go towards him and hear Harry screaming behind me.

“You were gorgeous in this edition.”

I turn my head and say, “I know!” I smile as meet with the others.

 

The place of the party is basically a rented club. I get excited just from listening to the music and quickly get out of the car.

“Do you have your keys?” Chris asks.

“Yes, why?”

“Maybe we don’t go back home together.”

“So I figured. If anything, I can get a cab or a ride with someone.”

“If you take someone home, clean your mess after!”

“Okay, okay.” I say rolling my eyes.

I look at Chris who gives me a mischievous smile and I give one back at him.

“Good luck!” I wish him.

“You too!”

We all enter the club and soon split up. I go straight to the bar.

“Give me two Vodka shots.” I ask the bartender.

I sit on one of the benches in front of the counter and wait until someone sits by my side.

“You are Yuri, right?”

I look to a man with a hair that has the color of honey and stares at me with his elbow placed on the counter.

“Yes. And you are?”

“I’m Steve Carter, nice to meet you.”

I grab the hand of this Steve and greet him with a half-smile. I look ahead again and, after a while, I listen, “You know, Yuri, I am also a male model but our photos, our shoots, are pretty different. In fact, your shoots are different from most of the male models…”

“What’s your point with all this?” I ask starting to feel stressed out.

“Not much, I’m just curious if you are, I don’t know, transgender. Or a Drag Queen. Nothing against it, I know plenty of people like this, but if you are, shouldn’t you be in the feminine catego…”

“You think I’m a woman? I look like a woman for you?”

“Is not that, but your shoots and a little of your appearan…”

“Is it my long hair? My pink clothes? Since when this shit has a gender? I think nothing can stop me from using what I like, don’t you?”

The bartender places my cups on the counter and he goes back to talk. “You can wear whatever you want, but if you look around fashion world you will see you don’t fit in.”

I smile and take a shot.

“Are you feeling threatened, Steve? Did I steal one of your jobs?”

He keeps quiet and I smile even more.

“Ah! I get it! That’s it!”

I stand from the bench after taking my last dose and bend slightly to talk close to this idiot’s ear.

“Steve, I wear what I want and I will do the shoots that I want. You know why? Because I can. And even doing all this that you call ‘feminine’, I’m still more a man than you are. I pity your fragile masculinity.”

I stand and see Georgi. I come closer and she pulls me to dance.

 

* * *

 

 

Where is my hat? I don’t know how much I drank and danced or how much hours have passed, but I can’t find my hat! I go around asking some people if they have seen it, but I end up sitting on a sofa in a corner of the club almost crying, until I see someone stop in front of me.

“I think that’s yours.”

I look up and see a wonderful black-haired man. He puts the hat on my head and smiles at me while giving me a bottle of water with his other hand, like a prince.

“Thank you!” I say not taking my eyes off him.

“Are you okay?” He asks laughing.

“Much better now!” I say out loud.

The nameless prince sits by my side and says, “Drink some water, you’re going to feel better.”

“I’ll drink.”

I lean on the sofa and calmly drink the water, looking at him. The man starts talking about something I don’t listen to because I’m too busy staring at his mouth. After a while I say, “Want to dance with me?”

“What?” He asks surprised.

“Dance with me…”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Much better!”

He gets up and raises his hand to me which I quickly grab to be taken to the dance floor.

We danced together, drank together; he passed his hand on my waist when I turned my back on him; I was kissed on the neck and when I realized, I was already inside a cab going home feeling his hand up on my leg.

As we enter the house he looks around while I close the door.

“Wow! Do you leave here?”

“I do.”

“With your parents?”

“No.”

“Who do you live with?”

I walk towards him and kiss him abruptly.

“You want to know about my life or want to have sex?” I ask stepping away from him a little.

“Definitely have sex.” He says and grabs me by the legs to put me up as I lock them around his waist.

“Second floor, third door.” I say kissing his neck too, finally, we go to my room.

 

 

It is good Chris is not home because I’m moaning so loud that I think the neighbors will hear even if they’re far from us. But who cares about it in a moment like this?

 

 

When I wake up, with my room already full of this shitty sunlight that is making my head ache more than it already does, I see a naked man on my sheets. I try to remember everything that happened, but I fail miserably. I think I need stop drinking, because I can’t even remember his name.

I get up to wear a clean underwear and an open shirt. I quickly go to the bathroom, which is all messy and with several things on the floor. Soon I go to the kitchen searching for a painkiller with urgency. When I passed through Chris’ bedroom it was open, so it means that he finally relaxed at some hotel or someone’s place.

I sink on the couch for several minutes, just looking at the ceiling, waiting for my pain to go away. Then I hear the doorbell ringing. I stand, with my eyes almost closed, and go to the door to open it, not even caring about my clothes. To my surprise…

“Happy Birthday, Yurio!” My parents yell standing on the doorframe.

I quickly close the door and run to the kitchen to see the date on the calendar: March 1st. My God! Spring edition! March! Who forgets his own fucking birthday?!

Holy crap!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo, it has been such a long time t.t I'm sorry, college is keeping me too busy right now ._.  
> Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. And omg, poor Yurio, forgot his own birthday haha  
> See you o/  
> ~AnaruB


	21. Welcome!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Victor and Yuuri just showed up at Yurio’s front door. How is this going to end up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: BlueChariot  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

Oh, my God. There’s a naked man on my bed!

“Yurio, why did you close the door?” Victor yells.

I dash off desperately, climbing stairs two steps at a time; I almost pass by my bedroom door, but soon I go back and wake up the guy lying on my bed.

“Wake up! Come on, come on, wake up!”

“Hmm...”

Someone help me! This guy doesn’t want to wake up.

The black-haired guy puts his hand on my ass and then pulls me closer to him.

"Lie down with me... you're cold and I can make you warm..." he says with his eyes still closed.

“Are you crazy?! Wake up, for fuck’s sake! My parents are at the door and you're going to be dead soon!”

“Parents? How old are you?”

"You don’t understand, you asshole!”

I let go of his hand and go to the side of the bed.

“I hope you don’t fall on your dick,” I whisper.

I try to lift the mattress of my bed so he can fall from it.

“What are you…?”

The second he sits on the bed, I lift the mattress enough for him to fall on the floor.

“Are you alright?” I ask.

"It's a great way to wake someone up, thank you.”

I go to him and reach out my hands to help him up.

"I'm sorry. Look, yesterday was great, wonderful! But you have to go now! My father... you have no idea how jealous and overprotective he is."

"Don't worry, I'm sure they-"

"Dude, he's a former army commander! Do you wanna die?"

The boy gets up and rubs his hand over his eyes before looking through the room, searching for his clothes thrown in different places. I help him get them and take a few brief seconds to look at him one last time.

 

"Last night was great, thanks for all that... ahmn..."

I can't remember the guy's name, oh my God!

"Zach. My name is Zach, Yuri. I thought you'd know it after screaming my name all night, " he says putting his pants on.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I really couldn't remember it. But, Zach... you can't go out through the front door, is there any way you... well..."

"How am I going to leave then?" He asks confused.

I open my arms and shrug.

"I don't know. Jump out of the window, get invisible, fly off, figure something out.  Just don't let my parents see you."

"But..."

"I have to go, Zach! They'll get suspicious if I stay here for too long."

I come close to him and run my hands through his neck, to get my mouth close to his.

"It was a pleasure." I kiss his bottom lip, then pulling it lightly. "Literally."

"The pleasure was all mine..."

I pull away from him and quickly head towards the door.

“But, Yuri...”

"I'm counting on you, Zach! I’m sure you'll find a way out!”

I run downstairs almost falling down on the last step, but I manage to keep my balance and take a deep breath before heading to the door to open it again, with a face of feigned surprise.

“My God! What a surprise!” I say as honestly as I can.

"Why did you close the door on our faces, Yurio?" Yuuri asks confused.

“Did I close the door? Oh, really? Wow, I'm sorry, I just woke up. I don’t think my head is working really well. "

“Who cares?” Victor says before coming to hug me so fast that I almost fall behind. "I've missed you so much, my love.”

"I missed you too, Dad." I hug him back, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

Oh, I missed that...

I hear the front door closing and even if I want to rest while hugging Victor, I can’t settle down not knowing if that guy has already left the house.

“Oh, my baby!" He walks away from me and cups my face with his hands. “Look how beautiful you are! Wonderful! Look at those eyes! This hair! This- wait” Victor gets closer to my neck “Why do you smell like alcohol?”

“What?!” I smell my shirt that is exhaling vodka. “It’s just your impression, Dad! I think someone dropped it on me at the party yesterday.”

“Party? What party?” He asks.

I scratch my head and feel myself being hugged again.

“You look beautiful! You grew up so much! You are so-  I missed you so much..." Yuuri whispers in my ear.

“Dad…”

I hug him tightly as I feel a lump in my throat. My God! I missed them so much! Every time I meet them in person, I realize that the lack they make me feel is much greater than I can imagine. It doesn’t matter how older I get or how much I grow up; I just want to stay here hugging them.

"I can’t believe you both are here! I missed you so much!”

Victor appears next to me and I let him join the hug.

"We missed you too, son." He says.

I close my eyes and let myself be hugged by them, almost forgetting all my troubles, until we hear something falling on the second floor. I open my eyes wide, getting anxious again.

“What was that noise?” Victor asks, pulling away to look up.

"Ahnm... maybe it was a... cat?"

“Was that a question? Wait, do you guys have a cat?”

"No, but, you know, it may come from the window.”

My God, what am I even talking about?

"Is there anyone else here, Yurio?" Yuuri asks.

“N-No...”

Victor stares at me for a few seconds before he starts walking.

"Let's see what it was then. Since there’s no one else in here besides us there shouldn’t be any noises, right? Maybe it’s a thief.”

"It's nothing, Dad!” I say going after him.

“Come on! It won’t hurt to check it out!”

He goes upstairs with me after him dying a little bit every step up. I’m already predicting my death. My condolences, Zach, you were a really dumbass in this life! Is it that hard to be quiet, you idiot? I hope the noise was you falling down the window, you asshole!

"Dad, I told you it's nothing. You don’t need to worry! It may have been the wind that knocked something down.”

"It's not windy today, Yurio! By the way, if there's no one in here, where's Chris?” he asks.

“Oh... I don’t know, maybe he left in the morning... to solve problems from the company…”

Where are you to save me in these hours, Giacometti? I'm saving your ass too!

"Isn’t it dangerous to be alone here?" He asks.

“No, this is super safe!”

Victor starts to walk down the hall, opening each door and inspecting the rooms. I know he's looking for mine, which will be obvious when he finds it since every other place is pretty neat and mine, in contrast, is a complete mess.

I feel my heart flutter when I see that the door to my room is the next one. Soon I begin to pray mentally to all the gods that come to my mind for that guy to be clever enough to leave my room and not have gone to the bathroom.

Victor opens the door and I look at my bed all messed up; with the mattress slightly crooked because I had lifted it and my clothes from last night lying on the floor...

"What's all this mess, Yurio?" Victor asks, walking towards the bed.

I run my eyes through the room and can’t spot anyone; however, looking back, I see that the IDIOT is standing behind the door Victor has just opened. I glance at Victor quickly as he takes my clothes off the floor and I turn back to shake my hands desperately as I silently beg Zach to leave.

Damn it, Yuuri's down there! But it's less worse than Victor...

Zach leaves the room with his shoes in his hand and disappears from my sight.

“What happened? It looks like a hurricane happened here!”

“It's... yesterday I came back from a party and... I was very tired and I left everything on the floor to go to sleep soon...” I say scratching the back of head that is aching more and more.

“Hmm…”

"It's weird, there are always things falling in this house." I say trying to calm down.

He walks past me to leave the room. I almost cry of relief that he doesn’t get into the bathroom since there are packs of condom and lubricant everywhere. But unless Zach has run out, it's too early to settle down. As we go downstairs, I see Yuuri closing the door quickly and leaning his back on it as he gives us a sincere smile.

“What is it, darling?” Victor asks.

“It’s nothing. I thought I’ve heard a car coming and I went to see if it was Chris, but it was nothing.”

We returned to the living room to sit on the couch while I move my hands through my hair calmly.

“By the way, what kind of outfit is this, Yurio? You don’t dress like this when other people are around, right?”

I look down and realize that I'm practically half-naked, so I start closing the buttons of my shirt trying to look a bit decent as I feel my face heating up. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even notice the clothes I was on.

"Why are you embarrassed, Yurio? We’ve already seen you naked!” Yuuri laughs as he speaks.

“It’s different! I'm an adult now!”

Victor comes to me and pulls my cheek.

"With that red face looking like a baby? Suuure.” He laughs. "But you know, Yurio, you can’t fool me.”

“What?! What? I'm not trying to fool you! What are you talking about?” I ask in despair.

"You're still so obvious." Yuuri says quietly.

"I know you got drunk in that party yesterday!" Victor says with a serious air. “Look at your hangover face, boy!”

He stands up and faces me.

"I know you're of age now, but you have to be careful about these parties! What if someone takes advantage of you!? It's dangerous!” He says.

Someone taking advantage of me? I put my hand in front of my mouth to hide my laugh.

“Dad, I don’t even drink! I always get home at ten!” I say.

"Stop being ironic, Yurio! I know what living with Chris can do to you!”

By the time Victor talks about Chris he enters the front door with sunglasses on and his hair all messed up.

“Victor? Yuuri? What a surprise! What are you guys doing here?” He says a little worried as he comes towards us.

“Chris, sit down! We spend some family time later. Let's talk!”

I feel Chris' gaze steaming on me as he sits by my side. Victor starts to talk and I hear him whispering, "What did you tell him this time? I'll kill you if you blamed me for something.”

“I didn’t say anything. All I said was that you left in the morning to solve business problems." I say quietly.

"Do you think I look like I was in the company, kid?"

"That's it, Chris. I bet you can give it a way.” I whisper.

“Hey! You two! I'm talking!” Victor calls our attention.

We look at him and we say in sync, “Sorry.”

Dad scratches his head and then puts his hands on his waist.

"What do I do with you two?" He says tiredly.

"Relax, Nikiforov. We didn’t do anything wrong here. All the parties we went to are fashion events. There is never anything special; there are only champagne and some good music!” Chris shrugs, as if it was true.

"Don’t lie to me, Giacometti! I know your hangover face!”

"And who are you to be talking like this, Victor? At the age of your son I carried you in the back so we could go home, and when it wasn’t me, it was someone you had just met.”

"Wow, Dad, were you like this?" I say, pretending to be surprised. “Don’t you have any shame? Yuuri, what do you think of that?”

"It's a bit difficult to deal with your father's dark past. I've heard of things you have no idea.” Yuuri says faking to be sad.

“I know the whole story!” Chris says loudly. "I'll tell you everything, Yuri! You'll never hear any speeches again because your father was way worse! He has done anything you can imagine!”

“Chris!” Victor yells. "You know it's different!"

Yuuri approaches me and hugs my neck.

"I'll protect you from this false conservative man, honey!"  Yuuri says sticking his tongue out to Victor.

“I can see that! I'm watching you three against me!” Victor points at us as he makes a crying face. “I'm just worried about you... away from me... living with Chris...”

“Hey!” Chris exclaims.

"Am I such a bad parent because of that? For wanting to protect you from this cruel world? You know... you're still my... baby...”

I watch his crying face as he pouts and I remember telling Zach that my father was a former army commander. Victor? An army commander? The person who almost died when a mouse came into the house, this drama queen...

I start laughing loud as I imagine it.

“Yurio!”

My tummy hurts!

"What is it, Yurio?" Yuuri asks with a laugh.

“I...”

I can’t speak and soon Chris and Yuuri start laughing at my laughter making Victor more tearful. So I take a deep breath after a few minutes and get up to hug him.

"Thank you, sir." I say. “You are the best dad in the world!”

"Hey!" Yuuri exclaims.

"You're the best father in the world too, Yuuri!" I say.

"Don’t make me cry at a time like this, Yurio!" Victor says holding me tight.

"You're a natural crybaby" Chris says.

Victor starts arguing with Chris, defending himself that he isn’t that dramatic while Chris defends himself saying that he hadn’t strayed me from the path of innocence and how I had done it myself. I just keep laughing as I keep my eyes closed, hugging my dad.

Oh, it's all so good that it makes me want to cry...

I go back to the couch and lie my head Yuuri's lap, letting him caress my hair as they talk about the trip and how many days they will stay here. Honestly, I’m not even listening, because my dad's hands moving through my hair is so relaxing that it leaves my mind blank; it’s enough to make me fall asleep, and that's what I'm going to do.

 

When I open my eyes, I see that the TV is on and a thin sheet is covering me. There is someone hugging me and I realize that I’m laying between his legs with my head resting on his chest. When I look up, I see Victor leaning against the sofa with his eyes closed, probably asleep. It's still bright, so I didn’t sleep the whole day, thank goodness. By the way, it's my birthday.

Birthdays... I don’t like them... the only good part is that my parents are here. It's just another day that you get older; that’s it, your death gets closer. It's not funny, it never is. Birthdays are made up of different tragedies.

I keep lying down while watching TV, until Yuuri appears in front of me to sit on the floor.

“Are you okay?” He asks in a low voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's good to have you two here."

"It's good to see you, son." He strokes my cheek as he smiles at me.

"Yeah..." I give a half smile and take a deep breath.

I'm happy... I'm fine ... and I've always been...

I close my eyes again and swallow hard as I sank onto Victor again and pull the sheet up to my neck. Damn it! What is going on? I’m fine! I'm always fine!

I feel Victor's arms squeezing me harder and I hear him whispering, "It’s alright, we're here now, darling.”

I breathe deeply and hold back the tears. I refuse to cry. I don’t cry anymore, for nothing!

"I felt... I really missed you guys..." I say.

It's hard every time they come to visit me. I feel weird, as if I could finally breathe and leave some feelings, which I spend most of the time ignoring, get out of me. It’s almost suffocating, but this time it will be different! Actually, I don’t even know what feelings are these and why I feel that way in their presence, maybe I just missed them too much...

 

 

After some time, I get up to go take a shower and, for my surprise, when I get in the bathroom, it is clean. I go to Chris's room where he's getting some clothes to probably also get in the shower.

"Did you clean my bathroom?" I ask.

"Do you really think I would clean up your dirt, Yuri?"

“Really? Who was it then?”

"Yuuri was cleaning your room…" he says with a wicked grin.

"Oh, fuck.”  I squeeze my lips and shake my head.

"Was it that bad?" He asks.

“It was worse than last time.”

Chris looks surprised and then laughs.

“I’m sorry for you! But on the bright side, it was Yuuri. You won’t even be scolded.”

"I won’t, but-"

“Relax, Yuri. It's not like you did something wrong.”

“I know...”

Chris comes up to me and messes my hair.

"If your mess was worse than last time, then it must’ve been very intense. Can I be honest?"

“Say it.”

"I doubt it was better than my night."

He laughs wickedly as he passes by me and goes to the bathroom at the end of the hall, since the shower in his suite is broken.

"I knew that it was what was missing to improve your mood, old man." I tease him.

"I'm too good to care about your teasing, brat.”

"I love you too, Chris." I say laughing.

My relationship with Chris seems complicated, but in fact, it is nothing like that. We understand and support each other better than I’ve imagined that one day we would. Okay, he gets all stressed out with my scandals and my laziness now and then, but he never gets really angry at me. It's almost a sibling relationship, even though he's my dad's age.

I go to take a long shower because I still feel dirty even though I spent a lot of time in the shower last night. But, since I was not really taking a shower, it didn’t even count.

 

My parents figured out it would be a nice idea to buy a cake to celebrate my birthday and call everyone out, so we spent the rest of the afternoon walking around town with Chris, stopping at every possible bakery just to find a chocolate cake. Finally, we bought it after visiting three different establishments. We took the opportunity to go to Mila and Sara's house to invite them to Chris' house at night, and then we left after we called Georgi and the other boys that promised to come a little bit sooner, since they would have to open their nightclub.

 

 

Chris' house hadn’t been so full and noisy in a long time. It's even comforting since the silence is kind of uncomfortable for me. No wonder why I’m 24/7 with my earphones listening to music.

Besides the cake, we ordered five pizzas and bought some beers, which I made a point of drinking little so I wouldn’t frighten my parents. But in fact, after last night drinking this is the last thing I want. What I really want to do is to eat!

I spend almost an hour talking to Georgi's friends who always have new stories to tell. I can just laugh with them! They also invited me to go to their nightclub, and as Georgi had said, there I would meet wonderful people.

Thrown on the couch, feeling that my stomach would explode after eating almost a whole pizza alone, I see Mila coming toward me.

“How are you feeling, handsome?”

“Full!” I say taking a deep breath.

"I don’t mean that, I'm saying generally.”

"I'm fine, why? Doesn’t it look like I'm okay?”

"No, that's not it. You seem, I don’t know, empty?"

“Empty? Me? Give me a break, Mila! I've never felt so well in my life! I'm just really full. Sadness always strikes after you eat so much.” I smile a little tired.

Tired of what? I have no idea. Maybe I haven’t been sleeping enough...

Compared to some birthday parties I've had, this one, with just a few people, little noise, and at home, is the most comforting thing I could wish at the moment. I honestly don’t like parties with many surprises... lots of surprises... I avoid them! And I think my parents noticed that after a while. Last year they didn’t come for my birthday, so we spent the night talking on Skype. They even made a cupcake for me with a candle on top and asked me to blow the notebook screen. It sounds silly, but it did me so well. Birthdays are... depressing... so any little thing that comes from my parents is something that makes me very happy, especially on that day, that I don’t know why I feel so weird...

Mila puts her head on my shoulder and whispers.

“I hope everything's fine.”

"Yeah… but you don’t have to worry. By the way, how are you doing?”

“I'm great. I could stay here for half an hour talking about love with you and how I'm the luckiest person in the world to have Sara, but I guess you won’t want to hear it.”

"I sure don’t want to! I can stay here half an hour talking about why such thing as a perfect love and a soul mate only exist in books. I can even see how long this discussion would take, so I'd better avoid it.”

"You know that rejecting the feeling is worse, don’t you?"

"I'm not rejecting anything, Mila. There are no feelings to be rejected. Why is it so hard to accept that I'm living my life in peace? Why do I need to be with only one person and completely in love? I’m single, Mila. I can’t stay at home expecting a Prince Charming to come to my aid, to fall in love with me at first sight and live happily forever. Life is different from this hypothetical fairy tale that you think it is to be in love. Being in love is a temporary and intense feeling, just like being horny. Since the two are the same thing, I’ve chosen the easiest and the one that gives me fewer problems. You say that now, but are you sure it was always perfect for you before you met Sara?”

Mila is silent for a while and I smile.

“See? I'm fine, you don’t have to worry.”

“Yurio! Let's cut the cake!” Victor yells excited as he comes to me with a smile on his face.

“I can’t eat anymore!” I say holding his hands to help me get up from the couch.

"I see how much you're eating, Yuri! I'm going to make up for all that sweet and batter with so much exercise that you’ll want to die.” Chris yells from the kitchen.

I roll my eyes and imagine how much he's going to piss me off about it today. But it's not like I can control my hunger. Luckily, I don’t fatten easily, otherwise: goodbye modeling career.

Victor pulls me towards the table while the cake with a candle in the format of a 20 is ready to be lit. Everyone is smiling at me and I smile back, grateful that each one of them is here. As they sing the famous "Happy Birthday" I watch each one of them and realize the number of important people who have got into my life in such a short time. I remember the time when it was hard to even relate to my parents and now look at me! What happened to me, anyway? How have I changed so much? Is this bad? Should I have stayed forever the way I was and in my parents' house? Actually, I don’t know, but I feel better the way I am now; not about the fact that I'm sleeping with some unknown people, but rather the fact that I know how to relate better to everyone.

“Make a wish, Yurio!” Yuuri says when the singing ends.

A wish? Maybe I don’t have anything else to ask because I already have everything I could ever want in this life, then...

 _I hope the people I love to be always around me_. I think before blowing out the candle.

"Oh, my baby! Oh, my God! They grow up so fast!” Victor yells tearfully as he embraces. “I'm getting old, people! I can’t handle it!”

"You only grow old from if you give up being young, there’s no age for that. Look at me! I'm great!” Chris says.

"What about your white hair, Chris?" I say, feeling his gaze steaming on me.

“Happy birthday, Yurio!” Victor says as he kisses my whole face.

"Thanks, dad.” I answer smiling.

Soon, Yuuri gets by my side to give and kisses my forehead.

“Happy birthday, my son.”

"Thank you, dad." I whisper to him.

Before we cut the cake, each guest comes to congratulate me and wish me all the best in my life.

 

Georgi and his friends leave soon after that. Mila and Sara spent some more time with us, making the talk pay off for a long time. Unfortunately, Phichit couldn’t come because he had a commitment, but he called to congratulate me.

After they all left and cleaned the kitchen, Yuuri excused himself to go to his room since he felt tired. Victor, Chris and I stayed in the living room until I decided to go to sleep too, leaving them in a talk that would probably last for hours.

Getting in my bedroom, I throw myself on the mattress and sink my head into the pillow. Then, I get up to change my clothes and before I go back to bed, I look at my bed which no longer seems inviting. So I take my pillow and put it under my arm as I head to my parents' room.

“May I come in?” I say, knocking on the partially opened door.

Yuuri holds a book in front of his eyes and gives a smile after seeing me.

“Sure, come here!” He pats the side of the bed and put the book away. “Are you okay?”

"Yes, I'm just... lonely... in my room.”

I sit on the bed with my legs crossed so I can look at him.

"You look so handsome, and you don’t look like my little boy from a few years back.”

I feel my face heat up with his caress and his gaze analyzing every detail of my face.

"But deep down you haven’t changed at all." He laughs. “Except for some things, that... wow!”

I stare at him for a few seconds until I realize what he's talking about, then I feel my whole face burning.

"You... it's... it's not like..."

"That was worse than when I get alone with your father, Yurio!" He laughs.

"God, stop talking about these things!" I hide my face in the pillow.

"Do you remember when you didn’t even know what sex was and came to ask me?"

“Dad!”

He has bursts of laugh as I try to deal with the embarrassment of this moment.

“Stop being so cruel! Forget it, for God’s sake!” I say.

"It's impossible... it's inevitable to not look at you now and remember how much you've changed since your 18th birthday.”

"I haven’t even changed, don’t exaggerate.”

“Exaggerated? Me? Think for a second, Yurio.”

"It's okay, you’re not exaggerating, but there's no other way; one day everyone grows up and stops being innocent in this life and that's what happened to me. It only took me longer than the usual to grow up.”

“It’s true. Everyone grows up and ends up having several inevitable experiences, but do you know, my darling? Don’t exaggerate. Take care of everything.”

"I don’t exaggerate, Dad. The bathroom... was... an exciting night, just…” I clear my throat.

"Who was that guy anyway?"

"Oh, his name is Zach." I say scornfully.

"Do you have something with him?"

I rub my eyes and smile.

"I met him last night and found out his name this morning. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Disappoint me? For staying with someone just for sex? You know who always did that? Victor, the greatest hypocrite of this world, did this all his life before we met! As long as you always protect yourself and be careful with who you date, then it’s okay. But, can I be honest?”

"Sure..." I whisper scared of what he will say.

“After a while you’ll see that living this way is not worth it. It's just another way to ignore some of the feelings you have and it will keep piling up, until suddenly you start to feel down and you won’t even know why. It's a bit sad, Yurio, but I don’t judge you. By the way, you're single and you chose it rather than staying home whining about something. I feel so bad not being able to be always by your side to give you these advice, especially in this time of your life. You're rejecting your feelings, son, being horny is a big escape from everything, but it’s just momentary. Later you’ll realize that there is a big void inside the chest, you know? Are you feeling it?”

"I..." I squeeze my lips and clear my throat again. "No?"

My throat hurts. I don’t want to cry, but my chest hurts.

"I just... I missed you." I say, feeling my vision start to blur.

"Why are you holding it all day, my son? You know you can cry. I'm here with you now.”

"I don’t...  cry anymore.”

"You're a human, honey. You don’t have to be embarrassed about crying and admit what you're feeling. I'm your father, your safe haven, and I'm here now.”

I throw my arms around Yuuri's neck, who hugs me around the waist as I finally let my tears fall after a long time feeling weird inside.

“I can’t feel anything, Dad! It's hopeless!”

“I know, darling. Calm down, it's momentary. It feels like it's not, but it is. You just can’t get your feelings together because the anguish gets worse as the time goes by.”

He is silent for a while, until he speaks again in a low voice, “You think it's because of everything you went through with O...”

“No! It's because life is difficult! I have to deal with all this alone. You were always here to protect me and now I'm alone dealing with a job, in a new country, with people taking pictures of me at private moments… I need to keep my composure, I’m not able to be myself in front of the cameras. I have to protect my reputation, I have to eat right, I have to get home and go to sleep in an empty room without someone to annoy me when I wake up. The movies are no longer fun because you're no longer there to watch with me. My birthday is no longer a moment of happiness, because that's what killed my grandfather, my birthday... only brings tragedy, dad... it brings things... bad...”

"No, my love, your birthday brought you, and you’re the greatest gift I could ever earn. Your birthday is important. It’s because of it that I can be here holding my son in my arms who gives me so much joy and pride. About your grandfather, it's not your fault, baby, you know that. It's a tragedy, and tragedies happen. I go every week to the cemetery to put new flowers on his grave, just like I promised. He isn’t alone. We always go there, you can bet your grandfather is proud of the person you became, just as your father and I are. I love you so much and it hurts to see you this way. I wish I could do something...”

“You already do! You are here! It's as if I can finally breathe again... oh, dad... I... thank you.”

I weep all over Yuuri's neck with my tears as I feel all that heavy pressure leaving my chest. It's not like I'm depressed or anything, most of my days I'm smiling and having fun, but it was all so fast; it was so much to bear in such a short time. It's hard to get out of the "nest" and not have your parents by your side when you're down and just want a sincere and warm hug after a stressful day. Staying inside this house, which most of the time is silent, doesn’t do me any good. The silence is so noisy! It may be contradictory, but it’s in the silence that I can hear my mind screaming. And well, growing up sucks. I wanted to go back to when my biggest concern was to choose the name of... my cat.

I keep my face on Yuuri's chest feeling his heat embracing until I calm down.

“How is... my cat?” I say wiping my face.

“He is fine. One of your father's employees offered to stay with him while we were here, you can rest easy.”

“That’s nice…”

I remain silent for a few minutes as I hold him until I whisper, "Can I sleep here?"

I hear Yuuri's low chuckle and a soft kiss on the top of my head.

"Of course you can, my love. It's good to know that, in the end, you’ll always be my baby.”

My head rests on his chest after he covers us with a blanket and soon my eyes begin to feel heavy. I think that in the end, I just missed my parents. With them here the silence that until then was whopping becomes calm and serene.

 

 

 _Hot!_ I wake up in the morning and I feel very hot. When I open my eyes, I realize why all of this heat. These two are crushing me! I don’t know who squeezes me anymore; Victor or Yuuri. Trying to get out of them, Victor pulls me back to bed.

“Wake up! It's boiling here!” I say loudly for them to wake up.

"Come to sleep, Yurio, it's still early..." Victor says sleepily.

I lift my head and see that it's still seven in the morning.

"Come on, wake up, it's already ten o'clock!"  I say.

“What?!” They both shriek as they sit on the bed.

I take it to get up and smile.

“Just kidding!”

"It's still seven o'clock, Yurio!" Victor says.

"Remember that you did this to me? Well done!” I say as I stick my tongue to them and leave the room.

I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth before going down to the kitchen and picking up something. I spend a good time alone until Chris joins me.

"Good morning." He says.

“Good morning, Giacometti. How was your night?”

“Lonely.”

"My condolences to you.”

"I think I'm going to sleep with you, too." He says laughing as he sits in front of me.

"Go ahead, but buy me a bigger bed before, please!"

I stare at nothing specific as I eat, until he says, “We need to go to the company today.”

“Oh, really?! I thought I'd have a break today. I don’t want to be taking pictures all day!”

“Oh, no! You don’t have a session today. We’ll just hold a meeting about the edition of yesterday's event and I need to present...”

“Session? What session? Is it from Yurio?” Victor asks excitedly as he arrives at the kitchen.

I opened my eyes wide into Chris’ direction, not knowing what to say.

"It's..." Chris says, looking at me.

“Can we go?” Yuuri asks, showing up behind Victor. "We want to see his new photos."

"Save me, Chris." I whisper looking at him desperate.

“It... is that...” Chris tries to find an excuse, but...

“Please, Chris! Let us go! It's going to be cool, isn’t it, Yurio?” Victor hugs me and asks excitedly.

I keep staring at Chris thinking of all the shit that will happen before I say, “Yeah... let them go...”

I rub my eyes feeling my head start to ache with all this situation and with what will come with it. I thought I was going to be able to hide this issue from my parents for longer, but now they'll see it before it even goes out to the world see. I am mentally praying for everything work out, even if I don’t have a single of hope for it.

We have our breakfast and get ready, so that after an hour, we go to Chris's company.

I think I'm losing a few years of life on the way to our destination because my parents seem so excited and I can only feel my heart racing with anxiousness.

When we get to Chris’, I go in first, leaving the three of them behind as I climb up the stairs to enter the meeting room where Phichit waits for us.

“Oh, Yurio! I'm sorry for not going yesterday! I really wanted to have gone, but I really had an important thing.”

"Relax, Phichit, I understand. You don’t worry about it. Thanks for calling, anyway.”

He comes to hug me and congratulates me again and we sit down to talk a little bit. After a while, my parents enter the room with Chris behind them; soon, Phichit gets up excited and shouting to greet them, after all, he is Yuuri's best friend.

I keep my elbows on the table as I wait for their euphoric talk to end. I look around the room to try to find traces of the issue that will cause my death, but I find nothing.

Then, everyone sits down on one of the chairs at the large table. When Chris is about to start talking, someone knocks on the door.

“Oh! It is true!” He says before going to answer it.

A man with black hair, thick eyebrows and an expressionless face open the door.

“This is Seung-gil Lee. He's going to work with us from now on and...”

“Oh! Sorry for the delay! The traffic was really bad.”

A man with blond hair up to his shoulder takes off his dark glasses as he appears behind Lee.

"It’s okay, we hadn’t started yet." Chris tells him.

They enter the room and the blond boy sits on the chair in front of me.

“By the way, Yuri, this is...”

“Alex. Alex Scott. Yuri, right? It will be a pleasure to work with you.”

I stare into his green eyes and give him a gentle smile.

"It will be my pleasure too." I say.

It's no wonder that Chris chose him to work with me, in fact, his beauty would make anyone envy. However, the weird thing is that even though I just met him, I have the impression that I’ve already seen him before. Maybe I've seen him in some magazine or I'm just going crazy, but who cares? I hope we get along, because I just want to stay away from more problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo o/ I'm sorry for the random updates, but here it is ＼(*T▽T*)／  
> I hope you guys have enjoyed and thank you for all the comments <3  
> See you guys next time :3  
> ~AnaruB


	22. Since we are already here…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s always good to be friends with your co-workers, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Fiambre  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

Chris starts to talk and, for a moment, I forget about the edition as I observe Alex. His hair stops on his shoulders and his eyes are somewhat drawn with a slightly lighter greenish color compared to mine. I watch his long lashes moving down and up as he looks at Chris with a little smile, leaving his thin face with a more beautiful look than it already is. Suddenly, from the corner of his eyes, he catches me staring at me. I don’t look away; instead, I fix my eyes on them and he does the same. We stayed like this for a few seconds until Yuuri bumped his shoulder into mine catching my attention. I come back listening to Chris who has some papers in his hands.

“This session will come out in the next edition of our magazine, before the spring edition that will be out during the month. There will be an afternoon meeting for the other models because I have a few more subjects to talk to them. They were only hired for this because of Phichit’s indication and, by the way, thanks for that. It was Yuri's first time posing... like this and from what we learned at yesterday's event, the approval will be high, but we will still wait for when it becomes public.”

I look at my parent’s faces who are too excited and I scratch my head, trying to imagine their reaction to my photos. Let's say they are more adult like than they have ever seen me, so I just expect a big scene. My expectations are so negative that I don’t expect a good reaction even from Yuuri.

Chris continues to talk about technical things and competitors that don’t really interest me, so I lean my head on the table as I look at him without actually focusing on anything. I'm tired and I want to leave! Meetings sucks! But looking ahead, I see something quite interesting. It's almost imperceptible, but Phichit is flushed. I have no idea why he is like that, but when I watch him for a while, I end up watching him staring at the new brunet sitting in front of him and then looking away. Interesting... I've never seen Phichit like that, I don’t even know if he’s in a relationship with anyone, but I definitely know that expression and that's very interesting. Now I’m hopeful for a possible love story that can happen here as we work together.

“Show us, Chris!” Victor says excitedly.

I look at him trying to imagine how to escape from this, but I see there is no way out. I end up saying, “Show them.”

Chris walks over to us and puts the photos on the table upside down to push them to Yuuri. My dad takes one of the photos and puts it in front of his eyes, but quickly, he puts it on the table again.

"What is it, Yuuri? Let me see!” Victor asks trying to get the picture, but Yuuri pushes it away.

“It’s… better not...”

“What? Why? I want to see it!”

Yuuri looks at me and I stare at him not knowing what to do. I’m done; there’s no way to not to show these photos to Victor. Being I prepared... or not.

“Stop joking, I know he's beautiful!”

Smiling, Victor takes the photo and looks. His smile gradually fades and his hand stops on the left side of his chest.

"Yuuri, I'm feeling a strange thing on my chest. I hope it's not a heart attack, because I have so much to live to die so young.”

“Victor…”

Quietly, my father puts the pictures on the table and the hands on his head to mess up quickly his platinum hair.

“I'll explode, Yuuri! Hold me because I’m freaking out!

I take a deep breath and wait.

"These pictures will only become public when I die! My baby exposed this way, giving opportunities for perverts to look at him? Never! It's too sexy! He’s a kid!

“Kid..." I whisper with a nervous laugh.

I was nervous, but I'm so used to Victor's drama that I can only laugh because I know that in the end he will end, up crying and giving up. The funniest thing is that he's arguing with Chris and not with me.

"It's his job, Nikiforov!" Chris tries to explain.

"It was hard to accept those photos before, that were slightly sexier, but this? Look!” He runs his hand through his hair “My hair is falling!”

"But you can’t say he’s not handsome, right?" Chris says proudly.

“He's beautiful anyway, but… but...”

Yuuri takes the photos and looks them one by one, analyzing every detail with a serious look. Okay, this is worrying me. Victor's reaction is as usual, since he is freaking out with Chris, but Yuuri is not showing anything with his expression, which makes my heart race. It's not possible that he didn’t like it!

“Dad...?”

He keeps his eyes on the photographs for a few more minutes before turning his face to me, raising his eyebrows to whisper, "Wow... you're so... grown-up."

“This is bad?” I ask worriedly.

“No! You’re handsome! It's just that you have an air of ...”

"Professional." I hear the voice coming from behind me, where Alex holds one of my pictures. “He looks professional. It's really beautiful. It took me a while to do a photoshoot like this and your son seems to be a newbie. It’s a great sign.”

"Yes, that's what I meant. You look wonderful, Yurio!” My father says.

“Yuuri! Why don’t you stay by my side?”

Yuuri approaches his mouth to Victor's ear and whispers something for a few minutes, until he tubs his teary eyes and nods.

“Okay... I'm only going to accept it because of this and because he is still a baby who goes to sleep with us at night.

“Dad!” I feel my face warmer as I hear the laughs echoing around the room.

"We'll still talk at home, but this is better than turning into a Giacometti copy," Victor says.

“Hey, Nikiforov! Don’t forget that he is becoming like you! I hope he doesn’t become a hypocrite too.”

Childishly, Victor shows the tongue to Chris who does the same for him in the middle of the meeting room in front of the new people. I just put my hand in front of the eyes not believing in all this. They both look like kids! I imagine they've been doing the same thing for thirty years, and it’s so embarrassing, but who cares? Time will pass, maybe I'll get marry and my father will continue his drama as if I were still his baby. There are days I get caught up having bad thoughts like: _what if they don’t survive until I get married?_ ; _what if something happens?_ ; w _hat if..._. It hurts just to imagine! I don’t want to know what it's like to be without them forever. Why the hell am I thinking about this?! Also: it must be a joke that I will get married! Marriage must be a shit! My parents are one of the exceptions, but everyone knows how exhausting it must be and finally you end up betraying or being betrayed. Everything must begin wonderful, everyone loving each other. But suddenly love ends, just another typical things of this fake feeling.

“Are you all right?”

I try to focus and look at Alex, who is staring at me. “Yes, why?”

"Oh, it’s just that your expression became so serious. I thought you were feeling bad.”

"I'm fine" I say, smiling at him. “Thank you!”

Chris introduces Lee, who is now a fixed employee of the company; and Alex, who will work on a project with me in particular, which makes me slightly anxious about it.

The meeting ends with me almost asleep with my head on the table and I quickly get up. I leave my parents talking to Chris and Phichit who still seems a little weird. I begin to hear the scolding that Victor is giving to Chris and smile before going through the door, towards the bathroom.

I expected more from Victor's outbreak. Maybe he's getting used to me growing up. It’s not as if I would treat them in a different way even after so long. No matter how old I become, my love for my parents will never diminish or waver. It may be hypocritical of me to say that love is a fake feeling and then speak of the same feeling in a pure and sincere way, but there are different loves; it is only up to each person to what kind of feeling and intensity he or she deserves.

I use the bathroom and then go back to the meeting room where I notice that Lee and Alex are gone.

"Will you take too long?" I ask my parents.

"Maybe." Yuuri says.

“I'm going to a coffee shop near here. When you’re leaving, call me, okay?” I say.

“Sure!”

“Be careful! It's dangerous to be walking alone in unfamiliar cities." Victor says seriously.

“Unfamiliar? Dad, how long do you think I live here?” I laugh.

“Even so!”

“Okay, okay. I'll be careful, don’t worry. Bye!” I say before going out the door and down the stairs, towards the exit.

I think I need a good coffee to wake up. Meetings always make me sleepy.

When I leave the company, I see Alex leaning against the wall while smoking.

"What are you still doing here?" I ask as I approach.

"Nothing, just looking at the landscape." He shrugs.

“Hmm. So, bye.” I say as I pass him.

“Goodbye.”

I take a few steps and I stop to look at him again.

"Would you like get some coffee with me?" I invite him.

Alex smiles slightly at me before inhaling his cigarette one more time and releasing the smoke. After it, he throws it on the floor.

“Of course! Are you going to walk until there?”

“Yes, we came with Chris's car so…”

“We can go with my car.”

“It would be great. Spare my legs.”

Alex walks past me to stop in front of a wonderful silver Audi TT which I'm excited to get in. My love for cars is inevitable; I used to be a big fan of motorcycles too, but they got a little boring after a while...

“Do you have any special coffee shop in mind?” He asks when we get into the car.

"No, you can stop at any, I just want some coffee.”

“Okay.”

An uncomfortable silence hangs over us along the way and I finally realize: why the hell did I invite him over to have a coffee with me? I definitely have to stop this habit of inviting every beautiful person I meet to go out, whether to go to a café or to my bed. Oh, but I think it will be good since we are going to start meeting each other more often with this job.

"Your father's really funny." He says after a while.

“Victor? My God! Sorry about that! Luckily he was calm this time.”

“Calm?” He laughs. “Does he get worse than that?”

“Oh, yeah! It gets much worse! He even cries most of the time, but he's a good father. Just a little dramatic, but I've gotten used to it.”

"That's even funnier, but he doesn’t look bad.”

"No, he's not bad at all." I said looking out the window.

I just watch the people and the cars passing by us until we stop at one of the famous coffee shops in the center. It wasn’t here that I would come, but I frequented this place a lot. I'm satisfied anyway since I just want a coffee.

We chose a place to sit and I soon got the menu even though I already know what to order.

“The cappuccino here is wonderful, have you tried it?” He asks.

"I’m not really into cappuccinos," I say.

“I Love them! It has such a nostalgic flavor.” I watch him look at the menu with a smile and I wonder if he is single.

"Cappuccinos bring me bad memories." I said.

“Oh really? Well, I can’t say my memories turned out good, but at least you can remember when it was good.”

I take a deep breath and close the menu.

"My bad memories have destroyed the good ones, so I'd rather not remember anything."

He stares at me for a few minutes before closing the menu as well. Why am I saying these things to a guy I just met? But this is not the problem, the problem is: why am I remembering that?!

The employee comes to our table, and while Alex orders a cappuccino, I take it and ask for a caffè macchiato.

"So, Alex, how did you get hired by Chris?" I ask.

"We've known each other for a while now. I go to some nightclubs and I meet Chris one night. It's been a while since I've been hired as a regular employee of a company, but now and then I've been taking some jobs, and one day Chris has recognized me in a magazine. He wanted to know more about me and I told him how my career was going. That's when I got the job offer. I couldn’t help but accept it, so here we are.”

“Got it. Let's say you had a bit of luck then.” I say.

“Yes! I was very lucky indeed. I'm happy to be working seriously again.”

“Oh! So welcome!” I smile at him.

“Thank you...”

To my surprise, I see his cheeks turning slightly red when he looks away, pretending to look outside, which leaves him... cute despite being older than I am.

We waited for our drinks, that don’t too long to come. Soon, we are talking again.

"Have you always wanted to be a model?" He asks.

“Not at all! I’ve never known what I wanted to be. Chris offered me the job when I was eighteen, I accepted, and then came here. It was weird at first and very embarrassing, I have to say, but it has passed. It seems more natural now.”

“It always turns out to be natural. After a while, it doesn’t look like you're being photographed, but flirting with someone.”

“Yes! The camera is such a crush!” I say.

And it's true. I remember when Georgi told me to treat the camera as a person I could flirt with and at the time I found that the dumbest thing in the world, but it really is like this! Over the years and the fact that I have lost my shyness when it comes to meet new people has made the process easier. Let's summarize that my new sex life has given me a help to become the uninhibited person that I am today in relation to everything.

As the time passes, I know a little more of Alex who is, basically, an older and apparently responsible person. I think that, in the end, I will end up getting along with him, which is great since we will have to pass a good amount time together.

I don’t know why, but he still seems familiar to me and I have the feeling I’m forgetting something. But who cares? He is really handsome!

It doesn’t take long for my smartphone rings and I see Chris' number on the screen.

“Yes!”

"Where are you? We're leaving"

“I'm at Four Coffee. Can you pick me up here?”

"Ten minutes and we're there." He warns before suddenly turning off.

"Jerk” I murmur.

“Any problem?” Alex asks.

"Oh, no, I just have to leave. My parents will be here soon.”

"Don’t you want me to drive you?" He asks.

“No, thank you! They are already coming.”

After a few minutes, I pick up my wallet to get enough money to pay for everything.

"You don’t have to pay." He says, pushing my hand away.

“I insist! In fact, I invited you to come. You can keep the change, for the gasoline.”

“But...”

“It's all right!” I get up and walk over to him. “You pay in the next one.”

I curve myself and give a light kiss on his cheek. Alex smiles as he looks ahead and I see his face blushing again.

“See you.” I say.

"See you..." He whispers.

I smile as I walk toward the door with my hands in my pocket. Almost at the same time, I see Chris' car around the corner.

"Did you come here walking? There was a café way closer.” He says.

"No, I came with Alex.”

“Alex? Who is Alex?” Victor quickly asks, turning to look back as I sit down with Yuuri in the backseat.

"One of my boyfriends." I say as if it were true.

“What?! One of... WHAT?!” He exclaims. “Yuri Nikiforov-Katsuki, don’t joke with me...”

"But it's true, Dad. I just don’t introduce him to you, because I'm going to break up with him, so…”

He spends a few seconds with a puzzled, gaping expression before I burst into laughter.

“You crazy! He's my new co-worker! You were at the meeting today and you didn’t pay attention to Alex right in front of us?”

My father's expression softens, and he soon hides his face behind the bench.

“I knew. I was just testing you...” he whispers, returning to his original position.

We laugh at the same time as Victor get more embarrassed; he crosses his arms in front of his chest, remaining in silence during all the way, while Yuuri and I talk about my hypothetical boyfriends just to tease him.

On the way home, Chris changed our route to stop at the grocery store.

“What are we doing here?” I ask.

It is not very common to go to the grocery store, since we only eat at restaurants since neither I nor Chris know how to cook. Only a few days during the month we buy some fruits and other things.

"I'll cook today." Yuuri said.

I feel like crying because I can’t stand eating more restaurant food. Also, let's say that my father's food is what I want most at the moment.

“Katsudon!” I say quickly.

"Exactly." He laughs, running his hand over my shoulders to invite me to go buy the ingredients with him.

Victor and Chris kept talking while we were buying everything we needed for lunch and, before we went to the cashier, we passed at the kitchen utensils aisle.

"You can come with boyfriend’s jokes on me because now I know where the knives aisle is!" Victor says sticking his tongue out to me as he was pushed by Yuuri.

I smile, but it hurts a little. I don’t know why, it was supposed to be funny…

We went home to start making the lunch. I put myself at ease to help Yuuri cooking; it's been awhile since I've eaten my favorite food, and only the smell that is exhaling as we prepare everything makes me smile automatically.

"On the way back to the house you were weird, Yurio. What happened?” Yuuri asks me when we are alone in the kitchen.

“Nothing, I just... I don’t know. I think I was hungry.”

"You know, somehow I’m a bit worried about you." He says.

“Worried? Dad, you don’t have to worry, I'm fine!”

"Are you saying it's alright to me or to yourself?"

“I… what? I'm talking to you: it's okay! Really! I'm just a little tired and very hungry!”

"I see..." he whispers.

With no more strange questions, we finished lunch in a few hours. Katsudon is definitely the food of gods! It even makes me feel like crying because of how wonderful it is. The food at the restaurants I usually eat is good, but nothing is like my dad's food. And last but not least, the homemade food will always be better. It seems Chris liked it too because his reactions of pleasure are the same as mine.

When we're done, I drag myself to the living room couch where I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It doesn’t take long for my parents and Chris to join me.

"I can’t even remember when was the last time I ate something so delicious." Chris says.

“Thank you!” Yuuri says with an embarrassed tone.

I keep silent, listening to them talk about food until the subject changes, "Aren’t you feeling alone there, all by yourselves? Have you already thought about adopting another child?” Chris asks.

"It’s lonely without Yurio, but we are getting used to. A few years ago we thought about adopting a child, Victor even talked to our lawyer, but we gave up on the idea.” Yuuri responds.

“Oh really? Why? It sounds like a great idea. You are so the family type!”

"Maybe they don’t want another child giving them any trouble." I say.

“Not at all! Adopting a child isn’t something you do overnight. It's so much bureaucracy, so much paperwork and so much wait that it's a little exhausting for our emotional. You end up getting attached and sometimes they end up qualifying you as ‘not good enough’. It would probably be easier now that we already have Yurio, but for now we're happy the way it is.” Victor is serious. "But maybe one day, after this honeymoon we're going through." He says naughtily.

“Yuck." I say with my eyes closed.

"As if you don’t…" Chris starts to say, but stops for a second. “…know that these things are normal.”

“We're good, really!” Yuuri says.

I open my eyes and I see him smiling as he hugs Victor's neck. They look good now, but I wonder how they really were when I left. I know it was difficult, but how hard was it? They have never done anything to hurt me in anyway, but I can’t help but think that I made them suffer and it hurts. I think in the end, I'm completely selfish...

I close my eyes again and keep quiet, just listening to my parents' voices, before feeling someone caressing my hair.

“Are you alright?” I hear Victor's voice.

“Yes, I'm fine.”

"I’m sorry." He whispers.

“For what?” I ask as I open my eyes and turn to him. He is sitting on the floor while leaning on the couch near my head.

“For freaking out with every little thing of yours. It's just that it's hard to handle you growing up so fast. You were the smallest, most innocent person in my life and suddenly you're doing a sensual rehearsal. Please, try to overlook these scenes a little bit. Also, let my heart recover from one shot to give another one, because if this continues I won’t be able to stand it anymore.”

"You don’t have to apologize, dad. It’s me who has to apologize, but it's not like I could do anything about it, you know? I didn’t want to grow up either. I just wanted to go back to the time when there was nothing to worry about.”

"Don't grow then, my baby." He says, stroking my cheek. "You can be a baby with me if you want and I wouldn’t care.”

“Can I?” I ask as I smile at him.

“You can! But forget about all this ‘boyfriend **s** thing.’” He puts emphasis on the "s".

"Can it be just one then?" I tease him.

“No!” He says seriously, but then smiles. “Are you really okay?”

“Yes, Dad. You're here, so I'm fine." I whisper as I close my eyes again, letting my hair to be caressed.

I hope that this lack of energy passes, but I think I am just bored. My birthday was yesterday so that bad feeling is still impregnated in me. But soon everything will return to normal.

 

 

The week passed and my dismay left as I predicted. My parents and I spent most of our time walking around London and, as the usual, we watch a lot of movies. Chris even joined us.

With the passing of the days I met Alex a few times in the company where we could talk more and, sincerely? I think our relationship will be better than I had first imagined.

My photoshoot with Alex was scheduled for Wednesday, and when the day arrived, I made sure to wake up early.

"How will the photos be?" I ask Chris when I get to the kitchen.

"Let's say it’s won’t be PG-13." He smiles drinking his coffee.

"That's why you said my parents couldn’t go, right? Clever!”

“Imagine Victor going crazy with Alex? For God’s sake! But we'll see how it's going to be today, if anything happens, we will still have time to make any changes.

“I'm sure it will work. I even sympathize with him.”

"Jeez, Yuri. Calm down this fire of yours!"

“But I just said I sympathize with the guy! My God, do you think I’m what?

"Oh, we never know, right?” He shrugs.

"Since we're going to work together, it will be easier if I get along with him."

“That’s true!” Chris agrees.

"Aren’t we going to wake up my parents?" I ask.

"No, give them a break. It's been a week since you're sleeping together, they must be bored. We'll let them have some sex.”

I roll my eyes and incredible as it may seem, I remember an incident a few years ago. I didn’t want to remember, but it’s vivid in my mind that I feel like dying now.

We go together to the company and when we arrive, I find Alex coming out of his car.

"Good morning." He says with a smile on his face.

“Good morning for you too!”

"I'm pretty excited." He says.

“Excited? For what? It's just another photoshoot, relax.”

"It's my first one here, so in some way, it's exciting." He laughs.

We go to the studio where Phichit is packing his equipment with Lee sitting in one of the armchairs watching him. I give "good morning" to both of them and also sit down, keeping a constant conversation with Alex. Then, Georgi arrives and put on our makeup.

"Alex, it looks like I've seen you somewhere else." He says as he brushes Alex blond hair.

"Maybe you've already seen me in your club."

“Have you been there?! Then that's it!”

“Yes! I went a few days after you’ve opened it. The environment is wonderful whenever I go back there.” Alex answers.

“Ah! I'm so happy to hear that! Yuri still needs to visit me. I said there were wonderful people there, didn’t I?”

"If I'd known they were wonderful people like Alex I'd have gone before." I say, looking at them with no shame at all.

Georgi makes a sound of surprise before laughing softly as Alex stands looking forward, smiling sheepishly with his red face.

"You could stop doing that." Alex says.

“Stop with what?”

“Embarrass me! I think I'm too old for that.”

“But I'm just telling the truth!” I say as I stare him.

What am I doing with my life? I'm flirting with my new co-worker! Control yourself a little! But I can’t deny he is handsome...

After a few minutes, Alex and Georgi started a conversation about parties and clothes while I just watched, until it was my turn to be tidy. Some way or other, I watched him in the mirror as he smiled at Georgi in a heartfelt way, which made him look really handsome. When Alex gets up to go talk to Chris, Georgi pulls my ear.

"I can see that, Yuri! Stop it!”

“But what am I doing?!”

“You're flirting with the new guy!”

“Me? Of course not, I'm just appreciating the view, nothing more.”

"Yuri, what I’m going to do with you?" He says as he ties my hair.

"Relax, Georgi. He's my co-worker, I'm not going to have anything with him.”

I give him a positive signal and he shakes his head while smiling. I have no intention of getting involved with Alex, but I see no problem in complimenting him and that's all I'm doing. Only that...

After getting dressed, I go to the studio where Lee is being photographed. I pay attention to Phichit who isn´t smiling as always. His concentration is greater than normal while his expression remains serious; not a serious because of stress, but rather as if he is too busy admiring that person to remember to smile. This is going to be more interesting than I thought!

When Lee's photoshoot is finished, Alex and I start with a normal social-wear outfit for parties and important events. When Chris said it would be a more adult-like photoshoot, I was already thinking about other things... but that’s okay. We are always side by side, following Phichit's instructions for each photo. It took a long time before we got to the last photo. I'm a bit surprised at the instructions Phichit gives next, but then I smile. So that's what Giacometti wanted to say...

Alex stands in front of the camera as I position myself behind him. We have the same height so this wouldn’t be a problem for the photo. I place my left hand on his waist and put my right one on his chin, pulling it to the side. As Alex stares at nothing, I keep staring at his mouth, almost feeling his breath. I even forget that we are in a studio, because I only stop daydreaming when Phichit catches our attention.

“Wow! You were wonderful!” Chris says, clapping his hands. "I thought it would be harder to get this intimate feeling that I wanted, but it was magnificent!"

"Thanks..." Alex says as he walks away from me and goes toward Chris.

I go to Georgi who is sitting on a small couch. I sit next to him.

"Just enjoying the view then, eh?"

“Yes, just enjoying it...” I say smiling.

Chris dismiss us a few minutes later and I go to put my regular clothes in one of the locker rooms. When I am practically dressed, someone knocks on the door.

"Come on in." I say.

To my surprise, Alex opens the door.

“Do you want to hang out with me?” He asks suddenly.

“What?!” I ask, surprised.

“Go out with me. I'm going to a nightclub tonight and I'd like you to go with me.”

“Really?”

“You don’t want to go?” He asks staring at me.

“Sure I want to!” I say quickly. “What time are we going?”

"If you don’t mind, we can leave after 11 p.m."

“I don’t care. Are you going with your car?”

"I'm going to end up drinking too much, so I always go by taxi to those places. If you want, I don't know… give me your phone number, I could send you the address later...

I smile because, technically, he could write the address on any paper out there, but... I would do the same. I approach him and I say my number before looking at him for a few seconds. 

"I'll call you." He says.

"I'll see you tonight then." I say before seeing him watch me for a few more seconds and smiling to finally leave.

I won’t get involved with him. He's just my co-worker. We're just going out to get to get to know each other better. Nothing will happen. It will be a nightmare to be with someone that I have to see so often. So, no compromise... no compromise...

Chris and I leave at lunchtime and, when we get home, my parents are basically shining from happiness. I think Chris was right...

After lunch, I take my parents to Mila and Sara's house and we stay there the whole afternoon, while Chris returned to the company.

When night comes, I take my shower and go to my parents' room where Yuuri is reading his book as always.

“Dad, can I go out today?” I ask, going to sit on the bed.

"Are you asking permission to leave? You're already twenty, darling!” He laughs.

"Oh, I don’t know." I scratch my head and laugh. "Maybe I'll be back a little late, but I'll be home by tomorrow morning."

"Okay, if anything happens you call me and I'll have Chris to pick you up.”

"You think Victor…" I begin.

“Yurio! What a pleasant surprise! Are you coming to sleep with us already?” Victor asks as he enters the room excited.

"I'm not going to... sleep here today, dad."

"Why not?!” He said coming to hug me by the neck.

“I will... go out for a little bit.”

“What? Where are you going? Who are you going with? And in the middle of the week?”

"I'll go to a little bar with my co-worker. I did a photoshoot with him today and he invited me. It will be good to have a nice friendship with someone I work with.”

"Ah, if that's all, then it’s okay. But be careful! Don’t drink too much and come home early. It's good to get to know your co-workers better.”

“Yes! Don’t worry I call you if something happens." I say.

I'm a bit impressed by Victor's calm, but I’m also thankful for it. Maybe he just wants to have sex, and is not even paying attention the situation. I have a chill with that thought, but soon try to get rid of it.

I spend some time with them until I get ready. Soon, my phone rings.

“Hello?”

"Yuri? It's Alex."

“Ah, yes. I recognized you by the voice. I'm getting ready, are you already going?”

"No, I just called to confirm if you really going.”

“Of course I am! It will be great!”

"Good, I'll text you the address, okay? What time will you go?"

“At eleven o'clock I'll be there.”

"Great, then we'll meet there. Bye!"

“Until then.”

Alex hangs up and I get the text with the nightclub’s address. it happens that I’ve never been there.

Quickly, I finish getting ready and wait for the time to leave. I go to the living room to ask Chris to drive me there.

"With who are you meeting?" He asks.

"Alex..." I whisper.

 “Yuri, don’t screw things up with my new employee!”

“I won’t do anything wrong, relax. We're just going out for a drink." I say unconcerned because that's what I intend to do.

He gives me some speeches and warnings that I don’t really care about and then I go to say goodbye to my parents. They also give me a little lecture, and then I finally go to the club.

 

When I get out of the car, I see Alex standing in front of the property while smoking. I say goodbye to Chris who tells me to call if I needed anything and then I go into Alex’s direction.

"Have I kept you waiting for too long?" I ask.

“No, I just got here. Let’s go in?”

I nod my head and follow him into the club that is playing some electronic music. Although it's a weekday, it's not empty; however, it's not crowded either. Let's say it's nice.

We go straight to the bar as we talk about work. We sit on the benches in front of the counter and I order some vodka, at the same time he asks for whiskey.

"Whiskey reminds me of some things." He says.

"It reminds me too, but it's not good stuff."

"I think it's nostalgic. From the time I wasn’t an idiot."

“You? Idiot? I doubt it!”

“Yeah. We are sometimes." He said taking a sip of his dose.

“That is true! It is inevitable to not be an idiot sometimes. By the way, are you in some kind of relationship?” I ask. "I mean, if you don’t want to answer..."

“I am. My only relationship at the moment is with you.” He laughs.

“And that’s not good?” I ask as I stare at him.

He looks at me for a few seconds before saying, “Yes… it's good.”

I drink three doses of vodka and then I get up.

“Wanna dance?”

He takes my hand after finishing his drink. I guide him to the middle of the dance floor. Alex smiles as he dances excitedly; I follow his example because, well, that's what we're here for.

I notice that after a few doses, Alex starts to talk more, as well as smile. Now and then some people around us start to stare at us, but we decide to ignore them.

Throughout the night, we exchanged some basic information about ourselves and when I realized, I was already dancing glued to his body.

“You're tired?” I ask near his ear.

“Not at all!”

He walks away from me to go back to dance and his hair sway with each movement. I watch him for a few minutes and everything about him is really attractive.

“What is it?” He screams.

I stare at him and smirk. Damn it! I promised to myself, but...

I approach him and pull him by the waist with my left hand as I pass my right one around his neck. Alex stops smiling as he fixes his eyes on mine before whispering enough for me to hear, "You're beautiful, Yuri.”

Sorry, Chris. I think I always end up doing shit.

I give a half smile before approaching his lips. I feel his breath mingling with mine and then I see him closing his eyes and allowing me to kiss him. His mouth just like his tongue is hot, or maybe I'm hot, or we both are… I don’t know, but I just know I'm horny and that sucks. Maybe it's the drink, but he's cute so even when I am sober I would kiss him. Well, I tried to stop myself, but... he wanted to, so...

His hands go around my neck and I pull his waist closer as I feel his tongue curling up with mine. He walks away after a while with his face red. His mouth comes close to my ear so I can hear his slow voice. "Why don’t we go to my house?"

I gently push him away to place my hand on his chin, leaving my mouth close to his.

"Why don’t I take you to your house?" I ask smirking.

“Take me, then...”

It doesn’t take too long for me to get a taxi for us. Since everything is already fucked up, who cares?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Yurio, CALM DOWN e.e  
> Well, thank you guys for all your support <3 Next chapter is a pretty long one, so be prepared!  
> See you（*＾3＾）/～☆  
> ~AnaruB


	23. Dear, lil’ jar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of metaphors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Macchan  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

Inside the taxi, I stare at Alex's red face who is trying to avoid my gaze. This makes him even cuter. I laugh quietly because of the expression he makes before putting his hair behind his ear and looking at the driver who is watching the road. I reach near his ear and whisper, "Will it take too long before we get to your house?"

"Hum... not really..."

I giggle again. It's nice to tease him! His reactions are cute and somewhat exciting. Maybe it's the alcohol that left him like this, but... I doubt it! It's not the alcohol!

What is hard is that I shouldn’t be doing this, because I will not be able to get rid of him the next day; I will have to see him again. But maybe he can understand the situation and then we can live normally, as if nothing of what's going to happen, have actually happened.

It doesn’t take long to get to a house with a green lawn, a path leading to the front door, and a garage next to it. There is only a small white fence around the house, which is very common in the properties of this neighborhood. I pay the taxi driver before Alex holds my hand and leads me to the door.

"You live alone?" I ask.

"Now, I do."

"Did you live with anyone before?

"Ah, it’s a long story! I'll tell you later."

Alex takes the key from his pocket and opens the door without much trouble, which makes me more relaxed – now I know he is not drunk enough to not be able to open a door. The house is not really big, but it is very delicate and beautiful. All the things are so neat and clean… I would never be able to do the same if I lived alone.

"Wow! Your house is beautiful!" I say going to sit on the couch.

"Thank you! Someone gave it to me."

"Someone gave you?! Your parents?"

"No," he says as he walks over to me and sits on my lap, resting his knees on the outside of my thighs. "That's not important at the moment, Yuri."

I place my hands on his waist and slowly lift them under his shirt, feeling his soft skin with my fingers.

"Your hands are warm..." he says in a low voice.

"I'm all hot, Alex. This is bad?" I ask pulling his body close to mine.

"No... I like hot. I like it very much..."

I raise my hands following his spine and then lower them to his ass, to squeeze them as I kiss his neck.

"Can I make you hot with me?" I whisper close to his ear.

"Please," he replied rubbing his hip on my lap.

I smile as I kiss his neck intensely and hear a low moan as he presses his butt against my cock, which is already bulging in my pants. Slowly, my fingers enter the edge of his jeans and then go down between his buttocks, until Alex runs his hands on my hair, pulling them back and forcing me to look at him.

"How about we go to my room?"

"You decide. I go wherever you want." I say smiling at him.

"Are not you embarrassed by being so easy?" He asks with a smile.

"Me? Hmm... not really."

He shakes his head and then bends himself to get his mouth close to mine. At the same time, his hands stay entangled in my hair.

"I like it like this." He says firmly before soothingly running his tongue over my lower lip.

I let my tongue meet his as I press his butt down. Alex moves his hip back and forth, making me more and more hard.

It does not take him too long to get off me and take my hand.

"Come."

In silence, I follow him until we pass through the door of a room. His double bed is tidy with a black blanket and two white pillows. Soon, I go to sit on it and let Alex close the door.

"You don't have to close the door. We're alone, aren't we?" I say.

"Ah, it's a habit. Now, every time I get the chance to fuck, I'll close the door."

"Are we going to have sex?" I smirk as I stand.

"You don’t want to?" he asks taking his shirt off.

I stand in front of him and put my finger on his lower lip, pressing him down. I begin to slip my hand down passing through his neck, letting my fingers reach his nipple that stiffens when it gets stroked. Alex runs his hands around my neck and kisses me with intensity. He begins to walk forward, forcing me to walk back at the same time. Without delay, I get to sit on the bed as he kneels on the floor between my legs, leaning on the mattress to kiss my neck. I throw my head back and let my skin be kissed as his hand tightens my cock. Then I help him to take my pants off, so that his hot mouth can start to suck me. I let out a low moan and close my eyes to enjoy the feeling of his tongue working with his mouth more and more intensely. I firmly hold the blanket below me when he starts sucking on my balls while stroking me, making my moaning more frequent and loud. When Alex goes down with his mouth on my cock again, I open my eyes to look at him. His face remains blushed all the time he's sucking me hungrily, which makes me even more horny. Wanting to see his face more, I lightly push his hair so that his eyes rise and meet mine.

"Look at me." I say firmly.

Like an obedient boy, Alex stares at me as I stare at him. I run my hands through his hair, combing them back with my fingers. Quickly, I run my eyes down in time to see his arms between his clenching legs. I chuckle and tell him to stop before helping him get up.

"Was it bad?" He asks.

"Does it look like it was bad, Alex?" I ask pointing to my dripping cock.

He chuckles as I begin to take his pants off as well as his underwear, exposing his hard and sticky dick. I place my hands on his ass and pull him closer to me, so I can start wiping his dick with my tongue.

"Why don't we do this together?" He says. "I want to suck you too..."

I stare at him before pulling away, taking off my shirt and lying down on the bed. Alex goes on top of me to kiss me and then turns around, leaving his ass over my face. Before I start sucking it, he puts his mouth on my cock until it touches my groin. I squeeze his buttocks tightly, feeling myself touching his throat and then hugging his waist to bring him down, his dick deep into my mouth. His hips move a little at the same time as I slide lightly my fingers through his spine, making his skin shiver. Then, they go down between his buttocks. Alex stops blowing me to moan when I carefully suck his cock and open his ass to lick his butthole. I tease him by making circular movements with my tongue while also stroking him. I feel his hand squeezing my thigh as his spine arches, but I force his butt down with my free hand, so I continue to lick it.

"Yuri..." he moans.

Then I put a finger inside him and make gentle movements so he can get used to it, while I suck his dick again. Alex can no longer focus his mouth, since he’s always interrupted by his own moans, which are, honestly, very exciting and makes me want to prove him even more.

When two of my fingers were entering him more easily and with a greater speed, I put all his dick into my mouth, making his legs tremble slightly.

"That... ah ... I can't take it ..."

I don't stop. I want him to enjoy and let out his moans as loud as possible while he squeezes my legs until my skin is red. And that's what he does. I feel his whole body trembling as I feel his hot liquid going down my throat; his legs weaken and he breathes heavily. I take my mouth off his dick and lick up to his entrance, making him pull the blanket as he stifles his groan. He soon gets off me and kneels on the bed with an expression of tiredness. I go towards him and kiss his neck, feeling his heart beating fast.

"Are you tired?" I ask.

"Not even a little. I want you inside me, slow, gentle, hard, whatever way you prefer. I just want you to fuck me." He says, making me look at him with surprise because of his tone. "But before that, I have a present for you." He says smiling playfully.

"For me?" I ask confused.

Alex crawled through the bed to open his nightstand drawer. From there he gets condoms, lubricant and an... anal plug, a little big and wide with some texture and... with a little remote control? I'm enjoying it... actually, I also have some of those at home...

"Is this my gift?"

"You don't want it?" He asks kissing my neck and coming down to lick my nipple.

"As if!" I say before I kiss him.

I get on all fours for him who slides his fingers all over my spine and gently squeezes my butt before putting his face in the middle of my ass. He starts to gently run his tongue into my entrance, moving it down and up and then at only one place. I lay my head on the mattress and keep my butt high as I let my groan go out muffled, since my face is sunk in the bed.

It doesn't take long for me to feel the lube all over my butthole and Alex's finger inside me. With a slow movement that begins to increase gradually over time, he makes me moan louder and more frequently. After a few minutes, Alex takes his fingers from me to put a condom on the plug and soon makes it enter me. I don’t feel the vibration, but the feeling of being penetrated hits me. Provocatively, he slowly pulls out the plug and quickly puts it in.

"You're dripping, Yuri." He says mischievously.

Alex massages my dick’s tip with his thumb as he continues to move the toy.

"You really like being fucked right, Yuri?" He asks as he kisses my lower back.

I smile and when he puts the object back inside me, I turn around so I can get close to him, opening his legs to put myself between them. I pull them up by twining them around my waist and dropping them onto the bed. I rest my hands on the mattress next to his neck and lie my body partially over his, rubbing my cock on his.

"Yes, I like to be fucked. Even more when it’s strong and until my legs shake with exhaustion as well as my whole body. But I like fucking too. And Alex," I get my face close to his, "I really want to fuck you."

He wraps his arms around my neck and whispers close to my mouth, "Then fuck me."

I kiss him intensively, savoring his hot tongue that coils with mine before I kneel and put on a condom. Still getting ready, Alex sits down and comes to me. Before I ask what he's doing, I feel something vibrating inside me.

"Did you think I was going to forget it?"

I stop with the condom half way in my cock and close my eyes, biting my lower lip hard. Alex finishes putting the condom and right after I feel him sucking my nipple. I need a few seconds to breathe because this vibrator is just… too much. Then, I open my eyes and push his chest, making him fall on the bed.

“Your face is all red. Cute…” he says.

I don't answer anything; instead, I comb my hair back and make a firm bun as I stare at his naked body waiting for me. It doesn't take long for me to use the lube one more time to finally enter him with my cock, making him open his mouth in a groan as he pulls the quilt off the bed. His warm and tight interior along with the vibrator in me gives me an indescribable sense of pleasure, as if I could cum anytime. To help even more with the situation, Alex puts his knees up to his chest, pushing me deeper into him. Honestly, I don’t know which one of us is moaning louder, but who cares?

After a long time, Alex ends up getting all fours for me. I open his ass with my hands tightening around his skin and before I start to move, he even brings his hip towards me. I stand still and look down to enjoy the sight of his butt going back and forth, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast and hard. I throw my head back and take a deep breath before moving my hips quickly.

"Fuck, Alex... I can't take it anymore..."

"Cum... I'm going too..." he says as he leans on one arm and brings a hand to stroke his dick.

I'm practical at my limit, and cumming while the anal plug continues to vibrate makes my orgasm a little more intense than I had imagined.

Tired, breathing heavily and with my legs shaking, I take off the sex toy and throw it on the floor. Alex is already lying with belly down on the bed after reaching his orgasm too.

"Holy shit... that was..."

"Really good." I say quickly.

I lie down beside him and stare at him as he smiles with the eyes closed, trying to control his breathing. He's really beautiful...

"Thank you." He says.

"Are you thanking me for the fuck?" I laugh. "That's so like me! By the way, I thank you."

Alex opens his eyes and his smile gradually vanishes as he stares at me.

"What is it? I ask.

"You really are beautiful..." he whispers before closing his eyes again.

I watch him until I realize that he fell asleep. I don’t know, but I have a very weird impression that I just did a huge shit, because unlike everyone I've just had sex with for the last couple of years, I'm feeling bad for Alex. I hope it's just my imagination, and he doesn't get attached or has any feelings for me. Because, even though I like him in a way, I... I'm going to end up hurting him somehow. But Alex is already an adult, I doubt he'll fall in love or something. I'm sure he's already had sex just because he felt like and it's going to be the same with me. Then, finally, we can be co-workers normally... At least, I hope so.

It's been a long time since I was the top. Although I prefer to bottom, it's not like I care about that. By the way, who cares about things like that when they're horny? As long as those involved are comfortable with the situation, I think that's enough.

I get up to go to the bathroom, wash myself and throw the condoms in the trash can. I also look for a cloth and go clean Alex and his blanket. I hope he didn't die, because I cleaned and wrapped him up in the blanket, but the guy didn't wake up. But I put my finger close to his nose and he's still breathing, so not bad.

I lie down again, but I don't feel drowsy or drunk, so I look at the ceiling of his room for a long time before going out to look for my cell phone. It happens to be on the floor along with my pants. I put it in my underwear and realize it's almost four o'clock in the morning. I hope Yuuri has given a very strong "syrup" to Victor and that he's not awake by the time I get home.

After a few minutes, I go back to bed. I place myself behind Alex to hug him by the waist and sink my face into his blond hair. It smells like flowers and helps me to fall asleep.

 

I take a short nap, but it’s enough to replenish my energy. When I open my eyes again, I sit on the bed and look around, trying to get every detail of the room. Something ends up drawing my attention: among the picture frames on the white dresser of his room, near his perfumes, there is a particular frame that is facedown. I get the impression that it was put that way on purpose and not that it had just fallen. I'm a bit curious about what there is in that picture... no... to be honest, I'm very curious about that. Alex is a somewhat mysterious guy who says unfinished phrases all the time, giving the impression that he had a romantic past not really good, just like me. On impulse, I get up and wait for a second to go to the dresser. I stop in front of it and look at his modeling pictures that are everywhere, until I raise my hand to turn the frame.

"Yuri..."

I put my hand down quickly and turned to face him.

"What are you doing?" He asks sleepily.

"Oh!” I walk away from the dresser and go to grab my clothes. "I have to go."

I start dressing up and Alex sits on the bed.

"Why don't you sleep here?"

I put my pants on and then sit in front of him.

"You haven’t met Victor? I said we went to a pub so I could get to know you better, my new co-worker." I say laughing.

"It was a great way to get to know each other." He says with a laugh.

I give a shy smile before looking at him again. I approach to give a gentle kiss on his lips.

"See you then." I say in a low voice.

I see his face blushing as he looks away. Damn it...

"Okay," he replies, "shall I take you outside?"

"No. Go back to sleep, okay?"

"Okay. Lock the door with the spare key on the living room shelf, then you can throw it back underneath the door, please."

"Sure."

I lean closer again and kiss his cheek.

"Good night.” I whisper.

"Good night..."

I get up and go to the door. I look back and see him staring at me for the last time before I leave. I do as he had asked and then sit down on the sidewalk to call Chris. He doesn’t take too long to pick me up after I've explained to him where I am.

"Thank God you were not going to do anything, right?" He says ironically with a sleepy voice.

"I didn't do anything..." I sink into the seat. "He did."

"Oh, of course. Putting the blame on the other, wonderful. How was it?"

"It was good, but..."

"But? Seriously, you have a "but" there? I thought you were going to brag about your wonderful night."

"But the night was wonderful! The problem is that Alex... well, I don't know, I have a bad feeling."

"Do you think he'll fall in love with you?" Chris asks as he turns to me when we stop at the red light.

"I don't know, Chris! Maybe the guy is just shy and it’s nothing like that. Maybe I’m just seeing too much."

"I hope so, because he's a nice person and you're not."

"Hey!" I push his shoulder.

"Relax, Yuri. It's going to be all right."

"Of course it will." I whisper.

           

When we get home, I see that Yuuri is in the kitchen putting some water to boil. I told him I'd be home in the morning and here I am, at six.

"Good morning." I say as I get in the kitchen and sit on one of the chairs at the small table.

"Good Morning! How was the night?" He asks as he comes to sit next to me.

 "It was great, thank you for asking."

"You look like you need a coffee and a shower."

I blink then and yawn. "I think so too. Did Victor say anything?"

"No, I distracted him for a few hours and then he fell asleep. It'll take a while for your dad to wake up."

We chat for a little bit and Yuuri asks some random questions about Alex that I happily answer. Then, I take my cup of black coffee and leave the kitchen to go to my room. I jump into my bed feeling a little weird, but I try to chase away this feeling so I can finally sleep.

 

"Wake up, Yurio!" Victor screams. "Come on, it's late!"

"Hmm..."

“Don’t give me any, 'Hmm'! The sun is beautiful out there and you're still in yesterday's clothes. Go take a shower and we'll have some ice cream."

I take my pillow and put it on my face, but it's soon taken away. Victor squeezes my cheeks until I open my eyes.

"Okay, I'm going..." I say sitting on the bed.

"What time did you get home yesterday?"

"Early..." It’s not a lie, I arrived very early.

"Oh, okay. How was it? Is he a nice guy?"

"Yes! We got along really well." I say.

"That's good, darling. Now you're going to take a shower because you smell of alcohol." He looks at me, his eyes narrowing in disapproval.

"I told you I was going to a pub, so don't come and look at me like that." I say as I sit down.

"I'm not saying anything!" He says raising his hands in defense as he heads to the door.

I give him a smile and he does the same before leaving the room. Then, I go to the bathroom to take a shower.

 

Me, my parents and Chris, who came home earlier from work, went to an ice cream parlor in the downtown and spent the day walking. Even though I was very tired, I ended up enjoying the ride a lot.

It's a bit bad to make good memories, because it means I'll have more things to miss when they leave, something that won't take too long to happen. Sadness beats me in those happy moments because I know I won't have them on normal days; but, at least, I can watch them smiling while stealing each other's ice cream. I'm feeling... weird, maybe... sad. Why? Why am I feeling sad? Everything is as it has always been. It's like... always. I think I'm remembering things I didn’t want to.

 

 

The days went by and to my relief, Alex didn't do anything beyond the normal every time we met in the studio. But, do you know when you don't get tired of doing shit? So, I guess I have this problem. As the days went by, I ended up going to his house once again, then again, and again. Sex is too good for me to complain about, but even though the moment is too hot, Alex's getting more and more lovey dovey and looking at me in a way that I know what it means. I like him, but… It's a different kind of liking, because I can’t have any romantic feelings for him. But even so, continuing with this "relationship" based on just sex is making me feel bad for him. But I think that's not the case with Alex, because he never spoke of feelings or something like that with me. If he was bothered with sex, he would probably say it. When we are at work, he acts normally and with a certain professionalism. When we sometimes end up going out – to some quiet bars or even more agitated clubs – he lets himself go to talk and smile more. Alex is practically turning into a friend who sometimes have sex with me; is there something wrong with that? He reminds me of someone... maybe he reminds me of my old "me" and that brings me memories that I want to forget. No, I need to forget all that, but... it's been difficult lately and I don’t know what to do about that... About Alex, I can only hope it's my imagination, because I really like him and I can’t do with him what I did with Harry. And on top of that, he's my co-worker! If I do anything to mess this up, Chris will kill me!

One day I said, "Never fuck with co-workers" and here I am, screwed up.

 

 

If I could delay time, I would delay it. But I can’t and the 26th arrived and I couldn't even sleep because of how anxious I was.

"I don't want you to leave!" I say, hugging Yuuri as I continue to lie on their bed, "Why don’t you live here? Look how much space we have!"

"Oh, my baby, who knows. In a few months we might have solved everything and then we can move? It's a possibility." Yuuri says.

"I don't want to leave!" Victor says hugging my neck, "I want to stay here! I can't! I won't be able to say goodbye again, it's too much for me! Who cares about the company? Let's stay, Yuuri!"

I turn and sink my head into his chest. I feel a few bumps of it and it makes me know that he started to cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry again. I don't want it to hurt again. Why do I feel so weird?! Why does it seem like my parents walking away from here is not my only problem?!

"I hate goodbyes..." I whisper.

"Me too..." Yuuri says and then leaves the bed. "We have a few hours before our flight. At least we packed our bags yesterday. It won’t be long before everyone come here in order to say goodbye to us."

I ignore the conversation, and Victor still sobbing a little while hugging me tightly. I try to enjoy every second I still have with him. I hate goodbyes! They are so sad and tearful. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that they will return some other day, but still...

When Victor gets out of the bed cleaning his face and going to sort things out with Chris, Yuuri comes to sit in front of me.

"Are you alright?"

"No, you're leaving." I say sadly.

"I know, but I'm asking in general, darling. Don’t tell me it's okay, because I spent almost a month here and watched you every day. I know you're smiling an hour and the next minute you're looking sad for nothing. I know that you watched me and your father in many moments with an expression of who is feeling lonely. I know your smile, though beautiful, is still dull like a cloudy day."

"I'm just being myself, Dad. I'm not pretending."

"Honey, you're not pretending to others, you're pretending to yourself. That's the reason that to you it seems to be real and true. Aren't you feeling weird lately?”

I don’t answer. Yuuri scares me because it seems like he knows everything.

"See?! What's making you weird, son? Why are you feeling this way?"

"I... Alex reminds me of the 'me' from a few years ago... I don't know why, but it reminds me..." I say in a low voice.

"Oh, darling. You can't run away from your past. It'll always haunt you, and the more you ignore it, the more it'll surprise you when you face it. Even if that encounter is inside yourself. Are you remembering him?"

"No..."

"Of course you are." He strokes my fac., "Do you still love him?"

"Absolutely not!" I say quickly. "Don't be silly, dad! I don't love him, I don't like him, I don’t even sympathize with him. I don't care! When I think about him, it just... makes me angry."

"Why are you angry if you don't mind? Do you think if you didn't even care you'd still have some feeling when you think about him?"

"I don't think about him. It's just, I think about myself and how I was... dumb."

"You weren't dumb, Yurio. You were just in love, like everyone else in the world. When we love everything changes, even the way we see things. But sometimes it goes wrong and it's inevitable to not get hurt. Your problem is that you hid everything, you put everything in a lil' jar and tried to forget. But, honey, one day this jar will break and everything will come back so hard that you'll be bewildered, not knowing what to do. You need to be strong because I won't be here, Yurio. I wanted to, but I won't."

"Father... I wish you were here... why do I have to stand alone?" I say feeling my throat burning.

Yuuri closes his eyes for a second before coming to hug me.

“Son, if I could I’d protect you from all the bad things in the world. Oh, darling, I can’t stand seeing you like this and not being here to hug you at night and defend you even from your nightmares. I can’t stand to stay away without knowing how you really are. I'm your father, Yurio. Do you think I won’t notice how your smile, your look, your inside, is empty? Do you think I won’t realize that you go out to drink, have fun and sex so you don’t have time to think? I know you avoid silence because your mind is noisy and reminds you of your past. The noisy silence is the proof that your little jar is breaking, darling. You need to open it slowly and start cleaning it slowly. You have to face this past that is buried in your chest and that makes you suffer, even though you deny this to everyone, and especially to yourself. I want you to be afraid of horror movies and go to my room, Not fear of a past that makes you suffer, son.”

He starts to cry silently, while I've been crying since the beginning of his speech.

"You... you can't live without facing your past. Until you overcome it, your feelings won't come back and you won't be able to love another person."

"But... I just can't love... I... it's not that I don't want to... nobody is... interesting..." I say between sobs. "I don't want you to go!" I speak loudly.

"You can do it, darling."

"Love isn't interesting anymore, dad."

"It's not interesting because you refuse to see it. There isn't interest in what you don't see."

"I don't want to see it. I'm fine without it."

"You can be fine without love, Yurio. But before that, you need to take that injured love out of you. That feeling will only turn into something beautiful again to you when there is no such bad thing in your heart." He puts his hand on the left side of my chest. "Accept it. Accept your sorrow for what has happened. Accept the love that you lost. Take what hurt you and fight against all those feelings and memories. Face them as good learning and not a barrier to continue with your life. It won't come back, my dear. Do you regret anything?"

"No... I don't regret it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes..."

"Be strong, Yurio. The biggest fight is within yourself."

"I don't want you to leave. I don't want to fight, just want to go on living. I don't want to feel bad or weird about this stupidity that happened so long ago. I... don't want to feel bad when something reminds me of a person I... can barely remember the face now..."

I start crying hard. Why am I crying so much? Why is everything coming to the surface just now that they're leaving? Perhaps, my sadness and pain came back because they are leaving again...

Yuuri cries with me as he holds me tight and lets me wet his shirt.

"All right, it's going to be all right. If you say you can't take it anymore I'll be here the next day to hug you. I’ll come for you, darling. But I know you're strong."

"I am... strong."

"Yes, you are! Your dad and I will be on the other side of the screen if you need anything. Just turn on the laptop and talk with us. We will always be here."

I nod and try to calm myself, but I fail.

"Oh, my baby." I hear Victor whispering from far away, probably from the door.

He sits in bed beside me to hold me sideways.

"It's so bad to leave you one more time. If you cry like that I won't take it... It's hard to go away and leave you in this state. It may seem that I don't understand, but I do. Like Yuuri, I'm always watching you and noticing all the details that even you don't even realize you're showing. I think he already spoke for both of us. You know what to do, my dear. But know that we'll always be here, even if it's on the other side of the screen. Our love for you will always follow you and you can always rely on it, because this love is real, sincere and will never hurt you, so you can trust it. Oh, I love you so much, my son. Please... don't cry..."

Obviously, he starts to cry. I don't know how I can stop, but I don’t really want to stop. I feel like I can let my tears fall for the last time and take that weight out of my chest that had accumulated over time.

Oh, I just want to enjoy this hug and the warmth that I feel when I'm with them. There's nothing more comforting than being surrounded by my parents’ arms. It's the only time I can be myself and rest my head in peace.

When everyone calmed down, my parents gave me some speeches about what I can or can't do while they aren't around. The best of all this is that Victor always makes me laugh and, honestly? It's the best part. I hope he never changes...

Everyone came over to say goodbye to my parents while I was sitting on the couch, watching every person the whole time. There were more cries and hugs and I just watched. The sound of their voices, the smiles, Victor's screams and dramas, Yuuri... Ah, when will I stop feeling this way? It's hard...

People also came to talk to me and I chatted and smiled normally, but when they left, I went back to the couch. My parents sat down on one side to hug me and we stayed like that until the time came.

Why does everything go so fast? I can't stand crying anymore when I see them crying, even Chris is sad right now. With Chris’ help, Yuuri picks up the suitcases in the room while Victor stays with me saying repeatedly that he loves me. I know he's suffering more than I do and it hurts because, at the same time that I want to take his pain to myself, I'm sure my father wants to do the same to me.

"I promise I won't let you down, dad."

"You'll never... I know... because I love you and no matter what you do, I'll still be here to love you. We won't let you walk alone."

He hugs me tight and then pulls me away so I can face his blue eyes that are now red and swollen.

"I have something for you. I didn't give it before because I wanted to give it now."

"For me?" I ask confused, wiping my face.

Victor gets up at the same time Yuuri arrives with his suitcases.

"Are you going to give it to him now?"

"Yes..."

I watch them opening one of the suitcases and taking out a crumpled gift package. They come up to me and stop in front of me to give me the package.

"You can open it." Yuuri says.

Quickly, I open the package and to my surprise, it’s a stuffed tiger.

"For you... my little tiger." Victor says before he burst into tears.

I put my hand in front of my mouth and open it to cry loudly. I just feel their arms around me as I put it all out. I know that Chris, as always, is on the stairs crying while he watches us. He's used to all the farewells that we have and this wouldn't be different.

Ah, I hate farewells...

Oh, I hate growing up...

Ah... I hate not being strong enough to face all this...

"I love you." I say through sobs.

And since everything good has its own end, my time with my parents is over.

 

 

They called a taxi to go to the airport, refusing Chris' offer to take them. When the ride came, the crying was worse, but I managed to hold it on for their sake. Victor helps carry the suitcases to the car while Yuuri stands in front of me to put his hand on my chest.

"Don't forget your lil' jar, darling. Don't let it break, okay? I know you can do it and if anything happens, can call us, alright?"

"Okay. Thank you, dad. I love you." I whisper before hugging him.

I do the same with Victor, who cries like a child. I don't know what hurts the most: seeing him leave or seeing him cry. Both are things I can't stand.

"I love you, don't forget it! Don't drink too much and nothing of these 'boyfriends'. I'll protect you from far and from anything, I promise!” He says before we hear a horn.

Yuuri joins the hug and they say goodbye once more. Then, they begin to move away after hugging Chris.

I see them getting into the taxi and I smile to show that I'm fine despite the tears. They yell that they love me a few more times before the car starts to move away. I wave and watch them peering out the back window and when the cab turns the corner, I take a deep breath as I turn to Chris who is leaning against the gate.

"Chris..." I say, tightening my lips.

He opens his arms to me.

"Come here, my dear."

I go to hug him hard and he refuses to let me go for until I calm down. But what is it like to feel calm? Because, even though I may look tranquil on the outside, there's always something agitated inside of me. Every time my parents come to visit me, they bring with them a "me" that is hidden most of the time; when they leave, that "me" goes back with them. Or maybe that "me" doesn't go with them, but rather, goes back to the place where I keep it in secret. Finally, I may find myself so lost that even I can’t find myself.

 

 

The next day, I talk to my parents who have arrived well and were calmer, just like me. It's always hard to get back to the routine of seeing them on the other side of the screen again, but I know everything will be fine. Even with them away, but at the same time, so close.

In the afternoon, I go to the company with Chris and end up meeting with Alex.

"Are you alright?" He asks worriedly.

"Can I go to your house today?" I ask quickly.

"Sure..." He says in a low voice. "Are you going at night?"

"Can I go after we get out of here?"

He nods and as soon as Chris dismisses us, I get into his car and keep silent the whole way.

Arriving at his house, I go to the living room and turn on his TV.

"Yuri...?"

"Want to watch something?" I ask, sitting on the couch.

I watch his confused face, but he comes to sit next to me. The silence hangs over us and I leave in a channel that is showing a movie that has already begun, but I don't care.

I don't know how much time goes by, but I sit on one side of the couch while he sits on the other, until I look up at him who's already staring at me.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I don't know..." I say honestly.

"Come here."

He leans on the couch and taps his chest. Slowly, I fit into the middle of his legs and rest my head on his chest, feeling his heart racing. I think I'm doing something bad for both of us...

"Why don’t we distract your head this weekend? There is a music festival that is being waited for the whole month. Do you want to go?"

I make an ugly face, even though he doesn't see it. I stop for a few minutes to think.

"Why not, right?"

"Are you really okay?" He asks.

"Yes, but my parents left yesterday, so don't mind if I'm weird. It's because of this."

"Farewells suck." He says.

"They really do!" I agree.

"But you know what's worse, Yuri? Not being able to say goodbye." He says.

I let his hands caress my hair and close my eyes. Maybe I should try... maybe I should try to have feelings for Alex ...

"Alex?"

"What's it?"

I stop. Not yet. I need to wait a little longer. I'll wait until I’m able to look at him in a different way because, after so long, he’s the first person I feel comfortable around with and it’s not "family". Maybe... it will work...

"Let it go." I whisper.

He doesn’t insist and just agrees, caressing my hair again. For the first time since we met, I'll stay with him regardless of whether or not we're going to have sex. Maybe that's good... or not.

 

 

The week passed by and my contact with Alex got more frequent, being in person or virtually. I feel better when I talk to him; it helps me forget a lot of things, like my parents' departure, and it’s also really good for me. This is all making me open up a little bit more to him, because after all, I still consider him a friend.

"Are you going to the festival?" I ask Chris.

"Certainly! Will you go?"

"I will. Alex invited me."

He looks mischievous to me so I soon say, "Don't get any weird ideas! It's nothing, you know that."

"I didn't say anything." He says laughing.

It's really nothing, we're just in a little more intimate "friendship with benefits" and I'm not talking about sexual things only.

I spend the day thinking about this festival and what I'm going to wear, which was also a problem for Alex who called me to discuss our outfit.

Soon, it’s already evening and, as always, I go get ready. I put on a pair of black jeans with slacks on my legs and a large, large white shirt falling purposely down my shoulders. I leave my hair in a bun with my bangs over my eyes. I come down to meet Chris who, for the first time in life, is ready in advance.

"What miracle is that?" I ask.

"Don't even start. I'm never late, you who are the one always early, just accept it."

"Hum, right…"

"Let's go?" He asks.

"Sure!"

 

 

Luckily it doesn't look like it's going to rain because the place is open-air and there are **many** people here. I have no idea how I'm going to find Alex.

Suddenly, I feel someone falling on my back, running the arms around my neck.

"I found you." I hear his voice.

I smile and then turn to him.

"I thought I'd never find you here."

"Technically, you didn’t even find me." He smiles excitedly as he talks.

I look at him for a few seconds before approaching and kissing him softly.

"What...?"

"Just saying 'hi'." I say with a shrug. "You have your invitation?"

He nods and then Chris comes to our side to get us to the entrance. Alex walks a little away from us, enough for Chris to whisper in my ear.

"My condolences for all the wonderful men over here and you won't have any because you're dating." He teases.

I look at him in disbelief.

"I'm not dating, you crazy man!"

"Are you sure?"

I keep silent until Alex comes close to us. I am! I'm sure I'm not dating! I don't date, because these relationships need a special feeling and I like Alex, but... I still didn't feel weird in his presence. And also: I don't date! I'm just taking a break from being a player...

Chris walks away from us when we get into the place because he was going to meet with someone. I don't know who, but later I'll tease him because of it. Alex and I are going to buy drinks, trying to get through everybody. The music is already playing, people are already dancing and drinking. My body is starting to move along with the beat and Alex is more excited than the usual.

Without delay, we take some strong blue drinks that I don't even know the name and soon I get an energetic drink. Then, we start dancing. I dance as if I wouldn't be able again in my life again, just like Alex who smiles and takes my hand and keeps moving. Looking at him, I feel as if it maybe will work. Maybe he'll help me open my lil' feelings jar slowly and calmly, so that at last I can go on with life, but... looking at him... I still don't feel what I need to feel. My heart is racing, but I know I'm tired. He's beautiful, kind and I feel comfortable with him, that's a fact, but... what's missing?

What is missing?

I shake my head and dance even more, but in a moment my eyes rise and from afar I see the DJ who is playing. Since I started going to parties in London, I’ve never looked at the person who takes care of the party sound, but I looked at him. I'm realizing that my past is tormenting me so much that I can't even look at the DJ. I know it's not him, I know it's never going to be him, because it's impossible to have so much coincidence in my life. It reminds me of many things that I don't want to remember at a time that I was supposed to have fun. I take a deep breath, feeling kinda weird again because it seems that everything I don’t want to remember is invading my mind. It has been years that this doesn’t happen.

"Are you alright?" Alex asks as he approaches me.

"Yes." I say with a smile.

He watches me for a few minutes before nodding and going back to dance. I concentrate on the music beat and let my body move alone when, once in a while, I take a few more drinks.

The hours went by and then there is a new DJ, but the music that remained still pretty agitated. The sky is full of stars like any spring night, but I feel like my real sky has been clouded for a long time.

When we decide to go back to buy drinks, Alex and I start to pass through the crowd holding hands. However, someone hits my shoulder, making me let go of his hand. I look forward and see that he keeps walking, probably trying to get out of the crowded place. People come and go, but something freezes me.

"Blondie?" Someone shouts.

I know that voice. I know this nickname that only one person has called me in a lifetime. I quickly turn back, but I don't see him. Am I hallucinating? No, I'm not that drunk to start hallucinating. It was very clear.

"Yuri? Let's go!" Alex appears in front of me again while I'm still puzzled.

I feel my lil' jar crack.

"Alex... I... I need to get out of here." I say.

"What?" He asks confused.

"I'm leaving."

"You... what happened? Do you want me to come with you?"

"No! Sorry, please forgive me. I just need to get out of here, okay? I-I'm sorry..." I say frowning.

"Sure, go. If you're not feeling well, go. We can talk later."

"Thank you..."

I say looking at him one last time before letting him standing in the crowd. I feel nervous and breathless in the middle of so many people. I just need to get out of here. If JJ is here... he is too. I have to go!

When I leave the place, I lean against the wall near the entrance and try to control my breathing before starting to walk toward my house. Is it far? Yeah, but I just to get away.

I'm running away again. I'm running away like I always ran away. It has passed. Has passed. The years passed, the feeling, the hurt, even the image I had of him in my head, everything passed... NO. IT HASN'T PASSED! I am going crazy! Okay... I just need to calm down. I don't even have anyone to run to this time, so I need to sort this out by myself.

It's already dawn, but the streets are not desert since it's weekend. I just walk. I walk for more than an hour to my house and when I arrive in front of it, I am way calmer.

When I enter the house, I go to lie down on the couch while I squeeze my hands that are slightly shaky, taking a deep breath a few more times. Yuuri was right; I need to sort out everything I've been keeping inside myself before it all explodes and gets even worse. It was JJ's voice, I'm sure because no one ever called me "blondie" beyond him, but I didn't see him.

I don’t know if it was my imagination, I really wish it was, because it is not possible that I have moved so far and my past still followed me. But... they used to live here, so... it's possible... Who the hell cares about this shit?! So, what if I meet them?! I just have to act normally, but after that party, I can see how screwed I am when it comes to my past. Do you know when you're tired of the pain and do everything for it to go away, ignoring it for a long time? So, I guess this works... for a while. But why does it still hurt? It's been too long to still hurt. How do you stop and start to be able to continue with no problems?

I swallow, refusing to cry. It's a lot for a week alone. My parents have just left and this house is quiet again. I just want it to pass, that's all. I feel like I’m 18 years old again...

I end up sleeping on the couch after spending hours thinking about it all too, in the end, send a big fuck up for everything.

 

 

When I wake up, the sun is already up outside and Chris is not home yet. There are some messages from Alex on my cellphone, asking me if I'm okay and if I wanted him to come to see me. I answer all of them, tranquilizing him and refusing his visit gently. I need to be alone for a while.

I take a cold shower and put on some fresh clothes. It's almost nine o'clock, still kinda early, but I take my car out of the garage and decide to drive aimlessly through the city.

I spend almost an hour driving until I see the London Eye, the famous London Ferris wheel, considered a tourist spot.

I stop my car and go there. Thinking while I see such a beautiful landscape from the top is what I need now. It's past ten in the morning, so I can buy my ticket and wait to get into a booth. There aren't many people, so I'm hoping to get an empty one. To my bad luck, when it stops, the cabin that opens to me is occupied by a single person who happens to not leave. I don't know if that can, but I think it was supposed for him to have left, but the boy who is taking care of the people going in and out didn't say anything. Maybe the guy paid more to be allowed to stay. Anyway, I decide to ignore. I don't think a person will make much of a difference.

I sit on the bench in the middle of the cabin while the boy keeps looking out, with his back facing me. I close my eyes and feel the machine starting to work. I take a deep breath and let my mind stay calm and all the things that bother me, start to fade gradually, being careful with my dear lil' jar of feelings that is already cracked, but with a sticker to not let anything leak through it. I'm determined to solve it all. I will! I'm going to sort it all out and maybe, who knows, I can feel what I'm missing when I look at Alex.

"Yuri?"

My whole body freezes. I don't want to open my eyes. I know that deep voice, even if it seems a bit deeper than before. I don’t remember his face, but I know I'll see it when I open my eyes. I need to calm down and act normally, but my whole body is cold. My heart beats so crazy and I haven't opened my eyes yet. It's all right. It's all normal. I'm strong, right?

I open my eyes and turn my head to see him facing me.

"Otabek..." I whisper.

No matter how much I tried to protect my lil' jar or fix it, in the end it broke and I honestly don't know what to do…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been such a long time, omg x.x I'm sorry, guys (シ_ _)シ Finals are taking all my time...  
> Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and GET READY FOR THE NEXT ONE XP I mean, really. Be prepared u-u  
> See you o/  
> ~AnaruB


	24. If regret could kill...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yurio meets someone really unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: Macchan  
> Proofreaders: Taani & AnaruB

My whole body shakes as I see him near the glass, staring at me. His hair is with the usual gradient cut, however, it's longer and trapped in a bun. His white shirt with sleeves ending on his elbows and his tight pants remind me of times I don't want to remember. The only difference on his face is the well-made beard that there wasn't before. He's so equal, but at the same time so different...

What do I do? What do I do?! I feel suffocated! My chest hurts... how to get away from here?! I know I have to confront my past, but he's right here in front of me now, and I'm not ready for that now!

I grab the seat, but I can't look away. It passed, didn't it? I just need to act normally and talk like he's someone that's not important. Important? No, he's not. So why am I feeling this way? Why is he making me nervous like I haven't felt in years? I'm shaking as much as my heart is beating fast. I think I'm losing my breath.

To my surprise, Otabek turns his back on me and sits down on the floor.

"Are you alright?" He asks quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

Don't turn. Don't sit on the floor. Don't do the same thing you used to do to try calm me down. Don't ask as if you mind, please. Don't be gentle. Don't look sad when you look at me. Please, don't throw my lil' jar on the wall. Oh, Otabek, I spent so much time to lessen you and put you in a little box in my chest, praying that you would never leave it again... Why have you shown up right now? I was ready to face my past! I was... was I? Why does it hurt so much to see him? Why do I feel like crying?

I take a deep breath a few times until I can speak again, "Yes... and you?"

The Ferris wheel is slow. How many minutes have passed? Looks like I've been here for hours! The funny thing is, I just wanted to think when I came here. I just wanted to think about all the shit inside me, and the main shit decided to show up in person. It's so funny that I could laugh if I wasn’t shaking so much. It's such a coincidence that I wonder how the hell these things happen to me!

"I'm fine," he replies.

I can't see his expression. Actually, I don't want to see it. But his low voice and subtle sad tone make me imagine his looks. Until recently it was so hard to remember his face, but it's so easy now, it's all so clear! But I don't want it to be clear! It's kind of creepy to get out of my comfort zone. I just want to run and call my parents. I want to tell them to come pick me up. I want to run again... do I? What am I doing? What have I done with me to get in this damn state? It seems so clear how I got away from everything that remembered him. But... everything reminds me of him... even myself. I'm running away from myself... what an idiot... For so long I felt empty and now I feel so full of nervousness mixed with other feelings that I'm suffocating. I'm afraid of losing my breath.

I take a deep breath a few times before getting up and sitting on the floor on the other side of the cabin, with my back to him. I just need to look at this beautiful sight and forget who's right behind me. After so long he's right behind me. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO FORGET THIS?! But it’s okay, he's quiet, probably already forgot all the past and I'm the only one acting weird. By the way, we're not friends, there's no reason why I should try to talk to him. Let's just keep quiet until this shit stops and each one goes back to their own life. Simple, uncomplicated. But why do I feel nervous just imagining that he's in the same city as me? I can't stop my life! I'm fine. Okay. It's been too long. He's just another guy I fucked, nothing more, just another guy of no importance in my life. Even Alex is more important than this idiot.

"So this is where you were... London..." he whispers.

The little calm I was getting is going away again when I hear his voice. Did he look for me? My parents never told me anything, I just... I just thought he gave up when I broke up with him, why the hell would he look for me? We didn't have anything else! I didn't want him to come after me anyway. I told my parents not to tell him where I was in case he was trying to find me, but they never told me that Otabek was actually doing this, so...

"I always wanted to know where you were," he says again.

I press my lips together and try to focus on the view in front of me. Why do I want to cry? All right, it's nothing. He just cared to know where I was, nothing too much. I knew he might want to meet me, so it's nothing new... right?

"I've always been here," I say automatically.

Why am I talking? I could treat him like a nobody and make it clear that I don't want to chat. I don't want to hear his voice. I don't care how he spent those years. I don't want... anything that comes from him. I feel weird. I just want to leave.

"You look different," he says.

_Yes! I'm not the idiot you've met. We all grow up. I grew up._

"Same goes for you. It's been a long time, of course I'm different," I say harshly.

Somehow I feel bad for speaking in that tone. I want to apologize, but I want him to go to hell too. Actually, I don’t know what I want. Calm down, he's just a normal person. I just need to talk as if I've overcame all my past, because I know he has moved on and I can't show that I still feel weird when it comes things related to him.

"I was surprised you left your parents and moved."

"I..." I take a deep breath.

Okay. It's just someone you haven't seen in a long time and you're going to talk for a while. He's a normal person. There's no need to be nervous. Just an old acquaintance of no importance.

"... I had a job opportunity, so I came here."

"A job? What do you do?"

_He doesn't know? You've never seen me on magazines?_

"I'm a model."

I hear a low laugh coming from him before he speaks again. "Another one."

Another one? He whispered so softly that I couldn't quite understand.

"It suits you a lot. No wonder they were interested in your beauty," he says.

My eyes open wide as I feel my face getting slightly warmer and I put my hand on my chest to squeeze my shirt’s fabric. I close my eyes and take a deep breath once more. I just need to calm down, that's all. Pretend it's nothing, just talk.

"Thank you. The company belongs to my father's friend, so it wasn’t difficult to get this opportunity."

"I get it…”

Act as you normally do with everyone. He's just one more. This Ferris wheel is going to take so long to stop, I can't stay in this state for all this time. My heart needs to calm down just like my mind. It's now, I can't wait any longer! It's my opportunity to finish this for once and go on with my life.

"Why did you come back here?" I ask.

Okay, it's not weird to ask that. Everyone would ask if they haven’t seen a person for a long time, right?

"I'm more familiar with everything here. Even while playing a lot of events there, it doesn't compare with those here.”

"Do you still work as a DJ?"

"Yes, although it took me a while to get back to work..." he whispers.

For some reason, it hurts.

"Have you been here for a long time?" I ask.

"No, I arrived a month or so ago. I'm getting settle yet. If I'd I arrived earlier, I would've been able to play in yesterday's event, but my friend who was working at the organization said they had already sent the invitations to all the DJ's, so I could only regret it."

So he wasn't playing yesterday. But that doesn't mean he wasn't there.

"Were you at the event yesterday?" I ask hugging my knee.

"No."

_No? So JJ was my hallucination?_

"But my brother was."

It wasn't. I knew it wasn't a hallucination! It was too clear he calling me as usual. I remember my despair with JJ's voice and I needed to leave, just by imagining that he would be there. And now he's here. It would be better if I had stayed at the party. Probably I would be at Alex's house now and not talking to Otabek.

"Yeah, I think he saw me," I say.

"Did you guys meet?!" although low, his voice conveys a noticeable surprise.

"Not exactly. He called me, but I didn't really see him. But I recognized his voice and the nickname."

"Nickname?"

"He called me 'blond'," I say in a tone of disgust.

I'm talking normally. Okay, I'm getting it. He's just one more person like any other. I can do that, by the way, it's been too long to be nervous about his presence, his appearance, his voice...

"I'm sorry..." he whispers.

I'm not getting. He can't whisper like that and expect I will stay calm. I can't cry. My voice can't tremble. He has no more control over me, but... but... I feel like I don't even have control over myself. It doesn't matter how much I scream mentally for my body to stop shaking altogether... I can't, it's stronger than... I just... wanted to know what's going on!

"For... what?" I ask controlling my voice stay normal.

I keep looking forward and realize that we're already at a considerable height. Soon we'll reach the top and I'll have managed to reach half of my way facing all this. I'm doing well, just keep breathing deeply.

Otabek takes a while to respond, but he says, "For JJ."

I smile nervously. Of course he's apologizing for his brother and his bitchiness. I'm thinking too much...

"It’s okay, I didn't even talk to him."

We're almost at the top, and the view of Big Ben across the River Thames along with the rest of the city is becoming even more beautiful. It's so beautiful that for a second I forget everything I'm feeling. But what am I feeling? Why do I still feel that way when it comes to him and everything we've been through? It's not like it will come back. By the way, I don't want it to come back... but my chest hurts so much! The problem is: what hurts? I've never asked myself that question, but why do I run away from it all? Am I going forward or am I running away from that day? I’ve never stopped to think about the reason of all my rancor towards the past, but I feel that all the anger that I have isn't for him–it’s for myself. I hate myself for still feeling this way. I hate that I didn't forget it all that. I hate how everything went wrong and keeps going until today...

"I followed you. I went to the airport the day you left. I didn’t arrive on time. I... I wasn’t on time... I'm sorry..."

My eyes widen at his slightly altered voice and slowly roll my eyes to look at him. To my surprise, Otabek is no longer on his back but rather facing me, sitting with his head resting on the glass and his arm in front of his eyes, holding a fake smile. My throat hurts. My body wants to move to get closer, but at the same time it is so heavy that I can't even turn around. But I see something in him that I hadn't noticed before. Maybe it was inside his shirt and for some reason he ended up pulling. I notice that around his neck there is a fine necklace and a silver ring that hangs down to the center of his chest. Of course he followed with his life, just as I followed, but... why is it hurting so much? Why are you saying that now, Otabek?

"You're apologizing. Why?" I look away and smile, "It's over, isn't it?" I whisper.

"I officially got divorce that day, so I ran to your house and you weren't there. When I got to the airport, you weren't there. You weren't anywhere. I didn't even know how you were... glad I now know you're okay..." he says in a low voice.

My vision is beginning to get blurry, but I won't cry. Why does he need to be so nice? Why doesn't he just tell me to fuck off?

"It wouldn't matter... if you got there in time," I say, but this time I can't control my failing voice.

"Yeah... maybe. But I wasn't going to stop trying..."

Stop!

Stop!

Don't talk like that, please. My mind is a mess, don't make the situation even worse.

"I'm... glad you got divorced and moved on with your life," I hug my knees and support my chin in one of them.

"Yeah... and I'm glad you followed with yours..."

"It was easy," I say.

No. It's not been easy even nowadays, but he doesn't need to know that. He doesn't need to feel sorry for me, just like I'm feeling.

The problem here is that I don't know how to feel about all of this. I've been on the run for so long that I don't even know what I'm running from. I just know he still makes me nervous and I feel like I'm 18 again, helpless and frail, wanting to get away at the first opportunity. I know that in the middle of so many feelings there's no hatred and this is what I hate the most. He, here, with the face of someone who's feeling as bad as I remembered in the past. His eyes are covered, but I know they're as dark as I remember. His tears won't come down like the last time, but I feel like I'm about to explode. I feel like I've had more strength to break up with him than I'm having now to hold myself.

Damn it, Otabek. Is it too hard to act like you don’t remember anything?

"Why? Why are you talking about this now? Why didn't you just forget?" I ask looking forward again and a little disgusted. "Do you know how much time has passed?"

"I know how much time has passed," he says quickly. "But it doesn't mean I stopped wanting to know if you were all right."

"Stop trying to make me look selfish!" I shout, but I regret it in the same second.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize," I say more calmly. "I’m sorry for yelling, I just..."

"I know... I just wanted to let you know I went after you, but... too late."

I close my eyes tightly as I squeeze my lips to keep myself from screaming. Yes, I want to scream because I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with that tightness in my chest. My heart beats so fast when his voice echoes through the cabin that it looks like I'm going to have some trouble. I don't know what to feel about him. Actually, I can't feel anything for him. No! I don't feel anything for him! Oh my God, what am I feeling? Why do I feel that my body is still drawn towards him even though I know that my true path is on the opposite way?

Ah... I'm tired...

 

 

I spend a few minutes trying to calm myself, but then I turn around, still sitting on the floor, and lean my head on the glass to look at him. I can't just try to run away from it all every time he shows up. I can't get on the first plane and go back to my house just because now I know he's in London. I... I can't keep running! But what am I running away from? Why do I rush so much from my past? Because of the pain? I felt it, but time has passed and with it many things went away, but... something stayed, and I know that it’s something bad, because when I look at him it feels like I don't belong to me. I feel as if my heart is beating so loudly that even on the other side of the cabin he will be able to hear; I feel as if I want to approach slowly but at the same time keep away from him. It's weird because looking at the ring resting on his chest, I feel a different kind of pain. I know that each of us moved on with our own life, I can say it, but... it's good to know that he fell in love again... it's great...

"Why did you want to tell me you followed me? I could go on without knowing this."

Still with his hand in front of his eyes, Otabek smiles gently and takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm just saying what was stuck for so long inside of me. It's not for you, it's for me. In the end, the egoist one here is me."

He's an idiot who's making things hard for me! Since I came here, I refused to think about him. I didn’t even ask myself if he was all right. Oh, Otabek, the selfish is me and you're only reinforcing the fact.

"I'm sorry, Otabek." I say in a low voice.

Until then, I was able to keep calm about him standing right in front of me, but the minute I apologized, Otabek lowers his arm and then his eyes, that were watching the ceiling, in order to face me. My nervousness comes back to me when I feel myself being watched intensely by him.

"For what?"

I turn my eyes away and shake my hands. Why am I apologizing?! I actually said it out loud!

I don't know what to say, so I keep quiet trying to calm my heartbeat one more time. The cabin is so big, but it seems to be getting smaller since I have the impression that I can hear his breathing from where I am. Even this makes me nervous.

"After all this time, I think I just wanted to say goodbye. You said it would not matter if I got to the airport, but... I could say goodbye at least." He whispers.

I bite my lips hard enough to feel a faint taste of blood.

"We... said goodbye at your house."

" _You_ said goodbye that day, Yuri." He says, emphasizing 'you'. "I kept waiting. I waited hopefully that if I let time pass, we could get it right again. When I got the call from my lawyer, I thought we could finally, I don't know, talk again, and then you left. I never got to say goodbye to you."

Hurts. It hurts, but I decide to face him one more time to see him watching me with a faint smile.

"I'm glad I could meet you again. I can finally say my goodbye." He says.

My whole body shivers as my eyes get blurry, preventing me from seeing him clearly, leaving his smile, which in my vision seems sad, sluggish. I just wish it didn't hurt so much, because I've been through it. It's been a long time, and once again, I feel desolate. It would be so much easier if I could take medicine and heal from everything that hurts me. No wonder I kept all this in my imaginary lil' jar and locked it inside me. It's so easy to ignore and forget what hurts you, that we get to a time when we don't know why it hurts us so much. But when the time to face all this arrives, you feel so confused and stunned that you have no idea what to do. That's how I feel right now. I don't know what I'm feeling. It is so confusing that it becomes ridiculous. It would be so much easier to have held a grudge and hate it from the bottom of my soul, but... I hate the way he makes my heart beat faster; I hate how nervous I feel when I hear his voice; I hate how my face warms because of some words that come out of his mouth; I hate how he acts kindly after all; I hate it when he apologizes; I hate to see you with that fake smile as you look at me; but what I hate the most, is that I can't hate him... finally, my hatred is all for myself.

I look to the side and see that we are coming to the end of this huge roller coaster that our life has become and that, at last, we'll stop with all the ups and downs and maybe, after all this, I'll be able to continue with my life. But perhaps deep down, I want it to take a little longer, because I know that after this, I'll have no more reason to continue walking in circles. I found him, I faced him, my lil' jar broke, and I was the only one left. An empty shell ready to receive a living remnant. Maybe, now I can live one more time. I was supposed to be happy about this, right? So why do I feel even more empty?

Otabek sighs and I look back at him as he stands up. To my surprise, he begins to walk towards me. When he stops in front of me, I look up a little scared and he reaches out his hands to me.

"Come on, get up." He says.

I wait a few minutes before taking a deep breath and holding his hands which are warm in comparison with my cold ones. The moment I stand facing him, our hands loosen and he says, "If we ever meet again, I promise not to talk about the past. I promise I'll no longer apologize or say something that reminds you of a time that won't come back. I'm sorry for making you think about it now, okay? I really needed to talk about it. I know you've moved on and it's probably boring to think about things that must already be forgotten, but I'm happy to finally be able to talk. Next time, let's just pretend that none of this happened, right? From now on, I'll be just another normal person in the middle of so many others, that perhaps you'll have an interest in talking. Maybe you've solved the whole thing after all this time and I'm just talking nonsense here, but it would be good to hear that it's okay with you."

Otabek is still a little taller than me, but now I can look better at his gentle eyes that stare at me.

He's so deceived talking as if I had overcome everything and no longer remembered my past with him. It seems like we're finally breaking up at the moment, and I really wanted to hurt less than it hurt when I broke up with him at his house, but I feel completely destroyed...

"Okay..." I whisper. "Let's just... forget it," my voice shivers.

What the fuck! I broke up with him! Why does it look like he's breaking up with me?!

“Are you mad at me?” Otabek asks.

I look at him in surprise, but then I speak as I feel my throat burn, "No, I'm not mad at you."

Otabek looks away and I see a sincerer smile stamped on his face.

"Good." He whispers without looking at me.

By being closer, I can see better the ring on his necklace. Now I am able to see the beautiful golden wire around it that stands out with the help of sunlight. Honestly, looking at it is... uncomfortable. It's good that he fell in love again. It's good that he has someone who loves him just as he must love them. It's good that... he could feel it again... maybe one day I can... maybe after all this, I finally get...

The machine stops and soon the door opens. I stand up and stay like him for about a minute, until Otabek glares at me again to whisper, "Let's go?"

I was so desperate to get out of here, but... I just wanted it to take a little longer...

We stepped out of the Ferris wheel and walked in silence a bit before we stopped near the fence separating us from the river. I look forward and take a deep breath before I hear him saying after a few minutes, "Then that's it..."

"Yes." I reply.

"I'm leaving." He says.

"I'm going too."

"It was good to see you again." He says as he looks ahead.

"I say the same." I whisper.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before he turns and starts to walk away from me. I stare at his back and when I'm about to start walking, Otabek turns to me again. The strong light of the sun lightens his face and I soon feel a gentle wind hitting my hair.

"Goodbye, Yura..." he says with a smile.

I feel my heart failing and my lungs getting empty as I look at his face. I can see his smile fading as he turns to keep moving away, leaving me standing in the same place, too puzzled to move. I feel something wetting my face and I realize that I am crying, which surprises me.

It took a while for me to be able to resume my senses and wipe my face as I walk to my car. I sit in the driver's seat and rest my head on the steering wheel. It hurts. I thought I'd already said goodbye, but thinking better now, I've never heard his goodbye. I thought it wouldn't hurt, but I want to scream. It seems like just yesterday we were still dating, because it's impossible that I'm feeling all this.

I take my cell phone and go into my contacts to look at Alex's name. I seriously think of going to his house, but, no... it’s better not. I'm going home.

I keep swallowing hard the whole way, letting my hands tighten the steering wheel so much that my skin starts to look paler than it already is.

I keep holding in. I hold it until I pass the house doors and see Chris bath taken and with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Where have you been?! I found Alex and he said that you were weird when you left the party, then I get home and you're not here. Leave a note, at least, because the next..."

I stare at him in silence and finally let the tightness in my throat go, letting tears run down my face.

"Yuri?"

Chris leaves his cup of coffee over the kitchen's table and comes toward me with a look of concern.

"What happened, honey?" He asks before hugging me.

With every second that passes, my crying grows louder and I immediately hug him back trying to find some comfort in his shoulder. My parents aren't here this time, but it's good to have someone...

"I... I just saw him, Chris... I... it hurts!"

"He? He who?"

"The reason I came here at the first opportunity! The person I've been running away of for a long time! He told me 'goodbye', Chris! I don't know why, but it hurts a lot!” I speak quickly.

"Oh, my dear..."

Chris hugs me harder and whispers in my ear, "You still like him?"

"No! I don't like it, only... I don't know..."

"He was very important, right?"

I cry louder before saying out loud, "He was!"

"I'm so sorry, my dear. I know how it hurts to say goodbye to someone you loved. I promise it will be better to deal with this feeling going forward. From the moment you can say goodbye, this whole weight will become bearable, until it becomes imperceptible. Finally, it will only disappear when you find a love that has replaced the old."

"What if I don't?"

"You will! Just stop lying to yourself and accept all the pain you must have kept in your heart. Only then it will become easier, Yuri."

"Promise?" I ask sinking my face into his shirt.

"I promise."

I wrap my arms around him and lean on him, both physically and mentally, for despite everything we spend together, Chris is someone I can trust completely and while my parents aren't here, he's certainly someone I go to support me.

I screamed trying to exhale the pain along with my tears that took time to cease and after more than an hour, I only had an aching throat and a body thrown on the couch while Chris's hands caressed my hair.

"I feel empty, Chris." I say huskily.

"Then find something that fills you. But not something that's false as alcohol, sex, and any other person. Look for something that really completes you entirely, otherwise you'll be just like me." He laughs.

"It wouldn't be that bad." I say truthfully.

"It wouldn't be that bad if you're really happy with your way of living. Are you really happy the way you are living right now?" He asks.

"But now I've faced him. Maybe it's different, Chris. Maybe my mind is free from certain thoughts and I'm really going to live instead of trying to ignore my past."

"Do you regret anything, Yuri? You were the one who broke up with him, weren’t you? Do you regret this?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"No..." I whisper.

"Are you sure? Your answer didn't convince me, Yuri."

"He was wrong, Chris. I can't regret it."

"And you've never been wrong or done anything wrong with him?" He asks.

I keep silent. What would I have done that was wrong with him?! I just remember being a dumb kid who wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, let alone him!

"Yuri?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think your decision today would be different if you were in the same situation?"

I'm silent again, because I don't know what to answer, which is strange since my mind is screaming "sure", but my mouth doesn't open.

"Of course I'd have the same decision today, Chris." I say after a while.

I hear an ironic laugh coming from him and I decide to ignore it, because I know what he's thinking, "you're lying to yourself, brat". I can even hear his voice say it. I'm not lying! I'm not...

"Thank you, Chris." I say in surprising him.

"Ah, Yuri, despite everything we spend together, I'll always be here if I need to, because even if you don't know, your presence helps me a lot."

"Jeez, I need to record this confession!"

"What confession, brat? Are you crazy?!"

He gets up making my head fall on the couch. I soon tease him again, "The powerful Christophe Giacometti needs the presence of the young and not less powerful Yuri..."

"When I incorporate a character to try to be cute, you mess up my role. It's unbelievable!"

I giggle a few times to try to recover the air, and when I finally calm down, I look seriously at him who's sitting in the kitchen reading the newspaper.

"Chris!"

He raises his eyes and waits.

"Thank you... really." I say truthfully, for I have only to thank him, and not only for this simple help now, but for everything.

"I'll always be here when you need to." He says smiling frankly at me.

I keep myself sprawled on the couch, running my hand across the floor as I look up at the ceiling. My face is probably extremely swollen. I can feel my eyes small because of how much I've cried. Honestly, until I feel better, I just hope it's not momentary, since I can't stand crying for the same reason...

 

 

Alex calls me in the afternoon and I come up with a silly excuse that I felt claustrophobic at the party and so I left, leaving him alone. After all, he doesn't seem angry, just worried about me, which makes him looks even cuter. I really like him, maybe if I wait a little bit longer he's the one who'll start filling my void. Maybe. However, I wouldn't complain, since he really makes me feel good.

 

 

The week went by faster than I could imagine, unfortunately I didn't have time to go visit Alex who was also busy.

"Do you want to go with me to Georgi's nightclub tonight?" I ask after a few minutes talking to him on the cell phone Saturday morning.

"Sorry, Yuri, I can’t I'm going to visit my family in Manchester today. I only come back Monday."

"Your family? I'm sorry, Alex, I swore you had no family. You never talk about them!"

"You’ve never asked! But there isn't much to talk about. Let's say we aren't the most perfect family out there.”

"I'm so sorry."

"Oh, it’s alright! I'll survive the weekend! "

"Of course you will! You have to get back to me." I say, but I quickly realize how odd the phrase sounded.

"Wow! Count on me coming back to you, Mr. Yuri." He laughs on the other end of the line.

"Ah, you got it! Anyway, have a good trip."

"Thank you. And have fun for me at Georgi's nightclub."

"It's going to be hard, but I'll try." I laugh.

"Sure you will! I have to hang up, but I'll call you on Monday."

"Okay! Take care."

"You too."

I wait a few seconds before I take the phone out of my ear, but I hear Alex's voice again, "Yuri?"

"Yes?"

He keeps silent for a few seconds, but then says, "Forget it. See you on Monday!"

"Alex..." I say, but he hangs up.

Was it something important? Well, I don't think so, otherwise he would have said it. Anyway, it won't be so fun to go by myself, but I’m still going. It's weird because until recently, I preferred to go out alone and now I think that it won't be fun like this. I honestly don't know what's going on, but I'm sure Georgi will be happy, so I'll go, even if it's just to talk. I don't feel like drinking today.

 

 

Chris calls me to go with him to buy some shoes and I decide to leave the house a bit.

If regret could kill, I would be dead!

We spent the whole day going from store to store, until finally he bought ONE pair of shoes. The only thing that paid off this tiring and tedious afternoon was to have an ice cream while we were going home.

 

 

When the night comes, I go to take a shower and then throw myself into bed with only my underwear, deciding whether or not to go to Georgi's club. After being dragged by Chris all afternoon, I just want to stay here sleeping, but at the same time, I don't want to.

I spend more than an hour looking at the ceiling deciding, when at last, I finally go to get ready. I put my hair in a bun and put on nothing really different from what I usually wear and then go downstairs to find Chris eating ice cream on the living room’s couch, crying while watching some movie about a dog.

"Are you kidding me?! It's Saturday night!" I say.

"But... but... he died, Yuri!" He says, picking up a few more spoons of his ice cream pot.

I put my hand on my face and shake my head before starting to leaving.

"I'm going to visit Georgi, bye!"

"Be careful!" He shouts crying.

I laugh while walking out the door and taking my car out to the garage. Since I'm not going to drink today, then I don't have to ask for a taxi.

 

 

Georgi's nightclub is much busier than I had imagined. I find a parking space near the place and walk to the entrance. I look at the shiny sign with the name "Five Stars" and then I step through the door finding a colorful environment with different neon colors that still matches the place. The diversity of people in the nightclub surprises me in a good way, because somehow it seems cozy.

"Yuri!” Someone shouts.

I look sideways and see Georgi all produced at the bar. I go to her with a smile on my face and then sit on a bench in front of her.

"My God! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?! I'm so glad you came, dear!" She says with a smile on her face.

"It was about time, wasn't it? The place is charming, Georgi! Congratulations!"

"Oh, thank you so much! But how are you? I'm surprised you're not with Alex."

"Oh, I invited him to come, but he had to go visit the family. So I came alone."

"Oh, what a pity! You came to see wonderful people, then?"

I look disheartened, but I say, "Yes, I came to see you, Georgi."

She puts her hand over her mouth and I laugh with her reaction.

"Your first drink is on the house!"

I look at a small menu in front of me and try to find a non-alcoholic beverage, but I end up deciding to not drink anything.

"I don't think I'm going to drink today, Geor..."

She looks toward the door and I do the same to sigh at the sight of the well-done eyebrows entering the place with an extravagant smile. I roll my eyes and before turning to Georgi again, I see someone coming in behind him.

"Damn it..."

I feel my heart beating faster as I look at Otabek who doesn't look very excited as he stands behind JJ.

"Georgi." I call.

"Yes, dear?"

"Prepare a Black Rose with lots of vodka, please."

"Didn't you just say you weren't going to drink?"

"I wasn't going, but now I’ll need it."

Then I look back at those two until my eyes meet Otabek's who looks away and smiles.

I should've stayed watching the dog movie with Chris! If regret could kill, I would be dead!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello o/  
> I am trully sorry for these updates that take soooo long, but I've been really busy ╥﹏╥  
> I hope you guys continue with us until the very end (even if it takes a little longer than what we had first planned (⌒_⌒;)  
> Thank you for all the support <3  
> ~AnaruB


	25. Can we forget it just for today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator: AnaruB  
> Proofreader: Taani

Before taken his eyes off them, JJ sees me. His smile, which is already extravagant, gets worse.

“Blondie!” He shouts waving excitedly.

I roll my eyes and I soon hear Georgi's voice.

“Who are they?” He asks.

“My reasons for drinking.”

“What?”

"I'll explain it later," I say quickly as I see JJ walking toward me.

He sits by my side and then starts talking right away, "Then it was really you! I saw someone like you at last week's festival, but he looked too different, so I wasn’t sure. You look...” he stares at my entire self, “excellent!”

I put my hand in front of my eyes, but then I look back at him, noticing Otabek sitting quietly beside him.

“It was me at the festival.” I watch him and see that he hasn’t changed a single bit. "And I can’t say the same about you."

"Yeah, it looks like you actually didn’t change anything either." He says smiling even more. "Actually, before, you seemed cuter, but now... you're...”

“Okay, I got it. Just stop.”

Georgi who had gone out for a minute comes back to put three 90 mL glasses in front of each of us. Soon, he fills them with tequila and gives us a smile.

“There’re a lot of new people here today! Welcome, everyone! I hope you get along and have fun because this is the goal of my house. And well, there’s nothing like starting the night with good tequila, right? Yuri, I'll bring you your Black Rose, I need to get the strawberries in there.”

“Okay. I'll start with the tequila, thank you.”

Georgi moves away, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence. Then, after a few minutes, JJ says, "Aren’t you going to have a re-encounter kiss, huh?"

I look at him who is picking up his tequila with a wicked grin on his face. I see Otabek who is also staring at him with a not very good expression. I get my tequila shot and turn it over at once. I hit the glass on the counter then put it back and I hear another glass slam into it too.

“No!” I say at the same time as Otabek.

“Wow, how aggressive! I think I'll walk around for a little bit.” He gets up. "Since you want to be alone, I'll let you."

"Son of a..." I whisper.

JJ, in fact, leaves us alone, in a silence that is making the situation even weirder. I can’t say that I'm not nervous because it would be a lie, but my nervousness is completely different from what I felt when we met at the Ferris wheel. Well, that was a big surprise for me, so it was to be expected that I would get more nervous than the usual. His presence still makes me impatient, but it's not as if I want to run away from here now; actually, it's pretty bearable even though my heart is beating like crazy.

The talk we had a week ago hurt. Honestly, I thought I wouldn’t stop feeling that pain in my chest. I know I said to myself that I truly didn’t care about him, but that "goodbye" hurt in a way... that I can’t explain why. It didn’t really seem like it had been so long since we had last seen each other when we had just broken up. The big problem here is that I don’t know how to feel about him. Okay, I already accepted the fact that I don’t hate him, but the right thing was to detest him, right? He screwed me up, hurt me and lied. How is it possible to sympathize with someone like that? But it's not like he's a horrible person... I probably wouldn’t be able to have any kind of love relationship with him, but, he's not a bad person...

I don’t even know if I can act nicely with Otabek... Wait, I want to act nicely with him?! We don’t even have to talk! Maybe he's not even going to pull a subject. It's not like I'm expecting it, but it's weird to be sitting on the side of a person you know and pretending you are both strangers.

Just fuck everything! I'll not be the one to bring up a subject with this guy! I'm going to pretend it's just any another person who makes no difference to me.

“Hey.” I hear his voice by my side.

I turn my head slowly to watch him. He is with his elbow on the counter and his face resting on his hand as he stares at me.

“Hey…?” I say a little surprised and it comes out as a question.

He smiles almost imperceptibly, but I notice, perhaps because I've already... seen many of these smiles... Oh! Stop thinking about it!

"Pleased to meet you, I’m Otabek." He says as he stands his hand for me.

I look at him even more surprised and I can’t help but laugh.

Okay, I see what he's doing. It doesn’t hurt to try...

“Nice to meet you too. Yuri." I say as I take his hand.

"Do you come here often, Yuri?" He asks.

"No, it's my first time here. What about you?"

“Same here. I arrived in this city not too long ago, but this nightclub caught my attention, so I came.”

“It’s fantastic, right? The owners are my friends, although I don’t see the staff here,” I look around really not seeing any of Georgi's friends,” but it took me a while to visit the club. I confess that I am a pretty lame friend.”

“Can I confess something too?” He asks.

"Go ahead," I say curious and afraid at the same time.

"I didn’t want to come. My brother dragged me here when it was for me to be at home watching a movie.”

“I confess that it was for me to be at home eating ice cream and crying with Chris while watching some dog movie.”

I see him smiling slightly, but he soon asks, “Chris?”

“It's the person I live with. He is also my boss, my parents' friend, and my party’s partner.”

“Oh, got it. Well, I have an excuse to be here, but what about you? If you didn’t want to come, why did you?”

I look around for a minute. I really could’ve stayed home and wouldn’t be talking to my ex as if he was not my ex, in a pathetically odd conversation, feeling surprisingly comfortable with this whole situation. Maybe Georgi put something on that tequila because it's not possible!

I don’t know what to feel when I look at him. I'm not really trying to think of anything while doing this, but even then, I feel weird. My body shakes lightly, but my voice is coming out normally, as in a normal conversation, with someone normal. In fact, Otabek is indeed a normal person... Maybe if I get over this whole nervousness that I have in because to him, I can finally move on with another person. Then, I will see that, even though my past is in my present, it’s still something that already passed. I am an adult and I will act as such!

"I came for Georgi," I say.

“Georgi? The Drag that was here?”

“Yep! It's been a long time since I had promised to come, so I came today, even without my friend.”

“Your friend Chris?”

“No, my friend A…”

“Yuri!”

I look to the side and see Kamau, I mean, B Von Darling all dressed up as Drag, followed by the rest of Georgi’s friends that come towards me.

“You finally came!” She shouts.

I stand up and greet them. Everyone seems happy to see me.

"Where were you all until now? I had only seen Georgi.”

"Do you think we look wonderful like this in just a matter of minutes?" Divine says.

I spend a few minutes talking with them until Georgi shows up again and gets everyone to work. But before that, Divine comes close to me and asks, “Is that your hottie of the night?”

I look at her a little confused until she points out with her head. I look back to see Otabek watching us and I quickly say, “No! Please, no!”

“What a waste. He’s so handsome!”

“He’s not that handsome,” I say.

Divine looks at Otabek one more time before facing me again.

“Have you drunk too much?”

I cover my eyes with hand and give a sigh.

“No, It’s just that…”

“Divine!” Georgi calls as he points to the entrance where it’s possible to see more people arriving.

“Well, I have to be going. But don’t miss the opportunity, huh!” She while walking away.

I shake my head negatively and sigh. Oh, if they only knew...

I go back to my place, where Otabek talks with Georgi.

"Would you like anything?" Georgi asks.

"I'd like a shot of whiskey with ice, ma'am." He says with a faint smile.

Georgi looks at me with a smile and lightly a flushed face.

“Ma’am… he’s so cute.” She says smiling.

I just shake my head and watch her leave to get a glass and prepare Otabek's drink.

“Your drink is here.”

Otabek pushes my glass to my side and I see my red drink, with a strawberry cut on the edge of the glass.

“Thanks,” I say.

I drink a little, and as I ordered, it has a lot of vodka despite having a slightly sweet strawberry flavor.

“Do you wanna try it?” I offer Otabek.

To my surprise, he accepts it and takes a sip.

“Wow! It’s strong!” He looks at me clearly impressed.

I look away a little embarrassed and he returns my glass.

"It tastes like adulthood." He says with a laugh.

“Yeah. Growing up sucks!” I say.

Georgi comes back with Otabek’s drink. I don’t waste the chance to ask him something that is disturbing me, “Hey, Georgi, why is the drink called Black Rose if it's red? Why not "Red Rose"?”

"Oh, it may not make sense, but behind every black rose there was a red rose first, still waiting for the chance to blossom into a beautiful scarlet flower again.”

“Wait, what…?”

"It makes sense," Otabek says quickly. "It's a beautiful analogy, Georgi. Even if a flower seems dead, it doesn’t mean it can’t be reborn again.”

This whole rose thing is making me... bad. I remember talking to Georgi before I came here, and technically, Otabek was my rose at the time. I don’t want to keep remembering this shit now that I'm fine. We don’t have any relation now. He’s just another guy in the bar that I'm not going to take home. But, it would be nice of them to not mention what shouldn’t be mentioned.

I think Georgi notices my expression and cuts off the conversation about the rose he was having with Otabek. I keep drinking my Black Rose to try to distract myself from these stupid thoughts that are putting me down again. However, soon I hear Otabek’s voice and it makes me nervous out of nowhere, “Are you okay?”

I close my eyes and breathe calmly before looking at him and answering, “Yep, why?”

"No, it’s nothing." He says. He drinks his whiskey while looking ahead.

When I least expect it, my drink is over and my body starts to warm up slightly. Otabek and I remain silent, just listening to the agitated music. I look sideways, looking for JJ who simply disappeared and I can’t find him. He's probably bothering someone. Well, at least it's not me.

Soon, I face Otabek who is turning the last sip of his drink. I am caught when he looks at me from the corner of his eyes, still with the edge of the glass on his lips.

“What?” He asks.

“Oh, it’s nothing…”

“Hey, you two!” JJ appears in the middle of the crowd all of a sudden. “Already made up?”

"Do you know this one, Otabek?" I ask with a serious expression.

"Isn’t him a friend of yours?"

“Nope, I thought it was yours.”

“You guys are so cruel! I don’t really need you, anyway!” He says before asking Georgi, who is a few meters from us, for a drink. Then, he returns to dance.

"Aren’t you going to dance too?" I ask Otabek.

“Me?” He laughs. “What about you, aren’t you going?”

"The last thing I'm going to do today is dance. It shouldn’t even be drinking!”

“Why are you drinking then?”

I stare at him for a minute, really wanting to answer, because of you, idiot, but I hold it and I just say, “I don’t know either.”

Suddenly, Divine appears in front of us with a smile on her face and a plate with a few lemons cut into six equal parts.

“Here at the house, we have the lemon’s game. Why don’t you participate?”

“Lemons… game?!” I ask without understanding at all.

"Basically, it's a game where you need to face each other after eating a lemon. The first to make a funny face takes a shot of tequila with lemon and salt. There are 3 rounds. The loser pays the bill.”

I smirk and then say, “I'm definitely going to beat this! So, will you do it?”

"I don’t think that a good idea," Otabek says as he stares at me.

“Are you afraid?” I tease him.

He smiles and looks away before saying, “No, I actually pity you.”

“Pity?” I say confused.

“You’ll spend all your money.”

Since I am a damn proud person, I just smile before picking up a lemon.

"Repeat this after you pay the bill!" I say as I turn to face him.

Otabek sits down on a bench closer to me and picks up a lemon while facing me. I look at Divine, who seems to be amused by the whole situation, and I can only wonder what the hell I'm doing!

“Are you ready?”

"I'm always ready to beat someone!" I say.

Otabek tries to hide his laugh before nodding.

“Okay. On three you guys can start!”

Divine begins to count as Otabek and I face each other. Maybe I really want to win this whole stupid thing, just maybe... I’ll win for sure!

“Three!”

I eat the lemon and I feel the sour juice coming down my throat. I look at Otabek who is already staring at me with a serious expression. I see his eyebrow rise slightly as I feel my eyes beginning to close and my face starting to twist. I can’t stand it for long and lose the first round. This makes Otabek smile, at the same time he finishes eating all his lemon without making a grimace at all.

“Really?” I ask.

“I love lemons.” He says with a constant smile.

Divine fills my glass and brings me salt. Let's say I don’t really like to lose, but I can see that this time I’ll have to work extra harder to beat him. Now I'm really focused on doing it!

Without delay, I lick the space of my hand between my thumb and the forefinger while holding the lemon. Then, I throw some salt into the place where I left my saliva. Like the usual, I pass my tongue on the salt and I take my dose of tequila at once by throwing my head back. After I’m done, follow it by eating the lemon.

I put my tongue out as I feel my throat burning. I shake my head quickly before placing the glass on the counter.

"Can you really do it?" I hear Otabek's voice teasing me.

I give him a challenging look to then say, “Next round!”

I get more comfortable on the bench and wait for Divine's signal to do the same thing.

How the hell can he stay so serious?! He doesn’t even blink!

I try to hold on longer this time, but it seems as if my face begins to squirm on its own, making me lose again.

“Shit!”

"The bill is all yours." He says eating the lemon again.

“Best three out of five!” I say quickly.

"What if you lose again? What do I get?” Otabek asks.

I look at Divine who is staring at us with a mischievous smile, but I ignore her to focus on Otabek.

“What do you want?”

He looks away to smile again, and honestly, such an attitude is making me stressed out. Otabek takes a few seconds to decide what it wants. I confess this is probably making me nervous because I am thinking of other things...

"If you lose the next round, you'll pay my entire bar bill. Not just the one from the game, but all my drinks of the day.”

“What?!”

"Are you afraid of losing?" He says with a challenging smile.

“Huh, as if! Of course, I accept it!”

I take a deep breath; I feel confident that I will win this time. I was just seeing how strong he was, that's all! Now it’s time!

I sit down on the bench and stare into Otabek's eyes for a few minutes before Divine says we can begin.

Okay. My confidence went all the way down when I try not to grimace as I stare at the idiot right in front of me. He really looks like he’s having fun.

I try to be strong, but my face is twisting slowly until my whole body shivers and I lose again. His face of "I warned" is the worst part! Maybe he's not even thinking about it, but... to me he is!

“Better four out of seven!” I say.

“Four out of seven? Does this even exist?” He laughs. “You have lost, now you have to pay, literally!”

"What goes around, comes around!” I rave as I pick up the salt.

"Divine, bring some for me too. Since I won’t pay for anything, I’ll give  my friend some company.”

Otabek and I drink our tequila at the same time after repeating the process with the salt and lemon.

My body, which was starting to heat up, is already boiling and my head is spinning a little. If before my thoughts were confused with this whole situation, now it is much worse; I am feeling comfortable with all this, but I think it is wrong to feel this way. I spent so much time running from him and now I'm drinking with him? What?! Does that make any sense?! I have no idea why I'm doing this, which is making things worse. Should I leave? But I don’t want to go... If I tell Georgi that this is Otabek, will he scold me? No, he's just a regular guy I met at Georgi's nightclub and I'm not going to take him home, simple as that! If every time I see or talk to him, I keep remembering the past, I’ll never be able to forget all that shit! I don’t want to look at him and remember all that, I'm tired of it, I just want to... Forget it all... Can I? Can I forget all just for a minute?

“Are you okay, Yuri?”   

I look sideways and stare at him for a second. Can I ignore the memories he brings back to me? Can I ignore my fast heartbeats that are obviously being caused by the drinks? Can I just act normal here? We have nothing to do with each other anymore, so this comfortable situation is not weird, right?

"Do you think you’re too drunk? Do you want some water?” He asks as he smirks.

The corners of my mouth curl up and look at Divine who is still watching us.

"Bring another dose for my friend here, Divine. I think he needs it because he's starting to talk nonsense.”

“Right away!”

“By the way, I’m fine!” I say to Otabek.

“All right, then.”

“Did you guys already know each other?” Divine asks.

Otabek and I stare at each other for a minute before we say together, “No!”

She looks suspiciously at us but decides to ignore it.

"If you’re going to use our bathroom, clean all mess later," Divine says with an ironic grin before leaving to help other people.

It takes me a while to figure out what she meant. Then, I finally understand and I feel my face getting warmer while I curse mentally. I don’t say anything, nor Otabek. I think that's a sign to just ignore all this.

"Aren’t you worried about your brother just disappearing like this?" I ask.

“JJ? I'm already used to him doing this during parties. By the end of the night, he shows up with someone or by himself. Then, we leave.”

"And you stay alone? What's good about going out and end up drinking by yourself?” I ask.

“Well, I rarely go out, most of the time I just go to work. But you seem to be used to these places.”

"Oh, I..." Why am I embarrassed about saying that? “I hang out sometimes.”

"With you drinking like that, anyone can tell." He laughs while saying it.

I don’t feel like he's questioning me like an ex-boyfriend or anything. It just seems like he's trying to pull a subject, but still... I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK! Maybe I don’t have to think about anything...

My body is starting to move by itself with the rhythm of the music and my will to get up and dance is increasing. It doesn’t take long for Georgi to show up in front of us.

“How are you? Need something?”

"Can I get another shot of Whiskey?" Otabek asks.

“Sure a thing. Just a second!”

“I’m fine for now. Thank you.”

Before Georgi leaves to make Otabek’s drink, a woman appears by his side and whispers something in his ear. This makes Georgi's expression go from soft to worried. She whispers quietly with the girl for a while as I watched. When she leaves I immediately ask, "Is there any problem, Georgi?"

"My DJ had some problems and now he needs to leave for now. I need to find someone to manage the music while she's away. I don’t know if any of my girls know how to do it, and even if I go and call someone, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time...”

"I can do it," Otabek says quickly. “If you want, I can manage the music. I'm a DJ so you don’t have to  worry if I'm going to do something wrong.”

“But you came here to have fun, I can’t accept your help!”

“I have a lot of fun with music. I really wouldn’t mind helping.”

“Are you sure?” His face lights up because of the slight hope.

“Yes, I’d love to help.”

“I'll... have to accept your help, then! I'm going to take you inside to talk to my DJ before she leaves. Would you mind following me?”

“All right, let’s go,” Otabek says as he gets up.

Before he starts walking, he stops by my other side and says, “Will you be okay by yourself?”

I look at him, but Otabek soon frowns and looks confused.

“Uh... sorry. Of course, you'll be fine, I’m sorry.” His face shows that he doesn’t believe in what he just said. It makes me laugh when I see him turning his back to follow Georgi.

It doesn’t take long for Divine to show up by my side suddenly, scaring me.

“Why not?!” She asks.

“Why not what?!”

“Why don’t you have a date or something with this wonderful hottie?”

“Oh, Divine… He’s the last person in the world that I want to have something to do with. And even if this wasn’t the case, he’s already taken.”

“Taken?! Don’t you think I already checked his fingers? I didn’t see any ring.”

“The last time I saw him, it was on a necklace.”

“On a necklace?”

“Yep!”

“Honey, people don’t use engagement rings on necklaces. Maybe rings with some sentimental value or some different meaning, but if he’s really in a serious relationship, he would wear the ring on his finger like everyone else.”

I stop a minute to think about it.

“I really don’t want to think about him this way, Divine.”

I give her a sad smile. She examines my face until her expression shows some surprise.

“Wait, is he…”

I nod. Georgi and I already talked about my past a long time ago. During these conversations his friends were there too, so Divine knows about Otabek. But, like Georgi, no one knows what he looks like.

“Oh, honey… Are you okay?”

“Me? Better than I had imagined. I met him last week and we talked, so I guess the worst part already passed. I thought I would feel worse by being here, but I know how to handle it. I think the drink is helping.”

“He looks so nice, I’d never have imagined!”

“He’s not a bad person…”

“Stay strong, honey! Remember: the only person who is missing out on this whole situation is him. You're too good to suffer for someone who wasn’t able to make things work with you.”

"Thank you, Divine. But I really am fine with this situation.”

“A drink on the house to better handle this situation.”

"You can give me a shot of pure vodka because I'll need it!" I say smiling.

Soon, he prepares my drink and puts it in front of me.

“Divine, can you do me a favor?”

“Anything, honey.”

“Don’t tell Georgi about this, okay?”

“Why?”

“Uh, I don’t know, but… Just don’t tell, okay? I’ll tell him later.”

“All right. Since you’re asking…”

I thank her, and she goes to get someone else’s order.

I don’t know why I don’t want her to tell Georgi. Maybe I'm imagining she's Victor because it's not possible! But also, it may be that she reminds me of some things I don’t want to remember now...

 

 

After a few minutes thinking of all the possibilities of why I'm behaving well in this situation with Otabek as if he isn’t my ex and disgraced my life, I decided to send all those thoughts to hell and I go to drink a little bit more.

It doesn’t take long before Georgi returns.

“He definitely saved the night!”

“Good for you, Georgi,” I say as a smile to him.

“I’m sorry for stealing your drink buddy.”

“Oh, that’s all right. I came alone anyway.” I laugh.

"But, Yuri, you said he was your reason for drinking. Have you two had anything before?”

"Oh... we did, but it’s already over. I'm fine, thank you." I say with a smile.

“Are you hiding something?”

“Me? Why would I hide something from you, Georgi?”

He looks at me for a few seconds before straightens up. Jeez, she looks like Yuuri!

"Since you're talking, I can only believe, right?"

I start to hear a song I've never heard before. When the singer starts singing, I ask Georgi, “Who sings this song?”

“Oh, it’s Pabllo Vittar! She’s a Brazilian Drag who has become pretty famous nowadays. Hernando introduced me to her songs and I went to research a little more about her. Her songs are good and she’s a good representation in music for us, Drag Queens.”

“What’s the name of the song?”

“Todo dia.”

Even without understanding anything about what she is saying about, the beat of the song is really good; it makes my body start to move more and more.

“Aren’t you going to dance?” She asks.

"Nah, I'm not in the mood today. I think I'll leave it for next time.”

Georgi fills my glass up and I take a deep breath. I think I'm a little drunk. I should stop drinking, get a cab and leave...

I drink my dose and get up, undoing my hair.

“I’m gonna dance!”

“But didn’t you just say you weren’t in the mood?”

“I’ve changed my mind!”

I find a space in the middle of everyone and I look up, letting my body finally move at will. The music has a very enjoyable beat, and although I don’t know how to start dancing, I let my hips sway as I throw my head back, going into the sound’s mood.

When I finally get the rhythm of the song, it ends. The next song is a little slower than the previous one, and I soon realize that it has the same singer.

 

_“Seu amor me pegou_

_Cê bateu tão forte com o teu amor_

_Nocauteou, me tonteou_

_Veio à tona, fui à lona, foi K.O.”_

It doesn’t take long for the rhythm to increase and I move my body back as I close my eyes. I run my hands up to my chest and smile at myself, letting my hips wiggle. I spend a few minutes getting used to the beat until I feel my body getting comfortable.

Even if I don’t understand the meaning of the song, let's say that it seems kinda... sexy.

 

_“Me beija a noite inteira, sexy na banheira_

_Vou te dar canseira, quero do início até o fim_

_E fixa o olhar, fico a te olhar_

_Vou te falar, fui à lona com o seu”_

 

I open my eyes and look forward. I was feeling that I someone was watching me and I ended up being right; I catch him staring at me from behind the DJ table. For some reason, I don’t look away. For some reason, I don’t stop dancing. For some reason, I move my hips a little more as I put my hands up my neck, letting my hair fall through my combing fingers. My whole chest follows my hips as I lower my left hand down the side of my neck and my right one on my cheekbone, letting my little finger pass through my mouth and pressing my lower lip down.

I feel warm and my head spins a little, but I don’t want to stop dancing because it seems, in some way, liberating. I guess I shouldn’t be dancing as I stare into his eyes, which even from a distance, seem to be so close. I don’t think I was supposed to be smiling in such a... malicious way.

I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to... dance. Is it too much to ask for a single night? Honestly, even if I wanted to think about something, I wouldn’t; my thoughts are more confusing than the usual and the only thing I can do now is let my hips move.

Normally, I'd be dancing with someone now. But on a second thought, ever since I met Alex, I didn’t have anything with anyone but him. Wait, we are dating and I don’t know?! No! Alex knows we have nothing serious and if I want to date someone else, there would be no problem. The only problem is that I’ve never felt like going out with other people. Also, it's not even like I needed someone else to have fun!

Today, in particular, it seems like all the people around me who are dancing, just like me, are not really here. I feel alone with the music in the club, but my eyes are fixed on someone who refuses to disappear, much less stop staring at me. Oh, it looks like I'm sinking in this whole shit even more, but I'm not doing anything! I don’t want to think about... anything else.

And this is exactly what I do.

I dance like there's no tomorrow. In a certain moment, when I look sideways, I see JJ from a distance, dancing with a boy of his height while holding his mouth close to his neck. As if he knew he was being watched, my eyes met his; he gives me an extravagant smile and then kisses the neck of the boy while looking at me. I roll my eyes and decide to go back to my world, a much better place.

I go back to the bar and ask for another Black Rose, even though I know I shouldn’t. I stand in the corner of the nightclub while I drink. I notice that there are people kissing everywhere. Honestly, I'm feeling kinda left out, but it's not like I need to kiss someone. For some unknown reason, I begin to laugh. I laugh long enough to have the need of finding a place to sit and take a deep breath.

“But what the fuck is going on?” I say to myself after I finally calm down.

As a precaution, I don’t drink the rest of my half-finished drink. I wait for my head to stop spinning a little, before I get up steady and strong, and go back to dance.

I don’t even notice the time passing by, but when my eyes run to the DJ's desk again, I see a woman. Am I really that drunk? I don’t want to, but I look around looking for him. Then, I spot him sitting at the bar while looking at me and drinking something, probably Whiskey.

I'm tired, but my body doesn’t stop moving. I want to go there, but at the same time, I don’t want to. And, to my surprise, someone appears in front of me, blocking the view.

"I think you owe me a dance."

I stare at JJ; he moves his body like mine and gives me a smile.

"I don’t remember owing anything to anyone!"

"Dancing alone is so boring, so I came to keep you company." He says.

"But I'm not alone," I say.

"Who is with you then?" He asks.

I look around trying to find someone to dance with me and get rid of JJ. At a glance, I see Otabek.

"I'm dancing with your brother!" I say quickly, regretting it in the same second.

He looks behind and turns back to stare at me.

"I'm not seeing him here with you."

"He just... took a break to have a drink."

"We both know you weren’t dancing with him, Yuri. You wouldn’t have the guts.” He says in a challenging tone.

I look astonished at him, before bumping into his shoulder as I walk to the bar. What am I doing?!

“Yuri?” Otabek looks at me as I stand by his side without saying anything.

“Come… dance with me.”

“Excuse me?” He asks surprised.

“It’s exactly what you heard,” I affirm.

“I’m not really good at…”

I take his hand and pull him.

“Let’s go!”

He leaves his glass at the counter; I drag him as I watch JJ smirk at me and then disappear.

 

_“The club isn't the best place to find a lover_

_So the bar is where I go...”_

 

Why the hell is this music playing right now?

We found a spot in the middle of everyone and I turn to face him. We stand staring at each other while the music continues to play and the people dance.

“What's up?” He asks, letting a smile slip from his lips.

 

_“Girl, you know I want your love_

_Your love was handmade for somebody like me...”_

 

For some reason, this entire situation is kinda funny, and looking at him all tense in front of me, makes me laugh and starts to move my body.

“Come on, Otabek? Aren’t you going to dance?”

“I said I'm not very good at it!”

I let my hands move at my ears’ height as my hips start to wiggle again. I go near him and put my two hands on his waist.

“You gotta move this here.”

I watch him giving a low laugh as he looks at me. Then, I feel his waist moving just like mine. I smile and I don’t know why. I take my hands off his waist to pull myself back and start dancing.

Gradually, Otabek is loosening up, and even though he’s doing some shy movements, it's not as if he doesn’t really know how to dance.

 

_“One week in we let the story begin_

_We're going out on our first date...”_

 

There are so many other people for me to be dancing with, so why the hell am I dancing with him? I'm really sad right now because it seems like I only make bad decisions in my life, and even knowing that, I do what? I make the situation even worse, obviously. But I don’t want to think about it right now; I just want to dance!

I stare at him as he smiles. Then, he stands out his hand. Quickly, I take it to start moving my body along with his. He doesn’t take his eyes off me. I spin around myself as he holds my hand above my head, and I'm soon pulled close to him.

 

_“I'm in love with the shape of you_

_We push and pull like a magnet do_

_Although my heart is falling too_

_I'm in love with your body”_

 

Otabek runs his free hand down my waist, still holding my hand with the other. I stare at him as our glued bodies move together. His hand tightly gripping my waist gives the impression that it’s making my skin warmer and warmer. He's still tall, but not that much, so I can stare directly into his eyes. Gradually, my exaggerated smile fades away, and even with the restless music continuing, our bodies are slowing down. I feel my whole face burning, but I know it's because of the drink. Probably, mine is worse than his own blushed face. My heart beats like crazy as our faces get close enough for me to smell alcohol coming from his mouth. It doesn’t take long for me to realize what I'm doing, and we move away from each other. Otabek's expression changes as if he had just realized what he was about to do.

"I think I… I have to go to the bathroom," I say.

"I need to go back to the bar." He says, turning his back to me to walk away.

I walk past the people who are dancing to try to find the bathroom. I find it quickly, so I go directly towards one of the sinks. There is a large mirror in front of me that I make sure to stare at for a few seconds before opening the tap and washing my face. It seems like the drink’s effect passed by the time I was near him and I noticed the shit I was doing. I guess it wasn’t a good idea to drink and call him to dance. Where was I with the head to fall into JJ's talk?! Obviously, in my right mind, I wouldn’t do it! I wouldn’t even talk to him!

I wash my face again and lean against the sink as I stare at the reflection. My face is still blushed and the water runs down my skin. I take a deep breath because I'm starting to feel nervous again and afraid of leaving the bathroom, but we're already done with this. It's just the alcohol’s effect, nothing much. I just need to calm down.

I stay about 15 minutes inside the bathroom until I dry my face with some folded papers that are in a basket on top of the sink. I tidy my hair and breathe once more to return to normal. I leave the bathroom and go to the bar where Otabek is talking to Georgi. The conversation soon ceases when I arrive, which is strange, but ignore and I sit next to him. Then, I lean my head on the counter.

“What is it, honey?”

“I’m tired!” I say.

Which is not a lie, since my body is beginning to feel heavy, just like my eyes.

“Want some water?” She asks.

“No, thanks. I just need… to rest a little bit.”

I stay for a few minutes on the counter and soon I feel my head starting to ache and my eyes starting to close. I guess I have to go home…

 

**Otabek**

 

“Did he fall asleep?” Georgi asks in amazement.

I brush a blonde hair lock from the front of his eyes and notice that they are closed.

“I guess so.”

“Otabek, right?”

“Yes.”

“I know who you are. I knew it at the very moment that you told me your name before you went to take care of the music for me. I'm a bit surprised Yuri lied to me when I asked about you.”

"He told you about me?" I ask, a little surprised.

“Oh, he sure did! He was quite messed up when they brought him here.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I… don’t know.”

“You don’t look like a bad person, darling.”

"Maybe I'm bad for the person I loved, Georgi. So I guess the rest doesn’t really matter. I don’t even know what I'm doing here, talking to him.”

She gives me a smile, as if she knew something I don’t know, and then she says, “We need to move on, right? This is called overcoming something.”

“Overcome? I think after so much time... this has already happened.”

"I saw you two dancing, Otabek. I know I can ask you this because with Yuri it's different, but are you sure you got over it?”

"It was just the alcohol talking, Georgi.”

"Yeah, looks like you're not that different from Yuri." He says.

“What do you mean?”

"You'll find out for yourself," he says smiling. "Can you take him home for me?"

“Me?”

"Oh, of course, only if you are already planning to leave."

"That’s okay, I can take him. I just don’t know where he lives.”

Georgi disappears for a second and then comes back with a paper where an address is written.

“Now you know.”

I take the paper and put it in my pants pocket before calling for a cab. I take the opportunity to pay my bill and also Yuri's, even though Georgi insists that I don’t have to.

I stand up to look for JJ, who happens to be coming towards me.

“Blondie is dead?”

“I’ll take him home.”

JJ's expression becomes serious. I've gotten used to this countenance after so long.

“What are you? His boyfriend by any chance?”

"I'm just taking a drunken friend to his house, that’s all."

“Friend? You're what, Otabek? An idiot? You know you're going to get into trouble! Why are you insisting on this?”

"I'm not insisting on anything, JJ. I’m just doing him a favor!”

“Then do yourself a favor: stop running after what you know it will hurt you! Do you know how long it took us to get out of that rock bottom?! You're throwing yourself at it again!”

"I'm fine, I won’t do anything! I'm just gonna take him home.” I say feeling stressed.

“You know what? Go! Do it! But don’t say that I didn’t warn you!”

He stares at me for the last time before he walks away, leaving me to think about all this. It’s nothing! I already told him what I wanted in the Ferris wheel. I said goodbye to my past so I can walk again, and since I don’t hold a grudge against him, there’s no reason to be rude every time I see him. It's just... nothing is happening! I shouldn’t even have to think about it!

I go back to Yuri who is still in the same position. I sit next to him again.

“Hey, let's go!” I poke his shoulder but only get a few grumbles back.

I move his hair lock to behind his ear and I watch him for a minute.

“Yuri, wake up!”

“Don’t… want.” He says.

I get up and insist a little more until he decides to stand up with his eyes still closed. It doesn’t take long for Yuri to lean against me. It’ll be a little difficult to get him to walk to the exit.

“Come on, get on my back.”

It takes a while for him to understand, but I soon turn around and crouch in front of him, so it’s easier for him to run his hands over my neck and climb up my back. I hold his legs as I feel his face resting on my shoulder. I look for Georgi and I see him on the other side of the bar, beckoning me with a smile. I think he could’ve called someone to pick him up, but he asked me for this favor on purpose. Well, I don’t mind ... I was going to leave anyway.

When I get outside, I look sideways and wait for the cab. To my surprise, Georgi comes looking for something.

“I knew he had come by car! I'll keep his key to park it in a better place.”

She messes with Yuri's pockets until she gets a key. Right after, she starts talking serious with me, “I don’t feel any harm coming from you, but I think it’s better for you to take good care of my boy. Otherwise, I will hunt you down.” she speaks in a low tone, making me understand the message. This reminds me of someone else...

"You can rest assure that I won’t do anything, I promise."

Georgi gives Yuri a kiss on the forehead and then says goodbye to me before going back to the nightclub. I take a deep breath and scream internally for my heart to stop beating so fast; however, his breath near my neck is really deconcentrating me...

“Better four… out of seven.” He whispers asleep.

It's impossible to not laugh at this! I almost lose the strength in my arms, but I soon recover it to then whisper to him, “Clever! I know you were already planning to sleep just so you wouldn’t pay the bill.”

By pure coincidence, I feel him smile as he gets closer to my neck.

Damn it... I'm feeling all my body shaking. I promised myself that I wouldn’t feel that way for him anymore. Maybe... it's the alcohol.

After spending a few minutes, a taxi stops in front of the nightclub and I get Yuri off my back. He cooperates with me and enters the car half asleep. I sit beside him and give the address to the driver. Right after, Yuri to rest his head on my shoulder and sit still during the entire way.

My hand almost goes to caress his hair, but I hold myself and turn my face to look out the window.

I will not feel anything! Not again! He doesn’t feel anything; I don’t feel anything. I lied, I hurt him, he left and I'm finally living normally again.

I squeeze my lips, trying to ignore everything I'm feeling and imagining that tomorrow when no drop of alcohol will be in my body, it’ll be better. I'll see that none of this is real because it can’t be real! But just for a minute... just for this little bit of time, may I not worry about it? Can I forget this tomorrow? I hope so...

"You're so... cruel, Yu... ri." I whisper.

I place my right hand closed in a fist in front of my mouth and look out the window. I feel my face blushing as I feel his hand resting on my free hand. 

Can I just forget everything for a moment? Because, honestly, I feel that the smile on my lips is not a good sign...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe, hello everyone o/  
> It has been such a long time, I'm deeply sorry. But now we are back e.e  
> Thank you so much for sticking with us and please, don't give up!  
> See you next time :3  
> ~AnaruB


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